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A Common Deadly Sin - August 02, 2006
There is a sin I commit almost every day. I try to confess it. It is listed in the Christian Bible, and other religions also consider it a deadly sin or at least a vice.
What is it?
If you guessed envy, bingo. I'm guessing that many of us struggle with this temptation.
I found it rearing its ugly head recently when I found myself feeling negatively towards a woman who is a very successful author and speaker. She is a lovely person and a friend of a friend, but when I found those bad feelings stirring, I realized I must be jealous. Enough said.
Clarence Rempel, a Mennonite pastor, says "Envy is looking up the social ladder with a never-ending desire for more. Since envy always desires what it doesn't have, it will never be satisfied. It always wants more " ("Envy, The Black Hole" The Mennonite, May 2, 2006).
Why is envy so bad?
Rempel gives several very easy and practical barometers or ways to watch for signs of envy in our lives:
Making comparisons. How often our conversation and thoughts are filled with making comparisons with other people: their children, figures, appearance, health, houses, cars, vacations, influence or power? Gossip and put downs. If you find yourself passing on stories about other people's problems, it is usually fueled either by pride or envy; pride that you don't have such a problem, or envy regarding the other person's better position or job. Credit card debt (yeah, that's an interesting one). Rempel notes that with the average credit card debt per U.S. household running about $10,000, if we are maxed out (or just carrying more debt than we should) we should let it signal the fact that we are probably trying to keep up with others through purchases that go beyond what we can afford.
As a pastor, Rempel points out that behind this problem of envy is the "legitimate longing to be accepted, appreciated and valued. For a variety of reasons, we don't all get that as children or teenagers or adults. Instead we live with a deep-seated sense of inadequacy and inferiority that makes us vulnerable to envy."
How can we conquer envy?
The first step, as with any weakness or problem, is to acknowledge it. Maybe there should be an Enviers Anonymous self help group where we admit that envy frequently clouds our outlook and affects relationships with persons.
Author Antje Balters says in essence, "Envy is a war that we lead against ourselves. We can only overcome envy by changing the relationship towards ourselves. One has to say 'yes' to the self within one's own limits. That is the most effective way of dealing with envy" (article by Tobias Wiethoff on Independent Online www.iol.co.za ).
Our faith can help to foster feelings of self-worth and acceptance. While we all have weaknesses and there are ways that others shine more than us, we all also have strengths and gifts. Besides, God loves us and accepts us. One author uses the term, God delights in you. Think of how you, as a parent or grandparent, unabashedly love your child or grandchildren. You may not like everything they do, but a good, normal parent exudes love, adoration and affection for his or her offspring. It's the same way with God, and in that we can shake loose the envy that tempts us every day.
I may not be the most successful or popular person in the world, but God loves me. Rempel says, "I am a unique, unrepeatable miracle of God." Sweet.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
There is a sin I commit almost every day. I try to confess it. It is listed in the Christian Bible, and other religions also consider it a deadly sin or at least a vice.
What is it?
If you guessed envy, bingo. I'm guessing that many of us struggle with this temptation.
I found it rearing its ugly head recently when I found myself feeling negatively towards a woman who is a very successful author and speaker. She is a lovely person and a friend of a friend, but when I found those bad feelings stirring, I realized I must be jealous. Enough said.
Clarence Rempel, a Mennonite pastor, says "Envy is looking up the social ladder with a never-ending desire for more. Since envy always desires what it doesn't have, it will never be satisfied. It always wants more " ("Envy, The Black Hole" The Mennonite, May 2, 2006).
Why is envy so bad?
Rempel gives several very easy and practical barometers or ways to watch for signs of envy in our lives:
Making comparisons. How often our conversation and thoughts are filled with making comparisons with other people: their children, figures, appearance, health, houses, cars, vacations, influence or power? Gossip and put downs. If you find yourself passing on stories about other people's problems, it is usually fueled either by pride or envy; pride that you don't have such a problem, or envy regarding the other person's better position or job. Credit card debt (yeah, that's an interesting one). Rempel notes that with the average credit card debt per U.S. household running about $10,000, if we are maxed out (or just carrying more debt than we should) we should let it signal the fact that we are probably trying to keep up with others through purchases that go beyond what we can afford.
As a pastor, Rempel points out that behind this problem of envy is the "legitimate longing to be accepted, appreciated and valued. For a variety of reasons, we don't all get that as children or teenagers or adults. Instead we live with a deep-seated sense of inadequacy and inferiority that makes us vulnerable to envy."
How can we conquer envy?
The first step, as with any weakness or problem, is to acknowledge it. Maybe there should be an Enviers Anonymous self help group where we admit that envy frequently clouds our outlook and affects relationships with persons.
Author Antje Balters says in essence, "Envy is a war that we lead against ourselves. We can only overcome envy by changing the relationship towards ourselves. One has to say 'yes' to the self within one's own limits. That is the most effective way of dealing with envy" (article by Tobias Wiethoff on Independent Online www.iol.co.za ).
Our faith can help to foster feelings of self-worth and acceptance. While we all have weaknesses and there are ways that others shine more than us, we all also have strengths and gifts. Besides, God loves us and accepts us. One author uses the term, God delights in you. Think of how you, as a parent or grandparent, unabashedly love your child or grandchildren. You may not like everything they do, but a good, normal parent exudes love, adoration and affection for his or her offspring. It's the same way with God, and in that we can shake loose the envy that tempts us every day.
I may not be the most successful or popular person in the world, but God loves me. Rempel says, "I am a unique, unrepeatable miracle of God." Sweet.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
