Silvestre91
Member
- Joined
- Apr 24, 2015
- Messages
- 10
Hello. My name is silvestre I'm a 23 year old male. I Graduated from high school in 2009 with my first love. I Held my first job in 2010 doing customer service. It lasted until 2013 so I did that for about 3 years. However throughout my time being employed I slowly fell into the wrong scenes and crowds. I found myself doing different kinds of drugs, drinking beyond normal limits of alcohol. Eventually it became a bad habit. I lost my girlfriend I was with for 7 years, Then I eventually quit my job because my state of mind was beyond out of stable.
I became very depressed and had a very low self esteem & just lost all hope for myself. On November 29, 2013 I attempted to commit suicide. Fortunately or Unfortunately it didn't work. I spent 2 weeks in a mental hospital, Within those 2 weeks it gave me time to stay sober and clean and meet all sorts of different people with different personalities. So when I was released my mind state was once again clear and back to normal I no longer used drugs or drank any type of alcohol.
Coming into 2014 I had my mind set I was ready to accept Christ in my life because I felt he gave me a second chance at life and a second chance to get back on the road and go down the right path. I still remember the day I accepted christ.. The words the pastor had me repeat, but most of all the chilling numbing feeling as if I were on the verge of fainting. I knew it was the holy spirit. However overtime I slowly started feeling out of place at the church I was attending. I found myself slowly disagreeing with most of the attendees beliefs. Unfortunately, that being said I eventually stopped attending. I slowly stopped reading my bible, then the drugs and alcohol came back into the picture.
Throughout the rest of 2014 I fell back into my old ways. Only I didn't have a job to support my habits, so currently I consider myself a "Begger". Around November/December of 2014 I met someone by the name of cathy. Her story was she currently considered herself a single mother. She has a little boy who's 3, But her intentions was she was looking for companionship, but only that no relationship just more of a friend with "Benefits" (I really apologize I didn't know how else to word that) Because she was planning on having a relationship with her son's father when he was released from jail. I know now I should have walked away and said no, but since I was back in my old ways I went along with it.
She stopped taking to me in January 2015 with no explanation. In February she got back in contact with me only to find out she was pregnant. I feel ashamed and bad for saying this, but in my head wasnt ready. I still currently am unemployed, and the drugs and alcohol have picked up more since then. Here's where it hit me that I need help & cant do this alone. She explained to me multiple times since then that she wants nothing to do with me other than support our child. But as weeks passed it hit her too she made a mistake. She eventually lashed out on me about being worthless and so on and so fourth. She again no longer spoke to me for a couple of more weeks.
Then Here we are today April 24, 2015, we find out she was having a baby girl on wednesday. I was beyond happy just seeing the screen flicker as the heart beat and seeing the hands and feet and head. It was just an awesome feeling like I felt that day I accepted christ.
However I failed to mention I stopped drinking again & have been only smoking marijuana once maybe twice a week. I am looking for work constantly just no luck right now I'm guessing. But cathy either doesnt believe it or understand me. She again told me how worthless and useless I am, started referring to our daughter as "Her" daughter.
Got my mother involved into the situation & my mom knows I'm trying my best too. The problem is I'm so lost in this situation that I dont know weather to stay or go. I have no idea what her intentions are. But my head is starting to drift back on heavy use of drugs & alcohol. Suicide doesnt seem like a bad idea again either... But that's where I'm afraid. I love my family and old friends and even the strangers I dont know in the world. But I feel like that's my destiny and how I should resolve this. . Please anyone i dont have many friends, and my family supports me the best they can, but none of it changes my thoughts & how I feel.
I became very depressed and had a very low self esteem & just lost all hope for myself. On November 29, 2013 I attempted to commit suicide. Fortunately or Unfortunately it didn't work. I spent 2 weeks in a mental hospital, Within those 2 weeks it gave me time to stay sober and clean and meet all sorts of different people with different personalities. So when I was released my mind state was once again clear and back to normal I no longer used drugs or drank any type of alcohol.
Coming into 2014 I had my mind set I was ready to accept Christ in my life because I felt he gave me a second chance at life and a second chance to get back on the road and go down the right path. I still remember the day I accepted christ.. The words the pastor had me repeat, but most of all the chilling numbing feeling as if I were on the verge of fainting. I knew it was the holy spirit. However overtime I slowly started feeling out of place at the church I was attending. I found myself slowly disagreeing with most of the attendees beliefs. Unfortunately, that being said I eventually stopped attending. I slowly stopped reading my bible, then the drugs and alcohol came back into the picture.
Throughout the rest of 2014 I fell back into my old ways. Only I didn't have a job to support my habits, so currently I consider myself a "Begger". Around November/December of 2014 I met someone by the name of cathy. Her story was she currently considered herself a single mother. She has a little boy who's 3, But her intentions was she was looking for companionship, but only that no relationship just more of a friend with "Benefits" (I really apologize I didn't know how else to word that) Because she was planning on having a relationship with her son's father when he was released from jail. I know now I should have walked away and said no, but since I was back in my old ways I went along with it.
She stopped taking to me in January 2015 with no explanation. In February she got back in contact with me only to find out she was pregnant. I feel ashamed and bad for saying this, but in my head wasnt ready. I still currently am unemployed, and the drugs and alcohol have picked up more since then. Here's where it hit me that I need help & cant do this alone. She explained to me multiple times since then that she wants nothing to do with me other than support our child. But as weeks passed it hit her too she made a mistake. She eventually lashed out on me about being worthless and so on and so fourth. She again no longer spoke to me for a couple of more weeks.
Then Here we are today April 24, 2015, we find out she was having a baby girl on wednesday. I was beyond happy just seeing the screen flicker as the heart beat and seeing the hands and feet and head. It was just an awesome feeling like I felt that day I accepted christ.
However I failed to mention I stopped drinking again & have been only smoking marijuana once maybe twice a week. I am looking for work constantly just no luck right now I'm guessing. But cathy either doesnt believe it or understand me. She again told me how worthless and useless I am, started referring to our daughter as "Her" daughter.
Got my mother involved into the situation & my mom knows I'm trying my best too. The problem is I'm so lost in this situation that I dont know weather to stay or go. I have no idea what her intentions are. But my head is starting to drift back on heavy use of drugs & alcohol. Suicide doesnt seem like a bad idea again either... But that's where I'm afraid. I love my family and old friends and even the strangers I dont know in the world. But I feel like that's my destiny and how I should resolve this. . Please anyone i dont have many friends, and my family supports me the best they can, but none of it changes my thoughts & how I feel.
