Am I living wrongly because I suffer so much?

[raquellexxx]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

 

[Andyindauk]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

Hi Raquel,

The answer to your question is, yes. I'm really saddened to read your post because it reads to me that you seem to have got all your priorities in totally the wrong order. I know I sound like a grumpy old man but social media has absolutely nothing to do with starting relationships, making friends or dating but everything to do with persona, image and approval. If you say the right nice fluffy things in your posts people will like them, share them and others will send in a friend request, and that'll make you feel happy for all of about 20 seconds. I'm not knocking social media, it has it's place. I love being a member of Christian groups and following Christian charities and churches. But so far as making meaningful relationships, it's unlikely.

So where do you go to look for dates and hopefully a life partner? The short answer is, you don't. You sound desperate and ready to compromise and the wrong type of guy will pick up on that and exploit you. I speak as a guy and warn you that 99.9% of guys are plebs, totally unsuitable for you and if you compromise and think, well this pleb is better than nothing, you'll spend the rest of your life making each other unhappy. In your post you sound ready to make that compromise - Don't! Instead I'd urge you to make your life as fulfilled as possible by throwing yourself headfirst into your faith and getting a deeper relationship and an experience of God and real filling of His Holy Spirit. Prayer, telling God you love Him and why, talking to Him, chatting about your day, worries and fears just like you would with your best, because that's what He is. Get to know Him deeper by reading your Bible and following Bible study plans, there's plenty online. God wants to transform your life and reshape you into a person that's more akin to Him.

God loves you deeply, He rescued you from an unthinkable inevitable but at great cost, His son Jesus, but that doesn't matter to God, He thinks that was a price well worth paying! That's how much God loves you, how wonderful is that? He cares about you and looks after you day to day, minute to minute. He's all powerful, totally in charge of your whole life but only as much as you'll let Him. He can see the future clearer than you can recall your past, and He has a plan for you, and a gorgeous, lovely guy who'll dote on you and treat you like a princess. Marriage to Him will be wonderful as you both share in your faith, praying together, sharing little snippets, blessings and anecdotes about what God has shown and revealed to you. If you like romance, read the book of Ruth and how God manipulated situations to bring about a love match.

So instead of looking for your next date, rather try to expand your circle of Christian friends both male and female and broaden your horizons. With God's help, push yourself forward, get chatting and get to know people. You can make God's job a bit easier by getting involved in Christian activities, maybe at other larger churches nearby. It's a bit harder at the moment because the pandemic has curtailed most but that won't last forever. Meanwhile have a look online, one suggestion Christian Social groups So in summary don't go looking, you're not equipped. Trust God, He knows and wants you to have a gorgeous young man to hook up with and one day marry. He's got such a guy lined up for you, don't block that by marrying a pleb!

============================================

Dear Lord God,

I just want to pray for my dear sweet sister Raquel. She's feeling a little bit down at the moment because she really doesn't fit in very well with the world and to some extent that's your fault because you change us and make us so that the world doesn't understand us in the same way as it didn't understand your son Jesus. But when we follow and experience you and see for ourselves the amazing blessings, comfort, joy and happiness that comes with a deep relationship with you, all that the world has to offer looks more like a gone off sandwich, compared to you.

Lord we love you. You're an amazingly amazing and truly wonderful God, looking after us, caring for us and providing, guiding us and most of all - loving each one of us as a precious son and daughter. I love you God, you're incredible.

 

[PloughBoy]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

(John 14).

15If ye love me, keep my commandments.

16And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; 17Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you.

18I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you. 19Yet a little while, and the world seeth me no more; but ye see me: because I live, ye shall live also. 20At that day ye shall know that I am in my Father, and ye in me, and I in you. 21He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. 22Judas saith unto him, not Iscariot, Lord, how is it that thou wilt manifest thyself unto us, and not unto the world? 23Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him. 24He that loveth me not keepeth not my sayings: and the word which ye hear is not mine, but the Father's which sent me.

25These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you. 26But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

 

[gideonawesomeness51]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

Hey! Don't change who you are! I think the thing is your looking for someone to keep you company but honestly thats not a wise reason to get into a relationship. You gotta get up and encourage yourself sometimes and see that within you, you got what it takes to overcome your situation. I don't need to pull out the bible to lecture you on this, but its true. It seems you just want to give away your problems but you gotta get up and fix them with a thought of wanting to be better for whoever is coming. Be bold and confident in yourself.

 

[Gregoryp]

For as long as I can remember, I've been single, except for 1-2 relationships, in which I gave more than the other side... Until recently, I didn't pay much attention to this, because I always believed that I would find my soulmate. I look at the people around me and they all are in relationships except me. I'm very sad and afraid for myself since I feel that the loneliness and fear have shattered me. I'm afraid that I'm not the same calm and cheerful person anymore.. I attend sessions with a specialist, but it is crucial for me to hear your opinion on this issue and get advice from you, because I really need it...

I've always used my social media accounts primarily for fun and to keep in touch with my friends. However, unfortunately, I began comparing myself to the people who have relationships and the amount of followers/friends they have. I tell myself, "How do you think you're going to find your Person when you don't have many friends on social media? If you have a lot of followers, only then, there is probably a chance for you to be noticed by someone." I can't express how extremely exhausting and destructive on my mental health this is. Even though I know people who have met on social networks and yet don't have many followers....

Also, I've never been a party person and I didn't like big companies. I have some good friends, but no companies. I don't have boy friends who could become anything more. I'm not a shy or socially anxious person, there are just people who like to be among many people, but there are also those who don't like and I'm from the second one. Therefore, I constantly torture my mind with questions like ''Should I change myself completely? Should I start forcing and pushing myself among companies with more people, even though it will make me feel uncomfortable and not good? Is that the only solution and key for finding My Person?''

When it comes to dancing or social hobbies, unfortunately, the things I like to do aren't social and at the moment, there is nothing new I would like to try. Should that terrify me? Does this really mean that I'm doomed to never meet my partner in life? I am afraid that I live my life wrongly, dooming myself to loneliness and unhappiness. But do I really have to change who I am? Isn't it important to stay true to who you are? Should I start forcing myself to get a lot of followers, push myself into companies, and go to activities that aren't interesting to me, just because those are the ways to find a boyfriend? I really feel awful and desperate, as if I am in a huge black hole, from which there is no escape and no light ...

your journey emulates mine, except I have no friends whatsoever and havent since High school. I also dont interact with family at all. I do love my own company though, and there is nothing better than solitude. Loneliness is a state of mind, if you have enough self love then loneliness can be overcome.