An Addict's Spouse

[Sue J Love]

What I am about to share with you, I share with permission from my husband of 45 years. He has now made public his sexual addiction, and he states that he now wants complete deliverance. To be perfectly honest, though, I have heard those same words come out of his mouth many times, but they were never followed up with action. Yet, he is now willing to talk about it publicly, and to have me talk about. So, this is a step of faith.

If you know anything about addiction, of any kind, you will know it is essential to recovery and to deliverance that the addict is honest, that he (or she) confesses the wrong, and that he (or she) seeks help. The more we hide it, the worse it gets. We need to talk about these things instead of pretending the elephant isn’t in the room. For, this is more prevalent than what we would like to imagine, and many lives are being impacted by this.

This is not about some sickness, though, as some people would have you to believe, unless you want to consider sin a sickness. The Bible makes no allowances for addiction (slavery, bondage) to sin. I just want to make that perfectly clear. Jesus Christ died on a cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, not that we might practice sin while claiming heaven as our eternal destiny (Gal. 5:19-21). Jesus said that if a man even looks at a woman with lust that he has committed adultery in his heart (Matt. 5:28).

And, my husband has known these truths, at least for the whole of our marriage, even though many times he pretends he is ignorant of them. As well, he professes to have believed in Jesus Christ since childhood. He even went to Bible college. He has, as well, been a Bible teacher, a deacon, a youth leader, and even a pastor, over the course of our marriage, and even before that. Yet, he has lived in sexual addiction probably 50 years or more. So, it isn’t that he didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong, or that he didn’t know the way out of it, because he did, but it is that he didn’t take the way out provided for him. He has admitted to this, too.

So, if you are a man, and if you have a close walk with the Lord, and you feel led of God to reach out to my husband, this is his blog: Searching My Heart. If not, I would still covet your prayers.

But, now, I want to talk about being the wife of an addict.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many. 2 Co. 1:8-11 NASB​

My goal here is not to trash my husband. I have no desire to do that. I love him very much, which is why I am still with him. My goal is to see my husband set free from his sinful addiction, and for him to know true freedom in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Yet, my goal here is also to reach out to other women, like myself, who have husbands who are sexual addicts, and who have suffered in similar ways as I have, because of their husband’s sinful practices. I want them to know that they are not alone in this!

You see, it isn’t just the cheating, but it is the lying that hurts so much. And, it isn’t just the cheating and the lying, but it is the cheap shots, the cutting remarks, the false accusations, the deceptions, the manipulations, the childish temper tantrums, and the continual stomping on my heart whenever I try to help him out of his addiction, that really hurts. I can’t trust anything he says, either. And, that hurts, too. And, I know his body language, too, all too well, so I can pretty much tell whenever he is lying to me.

I cry a lot! Even, if it is just inside me. And, I pray a lot! And, I trust God to work his will in both of our lives. And, I thank the Lord, too, for all the encouragement, comfort, help, and counsel he has given to me over these years, which is what has seen me through these difficult times. I could not have ever made it without my Lord! I know that all too well! And, I also acknowledge that these difficulties have been instrumental in drawing me closer to my Lord and in giving me the passion I have for this ministry, and the compassion I have for those who are still trapped in sin.

But, compassion is not coddling the unrepentant. Compassion is what leads us to lead others out of slavery to sin. It is pure selfishness when we see someone trapped in sin and we do nothing, not even pray for them, but just walk away, because we don’t want to get our hands dirty, because their sins are just too messy for us. Yet, I know that if we warn someone and they don’t repent, it is not our fault, and the responsibility for their deliverance is on their shoulders, not ours.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Eph. 3:14-21 NASB​

Amen! God has had to strengthen me so many, many times when I was hurting deeply, and even, at times, when I wanted to just give up. And, he has also shown his love to me in so many ways, that I would not even have ever imagined. He keeps encouraging me to hold on, and to not give up hope that my husband will be delivered, and that he will walk in freedom one day. I fear sometimes, though, that I will never see that day, and that I will die with our marriage still broken and my husband still in chains. And, that breaks my heart!

And, then God reminds me that HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or imagine (think), according to His power that works within me and you. I am only free, too, by the grace of God! And, I am only able to be strong and to keep doing what I do each day because of his love, his grace, his encouragement, his strength and his power at work within me.

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Col. 1:9-14 NASB​

This is my prayer for my husband, for myself, and for the church, the body of Christ, that we might all walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, and that, if any of us have not yet been delivered from bondage (addiction) to sin, that we would be rescued from the domain of darkness and transferred into the kingdom of Christ, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Amen!

My Cry For Mercy
An Original Work / October 31, 2013

Based off Psalm 86

Hear my prayer, Lord, I am needy.
Guard my life, for I’m devoted to You.
Save me! I’m Your servant.
You are my God. I trust in You.

O, Lord, have mercy on me,
For I call to You.
Bring joy to me, for to You
I will lift up my soul.

You are giving and forgiving.
You abound in love to all who
Call upon You. Hear my prayer, Lord.
Listen to my cry for mercy.

In days of trouble I call to You,
Knowing that You will
Do marvelous things,
Because You are my God.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Turn to me, Lord, and grant
Strength to Your servant.
O, Lord, You are my help,
For You love and You comfort me.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Monday, December 11, 2017, 11:00 a.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for what you led me to share this evening from your word and from my life. May you get all the glory, and may many lives be delivered from slavery to sin. Amen!

 

[Lanolin]

Prayers for you and husband Sue. Living with an addict is hard but good news there is a break through hes not denying any longer and if he confesses and repents God can forgive him.

Are there any Godly deliverance ministers he can contact. If hes truly willing, then he will do it. There are deliverance ministers online. There are churches with deliverance ministries. Often when someone is a leader or pastor they want to be the one in charge and find it difficult to allow someone else to minister to them. But they just need to be humble and ask.

Am not in your situation but, had a friend who was an addict, (binge eating, shopping) tried many times to reach her but she would lie each time, I dont even know where shes at right now cos she stopped talking to me. I had to as they say, let go and let God. If she is truly willing, she will find help, not just ignore or cover up the problem. Her addiction was driving me nuts. And her husband and her family. I asked one of my friends who also knows her if she would help, cos shes older an could talk sense into her, but man it was hard all she had to do was say hows your bible reading or invite her to her church but they ended up going to the mall where the addict could continue on with her addiction. (She was a professed christian) Not saying I have given up hope completely but had to walk away because her lies hurt me. She told me about wanting to do something for God but..she never did it. She even landed in hospital (again) but that didnt stop her, went and visited and then said well call me when you get out but she never did and its been several months. She also owes me some money but hasnt paid me back. So...maybe just wait but God knows how long?!

 

[Sue J Love]

Prayers for you and husband Sue. Living with an addict is hard but good news there is a break through hes not denying any longer and if he confesses and repents God can forgive him.

Are there any Godly deliverance ministers he can contact. If hes truly willing, then he will do it. There are deliverance ministers online. There are churches with deliverance ministries. Often when someone is a leader or pastor they want to be the one in charge and find it difficult to allow someone else to minister to them. But they just need to be humble and ask.

Am not in your situation but, had a friend who was an addict, (binge eating, shopping) tried many times to reach her but she would lie each time, I dont even know where shes at right now cos she stopped talking to me. I had to as they say, let go and let God. If she is truly willing, she will find help, not just ignore or cover up the problem. Her addiction was driving me nuts. And her husband and her family. I asked one of my friends who also knows her if she would help, cos shes older an could talk sense into her, but man it was hard all she had to do was say hows your bible reading or invite her to her church but they ended up going to the mall where the addict could continue on with her addiction. (She was a professed christian) Not saying I have given up hope completely but had to walk away because her lies hurt me. She told me about wanting to do something for God but..she never did it. She even landed in hospital (again) but that didnt stop her, went and visited and then said well call me when you get out but she never did and its been several months. She also owes me some money but hasnt paid me back. So...maybe just wait but God knows how long?!

We should never give up hope, Lanolin, especially if the Lord is saying to keep hoping, to keep believing, and to keep helping others to get free. But, we can lead a horse to the water, but we can't force him to drink. So, we just have to pray, and rest in the Lord, and trust him with the results.

Thank you for the prayers. I appreciate them very much!

We are in contact with a deliverance ministry. Thanks!

 

[amadeus2]

I am praying for you and your difficult situation dear sister.

 

[Sue J Love]

I am praying for you and your difficult situation dear sister.

Thank you @amadeus2 - That means the world to me!

 

[Lanolin]

We should never give up hope, Lanolin, especially if the Lord is saying to keep hoping, to keep believing, and to keep helping others to get free. But, we can lead a horse to the water, but we can't force him to drink. So, we just have to pray, and rest in the Lord, and trust him with the results.

Thank you for the prayers. I appreciate them very much!

We are in contact with a deliverance ministry. Thanks!

Just an update on this friend, she has got in touch via a card and paid me back for the money she borrowed, I have yet to cash the cheque and tried to call her but everytime I call shes not home, so maybe its Gods timing I havent given up and trust He has convicted her and is working on her to set her free.

 

[Sue J Love]

Just an update on this friend, she has got in touch via a card and paid me back for the money she borrowed, I have yet to cash the cheque and tried to call her but everytime I call shes not home, so maybe its Gods timing I havent given up and trust He has convicted her and is working on her to set her free.

Just keep praying! After all, he changed us, right? So, anything is possible. Keep hoping!!

 

[amadeus2]

Continuing to pray!

 

[Sue J Love]

Continuing to pray!

Thank you @amadeus2 - I can always use the prayers. I appreciate you, dear brother.

 

[B-A-C]

Some people say when you become a Christian.. you don't sin anymore. Well I have to say.. it didn't work this way for me.

I had my own addiction. Even after asking Jesus into my heart. I still struggled with it sometimes.
It was something I had done for years and years, in fact since I was a teenager. Old habits die hard.
I prayed, I cried, I begged, I felt guilt.... I wondered why. I even wondered if I was really saved.

I could barely go 4 or 5 days without doing this thing. The idea of going the rest of life without it was almost appalling to me. The thing was... I didn't really hate my sin. At least not enough to do anything about it.

There is a hedge around us that protects us.... God will sometimes help keep us from sinning.
Let me explain.
Whenever I would get ready to do this thing.. the phone would ring, someone would come to the door.
One day I was on my way home.. actually looking forward to sin. I ran out of gas. I got very angry.
I couldn't believe how angry I got over not being able to sin just when I wanted to.

God built a pretty good wall around me.... but before too long, I got good at jumping over it. Everytime
I jumped over this hedge that protected me from sin... the wall got a little more warn down. It took a
few years.. but eventually there was hardly a wall at all. It was maybe an inch high in spots if at all.

It was soooo easy for me to sin. I sometimes felt guilty about it, but not enough to stop.
I still went to church, I still called myself a Christian... (even though I doubted in my heart).
I even quit praying to be delivered from this thing.

One day my wife confronted me about it. I confessed... and felt a lot of guilt about it.
She asked me if I was going to stop. She said she needed to know. For the first time in a long time
I started praying about it again. I started reading the Bible.... one day I stumbled on the book of Nehemiah.

The walls of Jerusalem were all torn down. There was no hedge of protection around the people anymore.
I could relate... Satan was walking all over me and I was letting him.

But Nehemiah and the people eventually rebuilt the wall. It took fifty two days. ( Neh 6:15; )
Going the rest of my life without doing this sin seemed impossible, but I felt that with Gods help,
I could go fifty two days. With His help... I could rebuild the wall.

I never was a smoker, I never did drugs... there was a time when I drank (alcohol) a lot... but I don't
think I was addicted to any of those things. But I can tell you... I learned about withdrawal pains.
It wasn't easy.... but I made it. I made it fifty two days. For those who say I wasn't a Christian at this time...
maybe not... but I guarantee you this... I could not have done this on my own. In fact I could see signs of the wall coming back. Satan was really coming after me... he doesn't like to lose.

That was quite a few years ago.... decades. I can tell you this. With Jesus we can truly be overcomers.
All the while my wife was praying for me... and others. I haven't done this particular sin in years and years.

There are other sins that I have dropped off along the way... I used to curse quite a bit. Like I said, I used
to drink quite a bit... but none was as hard as this one addiction.

So... add me to the list of those who are praying... I've been there.

 

[Sue J Love]

Some people say when you become a Christian.. you don't sin anymore. Well I have to say.. it didn't work this way for me.

I had my own addiction. Even after asking Jesus into my heart. I still struggled with it sometimes.
It was something I had done for years and years, in fact since I was a teenager. Old habits die hard.
I prayed, I cried, I begged, I felt guilt.... I wondered why. I even wondered if I was really saved.

I could barely go 4 or 5 days without doing this thing. The idea of going the rest of life without it was almost appalling to me. The thing was... I didn't really hate my sin. At least not enough to do anything about it.

There is a hedge around us that protects us.... God will sometimes help keep us from sinning.
Let me explain.
Whenever I would get ready to do this thing.. the phone would ring, someone would come to the door.
One day I was on my way home.. actually looking forward to sin. I ran out of gas. I got very angry.
I couldn't believe how angry I got over not being able to sin just when I wanted to.

God built a pretty good wall around me.... but before too long, I got good at jumping over it. Everytime
I jumped over this hedge that protected me from sin... the wall got a little more warn down. It took a
few years.. but eventually there was hardly a wall at all. It was maybe an inch high in spots if at all.

It was soooo easy for me to sin. I sometimes felt guilty about it, but not enough to stop.
I still went to church, I still called myself a Christian... (even though I doubted in my heart).
I even quit praying to be delivered from this thing.

One day my wife confronted me about it. I confessed... and felt a lot of guilt about it.
She asked me if I was going to stop. She said she needed to know. For the first time in a long time
I started praying about it again. I started reading the Bible.... one day I stumbled on the book of Nehemiah.

The walls of Jerusalem were all torn down. There was no hedge of protection around the people anymore.
I could relate... Satan was walking all over me and I was letting him.

But Nehemiah and the people eventually rebuilt the wall. It took fifty two days. ( Neh 6:15; )
Going the rest of my life without doing this sin seemed impossible, but I felt that with Gods help,
I could go fifty two days. With His help... I could rebuild the wall.

I never was a smoker, I never did drugs... there was a time when I drank (alcohol) a lot... but I don't
think I was addicted to any of those things. But I can tell you... I learned about withdrawal pains.
It wasn't easy.... but I made it. I made it fifty two days. For those who say I wasn't a Christian at this time...
maybe not... but I guarantee you this... I could not have done this on my own. In fact I could see signs of the wall coming back. Satan was really coming after me... he doesn't like to lose.

That was quite a few years ago.... decades. I can tell you this. With Jesus we can truly be overcomers.
All the while my wife was praying for me... and others. I haven't done this particular sin in years and years.

There are other sins that I have dropped off along the way... I used to curse quite a bit. Like I said, I used
to drink quite a bit... but none was as hard as this one addiction.

So... add me to the list of those who are praying... I've been there.

Thank you @B-A-C - This means so much to me! It is wonderful to have Christian friends who pray for one another. I understand what you are saying here, too. I know how powerful sin can be, and how addictive it can be, and I know all too well how hard it is for someone who is addicted to give themselves over to God and to allow him to deliver them. But, I also know the power of God to save lives from sin and to deliver from addiction, so I believe in miracles! Thank you for sharing your story with me.

 

[Meggie Merchant]

What I am about to share with you, I share with permission from my husband of 45 years. He has now made public his sexual addiction, and he states that he now wants complete deliverance. To be perfectly honest, though, I have heard those same words come out of his mouth many times, but they were never followed up with action. Yet, he is now willing to talk about it publicly, and to have me talk about. So, this is a step of faith.

If you know anything about addiction, of any kind, you will know it is essential to recovery and to deliverance that the addict is honest, that he (or she) confesses the wrong, and that he (or she) seeks help. The more we hide it, the worse it gets. We need to talk about these things instead of pretending the elephant isn’t in the room. For, this is more prevalent than what we would like to imagine, and many lives are being impacted by this.

This is not about some sickness, though, as some people would have you to believe, unless you want to consider sin a sickness. The Bible makes no allowances for addiction (slavery, bondage) to sin. I just want to make that perfectly clear. Jesus Christ died on a cross that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, not that we might practice sin while claiming heaven as our eternal destiny (Gal. 5:19-21). Jesus said that if a man even looks at a woman with lust that he has committed adultery in his heart (Matt. 5:28).

And, my husband has known these truths, at least for the whole of our marriage, even though many times he pretends he is ignorant of them. As well, he professes to have believed in Jesus Christ since childhood. He even went to Bible college. He has, as well, been a Bible teacher, a deacon, a youth leader, and even a pastor, over the course of our marriage, and even before that. Yet, he has lived in sexual addiction probably 50 years or more. So, it isn’t that he didn’t know that what he was doing was wrong, or that he didn’t know the way out of it, because he did, but it is that he didn’t take the way out provided for him. He has admitted to this, too.

So, if you are a man, and if you have a close walk with the Lord, and you feel led of God to reach out to my husband, this is his blog: Searching My Heart. If not, I would still covet your prayers.

But, now, I want to talk about being the wife of an addict.

For we do not want you to be unaware, brethren, of our affliction which came to us in Asia, that we were burdened excessively, beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life; indeed, we had the sentence of death within ourselves so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead; who delivered us from so great a peril of death, and will deliver us, He on whom we have set our hope. And He will yet deliver us, you also joining in helping us through your prayers, so that thanks may be given by many persons on our behalf for the favor bestowed on us through the prayers of many. 2 Co. 1:8-11 NASB​

My goal here is not to trash my husband. I have no desire to do that. I love him very much, which is why I am still with him. My goal is to see my husband set free from his sinful addiction, and for him to know true freedom in Christ Jesus, our Lord. Yet, my goal here is also to reach out to other women, like myself, who have husbands who are sexual addicts, and who have suffered in similar ways as I have, because of their husband’s sinful practices. I want them to know that they are not alone in this!

You see, it isn’t just the cheating, but it is the lying that hurts so much. And, it isn’t just the cheating and the lying, but it is the cheap shots, the cutting remarks, the false accusations, the deceptions, the manipulations, the childish temper tantrums, and the continual stomping on my heart whenever I try to help him out of his addiction, that really hurts. I can’t trust anything he says, either. And, that hurts, too. And, I know his body language, too, all too well, so I can pretty much tell whenever he is lying to me.

I cry a lot! Even, if it is just inside me. And, I pray a lot! And, I trust God to work his will in both of our lives. And, I thank the Lord, too, for all the encouragement, comfort, help, and counsel he has given to me over these years, which is what has seen me through these difficult times. I could not have ever made it without my Lord! I know that all too well! And, I also acknowledge that these difficulties have been instrumental in drawing me closer to my Lord and in giving me the passion I have for this ministry, and the compassion I have for those who are still trapped in sin.

But, compassion is not coddling the unrepentant. Compassion is what leads us to lead others out of slavery to sin. It is pure selfishness when we see someone trapped in sin and we do nothing, not even pray for them, but just walk away, because we don’t want to get our hands dirty, because their sins are just too messy for us. Yet, I know that if we warn someone and they don’t repent, it is not our fault, and the responsibility for their deliverance is on their shoulders, not ours.

For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever. Amen. Eph. 3:14-21 NASB​

Amen! God has had to strengthen me so many, many times when I was hurting deeply, and even, at times, when I wanted to just give up. And, he has also shown his love to me in so many ways, that I would not even have ever imagined. He keeps encouraging me to hold on, and to not give up hope that my husband will be delivered, and that he will walk in freedom one day. I fear sometimes, though, that I will never see that day, and that I will die with our marriage still broken and my husband still in chains. And, that breaks my heart!

And, then God reminds me that HE is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that I ask or imagine (think), according to His power that works within me and you. I am only free, too, by the grace of God! And, I am only able to be strong and to keep doing what I do each day because of his love, his grace, his encouragement, his strength and his power at work within me.

For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.

For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Col. 1:9-14 NASB​

This is my prayer for my husband, for myself, and for the church, the body of Christ, that we might all walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, and that, if any of us have not yet been delivered from bondage (addiction) to sin, that we would be rescued from the domain of darkness and transferred into the kingdom of Christ, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins. Amen!

My Cry For Mercy
An Original Work / October 31, 2013

Based off Psalm 86

Hear my prayer, Lord, I am needy.
Guard my life, for I’m devoted to You.
Save me! I’m Your servant.
You are my God. I trust in You.

O, Lord, have mercy on me,
For I call to You.
Bring joy to me, for to You
I will lift up my soul.

You are giving and forgiving.
You abound in love to all who
Call upon You. Hear my prayer, Lord.
Listen to my cry for mercy.

In days of trouble I call to You,
Knowing that You will
Do marvelous things,
Because You are my God.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Turn to me, Lord, and grant
Strength to Your servant.
O, Lord, You are my help,
For You love and You comfort me.

Teach me Your way; I’ll walk in it.
In Your truth, Lord, You will guide me.
A pure heart, Lord, You will give me,
So that I may glorify You.

Monday, December 11, 2017, 11:00 a.m. – Thank you, Jesus, for what you led me to share this evening from your word and from my life. May you get all the glory, and may many lives be delivered from slavery to sin. Amen!

Dear Sue. My prayers are with you on this one. I too, thought my man was "the one". He was sleeping w a 21 yr old waitress from his work. He's 58 and has a 38 yr old daughter. I was blind to all that was going on. There was alot. He was participating in some bizarre slave an master exchange w another waitress that he worked with. He had a profile on a xxx dating site too. Very disturbing. It took me a long time to get over that. I have reached the point of acceptance after almost 3 years. I will never agree w his moral defecit. Too much wrongdoing. But I can move forward and I've let go of all the negative feelings there and I now pray for him.
Many Blessings to you and your husband. I commend you for doing what you are doing. Tough stuff for sure. Amen

 

[Sue J Love]

Dear Sue. My prayers are with you on this one. I too, thought my man was "the one". He was sleeping w a 21 yr old waitress from his work. He's 58 and has a 38 yr old daughter. I was blind to all that was going on. There was alot. He was participating in some bizarre slave an master exchange w another waitress that he worked with. He had a profile on a xxx dating site too. Very disturbing. It took me a long time to get over that. I have reached the point of acceptance after almost 3 years. I will never agree w his moral defecit. Too much wrongdoing. But I can move forward and I've let go of all the negative feelings there and I now pray for him.
Many Blessings to you and your husband. I commend you for doing what you are doing. Tough stuff for sure. Amen

Meggie, I am learning more and more that I am not alone in this, but this sexual addiction is far reaching, to epidemic proportions in the USA, at least, and maybe this is worldwide, I don't know. And, so, so many women are suffering at the hands of addicted spouses, but not just from all the lies and the betrayal, but from all the abuse that goes along with it, too.

I have considered leaving more than once, but the Lord encouraged me to remain steadfast, and to keep persevering, and to keep loving, and to trust him with the results. I admit that some days are really, really hard, but I cry it out to God, and he comforts me with his love. He has taught me to make him my refuge and to let him grow me through my trials rather than run from them.

Thank you for your kind words, and thank you for your prayers. I am sorry to hear about your story. There are just so many like us that it just breaks my heart. I feel with you in your suffering, and I send hugs your way. Do you have other women to encourage you? Praying for you, too.

 

[Lanolin]

Some people say when you become a Christian.. you don't sin anymore. Well I have to say.. it didn't work this way for me.

I had my own addiction. Even after asking Jesus into my heart. I still struggled with it sometimes.
It was something I had done for years and years, in fact since I was a teenager. Old habits die hard.
I prayed, I cried, I begged, I felt guilt.... I wondered why. I even wondered if I was really saved.

I could barely go 4 or 5 days without doing this thing. The idea of going the rest of life without it was almost appalling to me. The thing was... I didn't really hate my sin. At least not enough to do anything about it.

There is a hedge around us that protects us.... God will sometimes help keep us from sinning.
Let me explain.
Whenever I would get ready to do this thing.. the phone would ring, someone would come to the door.
One day I was on my way home.. actually looking forward to sin. I ran out of gas. I got very angry.
I couldn't believe how angry I got over not being able to sin just when I wanted to.

God built a pretty good wall around me.... but before too long, I got good at jumping over it. Everytime
I jumped over this hedge that protected me from sin... the wall got a little more warn down. It took a
few years.. but eventually there was hardly a wall at all. It was maybe an inch high in spots if at all.

It was soooo easy for me to sin. I sometimes felt guilty about it, but not enough to stop.
I still went to church, I still called myself a Christian... (even though I doubted in my heart).
I even quit praying to be delivered from this thing.

One day my wife confronted me about it. I confessed... and felt a lot of guilt about it.
She asked me if I was going to stop. She said she needed to know. For the first time in a long time
I started praying about it again. I started reading the Bible.... one day I stumbled on the book of Nehemiah.

The walls of Jerusalem were all torn down. There was no hedge of protection around the people anymore.
I could relate... Satan was walking all over me and I was letting him.

But Nehemiah and the people eventually rebuilt the wall. It took fifty two days. ( Neh 6:15; )
Going the rest of my life without doing this sin seemed impossible, but I felt that with Gods help,
I could go fifty two days. With His help... I could rebuild the wall.

I never was a smoker, I never did drugs... there was a time when I drank (alcohol) a lot... but I don't
think I was addicted to any of those things. But I can tell you... I learned about withdrawal pains.
It wasn't easy.... but I made it. I made it fifty two days. For those who say I wasn't a Christian at this time...
maybe not... but I guarantee you this... I could not have done this on my own. In fact I could see signs of the wall coming back. Satan was really coming after me... he doesn't like to lose.

That was quite a few years ago.... decades. I can tell you this. With Jesus we can truly be overcomers.
All the while my wife was praying for me... and others. I haven't done this particular sin in years and years.

There are other sins that I have dropped off along the way... I used to curse quite a bit. Like I said, I used
to drink quite a bit... but none was as hard as this one addiction.

So... add me to the list of those who are praying... I've been there.

Isnt this the way BAC Jesus CAN keep us from sin...if we confess our wrong he is just and faithful to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
The change came about when you confessed and repented of your sin not before. Once you did that Jesus saw and helped you. You started to pray and you started reading the Bible. God taught you to be wise and led you away from temptation. He rebuilt the wall/hedge to protect you.

Isnt He good all the time? Thing is Jesus sends us the helper. To dwell in us not sometimes but ALL the time. He will never leave you nor forsake you. That is a great testimony.