Application For Permission To Court

[rizen1]

APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO COURT



SPIRITUALITY

Describe your conversion experience.
Would you say you love God? Why?
If you love God, how would you say your love manifests itself?
If you were by yourself and were being assaulted for your faith in Christ, how would you respond?
If you were asked by someone how they could be saved, what would you tell them?
If you died and faced Christ, and he asked you why he should let you into heaven, what would you say?
How often do you read the Word?
Next to the Bible, what are your favorite books? Why?
Who are your favorite teachers and why?
What role does psychology have in relationship with the Bible?
Do you agree with the attached doctrinal statement? How do your views differ?
Is there a label which best describes your doctrinal beliefs, ie: Calvinist, Arminian, etc.


BETROTHAL & THE WEDDING

What physical or sexual privileges come with engagement or betrothal?
What kind of alone-time do you anticipate having with my daughter once you are engaged?
How long do you anticipate being engaged?
How will you decide on which engagement ring to buy?
What opinions do you have about the wedding?
How will you handle it if there are conflicts over wedding or honeymoon plans?
What role do you see your parents as having in this courtship?


PROVISION

Are you presently prepared to assume my role as provider and protector of my daughter? Prove it.
Are you now in the career you want to be in?
Is your present job secure (as much as can be humanly gauged)?
What is your monthly income?
How much money do you have saved?
How long did it take you to save it?
What is your view of a wife's role in the financial support of the family?

FAMILY

What is your definition of headship and submission?
Do you want to have children?
How many are you hoping for?
What are your views on birth control?
Briefly, what are your views on child training?
How do you plan to educate your children?


ENTERTAINMENT

If you enjoyed a certain kind of music, and discovered that it was a stumbling block to your wife, what would you do?
What types of music do you listen to?
What types of entertainment do you watch? ie: TV, movies, videos, etc.
How do you determine what entertainment is acceptable for you as a Christian and what is not?


PASSIONS

How do you handle temptations to lust?
How do you express anger, and what sets you off?
What would you do if your wife became upset and began beating on your chest?
When is physical force acceptable in relating with your wife?
Do you have any fears or phobias?
How does your pride manifest itself?
How easy is it for you to ask forgiveness of others when they feel offended by you?

FUTURE

~Where would you like to live? ie: city, state, topical region, etc.
~Do you want to get further education? How will you manage it once married?
What would you do if your wife asked you to give up something you enjoy, but which frightened her?

ie: bungee jumping, rock climbing, skydiving, motocross, destruction derby, flying, etc.
~What dream for yourself would you like to be fulfilled 20 years from now?
~What is your most outrageous dream for the future?



Family Ministries.com

 

[redfox]

Those are some amazing questions and they are provocative to think about where we stand in our lives.

I might be being really stupid here but what are the questions for?

"Application for permission to court" ??

Is this a check list to cover with someone before courting them??

God Bless y'all

Love Jack

 

[rizen1]

No its a good question, ..

I'm seeing a Father handing this to a young man, based on this question.

Are you presently prepared to assume my role as provider and protector of my daughter? Prove it

I've never thought about this before, but I think its good for parties ( parents, man and woman ) to know where each other stand. Yes we like each other but do we want the same things.

I'm going to make this application my own (change around words), when I do find a mate we both fill it out and compare answers...might sound silly.

 

[redfox]

Lol rizen! that's exactly what I thought... If I was thinking of courting someone give them this questionnaire and give them my answers and see how compatible they are! At least it sets things straight that I am interested in a serious relationship going towards marriage - and it saves the effort of going out and breaking up if God is clearly sending us in two different directions!

Although some questions are a bit 'worldly' - no that's unfair... just a bit focused on having a respectable and maintainable life - whereas I want my maintainance to come from God.

Some the questions are basically "what security do you offer in marriage?" and my answer would have to be NONE besides GOD. God is our security.

This is slightly provoking me to trust in worldly things for security and not in God - because a lot of the questions are directed about how to establish a successful wordly life...

umm... Ill ponder overnight!

 

[rizen1]

Lol rizen! that's exactly what I thought... If I was thinking of courting someone give them this questionnaire and give them my answers and see how compatible they are! At least it sets things straight that I am interested in a serious relationship going towards marriage - and it saves the effort of going out and breaking up if God is clearly sending us in two different directions!

Although some questions are a bit 'worldly' - no that's unfair... just a bit focused on having a respectable and maintainable life - whereas I want my maintainance to come from God.

Some the questions are basically "what security do you offer in marriage?" and my answer would have to be NONE besides GOD. God is our security.

This is slightly provoking me to trust in worldly things for security and not in God - because a lot of the questions are directed about how to establish a successful wordly life...

umm... Ill ponder overnight!

it was a pastor who wrote this..I'm guessing his son inlaw had/ or will have a lot to prove. lol

You're right..more questions could be added in the " Spirituality ".
I think it's more of a basic outline, when you think about alot of people get engaged and both parties have credit card bills and loans, it's like marrying into debt. I believe it's better to be prepared for marriage, not seeking riches..but when 2 become one, you will be spending more than before you were single.

I can see my mom..worrying about all these questions. This is more of a Parent asking.." can I trust you with my daughter ".

But we can make it our own.

 

[Truedawn]

That is a great list of questions Rizen! I plan to share it with my sister and some friends that are single. Very thought provoking. Thank you for sharing it.

 

[redfox]

Rizen1 said:

You're right..more questions could be added in the " Spirituality ".
I think it's more of a basic outline, when you think about alot of people get engaged and both parties have credit card bills and loans, it's like marrying into debt. I believe it's better to be prepared for marriage, not seeking riches..but when 2 become one, you will be spending more than before you were single.

True it is SO important to have WISDOM and be MATURE in our lives and choices. To be RESPONSIBLE and act accordingly.

But it is God who brings a married couple together and no amount of credit card debt or lifestyle concerns changes that. God is bigger than all of that and if God has made it clear that it is right to get married, should the parents not be happy to bless it on that account (with no further demands)?

I don't really know where that boundary is drawn between being prepared using wisdom God has given us and trusting in God's providence and his promise as be are obedient to him as he speaks to us directly.

God has given us WISDOM
But he also guides us directly by the HOLY SPIRIT.

I have yet to work out how to let them coexist harmoniously!

I find the moment I start thinking and focusing on human solutions (using wisdom) I struggle to focus on God's guidance and start focusing on the things of this world.

However, if I am concentrated on following the Spirit and waiting for guidance from God I then end up rejecting my own ability to think and make sensible decisions.

ESPECIALLY WHEN IT COMES TO MARRIAGE!

Should this list of wise counsel be imperative before marriage.

How much will God guide us directly and how much will he require us to use our own wisdom in discerning a spouse?

what d'ya think?

 

[puregrace]

This makes me glad that i am a women and that my dad would DEFINTLY not behave like that to my future husband should he exist.
:shock:

 

[rizen1]

But it is God who brings a married couple together and no amount of credit card debt or lifestyle concerns changes that. God is bigger than all of that and if God has made it clear that it is right to get married, should the parents not be happy to bless it on that account (with no further demands)?

This application should not be misrepresented, as I said it is a Pastor who wrote this, and it's not like he's passing this out to 20 guys to see who got more points.

God open doors for us, but that should not make us lazy. How many women go into marriages and can't cook. You sit back and day dream of getting married and you can't even do your own laundry. Think about it, do you ask God..." make me a doctor or lawyer " and not go to college.


This list only have a few questions on Provision..

PROVISION

Are you presently prepared to assume my role as provider and protector of my daughter? Prove it.
Are you now in the career you want to be in?
Is your present job secure (as much as can be humanly gauged)?
What is your monthly income?
How much money do you have saved?
How long did it take you to save it?
What is your view of a wife's role in the financial support of the family?

So its not about material things, no one is perfect and this list shouldn't make us feel less of ourselves. Those few questions should not rob from the meaning of the application.

Let's not act like, these questions don't run in our minds, having it on a piece of paper is no different..

When you're dating someone..you just accept them without asking anything about them ?

If I know where I'm going in life, it would be very helpful to know their goals also...Maybe if more people sat down before rushing into marriage the divorce rate won't be so high in both Christian and non Christian..homes.

If you're plan is to sit back because God will bring someone, won't the devil send bad seeds because he know, we're not going to question it.

God blesses us on his timing, when he sees fit, this list does not choose a husband or wife. Re-read the questions, it's for the person you already have choosen to married.

This makes me glad that i am a women and that my dad would DEFINTLY not behave like that to my future husband should he exist.
:shock:

Why would you say that..lol

The reason why marriages lasted longer back in the day was because Parents got involved in the dating process. I have no problem with my parents getting involved.
They trust me and I have nothing to hide.

 

[puregrace]

oh yes i do absolutly agree.
But there is involvement and INVOLVEMENT. I mean when i marry i want to marry my husband NOT his parents as much as i would of course love and respect them one would hope.
This is almost like secular class devide say there was an only child of a high ranked well respected lawyer, his wife is a stay at home mum.
His daughter does averagely well at school and meets a man at her church who later proposes to her, he does averagely well also, but his father is say unemployed and his mother is a teacher (Full time). One would think that from a family like that the daughter would be much prefered by her father to marry a lawyer or doctor and become a full time stay at home mum like his wife.
Should she abandon this relationship inorder to obey her parents or persue inorder to obey God, recognising that the couple have simular ideas about working in there local community, spreading the word of God.

 

[rizen1]

oh yes i do absolutly agree.
But there is involvement and INVOLVEMENT. I mean when i marry i want to marry my husband NOT his parents as much as i would of course love and respect them one would hope.
This is almost like secular class devide say there was an only child of a high ranked well respected lawyer, his wife is a stay at home mum.
His daughter does averagely well at school and meets a man at her church who later proposes to her, he does averagely well also, but his father is say unemployed and his mother is a teacher (Full time). One would think that from a family like that the daughter would be much prefered by her father to marry a lawyer or doctor and become a full time stay at home mum like his wife.
Should she abandon this relationship inorder to obey her parents or persue inorder to obey God, recognising that the couple have simular ideas about working in there local community, spreading the word of God.

It's not about our parents making the choice, it's about them being allowed out of respect to know whats going on, what are your plans.

Remember our parents know us, so they might see stuff we can't see because we're blinded by love.

But at the end of the day it's God's will not ours or our parents. When you're walking in God's light, you'll know. Discernment is the key.

You know your parents, so you can judge how involved you would want them...it's a personal choice in how we create this balance. We tend to only think about 2 becoming one, but its also 2 families joining together.

 

[redfox]

God open doors for us, but that should not make us lazy. How many women go into marriages and can't cook. You sit back and day dream of getting married and you can't even do your own laundry. Think about it, do you ask God..." make me a doctor or lawyer " and not go to college.

If you're plan is to sit back because God will bring someone, won't the devil send bad seeds because he know, we're not going to question it

I COMPLETELY agree.

2Thes3:6
"In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers, to keep away from every brother who is idle."

We are called to be active and responsive to where god is taking us. And incidently (for giggles) believe it or not I as a man have also made sure that I can cook, sow, and launder... In case my wife has better things to be doing (or in case God doesn't intend me to get married)! I think more boys should be meditating on Proverbs 31 lol!

Those few questions should not rob from the meaning of the application.

Let's not act like, these questions don't run in our minds, having it on a piece of paper is no different..

I actually LOVE this application I think it is SO relevant and I fully plan on employing it myself (with maybe one or so minor alterations).

But no answer we give should be authoritative as to suitability of marriage (whether partner is marriage material). The only authority that decides that is God. I think these questions, like you say, are excellent to enter marriage responsibly (and maybe to said kick partner into action over certain issues;-). These questions helps us act wisely, but God's voice guide us in our actions.

RE PARENTS:

They are INTEGRAL in our lives and especially in our choice of Marriage. In genesis man doesn't leave his parents until he has a wife with whom to be united:

Genesis 2:24
"For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

In the ten commandments:

Exodus 20:3,12
"You shall have no other gods before me....

Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the LORD your God is giving you."

As a first commandment PUT GOD FIRST (ahead of all else). Another commandment is that we should honour our father and mother.

So UNLESS the latter means contradicting the former, we are to honour our parents and that means listening to them and accepting their advice and guidance. They (generally) know us better than we know ourselves, and love us more than we realise, and want the best for us.

If parents contradict what God is saying then no question, obey God. But otherwise our duty is to respect our parents.

(incidently my dad is not a christian and so sometimes this becomes a massive dilemma)

But at the end of the day it's God's will not ours or our parents. When you're walking in God's light, you'll know. Discernment is the key.

I totally agree if we are spirit lead in our actions everyday, then we can trust in God's path for us.

Yippee...!

Love Jack

 

[rizen1]

Redfox, you hit it right on the nail...great post.
It sums up everything.

God bless