Ashamed!

[Kezaiyah]

Can somebody help me! Today, you would not be proud to have me as a member of this site. How can I be in the spirit one moment and the next allow dh to get me to the point where I'm slamming doors and shouting just like he is? And the worst part about it is that he called me the "b" word! Then I really lost it. I just sang praise and worship last night. I'm a bit over weight so one of his final cutting comments was that I didn't need church but that I needed a gym. Needless to say that I have struggled with my weight all of my life so I really needed that....not! I am so tired of being cursed at, treated mean with no respect, every single day. For the last few days I have really been trying to just submit and be quiet and God knows I have been doing just that....not even talking back, but today I just lost it! Everytime it seems that I get a few steps up, an incident will happen to push me way back down again. I'm just so tired of the way he treats me, then when I pack my stuff he says how much he needs me and loves me. Is that whack or what? Love, to me doesn't act like that. How could he treat his wife like this? I know he's not saved, but what about common decency or is that not reality. He even calls me a fake Christian because I react when I get to the boiling point. I beg to differ with anyone...it's because of Christ that I haven't walked by now. I want to please God so much, but I'm blowing it big time. I know that my blow-ups are no surprise to a God who knew me and my ending before I was even created, but why does it have to be like this? I'm reading books, joining support groups like these, I'm active in church....I'm really trying, but who could walk one hour in my shoes? It's a hurting feeling that the only place I receive love, affection, attention, joy and the like is at church. My job ***** right now so no joy there. There is very little peace in my home, so no joy there...no love affection...right now I don't even feel any love for my husband at all! In fact, I told him I hated him! God heard me so there's no use in lying to you all about it. I'm just really down right now. I never thought my husband would turn out like this. What do I do? How do I go on? I'm really low...no power. I'm pathetic and I will understand if the owner rejects my membership from this group cause I know we're supposed to be working towards winning our spouses, but this is toooooo hard for me.

 

[peeps]

aww ladyiwa God bless your sweet heart Thank you so much for coming online and share your heart with us . . .it takes alot of courage to unpack a broken heart and relationship problems in church or simular I hope you got the last piece of hate written out in your text, cause then you have made room for new, refreshing words, encouragement and new love ready to be filled with Let us help you Keep coming on and share and learn together with the rest of us . . .sinners before God who believe that God offered Mercy all men through Jesus our Saviour who died for us and our sins on that horrible cross

Father I pray and bring you my sister Ladyiwa right now, together as your children we come before your throne and lay down our lives, marriges, our hearts and loved ones, Father God thank you for calling us personally by our name to follow Your Holy Word, thank you Jesus for making the way free to fellowship with You Almighty God I pray right now for Your healing hand on Ladyiwa's heart, bless her soul and touch her deeply with Your Spirit of love and peace Help us to walk in Your steps Jesus, and guide us with Your wisdom and Your word I pray in Your name Jesus Amen

Keep coming back Lady and stick around a while to heal and breathe through . . . and forget the sentence of anyone being ashamed of your behaviour
Smile Give yourself a facelift God loves you very much

"He even calls me a fake Christian because I react when I get to the boiling point."

you are a Christ - follower . . .not Christ himself . . .dont let the devil trick you into guilty feelings . . .ask God for help everyday and count your blessings sweetheart .. .rejoice for the won battles. . . the good moments . . .the things that did work out throughout the day . . .The next day will have enough worries of its own . . .dont worry . . .you will make it!!!

Joshua 1:5
5 No one will be able to stand up against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you.

 

[AlabasterBox]

No reason to be ashamed. We are all human. It is a matter of how you pick yourself up and rebound.

You need to continue to seek the Lord and stay close to the Lord.

I will hold you in my prayers

Your sister in Christ,
AlabasterBox:girl:

:rainbow:

 

[Jesuslovesu]

Wonerful words of encouragement from sister peeps and sister alabaster box..Ladyiwa I will be praying for you and know that we are here to talk to you if needed..

Love in Christ
Bobbie

 

[jiggyfly]

I'm reading books, joining support groups like these, I'm active in church....I'm really trying, but who could walk one hour in my shoes?

I understand your frustration, sounds like your searching for help. The help you need is the Holy Spirit, go to Him. Many of us have tried to act like Christ when we should just walk with Christ. Books, support groups and church are good if the lead us to walking with Christ.

Jesus has walked in all of "our shoes". He suffered everything known to man. He understands our difficulties, so just get ahold of His hand and He will help you overcome this.

As far as your Husband goes, I have never heard of anyone todate that could be in the presence of Jesus for very long and remain unchanged. If you grow and walk close to the Lord your husband will be exposed to this same presence. Please be encouraged, trust in the Lord and patient with your husband and know that many are praying for your situation.

 

[Kezaiyah]

Thanks!

Thank you to everyone who responded to my "Ashamed" post. I knew that God would speak to me through you! I feel like a load has lifted and I can breathe. I thank God for His mercies of delaying His return last night because I was too angry, hurt, embarrassed, etc., to even face Him and repent. I have now done that and believe that I am once again rightly standing before Him. I will definitely continue on this site for you have been there for me in more ways than I can express. I didn't have any friends.....until I met all of you. God bless you mightily as you have instilled His healing Word into my heart. Have a great weekend!

 

[sunshine307]

Praise the Lord sister. God is good, and He will never let us down, and know that your friends here continue to pray for you. :girl_hug:

 

[Dreamer]

A Prayer For Ladyiwa

"Lord, thank you for Ladyiwa's honesty. Please honor her plea for your help, guidance, and assurance. She openly admits that she needs You, Father. Supply her every need so that she can react in supernatural ways, even when she is being cajoled, hindered, badgered, and called names. Lord, use this very bad situation to bring about great good, for ladyiwa...and for her husband. We ask that you give her husband a longing to know You, as his wife does.

We ask that You intervene directly in their lives, starting at this very moment, in Jesus name, Amen."

 

[charity777]

He is with you

Grace unto you and peace from the Father and the Lord Jesus Christ- I happen to run across you ad and I have a few words to get you over this TRIAL. It's just a TRAIL in your life. See James 1:12 Blessed is the man that endureth temptations (trials) for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life, which the Lord hath promised to them that love him. See Job 23:10 But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. Remember your first love too my dear- JESUS lay all cares on him now.

 

[calluna]

Hi Ladywa, I just read your post and all the replys. I am sorry that you are going through some trials right now. Your post touched my heart because of your honesty.
Don't lose hope sister. And pleeease no more negative self talk,:girl_hug: no need to feel ashamed, our Lord Jesus loves you, you are good enough for Him, He is not ashamed of you. He is well pleased with you because you turn to Him and not the world.

I have an excellent book 'battlefield of the mind' by Joyce Meyer, I am going through it right now myself. Do you have it? Walmart has it!
Joyce talks about how our thought patterns can really effect our lives and how important it is to getting our thinking in line with God's Word.

" not by might, nor by power, but by My Spirit.. says the Lord of hosts"
Zechariah 4:6
Ask God for help everyday and often. Jesus is your helper. You can't make it alone. None of us can.
We need support from one another. I am right there with you. I care about what you are going through, just as the other ladys do.

I was in a Christian book store on the weekend and I happened to see a book, I think it's title was 'wife of an unsaved husband' Or 'How to be a wife of an unsaved husband'. Maybe some books of this nature might help.
If you want the correct title and author, I can easily find out for you. Just ask.

Your friend in Christ
Heather

 

[Kezaiyah]

Thank you so much Heather! Your post meant a lot to me. Well today is Valentine's Day. He took me to dinner, but didn't talk to me, and we ended up in a light argument, but I was able to hold back a lot of what I wanted to say. I did cry, though....on Valentine's Day. That's why I didn't want him to do anything for me...you can't treat me right all year, then for one day, cause the world tells you to, you want to buy me a card. I've just got this book called "you were created to be his helpmeet." It's blowing my mind and putting an end to all the understanding I had about my role as a wife, but today wasn't a good day...but wait...I didn't curse him out or anything. In fact, this morning he called me at worked and fussed at me for almost 30 mins and I didn't talk back at all....so I guess that was some sort of progress. Praise God....it will take his strength. I may have really been down because I wasn't selected for a job that I really wanted today, but God knows best. Thanks for being there. I'll chat with you soon.

 

[calluna]

Hey Ladywa, way to go, that is so great about the holding back when your husband was verbally attacking you.
Our words are very powerful can be used for cursing or for blessing. Not saying anything in a situation like that is even more powerful, it diffuses everything. Your husband doesn't have an apponent to fight with.

It seems like your husband does love you, why take you out to dinner. Do you think he was trying and then he just didn't have the strength to stay nice? He is struggling with something inside of him that only the Lord can help with.

Keep on praying for Jesus to soften his heart and that your husband sees you the way out Lord sees you. Stay in the Word of God daily, listen to uplifting music. I don't know that book you are reading, but if it is helping then Praise God. Jesus is your Rock. Lean on Him. Be courageous.

You are a woman of courage!!
Bless you for fighting for your marriage.

Your friend in Christ
Heather

 

[calluna]

Hi Ladywa, don't miss my post before this. You have been on mind alot today. so here's another one

I encourage you to read 'Dreamer's' new post located in the bible lounge forum online bible chat thread titled "Want to give up? Go Ahead"

I immediately thought of you and hope you will be blessed by reading this and that it encourages you.

God is awesome!
Your friend in Christ
Heather

 

[BecuzHeLives]

Hi ladywa,

May God Blesses you sister. Thank you for posting your situation. By reading your post, I understand II Cor. 6:14 more. I think you can serve God by helping teenager who are in love understand II Cor. 6:14. May God Blessed you and your family. this post really help me. Thank you sis, I hope you feel better.