backslide

[Jessica35m]

I had a pretty good week, enjoy the new job, got my first paycheck and tried to keep my mind on more positive things.
Today has been tough, my thoughts are dark again and I'm just tired.
I've been trying to pray, but can't seem to stay focused and my mind wanders around. It makes me feel worse that I can't even stay focused long enough to talk and pray to God.
I don't want to fall into the dispair I was in a few months ago but not sure if I can stop it if things come to pass.

 

[Dreamer]

"If then there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal." Phil 2: 1,2

You know what, Jessica? I've been where you are too many times to count. So if I can be an encouragement to you, please pm me and maybe we can go into the chat room and pray and chat.

"Finally brothers (and sisters!) whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable--if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise--dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you." Phil 4:8, 9

 

[jculver]

I had a pretty good week, enjoy the new job, got my first paycheck and tried to keep my mind on more positive things.
Today has been tough, my thoughts are dark again and I'm just tired.
I've been trying to pray, but can't seem to stay focused and my mind wanders around. It makes me feel worse that I can't even stay focused long enough to talk and pray to God.
I don't want to fall into the dispair I was in a few months ago but not sure if I can stop it if things come to pass.

Hello again Jessica. I like your new avatar, but I think it needs a hug
I would very much recommend speaking with dreamer. She has a strong gift I believe for counseling people within God's will. I will say a couple of quick things, but she will likely be a much better help than I can be


I know how that feels when you can't focus while praying. Sometimes I think that may have been 1 reason Jesus recommend you pray in a closet. I can give a couple of quick recommendations that may help:

1.Praying in the bathroom can be effective if it is the only place you can be alone.
2.Praying on your knees sometimes helps remind the rest of your body how important, and what a privilege prayer really is. (Sometimes if I can't seem to get into a respectable state of mind for prayer, I get on my knees and press my face into the floor as if I was at His feet. This may or may not help you )
3. Perhaps take a long shower and pray while in the shower. I am going to do this shortly, it helps get you relaxed enough to concentrate. I recommend this if you can't seem to focus because of anxiety. I battle anxiety a bit, and often this helps me get anchored enough to pray.

It is good to hear that your week has been good. In all things give thanks. Sometimes just thanking God for all the things he has done makes me realize how active he is in my life.

This may sound silly at first, but you may also want to thank God for the trouble you are in as well. James 1:2 tells us to rejoice when we encounter trials. This is not easy to do, and obviously it is not the natural human response. You have to make a conscious effort to rejoice; but why would you want to? The next verse tells us because trials produce endurance, and the following verse tells us this helps us become "perfect" or complete. Without ever having any trials we become weak, and more easily tempted.

It is not easy to rejoice in trial. I myself fail to do it very often, but when I do it always has great spiritual rewards.

I hope that you find peace soon Jessica. God Bless.

 

[Jessica35m]

Thank you both so much. Dreamer if I catch you online I would love to chat. I just feel so close to the edge right at the moment, I want to cry so badly but don't want to let my emotions out infront of my kids right now. I don't want to worry them.
I have been trying to refocus my head and pray again, the shower is a good idea, I might do that soon.
I just feel so lost and tired and scared.

 

[jculver]

Thank you both so much. Dreamer if I catch you online I would love to chat. I just feel so close to the edge right at the moment, I want to cry so badly but don't want to let my emotions out infront of my kids right now. I don't want to worry them.
I have been trying to refocus my head and pray again, the shower is a good idea, I might do that soon.
I just feel so lost and tired and scared.

I just finished reading something that I know must be for you! I am just sure God wants you to know this scripture.

1 Peter 5:6-11

Verse 6 tells us to humble ourselves before God so that he may exalt us at the proper time. Like Job, he suffered a while, but God exalted him in the end and he was better off then when he began! You have already acknowledged that you can not do this yourself, the next part is acknowledging that God can get you through.

Verse 7 Tells us to literally cast your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Have God deal with it! You don't need to be anxious, he cares for you when you set the problem at his feet.

Verse 8 acknowledges that God allows these things to happen to us for a reason, but it is not Him that does them.

Verse 9 is really beautiful. It reminds us that our brothers and sisters everywhere are sharing similar experiences and similarly are suffering. You are not alone

Verse 10 then brings it altogether. "After you have suffered for a little while, The God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will HIMSELF perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you." Your suffering has a time limit God will see you through it.

I read a couple verses today that reminded me that suffering is temporary. I would highly recommend reading 1 Peter 6-10 in whatever translation you prefer. It brought me to a prayer of thanks. God Bless Jessica, I hope you will feel the strength God provides to hold on until that peace arrives.

 

[stephen]

Praying.....Praying....there ar e times and situations when only prayer to Almighty God can help us.

Never underestimate the power of prayer to God Almighty. God has a thousand ways to answer every prayer

Amen....keep open to what God can do

 

[Jessica35m]

Jculver, thanks so much for the scripture. I will be sure to read it.

 

[johnpaul]

Jessica, I hope you don't mind me calling you Jessica? I am praying for you. You know that Jesus wants you to succeed, don't you! You have a new start. But there is a thorn in your side. God may be doing this to keep you from being conceited as happened to st paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7.
Know that Jesus loves you and is looking after you. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you; he will you know.
By the way, when I was in difficulty recently I read Job. Its hard going, but may help.

 

[Jessica35m]

Thanks Johnpaul, and Jessica is fine, I had a good day today. I talked to the Lord alot through my day, moments I had to myself and stuff. It was nice. My sweet husband took me to dinner tonight to. I'm hoping the mood can last.

 

[jculver]

Jessica, I hope you don't mind me calling you Jessica? I am praying for you. You know that Jesus wants you to succeed, don't you! You have a new start. But there is a thorn in your side. God may be doing this to keep you from being conceited as happened to st paul in 2 Corinthians 12:7.
Know that Jesus loves you and is looking after you. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide you; he will you know.
By the way, when I was in difficulty recently I read Job. Its hard going, but may help.

JohnPaul, great verse! It is so strange, it seems like every time I study a portion of scripture it comes up somewhere else. Does that ever happen to you guys? Those verses I posted in 1 Peter were the focus of the sermon at my church this Sunday, and that night I heard another sermon on 2 Cor 7 and studied that. Just one of those things I notice...

Anyway I just wanted to comment on that portion of scripture because it really makes suffering almost feel good in a way.

"and that by the exceeding greatness of the revelations I might not be exalted overmuch, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of the Adversary, that he might buffet me, that I might not be exalted overmuch."

The word messenger is derived from the word angel. The verse is saying that God let a satanic angel (a demon) torment Paul.

The revelations Paul is talking about are the times God showed himself to Paul personally. That would make me arrogant I am sure hehe So God sometimes has to show us what we really are to keep us in our place even if it means letting a demon do some nasty work (in this case it was to destroy Paul's reputation among the church at Corinth, the church he had put so much work into).

The word buffet comes from a term meaning beat with fists! I mean geez... Paul really was getting it here, the demon's work was beating him up (figuratively), and he hadn't done anything wrong, he was doing amazing things for God.

1 Peter 5:5 reminds us God is against the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Paul was about to get proud, how could he not. God had to keep him humble! I thank God now when I feel humbled down from pride. He will give me grace when I am as such, and he knows as long as I suffer I will be humbly seeking his help. He only lets us come up long enough until we start getting proud again, and he will never leave us down without sufficient grace. His grace is sufficient.

The verses in 2 Cor 7 really almost made me enjoy my suffering. Well not just almost, I truly have found at least some joy in knowing that it helps me remain humble. God gives grace to the humble, and humility is the foundation for love. Christ washed his disciples feet, he humbled himself and showed them that love. SO many good things come from being humble

Anyway I hope those verses might help you Jessica, it is good to hear you are having a better day

Johnpaul thank you for bringing those verses to attention they truly are relevant and appreciated.