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Battling With Bitterness
By Dr. Jerry Falwell
TODAY'S TEXT- Ephesians 4:25-32 "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. (26) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (27) Neither give place to the devil. (28) Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. (29) Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (30) And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness, and wrath and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice: (32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
INTRODUCTION: Whom do you hate? That will tell you if you are bitter. If there is someone you just can't stand or someone you wish ill against - chances are you are bitter. Bitterness is the most dangerous of all attitudes to healthy Christian living. It will eat away the vitality of your spiritual life until your testimony is in shambles. Bitterness is the cancer of the soul, claiming millions of victims every year. It spreads faster than the common cold and threatens to destroy our families and our churches.
The Bible warns: Beware...lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled (Hebrews 12:15).
The problem with bitterness is that you can't hide it, nor contain it. It spreads like a plague until it affects everyone around you. Some of you are so bitter that you can't talk about your husband or wife, parents or children, friends or relatives, pastor or church, without expressing bitterness about how much they've hurt you.
The reality is that life is full of hurts. Jesus Himself warned: It is impossible but that offenses will come. (Luke 17:1)
Life is full of hurts and it always will be! As long as you live, people are going to hurt you, offend you and disappoint you. But you don't need to be the "victim" of
their offenses. You can learn to rise above life's disappointments.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE BITTER
No one wants to admit they are bitter. Sometimes everyone else can tell but us. Let me ask you to be honest with yourself and answer a few basic questions:
1. Does it irritate you when people don't agree with you?
2. Do you think you are usually right and others are usually wrong?
3. Do you find yourself giving more criticisms than compliments?
4. Are you short with people?
5. Do you ask people "loaded" questions just to irritate them?
6. Is it difficult to talk to someone who has hurt you in the past without constantly bringing it up again?
7. Do your conversations tend to turn into arguments?
8. Do you feel disappointed, mistreated or betrayed?
9. Do you feel like God has let you down?
10. Do these kind of questions make you defensive?
Then you are probably bitter!
FIVE KEYS TO OVERCOMING BITTERNESS
In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul gives us five keys to overcoming bitterness:
(1) Stop lying.
Start telling the truth. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another (Ephesians 4:25).
People lie to each other every day! "How are you doing?", someone asks. "Oh, I'm fine," is the usual reply. Half the time, at least, that answer is a lie. When someone is upset, another will ask, "What's the matter?" "Nothing!" will come the explosive response. What that answer really means is, "Go away. I don't want to talk about it." Honest communication depends on honest conversation. Telling the truth builds bridges. Lying builds barriers. When people see you are not being honest with them, they will stop talking to you.
(2) Stop hating.
Start loving. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26,27).
In this passage we are warned not to stay angry, because anger destroys communication. Anger will lead either to aggressive or depressive behavior; it causes us to strike out at others or to put down ourselves. Either way, its destructive force hurts us and those with whom we are angry. When anger comes into your life, deal with it quickly and settle it. Don't let one day pass without eliminating your anger. Otherwise, you are giving Satan a place to defeat you. No one wants to be around an angry person. It drives children away from their parents, and it drives husbands and wives away from each other. It destroys communication and thereby destroys relationships. By contrast, love forgives, restores, and communicates.
(3) Stop stealing.
Start giving. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. (Ephesians 4:28).
Stealers are takers, selfish by nature. The Apostle Paul reminds us that we need to stop stealing and develop the grace of giving. In marriage, some people are takers by nature. They never learn to give, and their marriage collapses. Selfish people destroy communication; unselfish people build communication by building bridges to each other with gifts of kindness.
In personal relationships, ask yourself," Am I a giver or a taker?" Givers tend to see the worth and importance of other people and therefore are apt to bring out the best in others. Takers, on the other hand, tend to see the world solely from their own standpoint. They provoke others to evade, repress, or deny their innermost feelings.
(4) Stop cutting down.
Start building up. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying (building up), that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:29,30).
Some people excel at cutting down everything and everybody. This passage warns that such negative communication grieves the Spirit of God! Your mouth is to be an instrument of God's grace, not a fountain of bitterness and cursing. Every time you cut someone down, you destroy communication. You drive people away from God, instead of drawing them closer to Him. What we communicate verbally should encourage and strengthen those who hear us.
(5) Stop overreacting.
Start acting like a Christian! "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31,32).
Here the great apostle warns us not to handle our problems like pagans. Don't blow up! That only makes things worse! Notice the chain reaction in verse 31. We start with bitterness, which soon leads to wrath and anger. That, in turn, leads to clamor (two or more people yelling at each other), which takes us on to evil speaking (literally blasphemy or slander), and finally to malice (a deliberate attempt to do someone bodily injury). Such behavior is not of God. It is a worldly response to problems, yes-but not the Christian response. Such overreactions drive people away from us and destroy communication.
PROBLEM OF AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT
The Scripture clearly indicates that an unforgiving spirit is the mark of an unconverted soul. Notice the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35). Though forgiven a 10,000 talent debt (equivalent to 10 million dollars), he vindictively held a 100 pence debt (less than a dollar) against his fellow servant and came under the wrath of judgment. True Christians are known by their forgiving spirit. Those who have been forgiven much by God ought to be willing to forgive the sins and wrongs done them by others.
Our Lord further told His disciples that if someone offended them seven times a day and repented each time, they should forgive him. To which the apostles said unto the Lord, "Increase our faith." (Luke 17:5).
Whereupon, Jesus simply told them that if they had faith as a grain of mustard seed (Luke 17:6), they could move trees. In other words, He said: You don't need more faith... use the faith you already have.
SEEING OURSELVES AS GOD SEES US
In order to further help His disciples understand the importance of the powerful principle of forgiveness, Jesus shared the parable of the Unprofitable Servants (Luke 17:7-10).
In this story, Christ dealt with the disciples' attitudes toward themselves and others. He reminded them that
ultimately they were just that-"unprofitable." He wanted them to see themselves as they really were.
Selfish and insecure people get angry. Selfish and insecure people are easily offended. They often try to compensate for this by trying to make people think they are more important than anyone else. They can never figure out why God's world does not revolve around them and their plans. Therefore, they suppose that God doesn't really care for them. They become easily upset when things do not go their way. They never see themselves as God actually sees them.
In order to learn to forgive others effectively, we must ultimately see ourselves for what we really are... unprofitable servants... yet immensely and unconditionally loved by God. Only then are we in a proper position for God to work in our lives.
Let me talk to you for a moment as a pastor. One of the challenges of a large ministry like ours is that everybody can't have their own way. It is easy for people to get hurt because they didn't get asked to sing or speak or teach. Someone else got the position or the promotion that you wanted. Maybe, you can't help being hurt, but that is no excuse for becoming bitter-that's your fault!
God may want to use your hurt to strengthen your faith, expand your vision or change your direction. Don't let bitterness keep you from finding His will for your life.
FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY
In our selfishness, we muster a host of excuses for not forgiving. These include:
*Revenge (I enjoy hating him.)
*Anger (I'm too upset to forgive.)
*Jealousy (I can't let him do this.)
*Fear (I'll be hurt again.)
*Pride (I was right; he was wrong.)
*Emotion (I don't feel like forgiving.)
*Self-righteousness (He doesn't deserve it.)
*Guilt (I can't even forgive myself.)
*Suffering (I'm just too hurt to forgive.)
*Worry (What if he doesn't understand?)
The ultimate excuse is... I can't forgive... which really means I won't forgive!
You can do anything that is right. God always empowers us to do what is right. His grace is always sufficient, no matter how difficult the task. When we forgive others, we confirm what Christ did for us on the Cross when He died for our sins so that we might be forgiven.
By Dr. Jerry Falwell
TODAY'S TEXT- Ephesians 4:25-32 "Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another. (26) Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: (27) Neither give place to the devil. (28) Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. (29) Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. (30) And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (31) Let all bitterness, and wrath and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice: (32) And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
INTRODUCTION: Whom do you hate? That will tell you if you are bitter. If there is someone you just can't stand or someone you wish ill against - chances are you are bitter. Bitterness is the most dangerous of all attitudes to healthy Christian living. It will eat away the vitality of your spiritual life until your testimony is in shambles. Bitterness is the cancer of the soul, claiming millions of victims every year. It spreads faster than the common cold and threatens to destroy our families and our churches.
The Bible warns: Beware...lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled (Hebrews 12:15).
The problem with bitterness is that you can't hide it, nor contain it. It spreads like a plague until it affects everyone around you. Some of you are so bitter that you can't talk about your husband or wife, parents or children, friends or relatives, pastor or church, without expressing bitterness about how much they've hurt you.
The reality is that life is full of hurts. Jesus Himself warned: It is impossible but that offenses will come. (Luke 17:1)
Life is full of hurts and it always will be! As long as you live, people are going to hurt you, offend you and disappoint you. But you don't need to be the "victim" of
their offenses. You can learn to rise above life's disappointments.
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE BITTER
No one wants to admit they are bitter. Sometimes everyone else can tell but us. Let me ask you to be honest with yourself and answer a few basic questions:
1. Does it irritate you when people don't agree with you?
2. Do you think you are usually right and others are usually wrong?
3. Do you find yourself giving more criticisms than compliments?
4. Are you short with people?
5. Do you ask people "loaded" questions just to irritate them?
6. Is it difficult to talk to someone who has hurt you in the past without constantly bringing it up again?
7. Do your conversations tend to turn into arguments?
8. Do you feel disappointed, mistreated or betrayed?
9. Do you feel like God has let you down?
10. Do these kind of questions make you defensive?
Then you are probably bitter!
FIVE KEYS TO OVERCOMING BITTERNESS
In Ephesians 4, the Apostle Paul gives us five keys to overcoming bitterness:
(1) Stop lying.
Start telling the truth. Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbour: for we are members one of another (Ephesians 4:25).
People lie to each other every day! "How are you doing?", someone asks. "Oh, I'm fine," is the usual reply. Half the time, at least, that answer is a lie. When someone is upset, another will ask, "What's the matter?" "Nothing!" will come the explosive response. What that answer really means is, "Go away. I don't want to talk about it." Honest communication depends on honest conversation. Telling the truth builds bridges. Lying builds barriers. When people see you are not being honest with them, they will stop talking to you.
(2) Stop hating.
Start loving. Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. (Ephesians 4:26,27).
In this passage we are warned not to stay angry, because anger destroys communication. Anger will lead either to aggressive or depressive behavior; it causes us to strike out at others or to put down ourselves. Either way, its destructive force hurts us and those with whom we are angry. When anger comes into your life, deal with it quickly and settle it. Don't let one day pass without eliminating your anger. Otherwise, you are giving Satan a place to defeat you. No one wants to be around an angry person. It drives children away from their parents, and it drives husbands and wives away from each other. It destroys communication and thereby destroys relationships. By contrast, love forgives, restores, and communicates.
(3) Stop stealing.
Start giving. Let him that stole steal no more: but rather let him labour, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he may have to give to him that needeth. (Ephesians 4:28).
Stealers are takers, selfish by nature. The Apostle Paul reminds us that we need to stop stealing and develop the grace of giving. In marriage, some people are takers by nature. They never learn to give, and their marriage collapses. Selfish people destroy communication; unselfish people build communication by building bridges to each other with gifts of kindness.
In personal relationships, ask yourself," Am I a giver or a taker?" Givers tend to see the worth and importance of other people and therefore are apt to bring out the best in others. Takers, on the other hand, tend to see the world solely from their own standpoint. They provoke others to evade, repress, or deny their innermost feelings.
(4) Stop cutting down.
Start building up. "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying (building up), that it may minister grace unto the hearers. And grieve not the holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. (Ephesians 4:29,30).
Some people excel at cutting down everything and everybody. This passage warns that such negative communication grieves the Spirit of God! Your mouth is to be an instrument of God's grace, not a fountain of bitterness and cursing. Every time you cut someone down, you destroy communication. You drive people away from God, instead of drawing them closer to Him. What we communicate verbally should encourage and strengthen those who hear us.
(5) Stop overreacting.
Start acting like a Christian! "Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you." (Ephesians 4:31,32).
Here the great apostle warns us not to handle our problems like pagans. Don't blow up! That only makes things worse! Notice the chain reaction in verse 31. We start with bitterness, which soon leads to wrath and anger. That, in turn, leads to clamor (two or more people yelling at each other), which takes us on to evil speaking (literally blasphemy or slander), and finally to malice (a deliberate attempt to do someone bodily injury). Such behavior is not of God. It is a worldly response to problems, yes-but not the Christian response. Such overreactions drive people away from us and destroy communication.
PROBLEM OF AN UNFORGIVING SPIRIT
The Scripture clearly indicates that an unforgiving spirit is the mark of an unconverted soul. Notice the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21-35). Though forgiven a 10,000 talent debt (equivalent to 10 million dollars), he vindictively held a 100 pence debt (less than a dollar) against his fellow servant and came under the wrath of judgment. True Christians are known by their forgiving spirit. Those who have been forgiven much by God ought to be willing to forgive the sins and wrongs done them by others.
Our Lord further told His disciples that if someone offended them seven times a day and repented each time, they should forgive him. To which the apostles said unto the Lord, "Increase our faith." (Luke 17:5).
Whereupon, Jesus simply told them that if they had faith as a grain of mustard seed (Luke 17:6), they could move trees. In other words, He said: You don't need more faith... use the faith you already have.
SEEING OURSELVES AS GOD SEES US
In order to further help His disciples understand the importance of the powerful principle of forgiveness, Jesus shared the parable of the Unprofitable Servants (Luke 17:7-10).
In this story, Christ dealt with the disciples' attitudes toward themselves and others. He reminded them that
ultimately they were just that-"unprofitable." He wanted them to see themselves as they really were.
Selfish and insecure people get angry. Selfish and insecure people are easily offended. They often try to compensate for this by trying to make people think they are more important than anyone else. They can never figure out why God's world does not revolve around them and their plans. Therefore, they suppose that God doesn't really care for them. They become easily upset when things do not go their way. They never see themselves as God actually sees them.
In order to learn to forgive others effectively, we must ultimately see ourselves for what we really are... unprofitable servants... yet immensely and unconditionally loved by God. Only then are we in a proper position for God to work in our lives.
Let me talk to you for a moment as a pastor. One of the challenges of a large ministry like ours is that everybody can't have their own way. It is easy for people to get hurt because they didn't get asked to sing or speak or teach. Someone else got the position or the promotion that you wanted. Maybe, you can't help being hurt, but that is no excuse for becoming bitter-that's your fault!
God may want to use your hurt to strengthen your faith, expand your vision or change your direction. Don't let bitterness keep you from finding His will for your life.
FORGIVENESS IS THE KEY
In our selfishness, we muster a host of excuses for not forgiving. These include:
*Revenge (I enjoy hating him.)
*Anger (I'm too upset to forgive.)
*Jealousy (I can't let him do this.)
*Fear (I'll be hurt again.)
*Pride (I was right; he was wrong.)
*Emotion (I don't feel like forgiving.)
*Self-righteousness (He doesn't deserve it.)
*Guilt (I can't even forgive myself.)
*Suffering (I'm just too hurt to forgive.)
*Worry (What if he doesn't understand?)
The ultimate excuse is... I can't forgive... which really means I won't forgive!
You can do anything that is right. God always empowers us to do what is right. His grace is always sufficient, no matter how difficult the task. When we forgive others, we confirm what Christ did for us on the Cross when He died for our sins so that we might be forgiven.
