Hi! I just wanted to say that no man is perfect, and God knows that no man is perfect, the only thing one can do is their best to live right, and God will honour that. It is natural to feel that way, like, what ever you do that is right you feel like your doing wrong...even Paul, amight man used of God, felt that way
Romans 7:21 I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Don't call your self stupid, the first thing to do is tell yourself "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me," and " If God is For me who can Be against me". The thing is you have to win the battle in your mind first, and once you have won the battle in your mind, you have already won half the battle.
God does not hate you, he loves you so much that he came down to this earth to die for your sins...he also love you so much that he has your name printed in the palm of his hand, not only that, but his thoughts towards you can not be numbered....
Ps40:5 and thy thoughts which are to us-ward: they cannot be reckoned up in order unto thee: if I would declare and speak of them, they are more than can be numbered. Ps40:17 But I am poor and needy; yet the Lord thinketh upon me: thou art my help and my deliverer; make no tarrying, O my God. Jer29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
God has already forgiven you, the thing is you need to forgive youself. It takes time, Gods answers in his own timeing, and not the timeing of men. Remember Job....God took all Job had his family his wealth and everything, but job remained faithfull eventhough his Wife told him to curse God and die, Job did not....and God honoured that, God saw
Job's love and faithfulness and doubled all he had.....
Stay faithful with all you have and God will honor that...you will go through trails and tribulations , but as Paul says ..."
I press toward the mark of the high calling of GOD".