Boyfriend abstaining from sex

[LorenaLorenz22]

Hello everyone,
I really need some advice here. My new boyfriend is a fairly new Christian. He use to be the type of man who would have sex frequently in relationships, and when we first met he would make sexual comments. Just recently, three months into the relationship he said he doesn't want to have sex with me. I think it's a great thing because I believe it's the right thing to do. My concern is that he masturbate to women's photos on social media, but doesn't want to initiate anything with me. He says he is attracted to me, but his actions are starting to me make me thing otherwise, since he doesn't have a problem engaging in masturbation with other females pictures. What's your take on this. Could he be using the Christian thing as a copy out not to be with me that way? Again, not that I want that, just strange that he lists after other women and gets off to it.

 

[Chad]

Hi @LorenaLorenz22

This is not the type of 'godly man' GOD has in mind for you. No excuses on his part.

Matthew 5:28
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

Ephesians 5:3
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

What he's doing is dishonoring God, his own body, and you. Do you want that kind of man in your home, your heart? Would you accept this type of man to raise your kids? If he won't stop and repent of this sin, let him go. He's not worth your time and as a daughter of the King, you're worthy more than this type of man who claims to be a Christian but deliberately, willfully sins against the Lord without a concern. GOD will provide you the right guy. Imperfect, but walking the right narrow path.

 

[kvnchrist]

It is what's in his heart that is coming to the surface. If this boy masturbates then sex has never been past his imagination. Sex is sex, no matter who performs it on who and this guy has just replaced your image with the ones on these magazines. What you need to see is the way he sees you and other women. Ask yourself this one question. Is there any respect for these women he masturbates to or is he just using their images to get himself off. Then ask yourself if he did this to women he doesn't know then what do you think he has done with images of your face, when you were not around to see it.

My own advice to you is to walk up to a mirror and image that image is another person who is asking you what you are asking us and follow your own advise. Many times all people are looking for is either a way out of what they already know needs to be done, but holds onto hopes that they've somehow missed something. Sometimes they look for verification of their fears.

Remember wrongness may not always seem wrong, but almost always feels fowl. You didn't post this because what he is doing feels fair.

 

[Brad Huber]

How do you know this? Most men hide this from ppl unless they live with them. Does he do this while you visit with him? Totally regardless of whether he is a christian or not, its very very very rude to do something like this with his girlfriend in front of him. He doesnt impress me as a man who would be a good husband.

 

[Emiliana]

Masturbating to images of other women does not mean that he is not attracted to you. He doesn't initiate anything with you because you have both decided to abstain before marriage so I don't understand why you're confused? Masturbating is his way to let go of any sexual frustration, most likely caused by not being able to be intimate with you (although many men masturbate even when sexually active.) In my opinion, this is all very typical/not strange at all. I wouldn't worry about him not being attracted to you. If he wasn't attracted to you, instead of pretending to be a Christian, I'm sure he'd just leave you.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Masturbating to images of other women does not mean that he is not attracted to you. He doesn't initiate anything with you because you have both decided to abstain before marriage so I don't understand why you're confused? Masturbating is his way to let go of any sexual frustration, most likely caused by not being able to be intimate with you (although many men masturbate even when sexually active.) In my opinion, this is all very typical/not strange at all. I wouldn't worry about him not being attracted to you. If he wasn't attracted to you, instead of pretending to be a Christian, I'm sure he'd just leave you.

Your response suggests a worldly way of dealing with the matter @Emiliana

Greetings @LorenaLorenz22

May the Lord richly bless you and lead you as you seek to do His will in these matters

The most important relationship in your life is your relationship with Jesus
Put Him first and seek Him in all things and everything else will fall into place

Consider what the Bible says

But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.
Matthew 5:28

But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
Do not err, my beloved brethren
James 1:14-15

...seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness;
Matthew 6:33

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

 

[Emiliana]

Your response suggests a worldly way of dealing with the matter @Emiliana

I understand and you are right, but her question was in relation to whether or not her boyfriend was attracted to her - not whether or not masturbation was right. I decided to keep my answer to the concept of him not being attracted to her as I thought this is what she was struggling with most. A man can lust after other women and still be attracted to his girlfriend, that's all I was saying. I thought others would be better at giving her direction on scripture about the ethics and morals of masturbation than me.

 

[LorenaLorenz22]

Thank you all for your input. I was worried about both, masturbation being a sin as well as questioning if he was truly attracted to me. I feel that there were some inconsistencies and questioned it. The inconsistencies are him wanting to refrain from sexual sin, but continuing to lust and masturbate over images of women online. I did question his seriousness about refraining from sex, but thinking masturbation and lust is okay. So, I thought well if he thinks this is okay, maybe it's just me he's really not attracted to. Because he use to very permiscuous in other relationship, but chooses to do it different with me makes me lead to these questions.

 

[Emiliana]

Because he use to very permiscuous in other relationship, but chooses to do it different with me makes me lead to these questions.

Maybe this is because he appreciates and respects you more? He may want to invest more into this relationship and that is why he is trying to abstain - he wants this relationship to have that spiritual element instead of just the physical aspect? Masturbation is most likely a difficult habit to break :/ Nobody is perfect but if I was you, I would look at his behaviour as a good start. Maybe you should talk to him about the masturbation (if you wouldn't find it too awkward), and just say that you appreciate his effort to keep your relationship free of pre-marital sex but you're worried about the masturbation as it's not something you think is right? You could find out whether this is something he is struggling with stopping or whether he doesn't see an issue with it. Discussion between partners is always good

 

[Travis]

What he's doing is dishonoring God, his own body, and you. Do you want that kind of man in your home, your heart? Would you accept this type of man to raise your kids? If he won't stop and repent of this sin, let him go. He's not worth your time and as a daughter of the King, you're worthy more than this type of man who claims to be a Christian but deliberately, willfully sins against the Lord without a concern. GOD will provide you the right guy. Imperfect, but walking the right narrow path.

Whether or not this man is attracted to you, Lorena, I think the point that many are trying to make in their responses to you on this thread is that your boyfriend's actions show that he is not serious about sexual sin or about honoring and respecting you by keeping himself sexually pure. Based on what you have shared about your boyfriend, it does not sound like he would make for a good husband, unless of course the Lord gets ahold of his heart and changes him into a new creature. There is no guarantee that will happen though.

Travis