can't be myself

[kalina]

I have always been shy around people I don't know well. Around family and a few close friends, I am much more talkative, fun, and open. But around most people, I become reserved. Almost a year ago, I met someone and became much closer to them than I have been to anyone else. They and I both notice the distinct contrast of when I am alone with just them and when I am with them and others. They have even had a couple of people verbalize negative assumptions about me to them. When they told these people the assumptions were incorrect, the people replied, "Oh...well, she doesn't talk much." Apparently, by not showing people who I really am, I allow them to create their own picture of who they think I am.
Not being able to be myself has bothered me for quite some time and I would like to change it. Not only would I probably be much happier, but I don't know how I can be a true witness without being open and vulnerable to others and showing the real me. It is a deeply ingrained habit, however, and I am not sure how to change it. I guess I find a certain amount of comfort in the fact that people see me as the quiet girl, and since I will probably be around a lot of the same people as in the past, an attempt at changing seems awkward since they already see me in that way. I would appreciate any thoughts or advice, or personal stories if you can relate. Thanks.

 

[Mirjam]

Hi Kalina,

I can only tell you something about me and hope it will help you in some way. Untill I was 27 I was also quiet and shy. Because I was always afraid that I would say something silly or what are people going to think of me etc, etc. But then I grew out of it. I cared less what people thought of me and that helped a lot. Now I talk a lot more and make jokes. I don't think so much before I say something.
I don't know how I grew out of it, maybe it's because you're growing older. Well.. hope this helped. Good luck !

 

[Mike Scott]

Hello Kalina
From Canada. I was a bit of a loaner when it comes to making friends or heaven forbid opening up and being vulnerable.

I have my work friends but beyond that having close friends were few.
I had to learn to trust which is easier said than done.
I started very slow and eventually it is starting to happen. I now have 2 main friends and am starting to build relationships with others. Which is pretty darn slow considering I'm in my 50's now, but PTL. it's happening.
Easy conversation doesn't come natural for me but I try to learn what their interest are, family background etc..... that opens some doors.

I have my moments where that saying of, It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. Has fitted me all to well.

This might seem silly but I many times will stop and pray that the Lord will give me the words I need to say for that very moment. Along with the strength to say them. I am so grateful for the many times that area of my life has now improved.

So God Bless ya and be with ya.
Mike
aka grizzly for Christ.

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings kalina,

Not talking too much is something to be admired in a person! Too many talk too much!

You will also find that quite a lot of people are over-talkative because they are nervous and not sure about how to handle being with others.

A couple of things I would like you to know...

1) you are yourself... chatty and talkative with folks you are comfortable with and yet quiet and reserved with others... and that's OK! Truly, it is OK... be yourself and don't be anyone else!
2) You are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Lord and He thinks so much of you that if you were to live a thousand lifetimes, you would still be trying to grasp just how much He loves you... such is His eternal love for you, kalina.

On that note, don't worry too much about what others think of you! If the Lord Almighty thinks highly of you... well, in my opinion, for what it is worth, you must be very, very special! .... and to be honest, the folks who judge you are missing out on a special friendship with you. Their loss.... not yours.

Seek the Lord and His love for you, and rest your cares upon Him, kalina. As you do this, you will feel His assurance that all is well, no matter who you are with. Trust in Him. He will not let you down. Yes, seek Him early and you will find that He is working His perfection in you and will give you words to speak to testify of His holiness and grace, in His time...

for now, allow yourself to accept His peace in your soul, and to quieten any fears of others. Ask Him for ways to share with others and take one day at a time, kalina.

Remember, too, that you are you.... and you are not those other people.... we are all different, thank God.

You don't need to change overnight into a yapper-guts! (one who doesn't stop talking!!)

Bless you ...><>

Br. Bear

Jesus is Lord

 

[Bratface75]

Not talking too much is something to be admired in a person! Too many talk too much!

Couldn't have been said more clear!
James 1:19 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath ...

I take this slow to speak thing seriously... When I was 18 I didn't talk much at all. I just listened, smiled, and nodded. It was on a rare occassion I would really speak unless it was one on one or around select family members. My nickname was "the mute" ... of course, this was brought on from a traumatic situation, and low self esteem, as I was too afraid eventually to speak up at all. It always felt like I was standing before a large crowd about to give a big speech and bombing it before the first 3 words came out of my mouth.
---Until--- I met Jesus.

Slowly God really helped give me the courage to speak out, and the wisdom on when to speak. HA- I got as so bold to just say whatever was on my mind, and boy did I learn real quick that there is a time to speak, and a time not to!!!

Kalina, I find it to be a very Godly and attractive part of a womans personality to be quiet and wise with her words. I am praying that God helps give you courage to be able to speak out and protection over your mind to stop worrying about what other people think. God created you just the way you are, and there is a purpose in what you are going through. We all just have to allow God to mature it and walk in what God gave us!

~Hugs~