children

[amanda123]

my husband is always talking about his children from previous marrigae

I feel so useless and as if my children are nothing to him.

he says my children are spoilt and rude and hardly speaks to them.

i never dreamt it would be like this

what can i do?

 

[Quasicentennium]

Your children need to be surrounded by very large poster-size colorful display photos of smiling faces of people who they love the most: you, partner, brother, sister, and so on. Because the surroundings such as the living room, children's bedroom can be lifeless and dull, and do not excite the children's feelings of family togetherness.
Even the face of our Jesus Christ might be a strange alien at first sight, but after a while they would feel a sense of peace and belonging to Christ which cannot be described in words: that hunger for Christ's supernatural joy that was robbed since Adam and Eve took their first bite of God's forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, is still very present in our human lives.
Going to church and having the prayer team place their hands on the children as well as all the church members can bring Christ's supernatural healing of peace that's like bringing calmness and quietness of a clear, blue cloudless sky to a stormy, gloomy thundery weather.
We Christians in our global community wait patiently for the coming of our victorious Lord Jesus, hopefully very soon in the future, so that Satan can be defeated and sin can be deleted once Jesus has transform our old earth-born selves to new glorious minds and bodies of Christ...
As we socialize together as brothers and sisters of Christ in God's most modern and most massive place of Community: the Kingdom of God on a new oceanless planet Earth where Christ's supernatural joy will be so over-joyous, our hearts will be so very positive and our faces so very always smiling.:*:.
:shade:

 

[NurseRobin55]

Dear Amanda...I have found that when we take our eyes off of the joys in our lives and start to focus on the "hard" stuff, we can become burdened down to an almost paralyzing state. 1) Thank God for the involvement you have with the children 2) Ask Him to show you how to express love and patience in every situation 3) Give positive responses to hubby when you see him or hear him be pleasant and fatherly to all of the children 4) Talk to ALL of the children and have them be family builders by participation (setting the table, feeding the dog or other tasks that they do not presently do) Focus exclusively on POSITIVE talk, actions, and goals as a family and as a couple....prayer and blessings to you

 

[amanda123]

thank you everyone

i will think these replies over and pray.

i will come back to the thread next week.

 

[eddieb]

have you tried sitting down and talking with your husband in depth about this including how his actions make you/the kids feel? what you think and need and want? what you want to change?
some men have difficulty opening up like that. you should pray God will soften his heart previous to this convo. perhaps he misses his kids more than he lets on.
the passage from boy to man can be brutal, and men dont have the same heart as women do. men arent as emotionaly connected as a woman is. sometimes a man can be behaving in a way thats unfair to others and not realize the extent of his actions.
not making an excuse but men do need a help meet(helper)

 

[amanda123]

thank you.

eddieb very hard to talk to him as he gets so angry and wont listen atall. i am quite scared at times of his reactiom.

Thank you again for all help

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

My dear sisiter in Christ ...blended familys are a thing of today like no other time ..ive got 6 kids / 1 from my prior ..4 from my wifes prior and we had 1 togather ..I can tell you its always a challange to make one family out of two..but this too shall pass..I encourage you to pray that God soften His heart towards youre children and Show Him the Grace you want for youre children..as you pray for others it changes youre Heart for them and God can begin to work on Him as well...May the peace of God be on youre household and may he Find Glory in that realationship..In all things Give thanks and praise to The Lord above and be anxious for nothing....Rev

 

[amanda123]

My dear sisiter in Christ ...blended familys are a thing of today like no other time ..ive got 6 kids / 1 from my prior ..4 from my wifes prior and we had 1 togather ..I can tell you its always a challange to make one family out of two..but this too shall pass..I encourage you to pray that God soften His heart towards youre children and Show Him the Grace you want for youre children..as you pray for others it changes youre Heart for them and God can begin to work on Him as well...May the peace of God be on youre household and may he Find Glory in that realationship..In all things Give thanks and praise to The Lord above and be anxious for nothing....Rev

thankyou yes very true

 

[Fraction]

I'm going to ask you a few questions. Feel free to not answer any of them if you don't want too. Or you could just tell me to go away.

Are your children that you're speaking of his biological kids as well?
How long have you been married, or even known your husband on a dating or relationship level?
Has it always been like this?
If it hasn't, how recently did this issue begin?

 

[amanda123]

I'm going to ask you a few questions. Feel free to not answer any of them if you don't want too. Or you could just tell me to go away.

Are your children that you're speaking of his biological kids as well?
How long have you been married, or even known your husband on a dating or relationship level?
Has it always been like this?
If it hasn't, how recently did this issue begin?

Fraction

No they are not his biological children,
we are both remarried
He became more like this after we got married a few years ago.
He doesnt like my children.
He always wants me to treat his biologicall children with love and repsect which I do.

I am so sad and hurt.

 

[Brighthouse]

I am wondering how frank you want us to be,as to what you should do?? Since your children are the very part of you!! Then what does he say when you ask him if he still loves you?? A question I sure would ask him!

For if a man does not love the children, how can he love the one who gave birth to them? I sure would not brag about a previous wife to my now soulmate!! If he did such a great job,he would not have lost her,even as he is losing you! For in your words I sure do see he is. Now!! For you!!

What can you do,to help yourself in this matter?I do not know how close a relationship you have with our Lord.So I sure cannot judge this in any way! I have found that in each of our lives an example is made unto us. usually an example of why we should always look unto Jesus rather then any substitute.

I have found we all have at one time,and we all have had the very same results as well. MUCH lack! Lack in both confidence, which leads to depression, which leads to no self worth. BUT!!! You have MUCH WORTH!!! YES YOU!!!

But this does me no good to tell you this,unless you believe this for yourself,and if you do truly believe this,then your actions will show this. Since he is being this way.FINE!! His LOSS!! I would start by taking my kids to the zoo,or something they themselves would have a good time in doing,as well as you. You kids do need you!!

And they need you to be strong for them! Not easy!! I know! But if he is not going to care for them,and they see this,how do you think this will effect the children you have??They are going to look to the only person they know loves them!! YOU!! And really, you need them as well for strength!

Your family can become much closer then his. In this example perhaps his children will see this, and ask him why he does not do the same for them?? hehe A little backward thought for him to consider.

If he knows how bad this hurts you,does he care?? I am thinking not! BUT!! If you act as though he is not needed,and place the shoe on the other foot!! Perhaps he will see the error of his way as well.

Most men do not like to be told by a woman they are in the wrong,even though they are! So rather then tell him,show him!! This is just a thought sis!! I sure have no idea what is happening in your home!! But this I do know! ( 1 cor 10:13!) Look unto the first love my dear sister!!

Have your children also see this,and encourage them to do the very same. Jesus is our first love,he will not be pushed aside to second! He does not have to put up with this,no more then we would! I have found that no matter what problems we may be in, God can make a way, where there is no way!

He has done this for me more times then the fingers on each of my hands. Perhaps the Lord is telling you, how he feels from you. I am not judging here!! Again only a thought. But you do have great value!! And you have much worth! To be strong and have good courage is commanded.It is not easy to have such!! But it is most important to find it!((Deuteronomy 31:8)

The very first scripture Holy Spirit ever gave to me!! That is because God knows just how hard life can be for us! We cannot place faith in another,you sure should be able to expect your man to lead,but if he does not lead,then you must! Your children will not judge him,but you. Not that it is right!! But they will anyway, I sure did my parents!

Have a family time,if the mans children wants to join in, fine,but let them ask you. LOL If you do not go to Church,you may consider starting. Find a good Bible based Church with a ton of love in it, and find what you seek!

You will find they need you as bad as you need them! Support!! You need this!! We all do! No matter if we are men or women! For what disciple walked in Christ alone?? Did they not have the support of both the Church and each other? You are only asking for the same!! And you deserve the very same sis!!

My prayers are sure with you! I remember I cried, and said poor me, God you just do not understand!! Until I learned who it was that did not understand!! LOL ME!! We love you here sis!! We care!

But I learned the hard way,that it does no good to complain unless the one who has a right to complain, which you surly do,also can do something about it as well. This reality hit me like a ton of bricks.But after I recoved,and started doing something.God not only made a way for me,but showed me the way as well!! LOVE!! Love your children as I know you do! And give them every reason to love you back! Because you deserve it sis!! I hope this helps bring some peace to your mind. Blessing always!