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Define controlling

MontanaCowboy

Member
Joined
Apr 6, 2009
Messages
78
OK folks, this is a soul bearing question. I was going to post this in Guys section but decided I need the Ladies points of view too.
I am trying to figure out if I have this tendency. Some say I come off this way, others don't, so I am getting confused.
1st off, I am of an Italian culture (dad) & Polish (Mom) & I speak passionately & raise my voice when discussing things but that is my norm as it was how my family always argued or debated things.
Believe me it is not to the level of yelling but it is louder than most I guess. And of course I use my hands a lot too. But I also will stop in the middle of the debate & give a cup of coffee out or ask if the person wants a cup of coffee or something in a soft tone.
My passion is not control to me it is just getting out my point, but I think the ladies may see it as aggressive or controlling tendencies.
So help me, I am soul searching deeply here.
 
ah...for what its worth, people with control issues dont tend to get overly concerned about their tendency to try to control everything, for to admit to a control problem might mean giving up a tiny bit of control ...:coocoo:


I think i`d be safe in saying loud and passionate debate is not an indicator of control issues. Those with real control issues tend to exhibit it much more subtly, but the need to control usually reveals itself in 'self' persistently needing to dominate the people and/or circumstances around them.

If you really want to know if you have control issues, ask those who are closest to you, and who know you best. Pay close attention to their answers. If you get bent out of shape from what you perceive as a negative response to your question, its a pretty good indicator he/she is hitting the nail on the head...or hitting one hard head with a much needed hammer
 
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That is kinda what I think but maybe I over due the debating. Like I said some say yes, some say no. My Son said I need to just let people fail, or at least try it their way before making a suggestion to do it another way IF things are not working out well. That seemed like fairly sound advise to me. Now if I can walk around with a sock in mouth without looking foolish :wink:I might do better.
 
2Corinthians 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.


Greetings Brother,

I won't beat around the bush here, because you ask with sincerity....

What Would Jesus Do?

Although you were raised in a certain way, you now are raised with Him,And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of Him that created him:
Colossians 3:10

I know some like to use the example of Jesus driving the money exchangers out of the Temple as a valid reason to get worked up, but in all fairness, given the situation He had in front of Him, I doubt many would challenge with such passion the congregations they regularly attend worship with, so, that example is reasonably select.

Most people are intimidated by loudness and raised voices, especially if the person being loud is contesting a point of view of the other. It basically is threatening and does not offer peace and assurance, but rather, it tends to imply that they had better listen, or else there will be more loudness and that is interpreted as lack of control and aggression, no matter what reasons we might give.

I appreciate that some cultures are quite vocal in their sharing of ideas, and those who have been brought up in such loud times of sharing ideas are not effected by it but understand that the more passion shown means the more one actually believes in what they are saying.

Having said that, let us look again to Jesus and the Scriptures....

Jesus is our example and it is His likeness that is most important to long for in our lives. Letting people know our opinion on a matter is not seeking after His likeness, but demanding that others see our likeness.
The following Scriptures will help you to meditate on and I encourage you, brother, to ask the Lord to bring them to memory each time you wish to speak your mind or heart on a matter.

James 3:17-18 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
And the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace of them that make peace.


2Timothy 2:24-26 And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient,
In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth;
And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.


Romans 12 I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
For as we have many members in one body, and all members have not the same office:
So we, being many, are one body in Christ, and every one members one of another.
Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith;
Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth, on teaching;
Or he that exhorteth, on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth, with diligence; he that sheweth mercy, with cheerfulness.
Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
Not slothful in business; fervent in spirit; serving the Lord;
Rejoicing in hope; patient in tribulation; continuing instant in prayer;
Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to hospitality.
Bless them which persecute you: bless, and curse not.
Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.
Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.
Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men.
If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is Mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.
Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.
Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.


1Corinthians 4:21 What will ye? shall I come unto you with a rod, or in love, and in the spirit of meekness?

Ephesians 4:1-3 I therefore, the prisoner of the Lord, beseech you that ye walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called,
With all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love;
Endeavouring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.


Colossians 3:12-17 Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering;
Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.
And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.
And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to the which also ye are called in one body; and be ye thankful.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.
And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him.




Bless you ....><>


Br. Bear




The Following is from C. Spurgeon...

And his hands were steady until the going down of the sun.
Exodus 17:12

So mighty was the prayer of Moses, that all depended upon it.
The petitions of Moses discomfited the enemy more than the fighting of Joshua.
Yet both were needed.

No, in the soul’s conflict, force and fervour, decision and devotion, valour and vehemence, must join their forces, and all will be well. You must wrestle with your sin, but the major part of the wrestling must be done alone in private with God.

Prayer, like Moses’, holds up the token of the covenant before the Lord.
The rod was the emblem of God’s working with Moses, the symbol of God’s government in Israel. Learn, O pleading saint, to hold up the promise and the oath of God before Him. The Lord cannot deny His own declarations. Hold up the rod of promise, and have what you will.
Moses grew weary, and then his friends assisted him. When at any time your prayer flags, let faith support one hand, and let holy hope uplift the other, and prayer seating itself upon the stone of Israel, the rock of our salvation, will persevere and prevail. Beware of faintness in devotion; if Moses felt it, who can escape?

It is far easier to fight with sin in public, than to pray against it in private.

It is remarked that Joshua never grew weary in the fighting, but Moses did grow weary in the praying; the more spiritual an exercise, the more difficult it is for flesh and blood to maintain it.

Let us cry, then, for special strength, and may the Spirit of God, who helpeth our infirmities, as He allowed help to Moses, enable us like him to continue with our hands steady “until the going down of the sun;” till the evening of life is over; till we shall come to the rising of a better sun in the land where prayer is swallowed up in praise.
 
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