Depressed very depressed

[dpg3]

On the outside I might seem like a happy person, actually maybe not even on the outside. I joke around a lot, talk a lot at work. I think a big reason is because I feel very lonely and isolated. I'm in an apartment and city I don't like and a job, although I'm glad to have it I really, really hate. The only reason I stay here is cause my Mom is in a home and I could never leave while she is still there. My Mom is 87.

Visiting her is one of the few really joyful things I do. The rest of my life is very boring and just existing. I'm single and see no point to my life, life has passed me by.
Now here is what I would only share online cause if I shared it with Christians offline they'd always doubt me, no matter what. I know this I've seen it happen many times in the church.
I feel extremely bitter towards God, I really can't describe to you how bitter and absolutely mad I am with Him. I believe He has forgotten about me. I followed His injunctions not to marry and unbeliever and now I am alone and middle aged and will never marry. People within and without the church look at you like there is something wrong with you if your not married or at the least dating, which I'm not. This eats away at me, that people see me as different, I feel this so strongly and is one of the biggest reasons I'm very bitter towards God. We only live once and I often wish I'd never heard of God or at least until later on in my life. It really really hurts and God IS NOT THERE!!!!!

When I was younger I spent three years in Bible College and graduated. Since then I've done lots of youth work in various churches and A YMCA. I even left a good paying secular job in Toronto, Canada to return home to help a friend with a struggling pioneer church, it failed. I had some success in some of my church related activities but a second downtown youth oriented church, we did a few years later also failed.

By this time I was totally burnt out, left home to the city I'm presently in to find work. Been here five years, I barely go to church at all. I'm just sick of all of it, including God. I drink a little bit now and then, nothing serious though. I have few friends, no local Christian friends, no local church which I like or go to.

Sorry for the ramble just where I'm at right now.
Miserable, mad and very bitter towards God, Church. No hopes for the future I have thoughts of suicide, although it's more the depression than I'd actually do it. My health is not the best either, nothing serious just the little aches that drive one crazy.
I like being around people and am extroverted to say the least. That is just covering up tons of insecurities I have.
Like many asking for help here, in my heart I feel hopeless!!!

 

[Dreamer]

to dpg3

hi,dpg3. I think it is very good for you to be around people. I don't think it hurts to laugh and have fun with people, even if you are hurting. Maybe what you need is a few friends you can talk with openly about how hurt you feel inside and bitter towards God. I hope and pray, sincerely, that talkJesus is that place, dpg3, where you will find those friends. If God were not still after you, you wouldn't be having these thoughts about Him. Why does it bother you that you are bitter toward God?

It bothers you to be bitter at God, because you have known God's tug in your heart, you have done His work, and you have probably too heard His voice. I noticed in your profile you have a degree in theology, so you know the bible, too. And guess what? God misses you more than you miss Him.

His wooing back of you is because of love. Love conquers a multitude of sins. Love never fails. God is love. And He loves you so much that it can't be explained here in print.

Speaking of print, have you opened up your bible lately? Please, for your sake and His, do that! I think you will be doubly blessed.

I am not single now, but I was single for awhile after my marriage of 17 years broke up. I hated being single. I resented it, and I was treated differently than other women at church. I was treated by some, seemingly, as "damaged goods" and it didn't seem like my name could be mentioned without the word "divorced" attached to it.

You know what I did after 5 years of being single? Just so I would not have to be alone, I married a man who was not in God's will for me. He abused my daughter and set her back emotionally for years to come. I tell people this was a "relationship", but it was actually my 2nd marriage. It was definitely, definitely out of God's will. I had to go to the police and get an Order of Protection so that he would not hurt me or my daughter. He was stalking me. This so-called marriage lasted 3 months. He kicked my daughter and I out right before Labor Day, 2003. So we left and went and stayed with christian friends. Then he decided he wanted me back, but only discord and chaos was there, no love.

I met my present, loving husband soon after that. When he asked me to marry him, I prayed hard about it. It didn't seem to me like he and I were a good match. We're both hot heads, very emotional, both of us sensitive and strong-willed. But......God was in it. God is in our marriage to this day. When I get discouraged, I remember all that God has done to help us grow. I'm in God's will now, but I got here the hard way-- My making several hard mistakes first. And my mistakes cost my daughter--that guilt will never go away from me.

You not ever marrying.....is probably a blessing, dpg3. There is no telling what kind of spiritual/emotional pain a marriage could have caused you if it was out of God's will. You are telling me that you want to be unequally yoked?

I have been unequally yoked. It is worse than a nightmare, because when you wake up, you are in the nightmare.

Jesus loves you, and we do too. And you know what else, jpg3? How do you know those 2 churches you helped pioneer, failed? Did they fail in mans' eyes? Maybe. In God's eyes? I doubt it! Did even one person get born again into God's Kingdom because of either of those churches you pioneered? Then it was not a failure! Jesus says He leaves the 99 to go find that 1 lost sheep.
And right now.....Jesus is calling you back, yes you. Remember Who your Shepherd is. You are a very intelligent and well-studied man, yes, but you need the Lord Jesus guiding you again, like before.
Let Him in. Let Him renew your heart, renew your mind.

In Christ,
Dreamer

 

[jculver]

Well I think Dreamer more or less hit the nail on the head on this one. If you go outside of God's will intentionally you will miss out on whatever he is planning for you.

First thing first, you have to resubmit. You are not in the best state with God to really be expecting him to bless you if you are angry with him. I know you are thinking you can't help being angry with him, and you are likely right, you can't help it.

I think your first step is to pray for God to put your relationship with him where he wants it. Get back in step with him. If you ask God to put your head right, he will do it. If you would just go back to trusting that his way is best, he will go back to reminding you why it is best


As far as the problem of being alone and needing to marry, I really think you should look harder for a church. Find a good church and get involved heavily. You might even meet a God fearing woman I don't know how hard you have looked already so it is just a suggestion. I do wish the best for you, and will pray for you brother.

 

[johnpaul]

We only live once and I often wish I'd never heard of God or at least until later on in my life. It really really hurts and God IS NOT THERE!!!!!
QUOTE]

This tells me the whole story. Its not true. We are alive in heaven after we pass on from here. I'm sure I will be corrected if I'm wrong, but This is one of satans great lies, that this is all there is. NO NO NO, Jesus loves you and so do we.
But you must show love to recieve it from people. You're so bitter, I can feel it. So can a potential partner.
Remember Galatians 5:22-23; 'But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.'
You have many of these but love and patience need working on.
We love you brother and are praying for you. Believe in Him.

 

[dpg3]

Dreamer, jculver and johnpaul thanks for each of your replies, I'll be back to talk to you later when I have more time. I have to hit the sack for work!!
Thanks again I really appreciate your thoughtful remarks!!!

 

[Dreamer]

I am so glad you stopped by---I was worried about you. See, you already have friends here who care about you and are genuinely concerned about you!

Hope you have good sleep and a good day at work. I praise God you came here and you are sharing your heart. I really believe He brought you here, don't you?

God bless you, dpg3 Talk to you soon.

 

[BecuzHeLives]

Hello DPG3,

Live is really tough when you are living under people expectation and what they think is a "Right" way to live. Have you ever pray and ask God why are you still alone?? Maybe he have a special plan for you DPG3. First of all, I can relate to what you're saying about the issue of people. Unfortunately, there are still people at Church can be very judgemental. But my friend, God will never forget you. Even the number of hair on your head have been counted. Just pray and don't let those people with the judgemental glances bring you down. Know that God have plan for you. I like this quote alot I hope that you will find out what do you like in life and do what you love. "you won't have to work a day, if you're doing what you love" May God Bless You brother.

 

[dpg3]

Hi guys it's been awhile since I was here. I just read all the posts again and appreciate what each of you have said.
I came back cause I really have no place else to go. I'm still in the same rut, lousy job in a city where I feel like a stranger to say the least. But I'm getting real tired of being empty all the time. I am on a seasonal layoff from my work which will last 3 or 4 months. I'll get Unemployment Insurance so I'm OK financially. The time off may be time to try to get out of this rut.
Knowing where to start is the hard part. The mountain just seems way to big to climb. I know I need to pray, read and go to church.

I have been to two churches in the past, in this city, neither for quite awhile though. One church I find quite boring but it is the one I have been to most. The other I have been to only once but it seemed to have a lot more that I'm looking for. Problem is its across town and hard to get to. The boring one is closer much easier to get to. I think God wants me to go to the boring one though cause there is a lot of needy people there. But the other church farther away seems to be more what I'm looking for. Especially since I'm just trying to get back on my feet spiritually and am in no condition to help any one.
I want to explain a bit about the boring one. Why it is boring for me. I find it very hard to relate to the Pastor and his ministry style. He is more of a teacher than a preacher, I actually think he might've been called to be a teacher. Now teaching and preaching can be a good combination but it isn't working for me. I know I'm sounding selfish but I'm trying or to be honest. I'm just thinking about the possibility of going back to church. So I'm worried, if I attempt to go back to this church, which I really didn't enjoy the first time and am disappointed again. I might be away from church for a long time again.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I have the time off from work and would love to get a different job. But I think my lousy relationship with God is more of a problem than the job.
So should I go to the church I'm not comfortable with but feel for some odd reason that God wants me there. I'm not 100% sure God wants me there. My other choice is the church across town which I like but is hard to get to, I bus it and that's why it's hard to get to it. If I had a car it would be easy to get to but I really can't afford a car right now.
So at the moment I'm very tired and disillusioned and can't see how things will ever get right again. I really need to hear from God right now and I think I have a better chance of that in the church which is across town!!
So please let me know what you think???

I just remembered that a Christian guy I know from years ago lives near me and might be a source of fellowship. But I haven't talked to him in quite awhile. I wouldn't want to impose on him either as I know he is a single dad and that takes up a lot of his time.
OK I've rambled enough. I'll be honest I've had so many failures in my past I can't see how I can make it now.

 

[anthony]

Hello Dear,

While reading to your post I come to know that your so depress and your searching for some one with whom you can share your all though.

I want to tell only one think that is as you close your eyes in this Earth and open your eyes infront of JESUS King of King he will ask only 1 Question that is My Son I die for, What did you do for me.

So you have to ans this question on that days.

As you told that you are single and Bible is tell that not marry unbeliver I agree with this Point. I request you that please keep going on praying for your lifepartner so that he will send here in right time in your life.

I want you tell that you have no problem in your life Onces you get Marry you will find not problem because 1 is their to help U.

Keep Going on Praying and Remmber about JESUS words.

Anthony.

On the outside I might seem like a happy person, actually maybe not even on the outside. I joke around a lot, talk a lot at work. I think a big reason is because I feel very lonely and isolated. I'm in an apartment and city I don't like and a job, although I'm glad to have it I really, really hate. The only reason I stay here is cause my Mom is in a home and I could never leave while she is still there. My Mom is 87.

Visiting her is one of the few really joyful things I do. The rest of my life is very boring and just existing. I'm single and see no point to my life, life has passed me by.
Now here is what I would only share online cause if I shared it with Christians offline they'd always doubt me, no matter what. I know this I've seen it happen many times in the church.
I feel extremely bitter towards God, I really can't describe to you how bitter and absolutely mad I am with Him. I believe He has forgotten about me. I followed His injunctions not to marry and unbeliever and now I am alone and middle aged and will never marry. People within and without the church look at you like there is something wrong with you if your not married or at the least dating, which I'm not. This eats away at me, that people see me as different, I feel this so strongly and is one of the biggest reasons I'm very bitter towards God. We only live once and I often wish I'd never heard of God or at least until later on in my life. It really really hurts and God IS NOT THERE!!!!!

When I was younger I spent three years in Bible College and graduated. Since then I've done lots of youth work in various churches and A YMCA. I even left a good paying secular job in Toronto, Canada to return home to help a friend with a struggling pioneer church, it failed. I had some success in some of my church related activities but a second downtown youth oriented church, we did a few years later also failed.

By this time I was totally burnt out, left home to the city I'm presently in to find work. Been here five years, I barely go to church at all. I'm just sick of all of it, including God. I drink a little bit now and then, nothing serious though. I have few friends, no local Christian friends, no local church which I like or go to.

Sorry for the ramble just where I'm at right now.
Miserable, mad and very bitter towards God, Church. No hopes for the future I have thoughts of suicide, although it's more the depression than I'd actually do it. My health is not the best either, nothing serious just the little aches that drive one crazy.
I like being around people and am extroverted to say the least. That is just covering up tons of insecurities I have.
Like many asking for help here, in my heart I feel hopeless!!!

 

[setapart]

Hi DPG3,

We are both in very similar situations. As I began reading your very first post I was thinking ..Hey, this guy is just like me. I too am in a strange city, very lonely at times, extremely isolated everywhere I go ..church, work ect. (hence the screen name), don't particularly care for my job, Ive been single for a long time with several opportunities of being unequally yoked ect.ect. WE are very much alike! The only difference is that Im not angry or bitter towards God because I find great comfort in Galatians 6:5-9.


5For every man shall bear his own burden.
6Let him that is taught in the word communicate unto him that teacheth in all good things.
7Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
8For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. 9And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

Psalms 38:9-11
9Lord, all my desire is before thee; and my groaning is not hid from thee.
10My heart panteth, my strength faileth me: as for the light of mine eyes, it also is gone from me. 11My lovers and my friends stand aloof from my sore; and my kinsmen stand afar off.

It is not Gods will for us to be lonely, but we must learn to take refuge in him. Jesus MUST be our best friend. He wants to bless us and I believe often he puts us around the blessings and happiness of others so that we can continue to pursue him, having faith that when it's our turn in line -In his perfect timing, that if we are still standing on his word He will indeed give us our hearts desires. The Lord promises to give us one heart.

Matthew 6:21
21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.

Psalms 37:4-7
4Delight thyself also in the LORD: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
5Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.
6And he shall bring forth thy righteousness as the light, and thy judgment as the noonday. 7Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass.

-In response to your most recent post. I am currently studying discernment right now. Sometimes it's very difficult to know with out a doubt what God wants and where he wants us. At first, I found the city I am in slow and uncomfortable. I now love it, not because it has changed or by any of my own doing because I know in my heart that I am in God's will and this is where he wants me. In that I find peace and happiness. I cannot see where I'm going and the road ahead seems strange and unsure. But I know Jesus sees, He's the driver so he's the only one that really needs to see All I have to do is sit back and enjoy the ride. Praise God! I have so much to learn - and TALKJESUS is such a blessing, I am constantly asking questions. But I look where I am now and remember how strange it use to look back then -and what do you know ..I am doing just fine!! At first I felt that I was always isolated everywhere I went because Im very shy, and I was always unsure about my personality. The Lord has set us apart from the world unto himself so that like him, we can be a light to them in a dark setting. ANd in the end He WILL be glorified! I would say to search that inner peace within yourself to determine what church you should be in. And constantly seek God's face. He always answers. I don't know if you followed Dreamer's advice yet about making amends with the Lord, but if not He is waiting for you because he loves you so much!!! And within your amends your answer will come galloping right behind . -I will pray for you and I hope that the scripture ministered to you as much as it did me while I was posting it. We all need our reminders sometimes -God Bless You

 

[Spreadtheword]

mg: dpg3, I used to feel the same way!I don't know how I got out of it but I just kept praying to God to help me not be so sad and stuff like that.Yes it drived me crazy!I hope you got out of it.Don't be sad all the time though Think happy thoughts and go talk to somebody so that you won't get bored.I know it aint much what I wrote but thats how I THINK I got out of depression.

 

[calluna]

Hi guys it's been awhile since I was here. I just read all the posts again and appreciate what each of you have said.
I came back cause I really have no place else to go. I'm still in the same rut, lousy job in a city where I feel like a stranger to say the least. But I'm getting real tired of being empty all the time. I am on a seasonal layoff from my work which will last 3 or 4 months. I'll get Unemployment Insurance so I'm OK financially. The time off may be time to try to get out of this rut.
Knowing where to start is the hard part. The mountain just seems way to big to climb. I know I need to pray, read and go to church.

I have been to two churches in the past, in this city, neither for quite awhile though. One church I find quite boring but it is the one I have been to most. The other I have been to only once but it seemed to have a lot more that I'm looking for. Problem is its across town and hard to get to. The boring one is closer much easier to get to. I think God wants me to go to the boring one though cause there is a lot of needy people there. But the other church farther away seems to be more what I'm looking for. Especially since I'm just trying to get back on my feet spiritually and am in no condition to help any one.
I want to explain a bit about the boring one. Why it is boring for me. I find it very hard to relate to the Pastor and his ministry style. He is more of a teacher than a preacher, I actually think he might've been called to be a teacher. Now teaching and preaching can be a good combination but it isn't working for me. I know I'm sounding selfish but I'm trying or to be honest. I'm just thinking about the possibility of going back to church. So I'm worried, if I attempt to go back to this church, which I really didn't enjoy the first time and am disappointed again. I might be away from church for a long time again.
I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I have the time off from work and would love to get a different job. But I think my lousy relationship with God is more of a problem than the job.
So should I go to the church I'm not comfortable with but feel for some odd reason that God wants me there. I'm not 100% sure God wants me there. My other choice is the church across town which I like but is hard to get to, I bus it and that's why it's hard to get to it. If I had a car it would be easy to get to but I really can't afford a car right now.
So at the moment I'm very tired and disillusioned and can't see how things will ever get right again. I really need to hear from God right now and I think I have a better chance of that in the church which is across town!!
So please let me know what you think???

I just remembered that a Christian guy I know from years ago lives near me and might be a source of fellowship. But I haven't talked to him in quite awhile. I wouldn't want to impose on him either as I know he is a single dad and that takes up a lot of his time.
OK I've rambled enough. I'll be honest I've had so many failures in my past I can't see how I can make it now.

You said that you know that you need to pray, read and go to church. By reading your post it seems that you are putting alot of focus on going to church above anything else. You know we can get re-acquainted with Jesus right in our own front room. I encourage you just talk to the Lord and start praying first before worrying about all this other stuff, re-establish communication with the Lord, and ask Him for direction for your life. Praise God for the things you do have. You say you are ok financially, then Praise God for this. If you are in reasonable good health, then Praise God for this. If you have a roof over your head, then Praise God for this. If you have food in your fridge and a bed to sleep in at night then Praise the Lord. Start looking at all the blessings and it may help you to see things in a brighter way.

And as for relationships, its the same thing, Yes its great that you are waiting for the right person and do not want to be unequally yoked. You will be totally blessed for being faithful. Being angry and bitter towards God for your lonliness and void in your heart, is not going to help any. (In your OP, you sounded angry at God)
Are there any Christian singles groups in your area? Again...this is something you can take to the Lord to. Pray and Ask Him to bring that special someone to you. Are you making strides to socialize and have fun. Hobbies, sports? Something where you can meet with others. Maybe this single father guy, could be a friend to you, if you thought of him, then how do you know that God did not give you that thought? Give it a shot. knock on his door and say hi. He might be wanting a friend aswell. It could open up new doors for you to new friendships and a brighter future.

Mathew 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness , and all these things will be given to you aswell"

Calluna

 

[maciek]

Brother "I have loved you with an everlasting love"

The words that come to my mind is that "I have loved you with an everlasting love and you are mine"...says the Lord...again He says "YOU are precious, glorious and loved"...If you can repeat these words and say to yourself "I am precious, glorious and loved"...then you begin to accept yourself, then begin accept the Lord's plan...marriage is not everything...God can give us many way of living...you are not so old...nothing is late..

 

[Chad]

Wow, you got some phenomenal responses and godly advice here! I'd like you to sit back now (after you realize the blessing responses you've received in this thread) and ask yourself...is it not possible that the same GOD I am bitter towards is the same One who's Spirit has spoken through these brothers and sisters in the Lord? Does wisdom and joy not come from GOD alone? Therefore...I say the people's responses are blessings from GOD Himself even though you feel bitter towards Him. He is never bitter towards you for sure.

You know I am not really sure how much I can relate to you but I can tell you one thing I've learned that if we are miserable in life, it will drive us crazy, drive others crazy and possible just grow like a seed, into more misery making it very difficult to focus entirely and wholey, foremost on Jesus Christ. It is not optional nor debatable whether or not we as believers can live a true blessed live with or without Jesus. We need Him ultimately and above alll things He must be there in our lives. If not, then we are miserable.

I really do not know what else to say that has not been said. Be joyful for what you have. After all, maybe a little food for thought should help you. Here are some things to praise GOD for:

- you are not fighting in middle of war
- you have not lost your legs, arms or gone blind from fighting in the war
- you are healthy? you do not have cancer, aids, or any other painful sickness
- you are blessed financially, therefore you are not sick, homeless and hungry like the dying children in 3rd world countries who would beg you for your crumbs

Just some thoughts

 

[Br. Bear]

God knows...

Dear DPG3,

I shall pray for you. I know that you will overcome the root of bitterness, with God's grace. Remember to listen as well as to talk, as the Lord knows your heart and current feelings towards Him, and He understands.

Many times I have had to deal with the sort of things that you speak of in my own walk, and God , our Father, patiently tends to our wounds and hurts if we will but let Him.

Something that will really bring about a miricale in your life, is to thank God for your present situation, and that He is able to work it for good. It sounds a bit crazy, foolishness to the world, but truely, that is all you need to do. Acknowledge the Lord...for He is the Lord, and expect of Him His blessing upon your life, for He wants to bless you far more than you want His blessings. Thank Him and Praise Him continually, and you will discover a newness of life. Yes, even thank Him that you feel bitter and even ask Him to help you to be thankful if you find it difficult. As you call upon Him, you will see that He has already answered.

May God grant you His peace in Christ Jesus the Lord.

Bless you!

 

[ax d-slayer]

it happens to every believer in Christ.....i think God tests us of our faith and dont worry God's with us and i'll pray for you

 

[Faithin1]

You are in my prayers. I feel that God brought you to this particular Christian site to allow you to fellowship with people who will offer you sincere encouragement accompanied by His comforting Word. Depression is a terrible drain on your physical and mental health. It incapacitates and diverts your attention from Jesus "the light of the world" to things very dark and dreary.

Stay in prayer, and never give up. Jesus will not give up on you. Ask the Lord to strengthen your faith in Him. I really don't have much to add, the previous posts have been excellent. I just want to let you know that there are lots of people praying for you. May God bless you.

 

[monkeys]

DPG3,

First, I want to start out by saying that I have been extremely depressed as well. To the point of no return. I even cut myself. I even trying to suffocate myself. I hated my life. I didn't feel like I was doing any justice to God, I wasn't furthering the Kingdom of Heaven.

That's when I realized that it was Satan that was putting these thoughts into my mind, trying to tear me up.

John 10:10:
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I can imagine how hard you are feeling, because I have been battling some depression recently. I have been feeling so disconnected to God, that is actually why I came to this forum.

I urge you to continue to seek God and to pray to Him. Sometimes you may feel as if you don't want to pray, or you feel ashamed or don't have the stregth. But remember, God always accepts us for who we are. He loves you no matter what happens, no matter what you do.You do not have to necessarily pray to God by talking, but you can try writing letters to God or journaling about your feelings.

Something that helps me is helping others. Since you stated that you are extroverted, then you could try volunteering at a local church. Just try listening to other people's problems, or you could go to a church and do that. Just knowing that you have an outlet to let your emotions out is very important. We need that human contact, that's why Adam needed a companion: Eve.

Dear Lord,

I lift up to you my brother in Christ Father. May You give him strength and courage. May You guide him in Your ways. Please Father, just surround him with Your presence, may he feel You close to Him Lord. Hug him Father, take away his emptiness. Cover him in Your Holy Precious Blood. Cast away any evil that may be trying to harm him and pull him down Lord. He needs You Father.
In the Name of Jesus. Amen.

Many Bless,
monkeys

 

[ax d-slayer]

God Tests US

Hi again GBU,

Listen to The Holy Spirit in your heart cause He is the Truth, The Way and The Life, Trust God and let Him do whatever He wants with your life and this is the phase in which Every Believer has to go through and get stronger in faith....God Bless You

 

[dpg3]

It's been again a long time since I was last here. I just read all the posts again and am so grateful for all the caring and thoughtful comments. (I just put on a Keith Green cd Songs for the Shepherd, just need some encouragement.) I still feel as lost as usually and the emptiness only seems to deepen, I feel despondent in my life, no purpose. You guys have heard this all before so I won't repeat it.
I'm still on layoff from my job but will probably be back to work in a month. Financially I'm fine till then. But I hate that job so much, I dread going back there. It is a very hard place to be a Christian, as the people can be very base in their behaviors and I find it drags me down. Where I live has high unemployment so it is hard to get other decent paying jobs. So I even if I start to get back with God this job has a way of grinding down my faith.
I really wish God would open another door to a better job. A job I somewhat liked would be amazing. But I know since I'm not serving Him this probably won't happen.
I also have a close friend moving to the city and he used to be a Christian but now like me is totally away from God. Although I do have some desire to seek God he seems to have none. But he has had some bad circumstances come into his life recently that is making him think about God again. Like me though he has far more pagan times than Christian times. So this is something else I'll have to deal with.
Part of me is sick and tired and wanting to get back with God but again it just seems so hard. I really need your prayers to get me positive about God again. I am very tempted by the world and those desires are very hard to tame.
On a positive note I did have a dream the other day that I was going to a church and found a wife. I was quite surprised by this dream as I've never had one like that before. It's probably just wishful thinking.
So please keep me in prayer, you guys are great and I have very few people that I can talk to about my faith problems so openly!!!
Also pray for my Mom she has Alzheimer's, is 87 and in a nursing home. I visit her and tell her God loves her and that she's going to heaven. Although I'm not sure if she was ever saved. I worry about her a lot and how my faithlessness might affect her.
So thanks everyone here for your kindness, it is appreciated!!!!