There is not much help for a person divorced after a long term marriage. This is a life built and then in an instant demolished. No matter how bad or good it was it is still gone in a *Poof*
Then all of a sudden a person who has never been alone in their entire life is cast to the four winds. Some end up in the psyche ward and some end in suicide.
A long term marriage ended is not the same thing as say a 15 year long marriage ended. Also most of the help seems to be aimed at making some sort of relationship between the divorced persons work for the sake of children. Then there is alot on doing the best for the children, which is important if you have dependent children. But what about adult children of divorced parents...not much info.
And the divorced are in a single life they didn't choose if they are the one who didn't choose to leave the marriage. In most cases one wants the marriage and one doesn't. So how does the person cope with this singleness while coping with rejection and longing for their old life, the only one they knew, good or bad.
You have to build a whole new life which is extremely hard after thirty or forty years. It is daunting really.
All Im saying is don't forget about these (usually) women who have lost the only life they have known. They feel afraid, rejected and feel as though they have been thrown to the wolves. Their mothering days are over at about the same time, so they may feel like they are no good to anyone anymore. They just don't feel like they fit in anywhere. Then there is the financial struggle that usually ensues.
The hardest part is that most people do not understand the mess these women find themselves in.
The help comes from the Lord. He is our help in times of trouble. He will send people to help and make sense out of situations that we cannot understand on our own. No one else on earth can understand us like He can. And understanding is what we most need for our bruised emotions and demolished life.
The church has largely ignored divorce. There is a group for married, singles, women, men, everything but for hurting divorced people. I realize the church is interested in keeping people together but the sad fact is,,,,divorce is happening at an alarming rate whether we pay attention to it or not. This is not all churches as there is the odd divorce care group, but this is mostly aimed at people with children and how to do the best for the kids.
People who are widowed are in a separate category altogether than the divorced. Often times they do not deal with the rejection, and the many losses and twists in relationships that divorced people suffer. Losing someone through death is awful but a more natural event than someone who is still out there walking around, him and all his relatives and friends, who are living sometimes in the same city, maybe in the same neighborhood. The dead cannot spread lies, the dead cannot attend parties you both have been invited to, people cannot ask "have you seen **** lately?" (because they have not been educated not to bring that up)....and usually they do not ask "Have you found anybody yet" Yes, these are real questions. There are so many ramifications of divorce that no one knows. Woman suffer in silence, some men also.
What the churches need is to wake up and see these suffering people and not just for a few months, it takes approximately one year for every four years married to get over a divorce you didn't want, so I hear and I can believe it. You have to build an entirely new life for yourself, which is a bit easier if you are able to move to the other side of the country. But not everyone can do that.
I am just now starting to get through this maze of 8 years. I still have dreams of him, some ok, some awful. Only with the Lord have I survived because suicide has crossed my mind a few times. But we have a hope and a person to turn to if we are a Christian. He is ALL we have to lean on. We don't have a man or men to help. We are on our own and we also need to have other women who understand at least as much as they can how we feel, and that means other women who have come through it and survived.
This is long and I thank you for the place to post this. If anyone is in a bad way through divorce and needs to talk to someone who has been in that pit and seen absolutely no future life because they are older, I would ask them to pm me. It is a tremendous help to have someone else to listen, give practical advice, pray for them and direct them to the One who can truly help them.
Then all of a sudden a person who has never been alone in their entire life is cast to the four winds. Some end up in the psyche ward and some end in suicide.
A long term marriage ended is not the same thing as say a 15 year long marriage ended. Also most of the help seems to be aimed at making some sort of relationship between the divorced persons work for the sake of children. Then there is alot on doing the best for the children, which is important if you have dependent children. But what about adult children of divorced parents...not much info.
And the divorced are in a single life they didn't choose if they are the one who didn't choose to leave the marriage. In most cases one wants the marriage and one doesn't. So how does the person cope with this singleness while coping with rejection and longing for their old life, the only one they knew, good or bad.
You have to build a whole new life which is extremely hard after thirty or forty years. It is daunting really.
All Im saying is don't forget about these (usually) women who have lost the only life they have known. They feel afraid, rejected and feel as though they have been thrown to the wolves. Their mothering days are over at about the same time, so they may feel like they are no good to anyone anymore. They just don't feel like they fit in anywhere. Then there is the financial struggle that usually ensues.
The hardest part is that most people do not understand the mess these women find themselves in.
The help comes from the Lord. He is our help in times of trouble. He will send people to help and make sense out of situations that we cannot understand on our own. No one else on earth can understand us like He can. And understanding is what we most need for our bruised emotions and demolished life.
The church has largely ignored divorce. There is a group for married, singles, women, men, everything but for hurting divorced people. I realize the church is interested in keeping people together but the sad fact is,,,,divorce is happening at an alarming rate whether we pay attention to it or not. This is not all churches as there is the odd divorce care group, but this is mostly aimed at people with children and how to do the best for the kids.
People who are widowed are in a separate category altogether than the divorced. Often times they do not deal with the rejection, and the many losses and twists in relationships that divorced people suffer. Losing someone through death is awful but a more natural event than someone who is still out there walking around, him and all his relatives and friends, who are living sometimes in the same city, maybe in the same neighborhood. The dead cannot spread lies, the dead cannot attend parties you both have been invited to, people cannot ask "have you seen **** lately?" (because they have not been educated not to bring that up)....and usually they do not ask "Have you found anybody yet" Yes, these are real questions. There are so many ramifications of divorce that no one knows. Woman suffer in silence, some men also.
What the churches need is to wake up and see these suffering people and not just for a few months, it takes approximately one year for every four years married to get over a divorce you didn't want, so I hear and I can believe it. You have to build an entirely new life for yourself, which is a bit easier if you are able to move to the other side of the country. But not everyone can do that.
I am just now starting to get through this maze of 8 years. I still have dreams of him, some ok, some awful. Only with the Lord have I survived because suicide has crossed my mind a few times. But we have a hope and a person to turn to if we are a Christian. He is ALL we have to lean on. We don't have a man or men to help. We are on our own and we also need to have other women who understand at least as much as they can how we feel, and that means other women who have come through it and survived.
This is long and I thank you for the place to post this. If anyone is in a bad way through divorce and needs to talk to someone who has been in that pit and seen absolutely no future life because they are older, I would ask them to pm me. It is a tremendous help to have someone else to listen, give practical advice, pray for them and direct them to the One who can truly help them.
:girl_hug:
