byhisgrace
Member
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2007
- Messages
- 58
It's long, but it is interesting... what would you do?
Here's a little background: i have been saved since i was 13. I lost my husband of 16 years, in August of 20008. I was 32 and we have 3 children together, they are now 17, 13 and 8 (oldest is a girl). They are wonderful kids. We go to a Holy Ghost filled pentacostal (not apostolic) church. I am in the choir and help in the 4-7 age group kids. The teenagers are in the youth and do awesome amazing dances for the Lord in their Youth Group. They travel to different places sometimes to minister in dance at park events, under the bridge to the homeless, at other churches. The 8 yr old is in that age class and they have an awesome ministry too. Touching people we (as adults) might not be able to.
We've had our ups and downs, but it's been ok. God is good and it's ok. There's always a new day. I know my husband was saved and he is celebrating his REAL life with Jesus so that part is ok...still miss him of course, but its ok. now to the present....
I got out of the word and into the world. In October of 2009 I married a man I knew I shouldn't have, one that I had only known since the middle of July that year. Maybe I was lonely, maybe I was crazy, maybe... I don't know. I blame it on insanity (I had dyed my hair with purple streaks) and lack of sleep (i hadn't slept in 3 days). Perhaps I thought if I said yes, he'd leave me alone and let me sleep. I know it's not a joke and I'm not trying to make it into one, but I was doing some crazy things.
I knew from the beginning he and I were "unevenly yoked". My daughter (who seems to have more sense than her mom) knew. Even my Worship leader reminded me of things (though he didn't judge, just asked if this man would lift me up in the Lord and encourage me in the Lord, would he say when I didn't feel like going to church, "come on hun, lets go", or would I have to carry him") Maybe I thought my prayers could change him. Maybe I thought I could manipulate God into making him different, forcing him to be saved. I'm trying to analyze myself and figure out why... but I know, for about 4 months, I stopped drawing close to God, I stopped spending time in His presence and all the cares and trash of the world came in.
All I know is from the time we got married it has been terrible here. Where there was joy, it was replaced with unhappiness. My kids and I would be happy, laughing at a movie or something good and funny and he'd come in deliberately...mad, hollering, cussing and putting everyone down until we were no longer happy, then he'd start laughing. Our sadness made him happy. My house was a place of refuge for my kids friends, for my kids... it no longer was. I tried to submit, he wanted to take the money the kids had and spend on things he wanted. He stopped working..., I worked and received soc.sec for the kids. He made fun of my 13 year old for a medical problem he has (which he is under medical care for), my 13 year old tries to be tough and doesn't cry much, but he was crying one day bc he said he "knew (we'll call him "Bob") didn't like him". It got to where I wouldn't allow my son to go with him when he left, because everytime they went somewhere they'd come back with him upset.
He would send texts to his ex wife that he loved her. He would text his ex girlfriends. And visit them. He'd say a lot "i think I should just go back home". He loved pornography and I refused to watch it with him. He thought about my daughter in a sexual way. Then his house he'd been trying to sell for four months and couldn't and owed 1/3 what he had it insured for burnt down 2 months ago and he said he was leaving and he left. He stayed in a hotel for two months and said he was done and would never make a home with us.
Now, two months later, he wants to come back here and live with us again. Nothing has changed with him and I don't want him back here. Life has returned to normal, things are good.
I don't want to be divorced and be another "statistic" especially as a Christian but what else do I do? I will not put my family through more of that.
Here's a little background: i have been saved since i was 13. I lost my husband of 16 years, in August of 20008. I was 32 and we have 3 children together, they are now 17, 13 and 8 (oldest is a girl). They are wonderful kids. We go to a Holy Ghost filled pentacostal (not apostolic) church. I am in the choir and help in the 4-7 age group kids. The teenagers are in the youth and do awesome amazing dances for the Lord in their Youth Group. They travel to different places sometimes to minister in dance at park events, under the bridge to the homeless, at other churches. The 8 yr old is in that age class and they have an awesome ministry too. Touching people we (as adults) might not be able to.
We've had our ups and downs, but it's been ok. God is good and it's ok. There's always a new day. I know my husband was saved and he is celebrating his REAL life with Jesus so that part is ok...still miss him of course, but its ok. now to the present....
I got out of the word and into the world. In October of 2009 I married a man I knew I shouldn't have, one that I had only known since the middle of July that year. Maybe I was lonely, maybe I was crazy, maybe... I don't know. I blame it on insanity (I had dyed my hair with purple streaks) and lack of sleep (i hadn't slept in 3 days). Perhaps I thought if I said yes, he'd leave me alone and let me sleep. I know it's not a joke and I'm not trying to make it into one, but I was doing some crazy things.
I knew from the beginning he and I were "unevenly yoked". My daughter (who seems to have more sense than her mom) knew. Even my Worship leader reminded me of things (though he didn't judge, just asked if this man would lift me up in the Lord and encourage me in the Lord, would he say when I didn't feel like going to church, "come on hun, lets go", or would I have to carry him") Maybe I thought my prayers could change him. Maybe I thought I could manipulate God into making him different, forcing him to be saved. I'm trying to analyze myself and figure out why... but I know, for about 4 months, I stopped drawing close to God, I stopped spending time in His presence and all the cares and trash of the world came in.
All I know is from the time we got married it has been terrible here. Where there was joy, it was replaced with unhappiness. My kids and I would be happy, laughing at a movie or something good and funny and he'd come in deliberately...mad, hollering, cussing and putting everyone down until we were no longer happy, then he'd start laughing. Our sadness made him happy. My house was a place of refuge for my kids friends, for my kids... it no longer was. I tried to submit, he wanted to take the money the kids had and spend on things he wanted. He stopped working..., I worked and received soc.sec for the kids. He made fun of my 13 year old for a medical problem he has (which he is under medical care for), my 13 year old tries to be tough and doesn't cry much, but he was crying one day bc he said he "knew (we'll call him "Bob") didn't like him". It got to where I wouldn't allow my son to go with him when he left, because everytime they went somewhere they'd come back with him upset.
He would send texts to his ex wife that he loved her. He would text his ex girlfriends. And visit them. He'd say a lot "i think I should just go back home". He loved pornography and I refused to watch it with him. He thought about my daughter in a sexual way. Then his house he'd been trying to sell for four months and couldn't and owed 1/3 what he had it insured for burnt down 2 months ago and he said he was leaving and he left. He stayed in a hotel for two months and said he was done and would never make a home with us.
Now, two months later, he wants to come back here and live with us again. Nothing has changed with him and I don't want him back here. Life has returned to normal, things are good.
I don't want to be divorced and be another "statistic" especially as a Christian but what else do I do? I will not put my family through more of that.
