Soul Language
Member
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2009
- Messages
- 25
God had a huge plan4me in another city and another job opportunity with a fellowship amongst a group of christians. I know god had a plan for me because the spirit testified. Well I screwed up and quit my job out of frustration and ended up moving back home. I regret the decision I made in the past and admit that god's plan for me would've been great. Ever since I came back home, I have been struggling with constant rebellion (sin) questioning god's love for me.
I read the prophets ISIAH. and it literally scarred the living crap out of me. (Just had to throw that in there)
Where I was before, although I did struggle, I was under large amounts of blessings and grace. Since I have been back home, not once have I felt god's prescence of love. I will hold on to him, living like he wants me to live, refraining from sin and going to AA meetings.. waiting for just a taste of his promise like before. The only problem is after a couple weeks to a month I will break, threating the lord almighty that I'm going to return to the way I used to live.. go out and drink alchohol participate in sexual immorality. Hoping to get such a spiritual response as to what I have gotten before. So I know he's there with me when persevering through many trials of suffering.
My problem is he doesn't answer me when I sin purposally for help. I keep thinking that he's going to appear like he did in the begining, but the only result is feeling condemed. I have been struggling with this over and over again for the past few months. He doesn't answer my prayers.. I'm begining to feel like I have made myself into an enemy of god and I tremble in fear because I do know the truth. The thought comes to my mind that maybe the only chance I have had in my life was the one I just recently screwed up. I want to go back there, but I have no money, and there is no possibly way that I could get myself back into that Christian Halfway house. I am permantely out.
My question is, does god have provisions for us when we screw up? Not that I want to keep screwing up, because I'm tired of living in a land produces thorns and thistles. I want to know him. Or is GOD so just that his plan for me was my only chance?
I read the prophets ISIAH. and it literally scarred the living crap out of me. (Just had to throw that in there)
Where I was before, although I did struggle, I was under large amounts of blessings and grace. Since I have been back home, not once have I felt god's prescence of love. I will hold on to him, living like he wants me to live, refraining from sin and going to AA meetings.. waiting for just a taste of his promise like before. The only problem is after a couple weeks to a month I will break, threating the lord almighty that I'm going to return to the way I used to live.. go out and drink alchohol participate in sexual immorality. Hoping to get such a spiritual response as to what I have gotten before. So I know he's there with me when persevering through many trials of suffering.
My problem is he doesn't answer me when I sin purposally for help. I keep thinking that he's going to appear like he did in the begining, but the only result is feeling condemed. I have been struggling with this over and over again for the past few months. He doesn't answer my prayers.. I'm begining to feel like I have made myself into an enemy of god and I tremble in fear because I do know the truth. The thought comes to my mind that maybe the only chance I have had in my life was the one I just recently screwed up. I want to go back there, but I have no money, and there is no possibly way that I could get myself back into that Christian Halfway house. I am permantely out.
My question is, does god have provisions for us when we screw up? Not that I want to keep screwing up, because I'm tired of living in a land produces thorns and thistles. I want to know him. Or is GOD so just that his plan for me was my only chance?