BrokenWings
Member
- Joined
- Dec 3, 2008
- Messages
- 11
I am married 15 years. We have 4 children. Neither of us has cheated on the other, no jealousy issues, we don't drink, I don't do any drugs but he is a heavy pot user. I think he may have quit after a recent talk with our Pastor though. I can't really tell for sure. I'm afraid to ask.
He is well aware of the scripture that wives are to submit to their husbands. But he takes it out of context and thinks I am to obey much like a dog would. If I have a question, he reprimands me angrily in disgust.
I try hard to submit. I'm sure I do so more than 90% of the wives out there. I wish he would love me as Christ loved the church. A fraction that much would mean the world to me.
In disagreements, he refuses to even hear anything I have to say by purposely yelling very loudly over top of me when I try to speak. He's not really saying anything. He's just making loud noise to shut me up and block me out as a human.
As soon as I stop speaking, he quits.
He called me some of the most hideous names in front of our children at the top of his lungs many, many times. And outside in front of the whole neighborhood. That never bothered him. It humiliates me though.
As many times as we have moved, I've never heard a neighbor cuss his wife for all to hear. But no neighbor we've ever had missed hearing him do it.
He takes our children aside privately and turns them against me, making them choose sides.
He pushes me down on the floor, wraps his hands around my throat, and spits in my face. But he's never particularly injured me beyond small bruises on my arms from wrestling me down to growl hateful things at me.
He's told me that my words have no value to anyone, that no one else would want me, that it makes him sick to sit beside me at church, that nothing but s**t comes out of my mouth, and some things I won't mention because they are just too mean.
He claims that every single thing that has ever gone wrong in our marriage is totally and completely my fault. And he MEANS it. If I'd just straighten my act up, there would be no problems.
I do confess the fact that I have at least partial fault in most all of our problems. He would never ever admit such a thing because he's done NO wrong! He seriously believes this.
I don't nag him about stuff. He stays in "his" part of the house away from me and the kids except at dinner usually. But he complains that I control everything that goes on in the house. That would be due to his absence!
He doesn't announce when he's coming or going or what he's up to and I don't ask. He already complains about feeling "controlled". I don't want to make it worse by asking ANYTHING about his plans or telling him what to do. But I don't even know where he is more than half the time. It ain't my business I guess, so I let him have his space and his freedom as if he were single and living alone. I don't say a word about it.
I complained about it in our earlier years but I learned to give it up and let him be.
We live two separate lives in the same home.
When he is around and he tells the kids to do something, I don't offer any argument to usurp his authority. I support his decisions and encourage the kids to respect his decisions and obey him.
I feel like I have tried and tried to please him and that he just plain hates and feels contempt for me no matter what I do.
Whatever I say to him, he paints it and ME ugly in his mind and twists it into something different. And if I argue that it wasn't what I said or meant, he says I'm lying and that's what I ALWAYS say.
Now I'll bet you he can't think of a single time I lied to him since we met but he calls me a liar all the time if he twists my words or motives and I try to defend myself.
So I am guilty not only of things I DID do and say, but everything he IMAGINES as well. And there's nothing I can do about it. The gravel has been pounded and the judgment set.
He stopped saying he loves me. He won't as much as say good morning or good bye to me. He walks right by me to hug the kids - dissing me right in front of them.
He listed things he's thankful for over the Thanksgiving holiday and he left me off the list but named the rest of the family by name.
He won't leave. I asked him to once when we were doing really bad and he was being particularly cruel verbally. But as far as I can tell, he can't stand me. I don't know why he stays.
I won't leave. I adore him when he's not being hateful to me and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I'm only 42 and that's a long time to be alone. All I ever wanted to be was a wife.
I bathe. I keep in pretty fair shape. The house is kept reasonably clean. The kids are home-schooled and well behaved.
At church, I act like I'm happily married and so does he. I don't want to hurt his reputation. But he isn't at all shy about tarnishing mine terribly to our non-church acquaintances.
He twists my words into something ugly that I didn't say or mean and tells them his sob story and they point their fingers at my nose and tell me off without asking me one question. He has the ability to cry easily as he tells his version of things and he's very convincing. I don't waste my time arguing with them.
After 5 years at our church of not really talking to anybody beyond the generic "God Bless you" handshake on my way up to the stage to be one of the Praise Team singers, I am wanting to come out of isolation and start talking and get some support.
I have no friend at all and it is by my own choice because I don't want to divulge my story to anyone. I feel ashamed to be considered such a bad wife that I am not worth talking to, looking at, or having my kids taught any respect for me.
Wives who I would consider worse than me, those who cheat, etc, have husbands who will still speak to them. Mine hates me. I feel shame...like I have failed in some way so that I make my husband miserable. I wanted a happy husband. I wanted to be a great wife.
I really am all alone. Except for Jesus who offers me a virtual hug when I need one, a listening ear, and peace in my spirit when it hurts too much and I call on Him for help.
He usually restores me to a state of compassion instead of the anger and self pity I feel when I go to Him. I need that now.
Blessings,
BrokenWings
He is well aware of the scripture that wives are to submit to their husbands. But he takes it out of context and thinks I am to obey much like a dog would. If I have a question, he reprimands me angrily in disgust.
I try hard to submit. I'm sure I do so more than 90% of the wives out there. I wish he would love me as Christ loved the church. A fraction that much would mean the world to me.
In disagreements, he refuses to even hear anything I have to say by purposely yelling very loudly over top of me when I try to speak. He's not really saying anything. He's just making loud noise to shut me up and block me out as a human.
As soon as I stop speaking, he quits.
He called me some of the most hideous names in front of our children at the top of his lungs many, many times. And outside in front of the whole neighborhood. That never bothered him. It humiliates me though.
As many times as we have moved, I've never heard a neighbor cuss his wife for all to hear. But no neighbor we've ever had missed hearing him do it.
He takes our children aside privately and turns them against me, making them choose sides.
He pushes me down on the floor, wraps his hands around my throat, and spits in my face. But he's never particularly injured me beyond small bruises on my arms from wrestling me down to growl hateful things at me.
He's told me that my words have no value to anyone, that no one else would want me, that it makes him sick to sit beside me at church, that nothing but s**t comes out of my mouth, and some things I won't mention because they are just too mean.
He claims that every single thing that has ever gone wrong in our marriage is totally and completely my fault. And he MEANS it. If I'd just straighten my act up, there would be no problems.
I do confess the fact that I have at least partial fault in most all of our problems. He would never ever admit such a thing because he's done NO wrong! He seriously believes this.
I don't nag him about stuff. He stays in "his" part of the house away from me and the kids except at dinner usually. But he complains that I control everything that goes on in the house. That would be due to his absence!
He doesn't announce when he's coming or going or what he's up to and I don't ask. He already complains about feeling "controlled". I don't want to make it worse by asking ANYTHING about his plans or telling him what to do. But I don't even know where he is more than half the time. It ain't my business I guess, so I let him have his space and his freedom as if he were single and living alone. I don't say a word about it.
I complained about it in our earlier years but I learned to give it up and let him be.
We live two separate lives in the same home.
When he is around and he tells the kids to do something, I don't offer any argument to usurp his authority. I support his decisions and encourage the kids to respect his decisions and obey him.
I feel like I have tried and tried to please him and that he just plain hates and feels contempt for me no matter what I do.
Whatever I say to him, he paints it and ME ugly in his mind and twists it into something different. And if I argue that it wasn't what I said or meant, he says I'm lying and that's what I ALWAYS say.
Now I'll bet you he can't think of a single time I lied to him since we met but he calls me a liar all the time if he twists my words or motives and I try to defend myself.
So I am guilty not only of things I DID do and say, but everything he IMAGINES as well. And there's nothing I can do about it. The gravel has been pounded and the judgment set.
He stopped saying he loves me. He won't as much as say good morning or good bye to me. He walks right by me to hug the kids - dissing me right in front of them.
He listed things he's thankful for over the Thanksgiving holiday and he left me off the list but named the rest of the family by name.
He won't leave. I asked him to once when we were doing really bad and he was being particularly cruel verbally. But as far as I can tell, he can't stand me. I don't know why he stays.
I won't leave. I adore him when he's not being hateful to me and I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. I'm only 42 and that's a long time to be alone. All I ever wanted to be was a wife.
I bathe. I keep in pretty fair shape. The house is kept reasonably clean. The kids are home-schooled and well behaved.
At church, I act like I'm happily married and so does he. I don't want to hurt his reputation. But he isn't at all shy about tarnishing mine terribly to our non-church acquaintances.
He twists my words into something ugly that I didn't say or mean and tells them his sob story and they point their fingers at my nose and tell me off without asking me one question. He has the ability to cry easily as he tells his version of things and he's very convincing. I don't waste my time arguing with them.
After 5 years at our church of not really talking to anybody beyond the generic "God Bless you" handshake on my way up to the stage to be one of the Praise Team singers, I am wanting to come out of isolation and start talking and get some support.
I have no friend at all and it is by my own choice because I don't want to divulge my story to anyone. I feel ashamed to be considered such a bad wife that I am not worth talking to, looking at, or having my kids taught any respect for me.
Wives who I would consider worse than me, those who cheat, etc, have husbands who will still speak to them. Mine hates me. I feel shame...like I have failed in some way so that I make my husband miserable. I wanted a happy husband. I wanted to be a great wife.
I really am all alone. Except for Jesus who offers me a virtual hug when I need one, a listening ear, and peace in my spirit when it hurts too much and I call on Him for help.
He usually restores me to a state of compassion instead of the anger and self pity I feel when I go to Him. I need that now.
Blessings,
BrokenWings
