Faith after abuse

[RA162]

I'm new here so apologies if I get things wrong or put them in the wrong place

Just a warning to start with - this post relates to abuse of varying kinds so be careful and thoughtful when reading it if you are struggling with such things, I don't want to upset anyone.

For reference I am a man in his late 20s now.



I wasn't brought up in church, most of one side of my family are Christians and the other side are not.

I went to church the odd time as a kid. When I was maybe 11/12 some of the team from that church my family took me too sometimes would come into school to run a Christian union.

I was curious and visited and to cut a long story short I ended up coming to faith, attending the church as well as the youth groups and I felt like I was a part of that family and I was in a safe place to grow my faith (I had been experiencing physical and emotional abuse at home)

I made friends with the other Christian teens. Some my age, some older. Maybe 6 months to a year after I came to faith, I had a strange experience with one of my older friends from the group.

Again, to cut a long story short, this older guy groomed and sexually abused me for over 4 years. I was told to keep it quiet because the church would kick me out for sex outside of marriage and sexual activity with another man.

I left the church just before I was 18, when he went to prison for something else. I simply couldn't be there.

I drifted for 9 years but now I'm at another church after feeling that I needed to come back to Jesus and I'm glad I have (recently baptised too)

But I'm struggling. I'm anxious to go to church, sometimes I skip anything church related for weeks at a time. I struggle with forgiveness, for him and myself. I don't know how to feel.

I still struggle so much with the fact that this happened in a church setting and with a 'christian'. It was also covered up by 2 Church figures who I confided in.

I don't really have a point to this post... Maybe some prayer would be nice

 

[Jellani]

Hi @RA162

Thank you for sharing your story.
It is indeed not easy for having such an experienced, but thank God that you have decided to come back to Jesus.

Maybe just an encouragement that its always good to pray for the people around us even if they already in the church, because church is like a hospital, everyone is like a patient that needs healing, some are on the process of getting healed, some really got admitted and some looks healed outside but are not aware that the wounds are still open inside.

Now we are in the process of healing, let us decide to never look back to those wounds and who causes it, it is not easy though and prayer is a great help for us to get healed and be restored again and hoping for those who causes it.

Let us be a light inside the ‘Hospital’ and help the rest of the patients to get healed.

I am sure that our Doctor, our Healer is there always to help us and guide us

I will praying for you.

 

[Br. Bear]

@RA162
Greetings,

... Maybe some prayer would be nice

yes, and shall do


Blessed be the Lord, Who daily bears our burden, the God of our salvation. Selah
Psalm 68:19

Thou art my hiding place; Thou shalt preserve me from trouble; Thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah.
Psalm 32:7

How precious also are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:17

They are new every morning: great is Thy faithfulness.
Lamentations 3:23


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who hath blessed us with all spiritual blessings in heavenly places in Christ:
Ephesians 1:3


Bless you ....><>

 

[Brother-Paul]

I'm new here so apologies if I get things wrong or put them in the wrong place

Just a warning to start with - this post relates to abuse of varying kinds so be careful and thoughtful when reading it if you are struggling with such things, I don't want to upset anyone.

For reference I am a man in his late 20s now.



I wasn't brought up in church, most of one side of my family are Christians and the other side are not.

I went to church the odd time as a kid. When I was maybe 11/12 some of the team from that church my family took me too sometimes would come into school to run a Christian union.

I was curious and visited and to cut a long story short I ended up coming to faith, attending the church as well as the youth groups and I felt like I was a part of that family and I was in a safe place to grow my faith (I had been experiencing physical and emotional abuse at home)

I made friends with the other Christian teens. Some my age, some older. Maybe 6 months to a year after I came to faith, I had a strange experience with one of my older friends from the group.

Again, to cut a long story short, this older guy groomed and sexually abused me for over 4 years. I was told to keep it quiet because the church would kick me out for sex outside of marriage and sexual activity with another man.

I left the church just before I was 18, when he went to prison for something else. I simply couldn't be there.

I drifted for 9 years but now I'm at another church after feeling that I needed to come back to Jesus and I'm glad I have (recently baptised too)

But I'm struggling. I'm anxious to go to church, sometimes I skip anything church related for weeks at a time. I struggle with forgiveness, for him and myself. I don't know how to feel.

I still struggle so much with the fact that this happened in a church setting and with a 'christian'. It was also covered up by 2 Church figures who I confided in.

I don't really have a point to this post... Maybe some prayer would be nice

Greetings @RA162

Firstly and most important, you are not on your own regarding sexual abuse by those who profess to be Christians, I was abused by a vicar in my teens.

It affects us all in different ways brother, and it has to come out from within, for me this took another twenty fours/five years, even my wife of twenty years didn't know about the abuse in my teens and the mental and physical abuse at home from a very young age. May the good Lord Bless you brother for sharing this and opening your heart.

Also very important my friend, if a so called church you went to initially, says such things to you, then they are wrong, unforgiving, unloving and it is certainly not the place for you to be. Please do not forget, once saved you are part of the One True Church, the Bride of Christ, saved believers worldwide are the spiritual stones of the True Church in which Jesus is the Head of, you are not tied to any denomination, denominations are man made, church buildings are not the ekklesia.

Prayers are assured my friend, the Lord will set you free, healing can take time but our Lord will walk with you through it.

Isaiah 58:8 (NKJV)
8 Then your light shall break forth like the morning, Your healing shall spring forth speedily, And your righteousness shall go before you; The glory of the LORD shall be your rear guard.

Proverbs 3:5 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

Bless you for sharing your experience

Jesus loves you we do too.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Greetings @RA162

Welcome to Talk Jesus

Thankfully "faith" doesn't ask us to trust in the world
Not even to trust in fellow Christians

But it does call us to trust in Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday, today and for ever.
He will never hurt you, leave you or do anything except bless you.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon Thee because he trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Blessings Grace and Peace

 

[Curtis]

I'm new here so apologies if I get things wrong or put them in the wrong place

Just a warning to start with - this post relates to abuse of varying kinds so be careful and thoughtful when reading it if you are struggling with such things, I don't want to upset anyone.

For reference I am a man in his late 20s now.



I wasn't brought up in church, most of one side of my family are Christians and the other side are not.

I went to church the odd time as a kid. When I was maybe 11/12 some of the team from that church my family took me too sometimes would come into school to run a Christian union.

I was curious and visited and to cut a long story short I ended up coming to faith, attending the church as well as the youth groups and I felt like I was a part of that family and I was in a safe place to grow my faith (I had been experiencing physical and emotional abuse at home)

I made friends with the other Christian teens. Some my age, some older. Maybe 6 months to a year after I came to faith, I had a strange experience with one of my older friends from the group.

Again, to cut a long story short, this older guy groomed and sexually abused me for over 4 years. I was told to keep it quiet because the church would kick me out for sex outside of marriage and sexual activity with another man.

I left the church just before I was 18, when he went to prison for something else. I simply couldn't be there.

I drifted for 9 years but now I'm at another church after feeling that I needed to come back to Jesus and I'm glad I have (recently baptised too)

But I'm struggling. I'm anxious to go to church, sometimes I skip anything church related for weeks at a time. I struggle with forgiveness, for him and myself. I don't know how to feel.

I still struggle so much with the fact that this happened in a church setting and with a 'christian'. It was also covered up by 2 Church figures who I confided in.

I don't really have a point to this post... Maybe some prayer would be nice

Not only did the Devil lay a trap for you using someone you would not expect in doing evil, he also most likely has you in "un-forgiveness" against the person the Devil used.
I am sure you have already asked for forgiveness from the God, but have you forgave the person who the Devil used to do these things against you?
If not I highly recommend you do. Do not think forgiveness is simply forgetting what was done to you, as you will always remember them, that is just how the physical mind works. Forgiveness is an act of "faith" on your part. What you have been through by this person is impossible to forgive on your own, but It is possible with God who gives you the power (faith) to forgive.

 

[RA162]

Not only did the Devil lay a trap for you using someone you would not expect in doing evil, he also most likely has you in "un-forgiveness" against the person the Devil used.
I am sure you have already asked for forgiveness from the God, but have you forgave the person who the Devil used to do these things against you?
If not I highly recommend you do. Do not think forgiveness is simply forgetting what was done to you, as you will always remember them, that is just how the physical mind works. Forgiveness is an act of "faith" on your part. What you have been through by this person is impossible to forgive on your own, but It is possible with God who gives you the power (faith) to forgive.

Thank you for your response. I have managed to forgive the two church leaders who covered it up, although it does still upset me.

I haven't found it in my heart to forgive my abuser yet. I want to, for my sake and because I know that I need to forgive. I just don't know how.

I'm having flashbacks and nightmares which keep it all so raw and real - it's hard not to be angry.

 

[RA162]

Greetings @RA162

Welcome to Talk Jesus

Thankfully "faith" doesn't ask us to trust in the world
Not even to trust in fellow Christians

But it does call us to trust in Jesus Christ who is the same yesterday, today and for ever.
He will never hurt you, leave you or do anything except bless you.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed upon Thee because he trusteth in Thee.
Isaiah 26:3

Blessings Grace and Peace

Thank you. Trust in people is a huge problem for me, even in my new church with people who I know are just trying to help me. I find it hard to be vulnerable - even in my own personal prayer time.

I used to blame God for letting it happen, for letting someone hurt me so much in his house. However, I know now that the man who did this to me had his own free will - he made the choice to do what he did, just as we all have choices. I'm not at the point of forgiveness though, I hope one day I will be.

I confided in a member of another church once, a church I went to a couple of times whilst trying to find one last year and he told me to repent for 'what I'd done that was sinful' throughout what happened (participating in sexual stuff with another guy) despite the fact that I was groomed, manipulated, blackmailed, beaten and physically forced into it. I know I need to repent for not forgiving him - but do I need to repent for 'my part' too? I do partly blame myself so maybe I do?

 

[Br. Bear]

Forgiveness an act of Faith?

Forgiveness an act of Faith? I find it amusing that when Jesus had just finished teaching his apostles about becoming offended (unforgiveness, resentful), and that they should forgive those who offend them, the first words that came out of the Apostles mouth was. “Lord, increase our faith”...

www.talkjesus.com

 

[Curtis]

Thank you for your response. I have managed to forgive the two church leaders who covered it up, although it does still upset me.

I haven't found it in my heart to forgive my abuser yet. I want to, for my sake and because I know that I need to forgive. I just don't know how.

I'm having flashbacks and nightmares which keep it all so raw and real - it's hard not to be angry.

I just recently added a topic in the "devotional" section called, "Forgiveness an act of faith" you might want to read it.

Forgiveness an act of Faith?

Forgiveness an act of Faith? I find it amusing that when Jesus had just finished teaching his apostles about becoming offended (unforgiveness, resentful), and that they should forgive those who offend them, the first words that came out of the Apostles mouth was. “Lord, increase our faith”...

www.talkjesus.com

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Thank you. Trust in people is a huge problem for me, even in my new church with people who I know are just trying to help me. I find it hard to be vulnerable - even in my own personal prayer time.

I used to blame God for letting it happen, for letting someone hurt me so much in his house. However, I know now that the man who did this to me had his own free will - he made the choice to do what he did, just as we all have choices. I'm not at the point of forgiveness though, I hope one day I will be

I confided in a member of another church once, a church I went to a couple of times whilst trying to find one last year and he told me to repent for 'what I'd done that was sinful' throughout what happened (participating in sexual stuff with another guy) despite the fact that I was groomed, manipulated, blackmailed, beaten and physically forced into it. I know I need to repent for not forgiving him - but do I need to repent for 'my part' too? I do partly blame myself so maybe I do?

Greetings @RA162

We have a beautiful and loving Saviour who knows our hearts.

Commit this whole horrible experience to Him in prayer.
Tell Him you are struggling to forgive and ask Him to fill you heart with love and peace.

The devil will play with your mind and try to play on all the negative memories.
Sing a song of praise and worship when flashbacks are troubling you.
Let Jesus become your focus and not your past.

Praying for you.

 

[Curtis]

. I know I need to repent for not forgiving him

With man this is impossible, with God all things are possible. (Luke 18:27)

 

[Hekuran]

Victims and survivors of abuse - Bristol

www.bristol.anglican.org

On this page there's a list of support groups and helplines. You have been done a great evil, and there's dedicated support to help heal the deep wounds.

Yours looks like too great a burden to bear on your own. Find older, wiser Christians you can trust, and ask them for their help.

Standard advice for anyone going through crisis is to read five psalms out loud every day. In a month, you'll have read them all. It's very powerful for anyone who wants to pray, but doesn't know what to say or where to start.

[EDIT: I underlined the above. Good advice, definitely helps , Br. Bear]

 

[Brother-Paul]

Thank you for your response. I have managed to forgive the two church leaders who covered it up, although it does still upset me.

I haven't found it in my heart to forgive my abuser yet. I want to, for my sake and because I know that I need to forgive. I just don't know how.

I'm having flashbacks and nightmares which keep it all so raw and real - it's hard not to be angry.

My dear brother,

My heart is troubled, as you know I have been there, hurt takes time to heal for sure, but Trust in the Lord my friend, the old has gone, it is behind you, stand in faith and look forward. I was mentally and physically abused as a kid, sexually abused by a vicar, years later I was prescribed 13 different drugs following an accident, and almost died of liver failure, (this was around the time I came to faith) I have been through so much more, but here is the question, have I forgiven any or all of them, All of them brother, one by one all of them.

We cannot do anything about the past, it has gone my friend, it is history. I believe you are getting there, I also think you are close to forgiving all, one by one you are doing so. Thanks be to God.

Next time you pray the Lord's Prayer take every word to heart...

Matthew 6:9-13 (NKJV)
9 Our Father in heaven, (We look to God through Jesus)
Hallowed be Your name. (Holy is His Name)
10 Your kingdom come. (God'sKingdom comes to us...)
Your will be done (God's will be done...)
On earth as it is in heaven. (In the heart of every born again believer on earth)

11 Give us this day our daily bread. (Our Daily bread, is our 'daily' needs, food, water, clothing, roof over our heads 'daily')

12 And forgive us our debts, (Forgive us our debts, trespasses, sins)
As we forgive our debtors. (AS WE FORGIVE those who have debts, trespasses, sins against us!)

13 And do not lead us into temptation, (Do not let the devil sift us as wheat)
But deliver us from the evil one. (The devil has no rights over a Child of God. Deliver us from the evil one)
For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. (Give God the Glory. Amen)
Amen.

So many times in scripture we stop at what seems the end of the verses, in this case the end of the Lord's Prayer...
DON'T STOP - Read on...

Matthew 6:14-15 (NKJV)
14 "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
15 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Give everything to God in prayer through Jesus, everything, and let go.
It is history, it has gone.
Don't let the past hurt you and stop you being healed, don't punish yourself because only you is left hurting.

God is waiting to heal you of your past experiences my friend.

Bless you my friend.

Jesus loves you we do too.