Feelings

[Yamira]

There are moments during everything I go threw deep inside I feel the love, peace, & joy knowing God forgives me threw Jesus of all my sins past, present, & future and wanting to believe that with all my heart, mind & soul yet I'm struggling with anxiety to the point I'm getting panick attacks because of feelings of guilt, fear, or maybe I'm holding on to something i need to let go, forgive my own self, thinking to ask for forgiveness to other people who i wronged and forgive those who hurt me. Make things right It's a constant battle within myself.

So doing all that & THINKING well if I'm trying to do all that than it's like I'm doing works to be in right standing with God so again I lose my focus on Jesus.
In the past I had an anxiety attack to the point I ended up in the hospital because I thought I commited the unforgivable sin and as I was laying there crying & lost within my thoughts an actual thought or maybe a still voice, I can't explain it but that came to mind and said "Be Still" my anxiety went away at that moment & wanting to go home & understand what just happened I searched it up in the bible and sure enough in Psalms 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world." BE STILL AND KNOW I AM GOD I cried so much that day saying God spoke to me.

Once I felt that peace, love & joy doubts started taking over my mind again and started to panick again. There are times where I also have thoughts like "Do Not fear" "Your lack of knowledge is keeping you and satan uses that against you, Do not fill your heart with doubts but believe & have faith" Now as I'm writing in my prayer journal and thanking God & asking Jesus to help me & Holy Spirit to guide me, "We are with you my daughter" What comes to mind. So my question is since God has and guide each individuals in the bible and spoke to them, what about us in this time?

Does He speaks to us individually in our own personal walk with Him through Jesus? For example this what came to my mind or should I say heart "You have a great calling, The Holy Spirit will instruct you & guide you" I listen how many Christian who hears God speak to them individually and think wow maybe God is speaking to me as well but because of the anxiety I'm missing the point of what He is telling me? I do experience confirmation as well where i go about my day and I can speak to someone and they bring something up & im quick to say Oh wow or go to church, listening to a Christian song or even reading a small passage Jesus loves you.

Feelings? So sad to say and it angers me; fear has been with me since i was young child, fear of the unknown being exposed and living threw such darkness in my past, at 1 point i enjoyed it but through all this it came to the point that I realize how miserable and even to the point I wanted to commit suicide and drinking my life away but deep within my heart I longed for God JESUS to save me from this darkness and crying out while I was in my drinking episodes I want to go home with God already but I'm still here thank God. I ask myself what is happening?

Why so many divisions among the churches? Non denominational & strict Christian churches? So again again & again with so much thoughts it distracts me from Jesus & what He did for us all... Maybe I do have OCD or something is triggering me to lose focus, my own family sees me going through this and it worries & saddens them seeing me in despair and my bf keeps asking me are you ok over & over & i blow up on him... What example am I showing as a Christian? I'm pushing them away and wanting to separate myself from everyone.

I'm so drained

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Yamira, I would love it if you could please stop worrying and stressing, just please try to relax, chill and lay back knowing that Jesus loves you and is in charge of not only your world, but the world.

Reading your post above, you know that and yet despite it, there's still a lot of turmoil and conflict going on in your head that spills over into your relationships with your family and bf but more worryingly leads you to thoughts of self harm and suicide.

Can I please urge you to make that appointment with your GP to get referral to a mental health professional?

Hopefully they'll find and identify the problem and sort out a treatment programme and then you'll better placed to go forward with your family, boyfriend and God.

Take care and God bless you.


Love Andy x

 

[Yamira]

Hi Andy, I am looking into seeking mental health but due to insurance I have to wait. Yes you are right that I need to stop worrying, stressing & to calm down.

 

[Br. Bear]

Hi Andy, I am looking into seeking mental health but due to insurance I have to wait. Yes you are right that I need to stop worrying, stressing & to calm down.

and honestly....

give thanks to the LORD for He is good and His merciful lovingkindness endures forever!

[do it!]

the LORD inhabits the praises of His people


Bless you ....><>

 

[Yamira]

@Br. Bear

Amen

 

[Wnl]

Hi. Yamira,
Remember the negative thoughts you have causing you a host of problems,
They come from the lier so why believe them, wether past or present.
( Lies don't exist in reality, because they are simply lies).
Have you got it, they are lies, they don't exist.
YOU MUST RESIST THE DEVIL( your negative thoughts) and they will flee
from you, So when you get these thoughts, say to yourselve they are lies
............off. they are not true.
You must forgive yourself and other that have affected your life, as I had to
do.
Start again get your head up and get-your self respect back,be thankful, particularly
because you have children.
My daughter is a embryologist and she knows of the anguish of people
who just can't have children and you have four, their lives are empty.
So you have a lot to be thankful for. Cherish your children.
You know that you have to be unselfish with kids, but God wants you to be
unselfish, full stop.
God wants you to die of self, (give up your life) and have a new one through
Jesus Christ. When you dead to self no one and I mean no one can hurt you.
No one can hurt a dead person, right.
Life is a battle, but Jesus has paid the price already for your battle, as He did
mine.
All people on this site, and everybody in the world needs JESUS, because
He is THE WAY THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE, without Him you haven't
got a life.
So I pray that you will pray for you and your family, have peace and
loving kindness from God.
Stop Sinning

With Love, Wnl