I know exactly what you mean Jared, I've been there, I've been through it, back and forth, you have thought about it, worried about it, but have you prayed about it?
Maybe yes, but have you persisted?
Good news is this, you don't need to do much, it's never too late, all you need to do is ask God to be there, to come and find you, to save you.
Satan wouldn't like this, not one bit, he would rather keep you and torture you, so when it seems hard, be sure he is whispering into your ears, discard it, and start again, don't lose faith.
I could motivate you all night and in 3 days you'll be like, "easier said than done" so we gotta make a plan,
You need to read the bible, trust me, it'll relate to you, it's God's own voice.
Pray, have a quiet time with God, have a date with God, talk, and then stop talking, listen.
Go to church, you'll find many people to help and support you, perhaps teach you things.
Keep a jounal, tell God about your struggles, watch how they resolve once you read them a month later.
I could go forever, but I hope you work on that, I pray it helps you.
GOD bless.