frustrated

[Natashia]

Well I writing because I don't know what is wrong with my 3 year old daughter. She has no control over her anger. If I misunderstand her and ask her to repeat herself she will blow up she will say "I hate you", she will pull her hair out. She pulls her hair out by the handfuls, she actually has bald spots. Sometimes she will even bite herself. The other day she got mad at me for something little and threw a spoon at me and it hit me in the face. I have no idea how to punish her. Also she just started to pee in her pants again, no matter where shes at if she has to go she will just stand there and go. I had to change her clothes 3 times today. She is the middle child, but I feel like I give her the same amount of attention as the other girls. I need help dealing with her. Any advice please? I welcome all replies. Thank you, Natashia

 

[Eclipse]

Hi,

Sorry to hear about your problem, being a parent isnt hard enough without a rebel faction kicking in lol. My sister was almost exactly the same, the only difference was she bit me instead of herself :thumbs_do , but we found a way to deal with her :thumbs_up . She sounds like a very strong willed child and it also sounds as though she likes to have her own way. Instead of giving her lots of attention to reinforce her behaviour, we would ignore her until she was willing to talk properly, or leave her in her room until she calmed down. Evetually she realised that she wasnt getting anywhere and started to communicate better. You need to let her know that there is a line that she cant cross. When she is calm again, you must sit down with her and explain to her why her behaviour is wrong and give her the chance to talk her mind as well, often they feel as though they cannot get their point across and it builds up and then explodes at the drop of a hat. My advice also would be not to shout at her when she flares up, just leave her, no matter how difficult that may be (I remember my mom puling her hair out lol). And only try to communicate when she has calmed down, it lets her know that if she is willing to talk properly then she is going to be better understood and it will also help her to better understand you. I hope this is helpful, I know Im a whipper snap but I feel this is sound advice. Toodles and goodluck :shade:

Ivan

 

[shepherdsgrace]

I have no great answers. But I do know that your main focus should be to help her discover that she must control herself. In whatever ways that you are, without realizing it, reinforcing her behavior should cease. For instance are her actions causing you to give her all kinds of extra attention? She should not be rewarded for her loss of control. It is going to take a lot of energy on your part but you can win this battle. You really must for all of your sakes. If she is ruling now at the age of three, what is going to happen a few years down the road? And already you are blaming yourself! Don't go down that road! She is looking to you and your spouse to do for her what she does not know how to do and that is to give her boundaries. Good tight boundaries. I think if you pray and do research and just simply respond the same basic way of NOT allowing her to rule situations you will be on a better path toward freedom from her attempt to control the household. Also I would ask myself is this something that is new or is it a behavior that has escalated over time. If it is new, then there may be outside circumstances of which you are unaware.

 

[Natashia]

Thank you both for your advice. I think it will help.

 

[shepherdsgrace]

Hope you will let us know how you do. I have been thinking about you. I know God is helping you. He intends for this child to be a blessing!

 

[Singlemom]

Hello Natashia,

I want to share this website address with you, it saved my life when I was a new mom and on a specific day when I though I was doomed and all was lost, the advice on this site and specifically the book "Parenting isn't for cowards" brought hope to my life!

The site address is www.focusonthefamily.org

it is a Christian Organization and I'm sure it will provide alot of valuable information.


I have received approval from Chad to post this link today 10/31/05