Growing Up and Letting Go

[AudreyNicole]

So, I'm back. Out of one trial and in to the next. I suppose that is the life of a Christ-follower! I am seeking some wisdom and counsel in a sensitive area of my life. Here's a brief overview...

I am a 20 year old still living at home getting ready to graduate college with a couple degrees and move on to grad school. There are two reasons I live at home: 1) to save money, 2) to keep my parents happy... and that's where the problem is.

My parents are incredibly over-protective and quite controlling and have a hard time with the thought of me growing up. They have a problem with just about every "adult" thing in my life and so in an effort to keep the peace, I just do what they say. The problem is, it is a suffocating existence. I feel as though I have no life and, as I get older, its becoming more difficult for me to bear.

I'd like to move out, but I'm afraid my parents will cut me off if I do. Also, moving out would require me taking time off school... something that they don't approve of.

So anyway, I guess I am looking for some Godly counsel on how to help my parents understand that I am growing up and that they can't hold on to me forever. I've searched the net for sermons specifically about this issue but it seems no one preaches to young adults on this matter.

 

[bduke08]

Well I'm only 23 years old as well so while I may not be able to give you education that someone older could..I could advise trying to fully communicate with them on the matter. Tell them everything you are telling us here. Let them know that you are really serious in the conversation. Also try praying. Ask God to help you and put your trust in him that he can find a solution for you. I think if you fully trust he can help you..then he will. I'm also living at home to save and about to finish school. Good luck and hope I may have somewhat helped ha.

 

[Snowrose]

Hello Audrey,

Being a parent is hard ... harder still is seeing your children grow up and thinking that they don’t need you anymore. I must admit I was overprotective with my children but one thing I’m thankful for was that they were honest with me with their feelings even when it was hard for me to hear. Though it hurt for a while, I got over it and realized I couldn’t protect them all their life. They too had to learn to live life’s journey and become mature through their own choices... right or wrong. Just like I did ... lol and still am doing. Doesn’t matter how old you are... you’re constantly stretching and growing and there are seasons that it will still hurt. That is the part of growing up into maturity.

Be patient with your parents this is all new to them as well and it is scary for them. Yes very scary ... as parents, we worry too much and are always anxious for our children. Though my children have moved out now, I’ve learned to let go and keep them in constant prayer. God is taking care of them now and I am trusting in Him. That’s all I can do.

As for now, be honest with your parents but with honour and love while you are doing so. Remember they are only thinking of the best for you. Work out your plans sensibly and make wise choices. Then show your parents and tell them of your decision. Don’t be afraid to speak to parents honestly. In the end, they too will be thankful.

I wish you all the best Audrey in your life’s journey. Will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Blessings,
Snowrose

 

[Rockerduck]

Older guy here. Yes, when my son was 20 he thought he was smart, didn't ask my advice and made numerous mistakes. He wanted to do what he wanted yet still live under my roof with no responsibility. Simply could have asked my advice on matters, that would have shown me his maturity. He grew older and is now 30 and wishes he had talked to me more. So, start talking to your parents and asking their advice, that will show them you are maturing. Most important, do what their advice gives. They will see the maturity and start giving you more.

 

[WomanOfFaith]

I have to agree with RockerDuck. Maybe it is just that your parents want to see the maturity in you. They want to know that you will be alright if you are out on your own. On the other hand, you are an adult and shouldn't have to live the way you are living. Ask for Gods help in this, ask Him to give you the right words to say to your parents. You are allowed to live your own life. Eventually, your parents will come around. I know this because my mother did when I left home at age 19. God Bless

 

[Quasicentennium]

What you can do is investigate their life experience with their parents (your grandparents) and the obstacles that they faced while living with them during their early 20s. These obstacles are like a silent spiritual disease where you think your life is slowly wasted away through parental love and kindness. Once you have realized what those obstacles are then your parents would help you reach your goals by writing them down with the year date for each of your future goals, such as: how much money will have by 2013-14, finding a girlfriend in year 2015, to exemplify just a couple.:*:.

 

[Michelle71]

Moved out of the house when I was 19. Had a full time job, and stayed in college. You can do night classes and still reach your college goals even if it takes longer.

Make a budget sheet. Show the folks on paper that you are able to financially make it. Don't cut them off cold turkey when you do leave though, call alot, and drop
by for visits as well. Even if it is a few minutes just to say hi. Ask for their advice even if you don't think you need it...even if you don't do what they would like. In
that way you are honoring their opinion. Try to keep emotions out of the equation.