Help for this backsliding Christian

[windmill2kids]

Hi. I am a backsliding Christian. I so want to get closer to Jesus again almost like I used to be, although I know it won't quite be the same. I am not ashamed to be honest and open in here, besides nobody knows me, or I hope not. I have given into the temptations of porn, alcohol, and cussing. It's so tempting at times that I can almost here it calling out my name. I know that it is the voice of Satan, but the pull is so strong and I am so weak. I hate what I have become, I have children and a husband who need me to be there for them and be a strong Christian mom, and I certainly am not that right now. I have also been diagnosed as bipolar in the past and am on medicine now,, but deep down in my heart I know that bipolar is not to blame, it is me who is to blame. I so yearn for Jesus,, I can't explain why I feel this yearning deep in my heart for him. I feel like I am walking forever trying to find my way back home and I always seem to end up in the same place that I started. I know that there is such thing as people getting so far away from God that their hearts become hardened and they can never see the light of Jesus again. I don't want to end up being that person. I don't want to crucify Jesus again and again by my actions, and I definitely don't want to go to hell. I Truly did get saved when I was 19 years old,, and I have given up on wishing that I could have that old feeling of joy back again, because it will never happen. My heart cries out now,, I want this to stop! I am going to rent "The Passion of The Christ", and watch it. I really do think it will help me to become closer to Jesus. I never did rent it before because I am so sensitive, and I was afraid that seeing Jesus get wounded would be too much for me. I cried through a pg Jesus movie, the whole thing! So I would be that much more sensitive if I watched Passion of Christ! But now I don't care. I would do practically anything to be where God wants me to be again! I'm desperate, and feel bound again by Satan's grip.
I promise I will reply to your responses this time,, because I know that I haven't in the past and I'm terribly sorry. I've just been so busy with Christmas and everything else! I HAVE read your responses though.
IS IT TOO LATE FOR MY SOUL? HAVE I BECOME LIKE SAUL IN THE BIBLE, WHOM COULD FIND NO RELIEF FOR HIS SOUL FOR IT WAS TOO LATE FOR HIM!? I just can't take it anymore! I want to be a true servant to Jesus for he loved me so much to give his own life.

 

[Lion_of_Judah]

and I definitely don't want to go to hell. I Truly did get saved when I was 19 years old

1 John 5:13 "These things have been written that you may know you have eternal life."

.........Not wonder,....hopefully,......well maybe,......kinda sorta,.......


Take Him at His word.. and put yours on the back shelf..! So that you may Know... it's faith in what He said.

What shall separate us from Christ...................................................nothing! Romans 8:35

 

[Coconut]

I am so weak. I hate what I have become, I have children and a husband who need me to be there for them and be a strong Christian mom, and I certainly am not that right now...

I have been there, Lord knows I`ve been there...

I will tell you the 'secret'...

Prayer.

Prayer...will bring you close to God.

Prayer...brings God close to you.

Prayer...will change you.

Prayer...will give you power to walk with God (not will power - GODS power!)

And if you find yourself in such a weak state, you cant even seem to make yourself pray, (in spite of the best of intentions) ask God to make you pray. His power is greater than our greatest weakness ...and it is no great effort for God to bring one human being to their knees so they might experience His power to raise one up!

1Ti 1:15 The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost. But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost, Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life.

Rom 9:22 What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory-- even us whom he has called... As indeed he says in Hosea, "Those who were not my people I will call 'my people,' and her who was not beloved I will call 'beloved.'"

I pray you receive a revelation of Gods love for you...

 

[windmill2kids]

Great advice!

Thank you so much for the great advice, seriously! Prayer, I know, will help me more than anything,,, and also faith that nothing can pull me away from God. I so love Jesus right now and want to do his will. That's all I want! I will give up anything and everything for him, for he gave everything up, even his own life, FOR ME!! Today I have more hope, and I do feel much better than I did yesterday. I need to go now and do what he has called me to do, and that is to pray and read my bible!

 

[Coconut]

God...so loves you more...


Blessings ♥