Help Me Please

[Dreamer]

I'm having terrible thoughts today and am under spiritual attack. Please pray for me that I will see God's goodness and cling to Him for the answers to all of life's problems.

I feel very picked on and used, as of late. I'm tired and depressed. I struggle in my marriage. I struggle in my life because I feel I would rather have someone else's life and not my own.

Okay, to be honest, I'm being hit hard with depression today and I don't like it. It's hard for me to come here and admit that I'm like this today. But I need your help and your prayers.

I'm supposed to be a leader, but I can't minister when I'm in this state of mind.

I am 46 years old and feel that I will never amount to anything. I am sad and bereaved and full of hopelessness. It seems to have come from nowhere, except I know that it has been coming.

I could blame it all on my husband, but I cannot do that. If I were really the strong Christian that I say I am, I would be able to overcome his "lectures" and "rantings", because I'm supposed to be so full of Christian love.

I'm so tired. I can't do it anymore. I have no love left. Just yesterday I was laughing and carrying on. Oh, I'm so good at that. But I am sad, deeply sad. I can really relate to what sadeyes says in some of her posts.
I remember 99% of what people say about me that is bad. And yet if someone is accepting of me for one moment, then I forget that moment.

A friend of mine e-mailed me yesterday about how she was going to go home to Texas and visit her parents. (She is in her early 30's) She said she needed her mother, that she was going to lay in her mother's lap and let her mother play with her hair. She said she was going to spend time with her dad and go places together and talk.

I never had that. And I resent that I guess. I told my friend that I can't relate. She said she was sorry she'd brought up bad memories. I said, "what bad memories?

I have nothing. No memories, but of pain and neglect.

The reason that I can understand homeless people, addicts, and jail inmates is that they usually have a lack of parents, or parents that care. And yet God has protected me all of my life. I could very well be homeless, an addict or a jail inmate. Yet God has sheltered me.

I did live in a shelter once with my daughter, for 5 months. And it taught me about God's love.

But I don't know or understand the love of my parents. They are dead and gone now, but when they died I was relieved for them because they were out of their suffering.

I can't relate to adult people who wail and squall when their parents die, because it is God that I rely upon for parenting, and He never dies. But I guess I do wish that I had had the benefit of good parents. I guess in a sense I am grieving today?

 

[ladylovesJesus]

Dearest Dreamer

You will amount to something because Jesus lives in You. God made you and He don't make junk. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139
Jer.29.11
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the LORD, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

We have to be transformed by renewing of our minds. Roms.12.2

2 Cor.10
1 By the meekness and gentleness of Christ, I appeal to you—I, Paul, who am "timid" when face to face with you, but "bold" when away! 2 I beg you that when I come I may not have to be as bold as I expect to be toward some people who think that we live by the standards of this world. 3 For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I have learnt to develop an attitude of gratitude over the years.

God has done so much in my life and I am forever grateful to Him.

He is a father to the fatherless so that is you and me and many others. He is the best father anybody can have.

I do not have great memories of my father that is why I found it hard to accept that Jesus loves me down in my heart. :love; I never really understood.

We are allowed to grieve and sometimes we bottle things up instead of letting them out. It is good that you were brave enough to share your heart feelings today.

Please do not live or rely on your feelings as they are unreliable. I used to do that. One day up next day down.

We live by faith and not by sight.

The joy of the Lord is our strength Neh.8.10

Ephesians 6:12

For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places


God bless you richly dearest sister

LLJ :rainbow: :rose:

 

[Faithful Son]

Imagine walking down the road sister Dreamer, imagine the scenery all around you, exactly the way you know it.

You know that you walk because you need the fresh air and maybe some exercise, you know that today is a cold day outside, so you take your sweater with you. You know that you will be walking alone, so you take the safe road and not wander through the woods.

As you walk, you realize that you are living as you should. But today, you need to take your Bible, because it's like your sweater. You need to speak to Jesus, because He is the safe road and most of all, you know that walk alone, but by walking alone, you know that everything you do, you can be accountable for it, because it's you.

You are on the safe road, today it's a cold day, but soon, everything will get better. Talk to Father, talk to Jesus too and ask the Holy Spirit to comfort you like only He can.

It's cold outside. When you go past the bend you see in front, you realize that you can make a fire, that fire will keep you warm and tomorrow will be a better day. That fire is the action of coming here and talking to everyone, we will pray for you and God will keep you warm.

Everyday is like this, I will ask you some day in the future to comfort me with similar words, then I have forgotten what I'm preaching, but for now, know that Jesus knows.

I will pray for you my dearest sister.
Much love
teraside

 

[Dreamer]

I have had recurring clinical depression for the last 8 to 10 years. This time, the recurrence isn't going to come, I forbid it in Jesus name.

I have bottled up alot of my emotions over the years. I've gone through some things that I may not have given over completely to God. I need to ask Him to take hold of my memories and my thoughts. I need to take every thought captive to Christ.

The enemy would have me focus on the past. My God says He is here with me today and the past is gone. Yes, I am in the cold now but I'm wearing my sweater, and I'm listening to your encouragement, and I know all of the answers are in God's Word.

Sometimes just humbling ourselves and asking for help is the first step in receiving help.

I was in desperation when I started this thread. I had so many tears gushing down me that I couldn't leave to go pick up my teenager at school. But just in the last hour, God has touched me and I already feel some hope and some solace.

God has not left me and He will never leave you either. Hebrews 4:13 Jesus says, "I will never leave thee nor forsake thee."

I believe in You, Jesus and I trust You for every answer. All around me are problems and encumbrances; I look not at them. I look to YOU. You know the truth and the truth in You will set me free. My hope and my trust is in You.

The liar is the devil and he has no place in my life, thought-life, my expressions, or my behavior.

 

[Faithful Son]

Amen sister Dreamer. God is faithful, He is our sustainer and our place of rest. I will continue to pray for you, try and stay close to God in your mind today.

It's late at night here, but I just felt like I need to check something on TJ. I was glad to find your lovely reply.

I love you sister. Sleep good today.

 

[Cody]

Dreamer, you said that you feel that you will never amount to anything but I see different. You are everything to God, he will always love you and never forsake you. I have got to know you and love you. You are such a blessing to me and I am glad we talk on msn. What you have went through in your life has made you a stronger person with a testimony to glorify the Lord. You will always be in my prayers and God Bless you.

"The LORD is good, a strong hold in the day of trouble; and he knoweth them that trust in him." Nahum 1:7

 

[stephen]

Dear Heavenly Father I bring sister Jan before you as I pray today. I thank you for this precious mother in Israel, who is able to comfort and to bless so many folks, with her words, and her concern and care.

Lord Jesus I pray that you draw near to her today and uplift her. Revive her dear Lord and give her a touch from yourself. "JUst to have a touch LOrd from you........" In Jesus Name touch Jan today and lift her up.

Bless her family too LOrd. O LOrd change and bless. Encourage and Uplift

Heavenly Father I look to you.....as I pray today.

 

[Dreamer]

ty, cody, teraside, and LLJ and stephen

One of my major obstacles right now is my marriage. Just when I get built up and am doing fine, my husband seems to go on one of his perfection tirades (usually it's on weekends.)

Nothing I do is right. I don't match the pillowcases right. Ever since I married him he can't keep track of anything, he says. I don't clean the countertops right, I don't discipline our son right. He goes on tirades thinking that he is blowing off steam, but he doesn't realize how much he is hurting me.

So I try not to think about it but I end up getting depressed.

This past weekend, I was so excited because I was giving a baby shower for a lady that stays at the shelter where I work. However, by the time Saturday night came, I was anything but excited about the shower. I was torn down, nervous, and teary-eyed, because my husband did little but tear me apart verbally all day long. It's as if he resented me doing something for someone else instead of him. He's such a baby. And I'm so easily discouraged and depressed. I wish he would treat me the way the bible tells him to treat me.

I know he's a christian, but he doesn't understand how to be a christian husband or father. He's mean and not fair. But when he's in a good mood he's wonderful. He is so hurtful when he spouts off, he just has no idea.

I try not to think about it, but it gets to me alot.

I was in an abusive marriage previously and it hurt me alot more than this, but this marriage is still hard even though there is love in it.

 

[stephen]

My gut feeling Jan.......is that your husband loves you, very much. He appreciates you......very much. He values all that you do for him, and the family,........very much. He need's you more than anything. He may not admit such.....but as I read it..........

My thoughts.

God Bless You All

 

[JenaPatton]

Dreamer,
My name is Jena, I am new at this Talk Jesus website. I was checking out some posts and stumbled on yours. My heart goes out to you. I can relate to your story in many ways. I am not happy with where my marriage is at all. I feel that Josh, (my husband) isn't being the man I need him to be for me or our 6 month old son. I have been having a blah relationship with jesus for the longest time because of him. I too, get sad a lot, there is depression in my family, my brother has manic depression, he was just diaginosed. We went trhough a lot with him before he started counseling and getting medication. Anyway, I don't know really where I am getting at with all this. I guess I just want you to know that your not alone. I wasn't raised in a christian home. My parents arent terrible but my family life was far from perfect we were defiantly dysfuntional. I felt like I could relate. I wanted you to know, It ok to be down and even through your a leader, your a loud to have your bad days. everyone is. I'll be praying for you. If you are intrested in talking at all, I would love that. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.

your sister in christ,
jena

 

[Chad]

Sister I will pray for you. I know you will overcome because you love Jesus.

I can tell you that you are a great blessing to many here including myself. So yes, you are worth so much to GOD that Jesus paid the price to redeem YOU who He loves! You are worth a blessing many to me and others here.

As for marriage, sorry not my department. I can't speak there but to say keep on praying. I don't know if your husband is tempered or not, but perhaps if you sit down with him and tell him how you feel. A little aggressiveness and sterness may help. I'm guessing you probably have, or attempted to have spoken to him about this before, but only you know sister.

Pray that the Holy Spirit will transform him into a Proverbs 31 man. GOD can change anyone for sure.

 

[Apple]

Dear Dreamer,

In your first post on this thread, you wrote:

"I can really relate to what sadeyes says in some of her posts."

I hope that what I wrote didn't 'trigger' your sadness.

Hope that you have a better day today and I am really sorry if what I wrote caused you any pain.

 

[Dreamer]

No, dear Brighteyes, you did not trigger sad feelings in me. It was actually my friend who is going home to Texas to visit her parents that triggered sad feelings in me. I didn't admit it to myself at the time, but I was jealous that she had parents to go home to that loved and accepted her. I numbed myself and told myself that I felt nothing. But that wasn't true.

The fact remains, I did not have strong, loving parents. And I can't change that.

Another fact remains: I will see them both in heaven; I am sure. And they will be completely whole and healthy, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I rejoice in this fact!

Sometimes the first fact gets me down, because it is all said and done, you know what I mean? I mean, my childhood and adolescence was already lived out and it was crummy and I don't like to think about it. But....God uses the pain that came during those years. He uses it today to help me have compassion for others.

Sometimes I get selfish and look inward instead of looking up to God and outward to others. I ask myself silly questions like: What would I be like if my parents had been normal? Would I be a famous social worker and author?
A college professor?

How ridiculous. Who I am is in Christ. His plan is in motion. I can't have everything now. He's had a lot of work to do on me, and still a lot more work to be done.

I was in complete bondage when I came to Christ 16 years ago. Going to the grocery store was a major ordeal for me, because people looked at me and I had to make eye contact with the clerks at the store. That's how bad it was. Even walking out the door and to the mailbox was quite uncomfortable for me. Pathetic, but true.

Now, I am hard pressed to keep myself locked in the house, because I love to be outside in the sunshine....and I LOVE to shop! (Ask my husband about this.)

God created me to be a people-person. For many years, satan kept me in bondage; I was lonely, afraid, and in a prison of my own.

I still have bad days sometimes---as evidenced by my thought-life yesterday when I started this thread.

Yet, GOD has brought me so far that it's almost unbelievable. If I can keep my focus on Him, this depression will pass away quickly. In fact, this morning as soon as I stepped out of the bed, I knew I wasn't depressed. It's a new day.

 

[sharie2007]

Dear Dreamer,
I am new here as well but reading your post really touched me.. I have been married for a lil over a year now and my husband (not realizing it ) does the same thing. He is the most wonderful person usually but the stress of trying to keep the bills paid and food on our table makes him nuts alot of the times and he takes things out on me mostly without knowing he is doing so.
I know he loves me as i am sure yours loves you. They just aren't very good at just taking things that bother them to God and so they bottle em all up till they can't handle it no more.
He and i have just resently decided to turn to God because we realized there alot of things we just can't deal with on our own anymore and have peace and happiness in our home or our lives.. So you can see why your post has touched me so .. We have in total 7 children (which i thank god for everyday) then there is he and i .. then we have a home we just baught that we are behind on payments on already and a car we are behind on as well .. there is so much stress in his life to make sure that we don't lose our home and that the kids have enough food to eat and it is mostly on him bec he is the man .. which is why i try to keep that in mind when he does become moody and goes off when he does..
I am not sure of your life there but god will make things better you just need to keep yor faith and be strong in the fact that he will be there when u need him .. all u have to do is believe in him and never lose your faith in him...
there was something we read on nite when doing our reading i can't remember it word for word but it was something to do with the fact that god will always take care of your needs and we all have struggles to make us stronger people .. keep in mind when u feel depressed god gave his life for u and that should make u feel like u r the special person u r ...that is what i think of when i am depressed and having a bad day.. i remember how god gave his life so we could all be here and that he loves us all the same no matter who , what we have done, where we are, what color of skin we have, how much money we have or don't have, in short he loves us ALL..
i am sorry to have rambled on here and i am going to leave now ..
God bless You !

sharie