Help with looking at women lustfuly

[MRoe]

A year ago I sinned against God and my wife by looking at other women, thinking that I was not satisfied with her. She caught me in that attempt. I was just looking. With that I was at the end of my rope, in all my sin I was ready to put a gun in my mouth. Then a good friend led me to Christ. Since then, I know I know I have been forgiven by God, and that He loves me. I am very active at the church I joined, I go to bible studies, read the word daily and pray all the time. I expressed my sorrow for my sin to my wife and asked for her forgiveness, and shared with her my conversion, but she was raised Catholic, but does not go to church. She can not see how I can go from person who use to sin in every way to someone who does not want to any more. Plus she can not forgive me, nor does she trust me. She checks my computer all the time, watches my email etc. I tried sharing Christ's good news with her, but she thinks that I'm "full of it" so to speak. For the last year we have been just sort of living as friends not as loving husband and wife. She does not care to hug me, or kiss me, and sex is out of the question. It's not just the sex, I desire her to love me again, and want to at least hold hands when we walk. I do only desire her, but it is very tough when you have been use to having sex on a regular basis, to now have to go with out it. I Guess I blaming that on my sin of looking at other women lustfully. It's sad to say that even in church, which I love to go to and worship, I am distracted by other beautiful women, and it's tough to even keep my mind on worship. I even have strayed so far as to look at porn on line. I know this is wrong, but am having a very hard time breaking it. I say to God, If you would just let me have sex with my wife, I would not lust so much. I know I can't "make deals with God, But that's where I am at. Even at work, nice looking women bring lustful thoughts to my mind. I pray about this a lot and ask for Gods' help and strength, but seem to be getting nowhere. I would to hear some suggestions as to what else I can do.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Greetings @MRoe

I am not able to respond fully at the moment brother

But this recent thread may help you:

http://www.talkjesus.com/counseling/45958-how-not-lust-find-opposite-sex-attractive.html

Committing your situation to the Lord.....especially for your wife to be saved and for all past hurts to be healed

 

[Brad Huber]

First of all, looking at a women and seeing them as attractive is not sinful. But there is a difference between this and lust of the flesh. It becomes lust when you chose to let your sexual desire grow and burn. I know you know what I speak of. If you obviously had the actions and look of a man willing to commit adultery, then your wife has reason to distrust you. As to how you can defeat the intensity of it when it comes upon you, I tell you the truth.... you must.... MUST replace those thoughts with Godly thoughts. You must chose to turn away if at all possible, and if in a conversation you must finish, finish it quickly and turn away. Then you must focus your mind on the Godly, like scripture. Pick some verses you like that deal with lust or about the power of God to help us overcome anything. Perhaps write them down on a card if you don't memorize well, and keep this card with you, then read it over and over and you can replace the bad thoughts with good. I typically in the past used Prov 3:5-6

5Trust in the LORD with all your heart And do not lean on your own understanding. 6In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He will make your paths straight.

 

[Chad]

Typing from my iPhone here...

Read a bible based book called Every Mans Battle. Truth is, your 100% responsible for what's in your heart and your actions. Not other women or your wife.

Your wife should forgive you but you did break that trust and hurt her. Normal response on her part. At this point you need to just love her as Christ lives the church; Ephesians 5

I highly recommend seeking Christian marriage counselors or pastoral counselor. This is crucial. Both spouses are obligated before God to make this work. However, as a husband you have a responsibility to be a spiritual leader of your home.

 

[ThankJesus]

I'll pray for you and your wife. When I look at a woman, I have to make a decision to either keep looking at her and start lusting or to stop looking at her and stay in purity. It's okay to think someone's beautiful! It's not okay to be dirty about it.

 

[xino]

why don't you try fasting brother?
Because anyone in Christ, he would not allow you to be tempted beyond what you can handle as the bible says.
But for you to go as far as to look at porn online means you must be losing it:/

all you think about is lust in your head and the devil is around you accusing you and tempting you. You need to fast and increase your spirit and decrease your spirit.

Fast for 3 days by not getting involved with the World, pray all the time and completely dwell in the bible! Also try not to eat.
if you haven't fasted in decades or new to fasting. I would suggest you stick with liquid and eating fruits but avoid food.

What fasting does is: it weakens your flesh and allows you to be in control of your body, and your spirit will be above the flesh and you can withstand temptation.

good luck!

 

[Fenn]

MRoe-
This is a tough situation to be in. I will say this though. She has every right to search your computer and email. She has every right to question a cleared history on a browser. My wife knows all of my passwords and is welcome to view my email and web pages and searches. I leave my Skype logged in and she can see my chat history.
It once happened that I was speaking too much with a female. I had no interest in her that way, but we were in a class together. My wife saw how much we talked and it bothered her. She told me that and I agreed with her that it was too much and I would not have liked it the other way around. There is only one woman I want to talk to. I stopped talking to that other girl completely. Maybe it is rude, but she will get over it and I only have one marriage.
I pray that you are able to be strong and resist temptation. I pray that you see the hurt your wife has and the need for trust.