Amen Set Free, and God Bless you. I can relate, excruciating pain to the extent I wanted to end it all, yes!
Circumstances beyond my control totally changed my life. 15 years ago I was a very active virile woman early twenties, I was always doing something, I had a 6 month old baby and 5yr old son.
Only married for about 18 months. Boom! I got some horrible virus it attacked my body, I got really sick, I was in so much pain, my husband had to carry me up the stairs. Whatever happened I do not know.
I now have rheumatoid arthritis, which may have been triggered by the virus. Who knows. I am in pain daily. I have been on every medication imaginable to try and slow this disease down, the doctors said I had a very 'stubborn' case. I have sought alternative medicine from accupuncture to herbal, when one is desparate one will try anything. This story can be long but I will shorten it.
My brother I am right with you, fasting and prayer have been my strength. I admit I began fasting for seeking pain relief. I believe the Lord led me to it. I did not know of the spiritual aspect of fasting until I was on one.
I believe I am at an advantage as I am a woman, and I have a husband to help me. I cannot imagine how it must be for you to not be able to provide for your family, my heart goes out to you.
I understand my situation is quite minor compared to someone elses, I know there are people far worse off than myself and live each day with the joy of the Lord. I think of Joni Eareckson Tada, paralyzed in a wheelchair, an inspiration to us all. and people here at TJ.
I do not like to tell people of my problem when they ask why am I limping or why do I have a cane. More often or not it leads to them giving me a lot of well meaning advice. sometimes the response can be even cruel, as to suggest that my faith is not strong enough, or I can even sense that they believe that there must be some unconfessed sin in my life.
I do not know what God's plans are for me. I had to quit the job I had because it was becoming too physically painful and draining, I was a caregiver. I do know that God loves me and right now I believe its His will for me to be at home and just be a loving wife and mom.
I have asked the Lord to heal me often, I am at the point now that I know that He knows what I would like. And if He doesn't heal me then so be it, that is God's will. I just ask for the strength and grace to carry on and live my life and seek joy and peace found only in Jesus Christ.
It has been a very long journey to have reached this point. This disease has taught me alot about myself and I am sure there is more to come. I know God has used my situation to draw me closer to Him and to help me grow.
to all at TJ
Calluna