In my years with God, I have backslide many times and fell into sexual sin. I lost the desire to find God and Jesus Christ again. I can't read my Bible and pray. Seeking God seems impossible for me as I just wait until I die and burn alive. I don't know if God even has a plan for my life anymore because I cry and suffer all the time in mental anguish because of this sorrow that I have in my life. I have sinned too much and I believe that the Lord can't forgive me. I believe that I am the worst sinner than Hitler or some Mafia lord. I lost my emotions of feeling happy, sad, peace and all the other positive things that I should feel. I also feel like I blasphemed the Holy Spirit by doing exactly what they pharisees did and I believe I am guilty of an eternal sin. My heart is way too hardened because repentance is a difficult thing for me to produce. Genuine repentance from the heart is impossible. I struggle with sexual sin everyday and I don't have plans of stopping. I think that I really can't be saved. I grew up in a Christian family and loved Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit. I loved him until I heard of the unforgivable sin. Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is believing that the works of the Holy Spirit are demonic. I think that I first started having these thoughts when I was a kid at 14 after hearing about the unforgivable sin. Then I started having this and it turned into doubts and then into beliefs but I tried to rebuke it and it was too late. My fate has been sealed forever. I tried to come to Jesus Christ but it's like I have an intellectual belief and not a heartfelt conviction about him. The power of God's Spirit isn't working in my heart and I have not became a changed human being at all. I am still stuck in my dead sins and I feel completely spiritually dead. My soul and spirit is so dry and I feel so emotionless. The conviction and guilt to stop my sins has died out and I used to feel sorry for my sins. The power of God has abandoned me. What should I do?
I was a believer since I was a tot, but by the time I was in high school, I was led astray by the infirmity in my flesh, the world, and the rationalizing compromising and yet religious church. I felt like a fraud in trying to keep that commitment to make Jesus Lord of my life. Like a yo yo, I was sorry for my sexual sins of uncleanness, then I ask Jesus for forgiveness, but then when I feel like He is helping me to go on, I showed my appreciation by trying to keep that commitment in making Him Lord of my life again and wind up failing again.
Same thing with the words of my mouth. I had picked up a habit of cussing out loud when no one was around out at the warehouse I was managing until one day I read a pamphlet from Bill Rudge Ministries with scripture convicting me of the words of my mouth, BUT in the back of the pamphlet, it led me to make a covenant with my mouth of which I had applied as not to cuss any more out at the warehouse. I was worse the very next day.
Thoughts were coming into my head that I was not His for if I was His, He would have helped me to keep my covenant. I was at my wits end until I prayed to the Lord, "Why aren't you helping me?? You know I do not want to do this."
A small still voice answered, it was not audible but I heard that voice saying, "You made the covenant. You said you were going to do it. I made the covenant with you and I said I am going to do it. All I ask is for you to believe in Me."
I was humbled that day and when Promise Keepers movement was in the valley and my former Presbyterian church was going to be the center for it, I felt led to warn others. At that time I was attending 2 Bible study groups that were Pentecostal/Charismatic and the men there were talking about the PK movements in both Bible studies. One said they knew better to make promises to God but just made promises to man for man to hold them accountable while the other group said it was about making promises to God because man cannot be there for you all the time. Although I never been to one PK meeting or convention, I can read and I knew it was about making promises to both God and men.
When I was trying to warn them, one Catholic Mason in one group said to me "Isn't a commitment like a promise?" Then he answered while I was taken aback, "Sure it is". Then I finally realized my error way back then in trying to keep that commitment in making Jesus Lord of my life. It was then the Lord set me free from all man made yokes of bondages to do His work in me so I can rest in Him and His word to me that He will do it.
It took Him a long time for me to be set free from my vain religious striving to believing in Him to help me to follow Him by laying aside every weight & sin daily in walking in the light in fellowship with the Father & the Son.
The other thing Jesus helped me with was from following any of these movements of the "spirit" which they claim is the Holy Spirit but it is not when saved believers lose self control and fall like that in slain in the spirit, holy laughter movement, Pensacola Outpouring, Toronto's Blessings, Ernest Angeley's Healing Crusade, or seeking the sign of tongues at their salvation or seeking another baptism with the Holy Ghost with evidence of tongues; they are apostasy.
The real indwelling Holy Spirit would always keep the spotlight on the Son in worship in testifying of Him in bringing Him glory through us in worship as well as in ministry and so it is the spirit of the antichrist that "visits" with signs and lying wonders to take believers focus and sights off of the Son in worship to chasing after them to receive for a sign. That is what an antichrist mean in scripture and actually does as in "instead of Christ":
I was reading something in the Upper Room or the Daily Bread that impressed upon me the urgency of answering that question. Decide this day whom you will serve; the Lord Jesus Christ or something else in His name. I said "you of course," but the sense of urgency was still there. And so I prayed "Please help me to do this". That sense of urgency left and sure enough, a week later while vacation with my folks in Missouri several states away, the holy laughter movement was in my aunt's church. I did not know what was going on and I did not connect the warning prior to that event but sure enough, He helped me not to fall supernaturally to that movement to serve that movement in seeking the glory of that movement.
Looking back, I felt stupid and I was like Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde when I was religiously striving against sexual sins. How can I nor any one believe in their own sincerity & will power to follow Him? If we could not save ourselves, then how can we even hope to follow Him? And so we have to surrender to the fact that we cannot follow Him any more than we can save ourselves so we can trust in Him as our Saviour & Good Shepherd to do it.
I need His help everyday in following Him, and so I am to suffer while ceasing from sin by Him helping me put away all provision for the flesh, and keep my mind on good things as He will give me the strength and His peace to get through any storm in my life because He is helping me to trust Him as my Good Shepherd and not just as my Saviour.
Since you posted what you did, you are really calling for help and so not entirely without conviction. Those who are past help, wouldn't even bother posting what you did. You may be doubting yourself as I do in looking to myself to stop sinning, but we are to look to Jesus, praying to Him for help to stop sinning. That is His purpose to destroy the works of the devil in our lives so we can follow Him, even those that have gone astray like you and me.
1 John 3:3
And every man that hath this hope in him purifieth himself, even as he is pure....
8 He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning.
For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil.
Galatians 5:1Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage....
5 For we through the Spirit wait for the hope of righteousness by faith.
Philippians 1:6 Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:
11 Being filled with the fruits of righteousness, which are by Jesus Christ, unto the glory and praise of God.
2 Timothy 4:18 And the Lord shall deliver me from every evil work, and will preserve me unto his heavenly kingdom: to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.
Jude 1:24 Now unto him that is able to keep you from falling, and to present you faultless before the presence of his glory with exceeding joy,
25 To the only wise God our Saviour, be glory and majesty, dominion and power, both now and ever. Amen.
So no. It is not too late for you. May He help you to see all the hopes you can have in Him for all things and set you free from your sins.
John 8:30 As he spake these words, many believed on him.
31 Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;
32 And ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.
33 They answered him, We be Abraham's seed, and were never in bondage to any man: how sayest thou, Ye shall be made free?
34 Jesus answered them, Verily, verily, I say unto you, Whosoever committeth sin is the servant of sin.
35 And the servant abideth not in the house for ever: but the Son abideth ever.
36 If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.
Romans 8:31 What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?
32 He that spared not his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how shall he not with him also freely give us all things?
33 Who shall lay any thing to the charge of God's elect? It is God that justifieth.
34 Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?
36 As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
37 Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.
38 For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,
39 Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Think of living that reconcile relationship with God thru Jesus Christ as He helps us to follow Him in laying aside every weight ( provision for the flesh ) & sin daily as that is what that race is all about.
Hebrews 12:1Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
1 Peter 4:1Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin;
2 That he no longer should live the rest of his time in the flesh to the lusts of men, but to the will of God.
Hebrews 2:18 For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted.
Romans 13:13 Let us walk honestly, as in the day; not in rioting and drunkenness, not in chambering and wantonness, not in strife and envying.
14 But put ye on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make not provision for the flesh, to fulfil the lusts thereof.
1 Corinthians 10:12 Wherefore let him that thinketh he standeth take heed lest he fall.
13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.
Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
9 Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.
So ask Him for help today to put away all the provision for the flesh, to cast down wicked thoughts, and to think on good things.
May God bless you & keep you. May He shine His face upon you & give you His peace.
No matter what you have done in the past, believe Him in His words that when you confess your sins, He will forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:3 That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you, that ye also may have fellowship with us: and truly our fellowship is with the Father, and with his Son Jesus Christ.
4 And these things write we unto you, that your joy may be full.
5 This then is the message which we have heard of him, and declare unto you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.
6 If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth:
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin.
8 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.
9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
