How do I stop being selfish?

[setapart]

Hi,

I was reading Matthew 16:24 tonight while doing a study on selfishness. And it really hit home concerning a problem I'm dealing with.

24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

And this scripture wasn't new to me. Ive been doing this - trying to lay down my own plans and will and forgetting about what I want and doing what Jesus wants. It's just that I feel that he's called me to do something in specific. And I am just so extremely unhappy. And I feel very guilty about the way I feel. I don't want to feel like this. I want to do God's work with gladness and gratefulness. And I am thankful and I do realize how blessed I am. But I am just really unhappy at where he has called me to live and do. And stopping is not an option so I suppose I was just wondering how do I change my feelings and stop thinking about what I want so that everyday doesn't seem like such a chore to live.

Forgive the way I sound. I just really need some input because I feel like Im doing something wrong or like Im missing something. This can't be the way God wants me to live. Any advice kind or stern would be gladly accepted. Thanks!

 

[Ann]

It's just that I feel that he's called me to do something in specific. And I am just so extremely unhappy. And I feel very guilty about the way I feel. I don't want to feel like this. I want to do God's work with gladness and gratefulness. And I am thankful and I do realize how blessed I am. But I am just really unhappy at where he has called me to live and do.

Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I've been having a discussion about the way God works with a minister friend of mine the other day and I truly believe that God does not create chaos, unhappiness or any other negative results in any situation.

You say that you are extremely unhappy - then I want to say that you must re-evaluate your service to God. His burden is light and His yoke easy and if you are unhappy then I'm sure than you are not within God's will for your life.
If you are within God's will you will do what you do with gladness and gratefulness and of course you will enjoy it. God will never let you serve Him in a way that will make you unhappy.

Pray and tell God how you feel and ask Him to reveal His will for your life and I promise you that He will do just that. I will pray with you and you don't have to ask forgiveness about the way you sound, we all get in a difficult place sometimes and need some guidance and advice.

Lots of love!

 

[pebosworth]

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always, pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Joshua 1:9 "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'."

 

[setapart]

Mat 11:29 Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
Mat 11:30 For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Wow. Matthew 11:30 is a wonderful reminder. Thank you Ann. It definitely gives me something to meditate on the last few days of this year. It seems like this year has been so difficult for me, and complicated and confusing. I just don't know. I mean for the last few months Ive been repeating in my head Deny Yourself! Deny Yourself! Take up your cross!Denying myself is not easy however... or light. Well at least not to me. Am I missing something? Well I will definitely take your advice and pray about it. Im glad you gave me that scripture. Thanks again!

Thank you Also Pebosworth The scriptures you gave were encouraging as well.

 

[JustJesus]

How about...start giving?!? No more than you can handle., of course.
And don't forget to take care of your own...those you're responsible for...primarily.
Also, don't reason out the giving of oneself to the poor in spirit as well. amen!
Give what He gave to you to give. After all, we can only give what we've got.
Also, make sure that those "feelings" aren't implanted by some guilt-ridding preaching you might have heard by some unworthiness-peddler. i.e. Don't take on any burdens which aren't your own
Guilts can easily take the place of any responsibilities you have before you to endeavor. Which in themselves, hold great satisfaction(s).

 

[shepherdsgrace]

I am not trying to negate what has been said. But God's will is not always happy time. Sometimes our lives take turns that it would be against God's will for us to leave. Life in God's will can be hard and abrasive. For 36 years I have lived where I did not want to live and also lived a type of life that was not of my choosing. It has been difficult and filled with many tears. I learned to turn to Him in every moment. I would have been less a person if I had left. Instead I stayed and through the years allowed God to little by little change me and mould me. Let me tell you that it is not easy to die on a cross. The path that God leads us on is not always joyful and easy.

However, GOD is a person of mercy and love. And the HOLY SPIRIT has all his fruit to bear in your life. God may be wanting you to gain your joy and life from HIM. God may be calling you to Himself. He may be asking you to die to all on the outside that would make you happy in the natural so that you can gain more of HIM.

The question you have asked is not simple. Just make sure that you do not do anything against the LORD's law of love in trying to suit yourself. Sometimes it is better to suit God and to suit others than to suit yourself.

"Follow me." Those are the words.

 

[Donald]

Not By Might Nor By Power......

Hello there, I like the fact that you do not want to be selfish anymore and so does God! However every human being is selfish until such time as they are one with God through Jesus Christ.

The scripture that you quoted actually gives you the answer to your problem ... Matthew 16:24 If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me .... Matthew 16:1-20 Jesus warns His disciples about the yeast of the Pharisees and the Sadducees. Yeast spreads through the whole batch of dough and causes the bread to rise. The Pharisees and the Sadducees were puffed up with pride and their message was not in line with what God wanted. Jesus was saying to His disciples that the Pharisees and the Sadducees teaching binds people to this world and does not draw them to God. They were white washed walls showing a form of goliness but denying the power of God in themselves. Their hearts were far from God and they only considered themselves. They were selfish wanting the glory for everything they did. Jesus often confronted them about this. They thought that salvation was through their good works and observing the Law of Moses.

When Jesus asked His disciples who did they say He was Peter confessed Thou art the Christ, the Son of the living God. Then Jesus said to him that Blessed art thou, Simon Bar-jona: for flesh and blood hath not revealed it unto thee, but my Father which is in heaven. And I say unto thee, that thou art Peter, and on this rock I will build my church; and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it...... Jesus was saying that the revelation that He was the Son of the living God would be the foundation on which He would build the church. The emphasis here is on Him building the church (read Psalm 127 Unless the Lord build the house .... they that labour, labour in vain)

Attempting to build the house oneself leads to selfishness in that one is not considering anyone else but themselves and their own well being. The teaching they offer binds people to this world and does not draw them to God who is in heaven.

The denying of oneself one must be prepared to die to self and accept that they themselves cannot work to find salvation and ultimately get into heaven. Simply put the person must repent of his/her sins and believe in the finished work of Jesus Christ on the cross. That He, being completely innocent of any sin, a perfect man, took our sins on Himself and ultimately took the judgement of God for those sins. One must believe that He has risen and is seated at the right hand of God in heaven.

To follow Christ thereafter is a relationship that comes about when a sinner has believed and repented of his/her sin ... he/she is born again. Being born again means that the sinners spirit is re-united with Gods Spirit and he/she has become one with Him. A relationship.

Out of this relationship with Christ people start to look outwards displaying the character of God (read 1Corinthians 13:1-8 and Galatians 5:22) and the more a person looks outwards at the plight of others (denying self) and suffer long in sharing the Gospel and associated persecution (if any) and (take up the cross) to see those in need of salvation find that salvation.

Hebrews 8:10 say that God Himself will wrte his laws on our mends and on our hearts ... Acts 1:8 says And ye shall receive power, after the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, an in Samaria, and unto the uttmost part of the earth . 2 Corinthians 3:1-3 we see Paul, by the Spirit of God saying that they will become a letter from Christ as the Holy Ghost writes the Word on their hearts. 1 Corinthians 3 ... one plants... another waters but Gods causes the increase (growth in the person). Psalm 119 we see the psalmist praising God for His law and asking God to teach him that law ... a relationship ... Moses, Joshua, Abel, all the prophets in the Old Testament and the Apostles and disciples in the New Teataments Acts onward all were lead by the Spirit of God ... a relationship.

I really can go on moe and more with this subject and I will be more than willing if you send me a reply.

In closing read the following scriptures:

Romans 5 emphasis on the fact that through one man (Adam) came death (spirtiual separation from God) but through one Man (Jesus Christ) come life (a re-uniting of the person to God through the Blood of Jesus Christ)

1 Corinthians 3
2 Corinthians 3
Hebrews 10
Psalm 1
Psalm 127
Psalm 119
John 14:15-31
John 16:12-15
The fact that you are attempting to please God through trying to be unselfish through your own works will eventually lead you into depression and you will lose your joy.

Romans 8:1 there is now now condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus
Romans 8:13-14 For if live after the flesh, ye shall die: but if ye though the Spirit do mortify the deeds of the body, ye shall live ... For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, they are the sons of God
Romans 12:2 And be not conformed to this world; but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind ....

Regards in Christ
Donald

 

[setapart]

Thank you all for your responses. I was very touched by all of your input.

Shepardsgrace, I couldn't have put it better myself. Your situation sounds just like mine. Days filled with many tears ..knowing I will be outside of God's will if I leave and 'trying' to find my hope and my joy through Him. I guess I just need to hear from you that it does get easier. The devil likes to tell me that I will be miserable forever, and that God has nothing better for me. Well I know better and that he is a liar, but sometimes he catches me on those bad days and I really fall for his tricks and have my little pity parties and get extremely depressed. At times, it is almost like someone dying. I mourn for my dreams and the plans that I use to have that I have to give up. Like my dreams died. But I remind myself of Eph 3:20 Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us And how good God has been to me so far. It is sometimes very difficult though.

Donald, I must say that it took some time studying those scriptures you suggested I really appreciated all your words of wisdom and encouragement. From the scriptures you gave me, I believe the overall message was to continue in the Word and to allow the Spirit to do the work in me of changing me and not to try to change myself or to worry about it. Is that correct? I must admit that I was a little confused with some of the reading and how it actually related to my question. I mightve missed something. Like, Romans 5 and 2 Cor 3.

Thank you all again!!

 

[Donald]

From Donald

Sorry that the message I gave was a bit confusing, I really am bound by time when I come onto the internet and I do not always have the time to double check that everything is okay. The whole essence of the message I gave you is simply to believe that Jesus has taken all your sin upon Himself. He said it was finished. The work of salvation is finished because Jesus took the judgement. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus Romans 8:1. Romans 5 speaks of being justified by faith in Jesus Christ, that through the one man came sin and death to all mankind but through the last Adam, Jesus Christ, came life. 2Corinthians 3 speaks of the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives, we become like a letter from Christ, going from glory to glory because of His work in us and not because of our own self righteous works, 1 Corinthians 3 speaks of one planting and the other watering but only God can give the increase to your growth not your "good works" at attempting to overcome sin.

Thanks
Donald

 

[trulyblezzed]

Hi,

I was reading Matthew 16:24 tonight while doing a study on selfishness. And it really hit home concerning a problem I'm dealing with.

24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

And this scripture wasn't new to me. Ive been doing this - trying to lay down my own plans and will and forgetting about what I want and doing what Jesus wants. It's just that I feel that he's called me to do something in specific. And I am just so extremely unhappy. And I feel very guilty about the way I feel. I don't want to feel like this. I want to do God's work with gladness and gratefulness. And I am thankful and I do realize how blessed I am. But I am just really unhappy at where he has called me to live and do. And stopping is not an option so I suppose I was just wondering how do I change my feelings and stop thinking about what I want so that everyday doesn't seem like such a chore to live.

Forgive the way I sound. I just really need some input because I feel like Im doing something wrong or like Im missing something. This can't be the way God wants me to live. Any advice kind or stern would be gladly accepted. Thanks!

Hello Sister. I would first like to say good job by admitting your flaw and seeking Christian advice. Not everyone is able to see their faults.

Let me point out something. You may not be as selfish as you think. You posted this on 12/23- 2 days before Christmas. You probably went to church and heard the sermon when conviction set in. After church, instead of goind to the mall to buy presents or getting your nails done or cleaning the house, you chose to come to TJ and seek what the Lord would say. You may not be extremely selfish, but you're feeling this way because God is asking something more from you. You know you can give it to Him, but you've been putting it off and that's why you're feeling so down.

The best way to stop being selfish is to tackle it head-on. Help someone with their groceries. Take time out to counsel someone. Buy a small gift for someone in need. The more you help other people, the more rountine it will be.

The bible says that "whatever you do for these people, you really do for me" (Jesus said that). The more you help others, the easier it will be to become giving towards God in all areas of your life.

God Bless you sister. just PUSH (Pray Until Something Happens)!!!

 

[setapart]

Donald, The message wasnt confusing. It was very helpful. Thanks for clarifying those scriptures. Thank you also TrulyBlessed. You have all helped me in understanding and accepting this season that Im in right now. Thankyou!

 

[Kat]

Hi,

I was reading Matthew 16:24 tonight while doing a study on selfishness. And it really hit home concerning a problem I'm dealing with.

24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

And this scripture wasn't new to me. Ive been doing this - trying to lay down my own plans and will and forgetting about what I want and doing what Jesus wants. It's just that I feel that he's called me to do something in specific. And I am just so extremely unhappy. And I feel very guilty about the way I feel. I don't want to feel like this. I want to do God's work with gladness and gratefulness. And I am thankful and I do realize how blessed I am. But I am just really unhappy at where he has called me to live and do. And stopping is not an option so I suppose I was just wondering how do I change my feelings and stop thinking about what I want so that everyday doesn't seem like such a chore to live.

Forgive the way I sound. I just really need some input because I feel like Im doing something wrong or like Im missing something. This can't be the way God wants me to live. Any advice kind or stern would be gladly accepted. Thanks!

Hihi!

Remember the big fish story? The prophet, (um...what's his name?) did not want to go to this town that God wanted him to go because he felt that the people in the town do not deserve forgiveness from God and he knows that if he goes, people in the town will repent and be saved. He did not want those people to be saved. He was miserable and ran away and God taught him a lesson by putting him in the big fish's stomach. When I saw your post, I just thought of this story.

So some questions... 1) Are you sure whatever you feel is God's calling and the Holy Spirit's prompting. 2) If you are sure God has specific things that He wants you to do, what is stopping you from doing that?
3) If something is really stopping you, are you able to resolve that, put your grievances and human nature down and just obey?
Coz if not, and because God loves you, He probably will teach you by putting you in the fish's stomach too.

It's a blessing to follow God even though our human nature often makes it so difficult. If you can't, God can. And if you are willing, God teaches and all things are possible with Him.

 

[setapart]

Kat ..lol Your post made me smile. Thank you! I believe you are refering to Jonah. And yes I suppose our stories do somewhat relate. Except I would never feel like people should not be forgiven.
I am positive that God has called me here. And I intend to obey Him because I do know that my life will not be as fulfilling outside of God's will and I will be confined to a whale's belly so to speak ..lol But my issue is more along the line of not being obedient but being joyful in my obedience. Shepardsgrace described it perfectly, "difficult and filled with many tears". And I just want to get over myself. It is a very difficult thing to do as she mentioned "to die on a cross" But I love Jesus so much I am definitely willing to do it. Im also doing a lot better than I was from when I first post this. God's grace! And you guys have honestly truly helped me. I thank God for this forum because I dont have a lot of Christian people I can go to or that would understand.

 

[Jonah2005bt]

Selfdiscipline is the key!

Selfdiscipline is the key!

We should {try} not to sin & we should {try} to fight our own temptations - with all our might.

And I mean - with all our might - trying hard to turn away from our wickedness & practicing {and if it must be - forcing ourselves} to do righteousness.

It's now, that the future is in our hands to do as we please.

And to gain 'Ever Lasting Life on earth ' or to ' go to Heaven,' we must listen to The Almighty GOD & Jesus Christ, and turn from all wicked ways - to the best that we can! To the best of our knowledge, that HE has given us!{Ezekiel 33:11}

Meaning, using all the might, with-in us, by using self-discipline, doing what we know is right & not wrong, no matter what!

And if we do fail, we will be foregiven because The Almighty GOD & Christ Jesus will have seen that we did the very best we could, Jesus' blood covers those who do try with all their might & 'endure to the end.' {Matthew 10:22 & 24:4 - 13}

And what does endure mean? It means to carry on through, despite hardships.

And at times it will seem that others may do better in turning from their wicked ways.

But by-all-means, do not let that bother you! Be happy for them & continue to pray for them. {1 Corinthians 12:26}

And realize too, as long as you are doing the very best that you can, The Almighty GOD & Christ Jesus will know that.

Remember, HE know's what in our heart. And HE will know if HE is in your heart.

Do not dwell on what others may do, for The Almighty GOD is watching them & HE is watching YOU, too.

We all will be judged according to our works.

Though the Bible does state that we should give warning to all people good & bad a like.

Don't worry if you have warned them & yet they do not listen, just pay attention to your own actions.

For The Almighty GOD is watching us all.

It is written - "We can be teachers", and one way is by setting good examples for other people to wittiness & follow. {1 Corinthians 12; Romans 12:6-8, 1 Timothy 4:12, Titus 2:7, 1 Peter 2:21 & 5:3}

Our examples will have messages with in them selves.

Hebrews 12:28
We have been given possession of an unshakeable kingdom. Let us therefore be grateful and use our gratitude to Worship GOD in the way that pleases HIM, in reverence and fear.

Do you want to see wicked people in the New Earth or New Heveans to Come? {Isaiah 65:17}
To see them pollute the earth - all over again, and our minds & bodies as well?

No of coarse not! & Niether does GOD.

This is why our Almighty GOD must destroy all wickedness! In-order to 'make all things new again.' {Isaiah 65:17, Revelation 21:5}

I kind of look at it like this;
worldliness is like a disease that man is born with. But, there is a cure for this disease & it is called The WORD of The Almighty GOD & The Teachings of Jesus Christ who is known to be The WORD.

As long as we take our medicine & follow the instructions, that is, "GOD'S WORD," we are heading in the right direction in being cured.

But as long as we are not taking our medicine "GOD'S WORD," we are only causing our own discomfort and destroying ourselves.

The Almighty GOD & Jesus Christ wand us, HE even showed us & explained how good it would be for us, if we would listen & obeyed HIM. {Deuteronomy 5:29, Micah 6:8}

HE even gave & still gives us a chance to turn from our own wicked ways, and asked us to stay away from following the sins of others. {Ezekiel 18:30-31 & *33:11, 1 Timothy 2:4, 2 Peter 3:9,}

But still HE is marked by many! {Isaiah 52:13 - Isaiah 53:1 - 12}

It is not HIS fault that we choose to sin!

*genesis

 

[Richie]

Hi,

I was reading Matthew 16:24 tonight while doing a study on selfishness. And it really hit home concerning a problem I'm dealing with.

24Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. 25For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.

And this scripture wasn't new to me. Ive been doing this - trying to lay down my own plans and will and forgetting about what I want and doing what Jesus wants. It's just that I feel that he's called me to do something in specific. And I am just so extremely unhappy. And I feel very guilty about the way I feel. I don't want to feel like this. I want to do God's work with gladness and gratefulness. And I am thankful and I do realize how blessed I am. But I am just really unhappy at where he has called me to live and do. And stopping is not an option so I suppose I was just wondering how do I change my feelings and stop thinking about what I want so that everyday doesn't seem like such a chore to live.

Forgive the way I sound. I just really need some input because I feel like Im doing something wrong or like Im missing something. This can't be the way God wants me to live. Any advice kind or stern would be gladly accepted. Thanks!

Dear Sister,

All you need to do, is to wait on the Lord, and He will guide you in the right direction and in the right time, because He knows everything.

Isaiah 40:28-31:

Verse 28: Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding.

Verse 29: He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength.

Verse 30: Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall.

Verse 31: But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Just trust in the Lord and He will guide you in the right direction. Please see this video:

http://www.talkjesus.com/streaming-video/17805-trust-lord-don-moen-video.html

Remember we cannot do anything of our own. It is all the work of the Holy Spirit that causes us to work His will and guide us in His paths.

God bless you.