oneup_shroom
Member
- Joined
- May 9, 2013
- Messages
- 52
It’s a question that is popularly shouted by self-esteem endorsers, psychiatrists, and people in general. Yet maybe we give too much authority to this art of feeling. I continue to live life based off of how I feel, my thought life is controlled by it, and most ever choice has a foundation in how I am currently feeling. I’m starting to believe this popularity of feelings should be worshiped a bit less.
I am a musician, a worship leader and an all-around emotional guy. I find meaning in the beauty created in this world, the tickle down my spine when I feel Gods presence washing over me, and in tears shed in overwhelming times of joy or pain. I find passion in seeing others experience God on an emotional level. I also admit, regrettably, that I love seeing people fall in love, either in reality or on the screen. It makes my feel goods go crazy.
I think these things can all be counted as “good” in the eyes of most of us. Yet in my own life I think I give too much credit to the feelings. Maybe I am alone in this, or even a bit crazy, but when my heart is focused on something my “head voice” won’t shut up about it!
“Wait, hang on a second what do you mean by head voice?” – Generic question asking person. (GQAP)
Well, with me I describe the constant conversations I have with myself in my head my “head voice”. Honestly I find myself quite curious to know if everyone has a powerful conversation going on in their head at all times like I do. It’s hard to quiet it long enough to talk to someone in the physical world, at times I just get so lost in my own head.
So with this head voice chatting all the time it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed with thoughts based in emotions that I’m not even sure if they are real or not. Like recently, I all of a sudden decided that I was attracted to this girl. We are both around the same age, she is attractive, single, and has an amazing heart for God, plus the voice that this beautiful creation of God can emit is like… … … See! There my head goes again.
So, basically I take a cute small idea and my head runs circles around it until it’s a big monster of emotion! In under a week I found myself from, kind of being attracted to this person to full on “like liking” them, as a Jr. High or HS girl would put it. I can see where this emotion was birthed from, and honestly I can see where logically we could be a good match. What I don’t understand is how to control the constant talking in my head about how this situation could work out, or how our first date might go, or what it would be like to be married to her….. AHHHH SHUT UP!
It’s not right nor probably even healthy to think that way.
“But what can you do about it?” – GQAP
Well, at this moment I am trying to submit these “feelings” to God so he can sort out what is a part of his plan for my life and what is just inflated hormonal attraction. Sounds like a great plan huh – big thumbs up – Yet, if I am truly submitted to God on this and other subjects like it, why does my head voice continue to race from sleep to sleep.
People tell me I should “quiet my mind” and “wait on the Lord” but really how does one do that? I’ve sat in silence for hours begging God to just “TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” … but that usually just ends in more silence than I started with. I’ve gotten to the point of frustration with the inability to hear God speak to my spirit that I literally scream for him to show himself to me! … but that usually just ends with a sore throat followed by doubts of “maybe if God didn’t hear that maybe he really isn’t there, or just doesn’t care bout you”. Again if you’d be so kind as to shut it head voice!
So what am I to do?
I am not sure… the Bible says to seek and you will find, ask and you will receive… etc and I am paraphrasing of course. So maybe I just need to seek harder! Or ask harder! But that doesn’t really make sense, since God is not a video game… the harder you push yourself at it the more cool crap and better base you build! Yet the simple act of waiting on God and begging him for answers or guidance doesn’t seem to work either.
Could this mean I need to take a more direct approach to life? Maybe like Joshua and his armor bearer I just need to jump into battle with both feet trusting God to have my back? Maybe then God will stop the sun and provide me the answers I so desire! Yet, I don’t even know what war to fight.
I was hoping by the end of writing this that I would have figured something out through the process of putting my thoughts on paper. Yet, I still feel the same as I started, overwhelmed with thoughts on God, the future, and girls. So, I guess not but I do feel more organized about it all
These are the current headlines from the conversations taking place in my head.
Please excuse our mess for we are under construction.
- Josh
I am a musician, a worship leader and an all-around emotional guy. I find meaning in the beauty created in this world, the tickle down my spine when I feel Gods presence washing over me, and in tears shed in overwhelming times of joy or pain. I find passion in seeing others experience God on an emotional level. I also admit, regrettably, that I love seeing people fall in love, either in reality or on the screen. It makes my feel goods go crazy.
I think these things can all be counted as “good” in the eyes of most of us. Yet in my own life I think I give too much credit to the feelings. Maybe I am alone in this, or even a bit crazy, but when my heart is focused on something my “head voice” won’t shut up about it!
“Wait, hang on a second what do you mean by head voice?” – Generic question asking person. (GQAP)
Well, with me I describe the constant conversations I have with myself in my head my “head voice”. Honestly I find myself quite curious to know if everyone has a powerful conversation going on in their head at all times like I do. It’s hard to quiet it long enough to talk to someone in the physical world, at times I just get so lost in my own head.
So with this head voice chatting all the time it’s easy for me to become overwhelmed with thoughts based in emotions that I’m not even sure if they are real or not. Like recently, I all of a sudden decided that I was attracted to this girl. We are both around the same age, she is attractive, single, and has an amazing heart for God, plus the voice that this beautiful creation of God can emit is like… … … See! There my head goes again.
So, basically I take a cute small idea and my head runs circles around it until it’s a big monster of emotion! In under a week I found myself from, kind of being attracted to this person to full on “like liking” them, as a Jr. High or HS girl would put it. I can see where this emotion was birthed from, and honestly I can see where logically we could be a good match. What I don’t understand is how to control the constant talking in my head about how this situation could work out, or how our first date might go, or what it would be like to be married to her….. AHHHH SHUT UP!
It’s not right nor probably even healthy to think that way.
“But what can you do about it?” – GQAP
Well, at this moment I am trying to submit these “feelings” to God so he can sort out what is a part of his plan for my life and what is just inflated hormonal attraction. Sounds like a great plan huh – big thumbs up – Yet, if I am truly submitted to God on this and other subjects like it, why does my head voice continue to race from sleep to sleep.
People tell me I should “quiet my mind” and “wait on the Lord” but really how does one do that? I’ve sat in silence for hours begging God to just “TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” … but that usually just ends in more silence than I started with. I’ve gotten to the point of frustration with the inability to hear God speak to my spirit that I literally scream for him to show himself to me! … but that usually just ends with a sore throat followed by doubts of “maybe if God didn’t hear that maybe he really isn’t there, or just doesn’t care bout you”. Again if you’d be so kind as to shut it head voice!
So what am I to do?
I am not sure… the Bible says to seek and you will find, ask and you will receive… etc and I am paraphrasing of course. So maybe I just need to seek harder! Or ask harder! But that doesn’t really make sense, since God is not a video game… the harder you push yourself at it the more cool crap and better base you build! Yet the simple act of waiting on God and begging him for answers or guidance doesn’t seem to work either.
Could this mean I need to take a more direct approach to life? Maybe like Joshua and his armor bearer I just need to jump into battle with both feet trusting God to have my back? Maybe then God will stop the sun and provide me the answers I so desire! Yet, I don’t even know what war to fight.
I was hoping by the end of writing this that I would have figured something out through the process of putting my thoughts on paper. Yet, I still feel the same as I started, overwhelmed with thoughts on God, the future, and girls. So, I guess not but I do feel more organized about it all
These are the current headlines from the conversations taking place in my head.
Please excuse our mess for we are under construction.
- Josh
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