How hard is it for a woman to lust?

[justsavedvince]

Hey ladies, I'm a guy, 20 years old, almost 21. For awhile now I've wanted to know the answer to this question. How hard is it for a woman to lust? Is it a really hard struggle for you all like it is for men not to lust after a woman? The bible instructs women to dress modestly so that men may not be tempted... but is there anything that we can do as gentlemen to make it easier on you all? Where do we go wrong and what do you suggest be changed about everday behavior and dress in men? thanks for the responses.

 

[of_the_rose]

I think that it is just as easy for a woman to fall into the trappings of lust, as men. But I think that men are far more tempted. Sadly enough, lots of women feel the need to dress immodestly to get attention. And clearly their immodest clothing provokes lust.

But my answer to your question, would be for gentlemen to not pressure or tempt women into compromising positions. Some women are really passive, and wont say "no." Yet some mistake Lust for love. So I dont think its really a matter of how gentlemen dress, as much it is a matter of how they conduct themselves around women.

A real gentleman would not lead a lady into sinfull behavior.

 

[Dreamer]

Oh, boy, do I like this question! I've been wanting to answer this very question! Now.....let's see, what is the answer?mg:
Well, justsavedvince, of the rose just answered the question quite well!

You see, we do not think like you guys think. It's kind of hard to explain. Of the rose said it well when she admitted that it really doesn't have much to do with how you guys dress. Some of it has to do with the male's conduct. And some just has to do with being secure and knowing what we do.....and do not, need to do.

Although women are visual, yes, the inner workings of our hearts and thoughts are tender and....the true way to love a woman is to love and cherish her in your heart.

Unfortunately, many women fall into a trap, as of the rose said, of wanting to be loved, and they confuse love with lust. Lust can feel an awful lot like love, because if a woman is being lusted after, she is being paid attention to.
But without the boundaries of marriage....this will lead to sin, so....

Help your female dates and admirers by praying for her with the Lord's blessings upon her and get to know her as a friend. Be compassionate and respectful as you know God wants you to be.

You have asked a good question; you have really caused me to think.

 

[calluna]

I agree with what has been said. Yes, women can be just as lustful as men, this is one area that I use to struggle with and I praise God for helping me with this. And believe me it has nothing to do with what a man is wearing, even though a nice pair of jeans, and a fresh clean shirt, is nice to see.

I am talking from my perspective and personal past experience here, it is definitely about behavior and conduct. I think men have to be very careful about what they say to ladies, especially if she is feeling a need to be wanted and loved and is a little insecure about herself, And she doesn't know the Lord well, and so is not confident about who she is in Christ.
Many ladies are very clever at putting on this confident facade, but inside they are desperate for some attention. I mean just paying her a compliment about how she looks can send an insecure female into fantasy land. I use to be one of these people. I am just being honest here.

Another thing, I am not at all comfortable with hugging other males, in church or elsewhere. I am married, and I notice in church and social functions everyone is hugging everyone, male and female, married and single, and for people who like myself who has had problems with lust in the past, this is something to consider and be careful about. A simple hug can be misunderstood, So boundaries need to be set and made clear.


This was a great question Justsavedvince. I hope this helped.

:shade: Calluna

 

[MAJ52653]

Of course women lust. They just do it differently then men do. Men have pornography, but women have romance novels. Romance novels do for women what dirty pictures do for men. Women aren't naturally turned on by sight like men are. A few years ago, the Women's Lib bunch in another silly attempt to prove that women were just like men tried putting out pinups of men in one of their magazines. They found that most women had to be convinced that fold out pinups of naked men were sexy. It didn't really catch on.
In the same way, when I was in the Hindu monastery, the nuns were constantly running about with their version of lust problems. While the monks did have the expected problems with urges toward sex, the nuns were spending all day plotting and planning marriages and that sort of thing. At the time what bothered me was I never heard of one plotting or planning about me. Oddly enough, they were all turned on by Supermonk, the most woman hating monk I ever met.
Besides, think on it logically. Women wouldn't have to be warned about dressing provocativally (that has to be spelled wrong, but I think you get it) unless they were dressing to try to provoke. And they wouldn't be provoking lust unless they were looking for one to lust with.

 

[thankful]

Yes women do have issues with lusting... unfortunately this subject is a bit of a taboo. everyone knows it but some are afraid to talk about it. we all have our struggles. i'm happy that you asked this questions i hope that it makes all of us think and realise that some of our sisters have a real problem with this.

as it concerns what you guys can wear to help.. i have to agree with calluna on this one. it has nothing to do with what you wear, nothing at all.

let us all continue to be mindful of each other in the things we do, because although we may be comfortable with it it sometimes affect others. again its all about behaviour and conduct.

 

[calluna]

MAJ52, this is partially accurate, but many women have not read a romance novel in their life, and still experience lust, and it originally begins with a visual attraction to the man, ... and then thoughts progress from there,... and often marriage is far from their minds.

So I think this could be a misleading concept that women are just into romance, wining and dining. Many women are stimulated visually, mentally and physically similarly to men but the drive may not be quite as high, but it does exist.
:lightbulb It's just not admitted by alot of women because of the stigma and reputation that can arise from admitting such a thing.:lightbulb

Promiscuity abounds out there in the world, period. And really this is why we need to continue to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with everyone including those who are out there up to their necks in lust and sex, who are looking for satisfaction in temporary ways, when only Jesus Christ satisfies 100% and thats who we all need. And continued prayer is needed for those of us who know the Lord to stay strong and keep abiding in Him, keep our minds pure, and stay focused on Jesus and not allow our minds go astray, which then can lead to sin.

And I think young men who are wanting to lead Godly lives and ask great questions such as justsavedvince, need to be aware of some of the things above mentioned. And pray and ask the Lord for guidance in how to conduct oneself when around ladies and to be on guard against those with their seductive nature.

:shade: Calluna

 

[justsavedvince]

thank you all for responding.. and don't be afraid to keep them coming because i do want to learn more about this. In my own experience, just recently at church even, i was wearing a collared shirt and this girl they came to say hi, and she's really nice, but she likes to feel my chest and my arms and stuff, like it's an impulse or something, she does it jokingly, but she does it to me a lot, and this other guy who is really fit. And that made me think about the beach even, if i take my shirt off at the beach, knowing women are looking at me (i'm not trying boast, but just giving an example) and talking about my body, am i causing those women to fall? the bible says for women to dress modestly, but what about women looking at men with their shirts off at the beach... should i wear a shirt? and what about when girls look at pictures in People Magazine with shirtless celebrities or something, or watch music videos? And because of this girls' behavior, should i make it a point to not wear shirts that show the form of my body? i don't wear tight shirts, but i mean... maybe i should buy bigger ones? or should i ask her the same question i'm asking you all? "how hard is it for a woman to lust?" and then hear her response? And on the other hand, is it ok for me to just wear what i want to? or take my shirt off at the beach? Thanks again for your responses.

 

[Dreamer]

You are awesome to be thinking this way. You are an awesome young man; Thank you, Jesus.

You were more specific with this post, and, yes, the girl that does that to you is lusting. And yes, there's lusting going on at the beach--both ways, from male and female.

Would it be wrong for you to ask that girl at church to take her hands off of you?

As someone else said, females are not generally as visual with lust, but it doesn't mean it is nonexistent. You are doing what Jesus wants you to do by asking questions and praying about this matter. God bless you.

In the bible, Joseph was working at the Pharoah's house, and the Pharoah's wife decided she wanted Joseph. Joseph was very good looking. She propositioned him and wrapped her arms around him. Rather than being improperly touched, Joseph ran and left his cloak in her hands, and took himself away.

I know that other tJ members are struggling with this issue and have all kinds of good answers and bible verses for you, so I'm going to stop here. God bless you.

 

[calluna]

Justsavedvince, these are all very thought provoking questions, and I think you are sincere in your asking.
We are living in an age where we are bombarded in the media with seductive images. And yes you can include the alluring male models and celebs without shirts on. In fact I walked past a store in the mall, and I had to look away as the picture of the male model was so provocative.

I believe maybe the Lord is convicting your heart on this a little. You have to consider the motive of your heart. Ask yourself why you want to wear a particular shirt? Is it because it shows off your muscles etc?
The Lord has convicted me of what I wear and I am very conscious now that I do not wear anything too low cut, I have put safety pins in some of my tops!

If the Lord is convicting you on this, then YES wear a looser shirt, if you believe your current ones might be drawing the wrong attention to you. Also remember if a person has that lusty nature, then they will be attracted to you regardless of what you are wearing, because they are looking for someone to lust with anyway. You could wear an old sack, and it wouldn't make any difference. There is a whole load of other criteria to consider why someone is lusting over somebody.

About going to the beach, we have to put things into perspective, everyone at the beach is wearing beach attire, and men do not wear shirts. Sometimes things are more appealing out of context. So a bikini clad woman on the beach is not going to receive the same attention as a bikini clad woman standing on the street in a big city. Its out of context. So the same goes for the men at the beach or swimming pool.
Another example, on a dance competition on tv a while back, part of this one young man's routine was always to rip open his shirt and sometimes take it off. And each time he did it, the women just screamed with excitement! This was out of context, if a man takes his shirt off at the beach, women are not going to start screaming over him. But you know what it all could be totally wrong, as Dreamer said, lusting goes on at the beach aswell, maybe we are being deceived into thinking that is ok to show much flesh on the beach but not elsewhere. so this is something between you and the Lord. If you feel the need to cover up, then do so.

And as for you causing someone to fall, we are not responsible for the way others are thinking or perceiving us. But there is a responsibility on our parts to make sure that how we dress, speak, and act is about glorifying God and not ourselves.

Regarding touchy feely girl from your church, this is not appropriate behaviour. It might be considered all 'in good fun' but you allowing her to do that, ....now that could be an open a door to causing someone to fall. Boundaries have to be set and made clear. Just ask yourself what is the motive of your heart.

Prov 16:2 'All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord'

:shade: Calluna

 

[justsavedvince]

That's what made me think of this question. The girl at church touching me... i sometimes feel like I should ask her the question... but i either get embarassed to, or she makes me feel good about myself so i don't do it. Both reasons for not asking are poor and i need to step over that barrier. It comes down to my pride in a sense, my desire to be noticed... and that's one of the ways i get noticed and i know it's not good so i guess it's a struggle for ME as much as it is for the other girls. If i can take a stand on the issue then maybe I would feel more pure and able to resist letting it happen again.

 

[Eve]

Justsaved Vince,

It is nice to receive compliments and nice to give compliments providing they are of a decent nature. eg 'that hair style really suits you' etc... but I do think that this girl is overstepping the mark, even if it is a bit of fun from her perspective. I know that if the boot were on the other foot I would never feel comfotable with others touching me like that. Problem is I am like you, I don't speak up for fear of upsetting the other person and I tend to just laugh along out of embarrassment.

A co-worker comes up behind me and puts her hands on my hips every time I am in a area where there is a lack of space. She squeeze past me instead of saying excuse me (I got the shock of my life the first time she did it, as I thought it might be a male collegue). Your personal space should be respected and your value is not in the way that you look, (I am still struggling with this one).:girl:

Calluna, with the fashion being the way it is at the moment, on occassion I get a top home and find that I need to alter the neckline and find a rather large broach! I also hate all the low cut jeans and trousers, I'm long in the body and find I can bearly move without showing some bit of flesh somewhere. Very fraustrating. I have even resorted to having extra material sewn onto garments to make them longer etc...:embarasse

What is the world coming to!

God Bless

Eve

 

[calluna]

or she makes me feel good about myself so i don't do it. my desire to be noticed... and that's one of the ways i get noticed /QUOTE]

God bless you, its normal to be liked and want to get noticed, but we have to be careful about over stepping the boundaries and compromising our walk with Christ. If you know it is wrong, then you have to consider how your thoughts and behavior effects your relationship with the Lord.

It sounds like alot of this is about confidence in who you are and maybe you do not know who you are in Christ, what it means to have a real meaningful relationship with the Lord. I know you are saved, but how are you pursuing Him? Because I will share with you He will satisfy all the emotional void you may be feeling. The Lord loves you so much and wants to be close to you, He notices you, He sees you, He approves of you. You don't have to flaunt anything to get His attention, You have His undivided attention already. I think if you really knew this, you will be the most confident guy out there and it will be Christ confidence in you. It is a wonderful feeling to know that we don't need anyone to stroke our ego and boost our confidence with flattering compliments, because we know who we are in Christ.

Take a look at all the wonderful blessings of being a chosen child of God
go to the 'get saved section' and read the list of scriptures that confirm how much our God loves us in the 'In Christ I am' thread. I hope this helps you.

The next time that your path crosses with this young girl, I think you need to be honest and say something about her touching you. Pray before hand, the Lord will help you with the right words to say which won't be embarrassing or offensive to the young girl. Take courage, look to the Lord and do what is right in His eyes.

:shade: Calluna

 

[justsavedvince]

thanks for the posts. Yeah Calluna, i know it is a confidence issue, and that is just something i struggle with. I do know what it means to have a close relationship with Jesus, and I know that feeling you are talking about where I am fully confident in Him and don't need to be flattered or worry about what other people think of me... it's when i fall... that's when i slip into that pattern of thinking again. It comes with a lot of past baggage and God has taken it all off my shoulders, but Satan tempts me with it a lot and I just need to keep praying and the Lord will bring me back to where i need to be. Those days where I am confident in Christ, those are those days where I'm just on the spiritual high i'd like to be on all the time... praying continually all day, for everyone, strangers, friends, etc... but i'll be honest, i'm not like that all the time cuz i'm a sinner and it's hard to pray continually, but i am maturing and i know God has a lot planned for me and i'm excited to see where He'll take me next.

 

[calluna]

We always have to be on guard, and temptation will come our way. And it is a continual journey and I will pray for you and, please would you pray for me also.

:shade: Calluna