When you grow up doing something all your life, falling into a routine is only natural. For me, that is how my life of faith was. I was raised in an extremely conservative Christian household. We were at the church nearly every day. I knew all the songs and all the Bible stories, I never missed a single sermon, summer camp, or retreat. I could quote every Veggie Tales episode, my small group leaders called me a ‘prayer warrior’, I loved everything about church. Most people raised in an environment like mine go through some sort of rebellious phase, but that was never me. I lived and breathed church.
When I got into high school, we moved a good distance away from the church I had been so deeply rooted in, and my parents went through a difficult time. I went from being at the church nearly every day of the week to not going a single time for months on end. I was heartbroken and lost. I continued to pray and read my bible daily, but I still felt alone. My friends and leaders tried to keep in contact for a little while, but soon weekly texts of encouragement turned into months on end of silence. After a couple years had passed, I woke up one day realizing I had never felt more far away from God. So I did the only thing I could do, I prayed to God. I wanted to be close to Him, as I had felt years ago.
Soon I was finally able to get my drivers license. The first thing I did was drive myself all the way across two towns on Sunday morning. I remember how excited I was. I could not wait to be back, for everything to be as it was, to feel closer to God again, to sing the songs and join the retreats. Sure, many of my old friends weren’t there anymore, and several of the leaders had moved on to start their own churches or do ministry work abroad. The church had gotten a total remodel too. So many things were different! But I was convinced going back was the answer to my problems and would cure the longing in my heart.
To my disappointment, my hopes were far from the reality. I went consistently for several weeks. I thought I would be feeling strengthened and renewed, but instead, I felt worse than before.
It was at this time that I realized something. I didn’t miss God. I missed ‘church’. I had missed my friends and my leadership, the prayer meetings, camps, and coffee shop meet ups. But once those things shifted, I realized they were my foundation. Not God. Sure I prayed and sang all the Hillsong lyrics passionately, I journaled my heart out and invited every person I knew to youth group. But I was truly only in love with the feeling of it all, not God. Take away all those things and I was exposed. The whole time, me feeling ‘close to God’ was just my own arrogant and comfortability blinding me to the truth. It was almost like I ‘had feelings’ for God, but I didn’t actually know Him. I was able to fellowship and easily get connected at this church again very quickly. But when I reflected on my relationship with God, I felt like I was only getting farther away. So I left, with only one feeling left within me: desperation to desire and truly know God. I didn’t know where I was going to find truth and answers. All I knew was that I wasn’t finding them there.
Not even a month after I left, a good friend of mine invited me to a bible study he had been joining online. I jumped at the occasion. If it could help me know God I wanted to be involved, or at lest check it out.
My only regret is that I didn’t join sooner.
Joining this bible study helped me articulate exactly what I was missing. Knowledge of God. While I had zeal, and passion, and boldness, I lacked understanding. It was made clear early on that this bible study was purely scripture focused. Because if one desires to know God, what better way than to examine the very word He has left for us. I remember some lesson where we would go over 20-30 scriptures! I slowly began to understand God better and know Him deeper through His word. His work for the last 6,000 years. His love for His creation. His desire to reconnect with us and give us an inheritance, and our part of the promise. That and so much more.
I mean it when I say I sincerely felt so close to God when I was younger. Among anyone I knew, my zeal and seeking heart was unmatched. But I was looking in the wrong place. I wasn’t looking in the Bible, the book of promises that God intentionally left for us. He wants us to know what is inside of it, He wants us to know it well. He wants us to know Him. But where are we looking and seeking? What avenues are we trying to take to get to Him when He already left us His heart within His scriptures.
The bible study I’m in is starting up new classes soon, the very classes I took when I first began on my real journey to know God which started only a year ago. I’m sharing this with you because without exaggeration this bible study saved my life, but more specifically, it was the word of God.
Bible Study Sign Up:
https://biblestudyforall.org
More info:
www.ezbible.org
When I got into high school, we moved a good distance away from the church I had been so deeply rooted in, and my parents went through a difficult time. I went from being at the church nearly every day of the week to not going a single time for months on end. I was heartbroken and lost. I continued to pray and read my bible daily, but I still felt alone. My friends and leaders tried to keep in contact for a little while, but soon weekly texts of encouragement turned into months on end of silence. After a couple years had passed, I woke up one day realizing I had never felt more far away from God. So I did the only thing I could do, I prayed to God. I wanted to be close to Him, as I had felt years ago.
Soon I was finally able to get my drivers license. The first thing I did was drive myself all the way across two towns on Sunday morning. I remember how excited I was. I could not wait to be back, for everything to be as it was, to feel closer to God again, to sing the songs and join the retreats. Sure, many of my old friends weren’t there anymore, and several of the leaders had moved on to start their own churches or do ministry work abroad. The church had gotten a total remodel too. So many things were different! But I was convinced going back was the answer to my problems and would cure the longing in my heart.
To my disappointment, my hopes were far from the reality. I went consistently for several weeks. I thought I would be feeling strengthened and renewed, but instead, I felt worse than before.
It was at this time that I realized something. I didn’t miss God. I missed ‘church’. I had missed my friends and my leadership, the prayer meetings, camps, and coffee shop meet ups. But once those things shifted, I realized they were my foundation. Not God. Sure I prayed and sang all the Hillsong lyrics passionately, I journaled my heart out and invited every person I knew to youth group. But I was truly only in love with the feeling of it all, not God. Take away all those things and I was exposed. The whole time, me feeling ‘close to God’ was just my own arrogant and comfortability blinding me to the truth. It was almost like I ‘had feelings’ for God, but I didn’t actually know Him. I was able to fellowship and easily get connected at this church again very quickly. But when I reflected on my relationship with God, I felt like I was only getting farther away. So I left, with only one feeling left within me: desperation to desire and truly know God. I didn’t know where I was going to find truth and answers. All I knew was that I wasn’t finding them there.
Not even a month after I left, a good friend of mine invited me to a bible study he had been joining online. I jumped at the occasion. If it could help me know God I wanted to be involved, or at lest check it out.
My only regret is that I didn’t join sooner.
Joining this bible study helped me articulate exactly what I was missing. Knowledge of God. While I had zeal, and passion, and boldness, I lacked understanding. It was made clear early on that this bible study was purely scripture focused. Because if one desires to know God, what better way than to examine the very word He has left for us. I remember some lesson where we would go over 20-30 scriptures! I slowly began to understand God better and know Him deeper through His word. His work for the last 6,000 years. His love for His creation. His desire to reconnect with us and give us an inheritance, and our part of the promise. That and so much more.
I mean it when I say I sincerely felt so close to God when I was younger. Among anyone I knew, my zeal and seeking heart was unmatched. But I was looking in the wrong place. I wasn’t looking in the Bible, the book of promises that God intentionally left for us. He wants us to know what is inside of it, He wants us to know it well. He wants us to know Him. But where are we looking and seeking? What avenues are we trying to take to get to Him when He already left us His heart within His scriptures.
The bible study I’m in is starting up new classes soon, the very classes I took when I first began on my real journey to know God which started only a year ago. I’m sharing this with you because without exaggeration this bible study saved my life, but more specifically, it was the word of God.
Bible Study Sign Up:
https://biblestudyforall.org
More info:
EzBible - Put Your Faith into Action
EzBible is a resource for all who believe in Christ. It is a place for those who want to read, learn, meditate, pray, and praise God more and more.
www.ezbible.org
