How to deal with nagging

[Lanolin]

Would like some counsel on this.

Is it just something all mothers/wives do?

 

[Brad Huber]

No. Men do it as well, but women are more commonly seen as the perpetrators of it. The cause of most of it, is the belief that the one nagging knows better than the person they are nagging to do something. And regardless of whether they actually know better or not, people should just speak the truth of what they believe once, and then let the people decide for themselves whether or not to follow the advice. If you keep up the same tirade over and over, you only turn people away from whatever truth there might be in what you are counseling.

 

[Lanolin]

No. Men do it as well, but women are more commonly seen as the perpetrators of it. The cause of most of it, is the belief that the one nagging knows better than the person they are nagging to do something. And regardless of whether they actually know better or not, people should just speak the truth of what they believe once, and then let the people decide for themselves whether or not to follow the advice. If you keep up the same tirade over and over, you only turn people away from whatever truth there might be in what you are counseling.

Yea well mum is always saying how many times have I told you.

Some people call it friendly reminder. At the library we would only ask for books back once if they were getting to be late as a courtesy before they were due, and then after there would be a charge if they were late. And if they didnt pay theyd be in debt to a limit of ten bucks and then it would block the card from borrowing. Seemed to work.

Imagine if we nagged everyone to return their books. Exhausting for the librarian..the only thing I didnt like is if someone else had borrowed the book on your card and didnt return it, even after you reminded them. So I learned not to do that for others. I think with letting people decide for themselves is a good thing.

I dont know how it comes to play with being a christian, I think we ought to encourage, not nag. Encourage is so different from nagging cos nagging implies you already know to do the right thing but you havent done it. Well maybe some people dont know how?

 

[Brad Huber]

Yea well mum is always saying how many times have I told you.

Some people call it friendly reminder. At the library we would only ask for books back once if they were getting to be late as a courtesy before they were due, and then after there would be a charge if they were late. And if they didnt pay theyd be in debt to a limit of ten bucks and then it would block the card from borrowing. Seemed to work.

Imagine if we nagged everyone to return their books. Exhausting for the librarian..the only thing I didnt like is if someone else had borrowed the book on your card and didnt return it, even after you reminded them. So I learned not to do that for others. I think with letting people decide for themselves is a good thing.

I dont know how it comes to play with being a christian, I think we ought to encourage, not nag. Encourage is so different from nagging cos nagging implies you already know to do the right thing but you havent done it. Well maybe some people dont know how?

Yes, and sometimes they already know, but they want to do it on their time table, not the naggers time table.

 

[Lanolin]

Usually the nagger wants things done yesterday.

But I can understand it being incredibly frustrating if someone is dragging their feet and always making excuses.

My devotion for today was on nagging!

Proverbs 27:15-16

Except Im not the one nagging, Im the one being nagged, so it didnt really help me.

The advice given to people that nag. Stop nagging and start praying.

 

[Brad Huber]

Scripture only affects positively those who are called and whose spirits are active enough to hear the truth written or spoken. To all others they are just words written a long time ago by a religion that is not important in their lives.

 

[Lanolin]

So I cant show mum that scripture.

 

[Brad Huber]

I dont know your mom's heart, so I dont know if it would affect her or not, but my mind seems to remember something you said about your mom and dad and how they viewed christianity very poorly. She doesnt sound like a likely candidate for being impressed by truths found in scripture. But we are talking about someone of whom you probably dearly hope to come to a knowledge of Christ and accepting His gift of life... hope is a powerful thing, so is love. Very powerful, I guess it will depend a lot on your state of mind, you mom can probably see through any deception you might have had in the past, if she sees that in you when you bring it to her attention.... even if its only being nervous, she might think, you are only nagging her in return or seeking a verbal retribution. You would have to pray and fast about the future incident. Get your heart in the right place, loving your mom as the reason, not to make your life with her better, it cant be about you. And just showing the scripture by itself would a negative... dont nag me.... scripture tells us to focus on the good, not the negative. Find a way, do a food fast and pray about it, then when you are ready, take action. The Holy Spirit will help you if you sincerely ask.

 

[Lanolin]

Well its not about me, if I wasnt around she would just pick on someone else..like my dad.
I dont nag anyone, its a horrible thing to do.

Mum wont read scripture anyway, as it would have to be in chinese and she wont read the bible on chinese either.
I can only fast if shes not there. I thought just keep binding the critical spirit in prayer, but that proverb implies it cant be bound anyway. Its like grasping oil.

Hmm not sure if she will accept any gift from me as anything ive given her much of it seems to go in the bin or she complains about it. I just dont know if she will ever accept the gift of salvation if shes like that with ordinary gifts. Some gifts she will accept but then not use them, so even if she accepted she might just do nothing with it.

It just seems will have to live with nagging till one of us dies. Can you be nagged to death?

If I get to go on a retreat I can fast but its hard to get away at the moment. Am hoping the next ladies retreat next year can do so even though meals are included in the price. I just wont have any, maybe will just tell them use the money for missions, I dont know they will let me book it for cheaper if I dont eat anything.

 

[Brad Huber]

How about you food fast for 3 days and stay in prayer. Tell your mom its a spiritual thing, helping you to focus on what's important, that man doesnt live on bread alone, and that because you are a spiritual being, you have to feed your spirit this way. Prepare by getting some liquids that will help, like chicken broth, protein shakes, etc, just no food. Perhaps having her experience this in you just might help her to see how important your faith is to you. She may criticize your plan, but she might respect you not acting on your hunger, she knows all about that need to feed hunger. After the fast, tell her what you have been in prayer about during it. Ask the Holy Spirit to pierce through her thoughts and dreams to prepare her and again ask the Holy Spirit to give you the good words that your mom needs to hear to bring her to her spiritual knees in submission to the Love of God.

 

[Bendito]

Would like some counsel on this.

Is it just something all mothers/wives do?

I think all women nag....But it's the why of it that is the good thing.

 

[Lanolin]

I dont know...well am off work friday, could start fast thurs evening and go through to sunday..? But did promise a friend lunch on sunday.

I dont know if mum would understand why am not eating...it is easier to just go out somewhere and say wont be home for tea I suppose, but where can I go.
If I say im not hungry, and then just drink, her being a mum she thinks Im rejecting her cooking. That has got me in trouble before then she ends up nagging me to eat.

Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

Its ok for men they dont have times of the month....but mum is past menopause. However I did hear there is such a thing as manopause when men get grumpy.

 

[Brad Huber]

Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak...

Its ok for men they dont have times of the month....but mum is past menopause. However I did hear there is such a thing as manopause when men get grumpy.

Men typically get grumpier when things (body wise) start not working as well as they used to, but its something we all have to deal with, but we hate not being able to depend on the body that had served us so well when we were younger. But age brings wisdom often, so its a good trade off for those who can see the blessings in a failing body.

 

[Lanolin]

I find that many men push their bodies hard to their limits wheras women tend to look after their bodies better and know their limits, being the 'weaker vessel'.

Its really annoying when a man expects a woman to be the same as he is. Its like hello dont you have any honor or respect for anyone who's weaker than you. Many men just dont know their own strength. They can be quite rough on themselves and everyone else, Ive found.

What this has to do with nagging...not sure but women conversely might not step up to the plate and expect everything done for them. Often a woman will henpeck her husband and if that fails she will pick on her children to do things for her and be demanding as if its her right, even if shes capable i.e not barefoot and pregnant. I have seen one mum just basically tell her daughter to do this and that and be really rude about it right in front of me, then complain that her daughter is lazy when she doesnt want to be spoken to that way.