I’m lost

[a11VH]

I was raised a Christian but ofc my parents are sinners so they couldn’t save me and then one day I felt truly guilty I had ignored God all this time and I apologized full well knowingI didn’t deserve forgiveness and soon realized I needed faith that God wanted me for his good purposes and I should be humble after all he’s done for me, and now my goal would be to build a relationship with my Savior, learn and grow from the Bible, and teach others about it. That’s the shortest version of my testimony I can give. But now, I don’t know what to do. I know I should have faith but I don’t wamna be delusional, because I am a horrible Christian. I know not even saved people are perfect, but I mess up over and over again and tell God that maybe I’ll have enough confidence one day to preach to others what he’s done for me, but I’m ashamed of it for no reason and I don’t want to be, and I’m constantly bombarded by temptation and it never leaves and I feel as if I’ve failed God enough in my weak faith that he doesn’t want me and it grieves me so much not just because I wanna be sure of my eternal destination, but I’m tired of living in a cycle of apologizing to God for failing and then never learning and I keep praying and I get no answers and I don’t know if God ever saved me in the first place now Bc why would he let somebody he loves wander this far and I don’t wanna call him cruel so maybe I’m not saved but I have no idea and I’m crying writing this so sorry if it doesn’t make sense but I really have no idea what to do and am now terrified of death and I want a relationship with God again but I don’t have enough faith or strength to be a better Christian and I’m just totally lost

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi VH, what a moving post, one that pretty much everyone in here can relate to, well I can anyway. My favourite parable is the parable of the forgiven son (Luke 15 v 11:32). I think maybe Luke cut it short; I'm pretty sure in the next episode, the son was off again, and the father was back to watching and waiting for his return. Throughout my Christian life there have been more ups and downs than a theme park ride.

All I can do is ask you to spend more time in prayer and reading your Bible. If prayer is flat, that's great. God appreciates you coming to Him, pouring your heart out when you're feeling flat and downbeat, probably more so than when you're 'buzzing in the Holy Spirit' because that's like prayer at a cost. You might feel as though there's no benefit and yet still you're praying. God appreciates that and He will draw you out of your gloom.

A word to the wise. Try to distinguish between the voice of God from the voice of Satan. Not as easy as it sounds because Satan can do a pretty good impersonation. He tells you, 'Don't pray, God doesn't want to know you because you're a rubbish Christian' and 'You're not good enough; you've just cut yourself off.' Jesus says, 'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest'. Read your Bible and ask God what He wants of you. If you can feel as though your life is heading 'God-wards' He will draw you further in. If you disregard God, life gets choppy - the difference between Job and Jonah. If you're really fed up read the Sermon on the Mount, that tells you how Jesus wants you to be, strive towards it by asking for help by the Holy Spirit and gradually you'll see yourself becoming more content with your faith and appreciating just what God has achieved in you.

========================================

Dear Lord God, as you know I can really empathise with VH, I know just how he/she is feeling. Please God, strip away the negativity and reveal your love and adoration. Thank you God that your love for VH and me was so great that you willingly gave your son up for crucifixion. What more proof do we need of the depth of your love and just what lengths you'll go to to rescue us from our sins and the gloom and despair that Satan tries to weigh us down with? Lord take control of both of our lives, make us both more like you so that we can be more pleasing and much more loving towards you as we get to know you.

AMEN.

 

[Br. Bear]

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of Whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory, to be strengthened with might by His Spirit in the inner man;

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; and to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.

Now unto Him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end.
Amen.
Ephesians 3:14-21

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi VH, what a moving post, one that pretty much everyone in here can relate to, well I can anyway. My favourite parable is the parable of the forgiven son (Luke 15 v 11:32). I think maybe Luke cut it short; I'm pretty sure in the next episode, the son was off again, and the father was back to watching and waiting for his return. Throughout my Christian life there have been more ups and downs than a theme park ride.

All I can do is ask you to spend more time in prayer and reading your Bible. If prayer is flat, that's great. God appreciates you coming to Him, pouring your heart out when you're feeling flat and downbeat, probably more so than when you're 'buzzing in the Holy Spirit' because that's like prayer at a cost. You might feel as though there's no benefit and yet still you're praying. God appreciates that and He will draw you out of your gloom.

A word to the wise. Try to distinguish between the voice of God from the voice of Satan. Not as easy as it sounds because Satan can do a pretty good impersonation. He tells you, 'Don't pray, God doesn't want to know you because you're a rubbish Christian' and 'You're not good enough; you've just cut yourself off.' Jesus says, 'Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest'. Read your Bible and ask God what He wants of you. If you can feel as though your life is heading 'God-wards' He will draw you further in. If you disregard God, life gets choppy - the difference between Job and Jonah. If you're really fed up read the Sermon on the Mount, that tells you how Jesus wants you to be, strive towards it by asking for help by the Holy Spirit and gradually you'll see yourself becoming more content with your faith and appreciating just what God has achieved in you.

========================================

Dear Lord God, as you know I can really empathise with VH, I know just how he/she is feeling. Please God, strip away the negativity and reveal your love and adoration. Thank you God that your love for VH and me was so great that you willingly gave your son up for crucifixion. What more proof do we need of the depth of your love and just what lengths you'll go to to rescue us from our sins and the gloom and despair that Satan tries to weigh us down with? Lord take control of both of our lives, make us both more like you so that we can be more pleasing and much more loving towards you as we get to know you.

AMEN.

Hi VH,

Just thought I'd call and if maybe my prayers for you have yet had an answer? Reading the Bible and frequent prayer for help and reassurance from Holy Spirit will give you the peace of mind to look beyond the gloom that sometimes hangs over our heads like a grey cloud, to see that, hey it's going to be a nice day today.

Let me leave you with this reassuring passage that Jesus opened His sermon on the mount with - “Blessed are the poor in spirit, For theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 5:3 NKJV

God bless you, and I will keep praying for you.

Love,


Andy