I did so much evil by accident because of satan attacking and angering me........ for example, i don't know if i harmed or killed reborn christians being totally really evil towards me and judging far away no matter what the word of God said that i went insane in my mind while being attacked..... i built a cimputer program to fight against satan and one day satan tormented my mind and i went so red inside and blamed God i rewrote the text in the program to open all doors to turn God evil and open all doors to make the program run even when it isnt running forever....... i am a guilty within christian and miss God's love so much i dream dreams in my sleep that contain God killing me in a hell forever outside of romans 8 where nothing can seperate me from the love of God and in the dream was betrayed by my fiance who sat with a man with brown hair brown eyes and he was a murder with her and her whole family wanted me dead in hell........ God have mercy on me and deliver me, have compassion and set me free....... i cant even trust my fiance...... i keep thinking for some reason she is out to eventually cause me to forever fall...... little comfort from angels, and i am sad and lonely without the love of God......... why did this all have to happen?
Yes we are to confront evil, but what are our weapons?
Too often we feel the need to utilize the weapons of this world to right injustice. Sadly that won't get it done. Look at Ephesians and see what our armament is to be made out of.
Ephesians 6:13-18 [13] Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. [14] Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; [15] And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; [16] Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. [17] And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: [18] Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Always remember we are all sinners, and not worthy of the gift we've been given. So Satan will use that same guilt to work on your mind. Always remember that we have been cleansed by the Blood of the Lamb and if He doesn't remember, why should we?
Hebrews 8:12 For I will be merciful to their unrighteousness, and their sins and their iniquities will I remember no more.
I don't know if you do or don't but if you have unresolved things in your life that are blocking you from getting right with the Lord, then you need to bring them out in the open and confess them to Him.
1 John 1:8-9 If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. [9]
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us [our] sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You must always remember that God loves you and will be there for you. Yet how we react is important. Dropping down on mine knees and praying, and calling out to the Lord for His help has worked for me and others. Sometimes it singing out praises to the Lord, which changes the tone of the turmoil that is going on inside me towards the One who deserves all honor & praise. Worshiping Him in song (you don't want to hear me sing!) has brought comfort. Opening the Word of God and reading, has also helped. There are multiple ways of doing it, but what you're doing in all of them, is turning your focus outward and upward to Christ Jesus, your Lord and Savior! Who can know you better then you know yourself and what is needed to give you peace of mind? Yes sir, Jesus can!
We will pray and hope for your peace of mind. Try to help yourself in your knowledge of the Word of God so that at these times verses can come to mind to help you (Holy Spirit Guidance), but ultimately it has to be between you and your Lord and how much or how little you are letting Him into your life.
As in anything, it's about preparing yourself, each and everyday. Open it in prayer, reflection on His Word. This are not only a joy to do, but also a defense and a preparation for opportunities for doing His will, in the day that follows. That will include everything you come in contact with and do, be it, work, family, strangers, what have you.
Sounds like you do a lot of computer programming. Sometimes, the motivation on why you do it, is as important as what you do with it. You'll have to answer that one. Just don't lose sight of who you are. If you have truly called Jesus your Lord and Savior, you are also a Child of the Most High.
Hebrews 13:5 [Let your] conversation [be] without covetousness; [and be] content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
As far as your fiance, you don't say whether she is a believer or not. So cannot comment. However, one thing I can say if she is then get her to pray with you. She will love you all the more for it, that you're sharing with her what should be the most precious thing in both your lives, which is Jesus.
Matthew 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Take a step back, regroup, pray, and start turning to the One who can help you. You already know who that one is! JESUS!!!! Alleluia, Alleluia, Alleluia!
Hold and watch over one of your children Father God. If he is not right with You somehow because of something in his life that he is or is not aware of, then open his eyes that he might see. Grant him the strength, to be lifted up, and cleansed, as you have done for me and countless other Children of yours. Embrace this Child of yours, with your Love, and Peace that only You can give. Provide him clarity of purpose, and direction, and the will to follow it. For we know that your will is perfect, and seek no other. In the Name of Your Son Jesus Christ I pray. Amen.
YBIC
C4E