hi Biblestebo! Don't give up Hope! Two years ago, I was pregnant with my second child. I assumed that this would be a healthy pregnancy as was my first. When I went to the doctor's office after realizing I might be pregnant, they broke the news to me that there was a large chance I would not carry this child. After that, I started spotting. I tried to take things easy and everyone around me tried to help me at work, at home, etc. I was about 3 months along and was feeling pretty good. I was doing housework and all of a sudden my back started killing me. Nothing eased the pain. My husband took me to the ER that night and they did a vaginal ultrasound. I started bleeding heavily and the doctor told me that I will probably miscarry that night. That night we spent the night at my in-laws house since it was near the hospital and they tried to get my mind off of the pain I was experiencing. Early the next morning I was hurting so bad I thought I was dying. I woke my husband up and asked him if he could please take me home. I wanted to be home. As he helped me in the car I told him that I thought I was dying. He got me home and as soon as I turned the knob on the door I felt a gush. I ran to the bathroom and my baby lay there. I'm not trying to be gross or anything, I am telling you my experience. I have never in my life felt so empty. Miscarriages are not only painful physically but they are also mentally. I did not want to talk to anyone. I did not want to see anyone. No one can understand your pain but those who have been through it, and if I had the kind of faith I have in God presently, I could have healed much faster, spiritually. Two weeks to the day my baby was taken, I was asleep and had a dream. I dreamed that my baby was laying on a couch and I didn't care for her. She kept crying and crying and she always had these tears in her eyes. One day I went to my mother's house and she asked where the baby was. I told her I left her lying on the couch. My mother was disappointed in me and could not believe that I would do something like that. The phone rang and it was the OBGYN. I asked what is wrong with my baby? He told me that she had a physical handicap that she would have the rest of her life where her tear ducts would always run and she would always look like she's crying. At that moment, I felt sooo horrible because of the way I treated her. I went home and scooped my baby in my arms and cried and told her I was sorry and that her mommy loves her. At that very second, the tears from her eyes dried and in my mind she started to talk to me. She said, mommy, I'm okay now. Don't cry. I'm going back to heaven but I will come back to be with you again soon and then I will be healthy. I woke up. When I looked at the alarm clock, it was the exact same time I had miscarried two weeks earlier. After that, I felt at peace because I knew she was okay. Six months later, I became pregnant again. It was a girl. In my heart I knew she was the same one, except she was healthy this time. I thank GOD for her everyday. Your Heavenly Father knows your pain and he will wipe your tears away, just as he did mine. Don't lost faith in him because he knows what is best for you. Keep praying and he will answer your prayers. Sorry this is so long, but I just want you to know that you are not alone. God has wrapped his loving arms around you and engulfed you with his LOVE. When he is ready to send you another little one, he will. Trust in HIM. In the meantime just know that your little angel is there safe and sound and happy and perfect in HEAVEN where we are all striving to go one day. May God continue to bless you! ~~Lani
