I need help. Please...

[Zstrastwa]

Just so you know some more about me (this will help with you helping me)

Ever since I was young, I was an innocent boy like any other. I LOVED to run around all day, play baseball, climb trees, eat 24/7... etc. Well, the good times are all I want to remember. Many things happened; without getting into too many details: I was molested, beaten, starved occasionally from 3?4?-6ish. Then I was only molested from 7-12. At 12 I started to realize things, sorta like I became truly aware of right and wrong. I then stopped the molestation. It took from 12 - 20ish to FINALLY forgive the people who did those things.

But, I believe it damaged me horribly. I don't trust people. I don't like people. Why do you think I'm typing this? Hah... I couldn't say all this to someone in person. I have however told God, and He is the only reason I was able to forgive a year ago. It was such a burden, like chains... it was lifted...
I cry when I think of the hatred He lifted from me... thank you God. His miracles...

1st question: Is there anything in the Bible of someone overcoming such horrible things AND become comftorably social? I feel... sooooooooooo much love in me, wanting to come out. But it's hard... it's soooo hard for me to trust anyone. I guess that's why I trust and love the LORD so much... guess I have it easy, I've had plenty of reasons to run to Him.

Well anyway... recently, I've been having even more problems. I'm 21 (just recently from this post; 27th of June) and I haven't had many jobs. I feel bad because my dad is on unemployment and because I have ADHD and Bi-polar keeping a job has been hard. Staying with God and controlling my anger has been harder. But I want a job. I ask God, "What should I do?" or, "Why didn't that job work? Is EVERYONE going to deny me a job?" And I feel He gives me no answer... My dad keeps pushing me... it's upsetting him that I haven't had any good or long lasting jobs... he seems angry with me... and I don't want him angry with me or at all. =(

2nd question: What should I do? Am I wrong for asking for a job, because it's something I want? I don't care about money, I just want to be able to take care of myself, Good God I'm 21! =(

Please know this is really hard for me to write these things... please don't throw it back in my face.

 

[Zstrastwa]

Also: Is there a difference between like and love?

Is it possible to not like someone, i.e. not hang out with them out of choice and yet still love them? That's something I really don't understand. I don't mean turning a cold shoulder, I mean not play baseball or something with them because you know they'll curse and get angry alot. Just an example, trust me. I don't have friends I play baseball with. xD

And what does God think about this? I know He couldn't possibly say stay away from them for good... or would He? What about if it's a blood family member? Or what about when Jesus says that anyone who follows God is His brother/sister/mother... does that mean...

CONFUSED ====> ME.

 

[j_sp]

Zstrastwa,

First of all, I understand it's very hard for you to come forth with realizing that you need help - as this can lead to humility, one characteristic that God does honor when it's in sincerity. However, you have already made some important steps by going to the Lord to get the help you need. And, it sounds as if you're on the way to some much needed healing that He's offering at this time. The Lord can do this in many different ways, but oftentimes He will 'strip' the layers (or address the helping agents to the root of the issues prior to tearing out the root in the heart which causes the problem, or what is called the strongman - Mark 3:27; Luke 11:17-21). These roots could have been caused in your lifetime or could have been passed down, so if they've been there for awhile, it can be somewhat of a process (nothing too big for the Lord though to tear out, 1 Tim. 6:9-10 gives an example of a root issue in one's heart, but there are many). Basically, the roots are associated with evil intentions behind them (ie. addressing root issues in the land- Jer. 1:10; Ps. 52:5) and the Lord's process is to address those issues in the heart (conviction by the Holy Spirit); render it powerless by His leading into understanding how to overcome it - application; and then restoring His character into you to replace what was not of Him.

There are many scenarios throughout the Bible that deal with sins of mankind effecting themselves and others; and then the Lord offering His help and direction, and the person is restored. Basically, that is what you are going through. One story in particular that dealt with someone being treated unjustly (as that's how you were treated by those that abused you), and his process he went through...Joseph. And, I believe you have already pointed out in your post the issue that you're currently trying to overcome...anger. There are many Scriptures about anger and how to deal with it. A suggestion would be to look up 'anger' in your Bible concordance and meditate/study them, with the help of the Holy Spirit guiding you into understanding what He's saying in them (just a few...Eph. 4:26, 31; James 1:19-20; Proverbs 14:17; 29:11,20; 16:32; 25:28; 22:24-25; 15:1,28; Lev. 19:17-18). One thing you must know, the Lord is completely capable of healing you of all this so that you're able to become who you are to be in Him (Ezek. 36:26-27). Just be persistent with Him in it, and always be led by His Holy Spirit, as He guides you through it because He knows your heart and what's in it that needs to be changed (Psalm 139:23; Jer. 17:10).

I can also suggest a book that may help you with what the Lord is trying to do in this present time, for your healing. It's called, "A Restored Vessel: A Guide to Overcoming Trauma Practical Insights and Therapeutic Tools to Maintaining a Healthier You," by Nicole C. Barber. As you study the Scriptures along with the Holy Spirit's guidance, in addition to allowing Him to reveal to you what is necessary for you to move forward; this book can assist in understanding its process. Pray about it, and see if you felt led to go through it with the Lord.

In regards to the job...that will come. The Lord may be giving the necessary time for you to get strong in Him; and get the healing that is necessary for you to stand, so that when you go out, it will be different. This way, you'll be a walking testimony of His healing power before others.

I have found when I went through healing in the Lord, you come closer to Him because you see how truly merciful He is and understand how powerful the sacrifice He offered on the cross was...because you have experienced it for yourself and can attest to it. This is what He died for, for you to have the healing so you may be at peace with God in all things - this will bring you the peace that surpasses all understanding, within (Philip. 4:7; Isa. 53:1-10; Rom. 5:19; Jesus prayed for our deliverance to the Father - Matt. 6:13, as will the Holy Spirit today, Rom. 8:26-27).

May the Lord pour His Spirit upon you in strength, power, healing, and understanding; so that you may know the ways of the Lord and walk in them.

j_sp

 

[Zstrastwa]

Thank you j_sp for being 1 of 60+ people to actually help. I appreciate it.