Hi For Christ,
God loves you very , very much. Right where you are.
There is no possible way you can be 'too lost' to Him.
There was a point not too long ago where I was pretty angry with God and his people. I wanted NOTHING to do with God. I told him to get lost. And that is the rated G version of what I told Him to do. but guess what? Even as I was angrily telling him off and running as HARD as I could from him He gently, lovingly pursued me. He never left me.
Now if someone like myself, who was very angry and rebellious against God, was being lovingly followed by God, how much more is God lovingly watching over you and pursuing you? Someone who WANTS to know Him and hear His voice. Someone who isn't telling him to go jump in a lake? He loves you, For Christ. You are not too lost for Him to find. You are already doing the right thing by trying to read the Bible and seeking Him.
Take the time to pray, to seek His face........Jesus said "Ask....Knock.....Seek" "It will be given". "It will be opened". "You will find".
Stephen is right. Just be persistent. Just keep up what you are doing.Eventually you will break through.
Now the enemy of our souls loves to speak all types of doubt to us. Sometimes he will even use well meaning believers. I want to tell you right now Don't compare your walk with the believers around you. We are all different people and our walks will not be carbon copies. Some people can pick up a Bible the first time and just get blown away by the presence of God. Others of us have to be persistent. This is when the Devil likes to come in and try to convince you you are an unlovable mess. Don't listen to the lies.I know it's rough but just don't.
I also want to encourage you:
my big worry is that I'm going to go to hell forever
Just the fact that this concerns you means you are in the right place. Someone who is truly bound for hell eventually stops caring all together. You care and you are seeking God. Those are the earmarks of someone who's heart is in the right place.
Just be persistent. I suggest you pray first then crack open your Bible. Also , you do not have to be uber formal when you talk to God. Just pour out your heart to Him like you would a trusted friend.Tell Him your concerns and struggles. Don;t stress out. Get around positive minded believers of Jesus. Know in your heart God loves you and wants you just as you are, and the Devil will have to shut up.
I'll be praying for you.
P.S. this scripture came to mind :
Matthew 18:12-
How think you? if a man have an hundred sheep, and one of them be gone astray, does he not leave the ninety and nine, and goes into the mountains, and seeks that which is gone astray?
And if so be that he find it, truly I say to you, he rejoices more of that sheep, than of the ninety and nine which went not astray.
If He is willing to run after a stray sheep how much more is He running after you?
Matthew 7:7-8
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and you shall find; knock, and it shall be opened to you:For every one that asks receives; and he that seeks finds; and to him that knocks it shall be opened.
and before you ask , yes I believe in jesus and that he's the one who saves
John 16:27-
For the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me, and have believed that I came out from God.