fighterofevil
Member
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2012
- Messages
- 1
I am not a traditional Christian, but more like a gnostic one.
God and Satan use to talk to me and tell me stuff about what to do, what not to do and good and terribel events that will happen to me in the future.
Usually, I get my advice from God himself, but he won't tell me anything about this. This is why I am trying to get some more secular advice.
The situation is that I just heard about a Christian martyrer named Perpetua who was tortured by the Roman Empire for not sacrificing and conforming to the Roman way of life.
She were about to be executed, but the executioner could not kill her, so she dragged the sword to her own throat and killed herself.
For a very long time I have felt that I need to sacrifice myself for a greater cause. In my situation, I want to stop the persecution of the ill and disabled people in my country.
I am on government welfare because I cannot work due to various mental troubles and according to the law, the local municipality can demand that you get treatment for your disorders if that will improve your ability to work.
I am not against working, but I am strongly against medical treatment that will alter my personality or stop my conversations with God and the seing into another dimension. I do not believe this is caused by an illness, I am 100 % certain that this is the reality.
But I do believe that medication/treatment will alter my personality to such a degree that I will become another person. I don't wish that to happen.
I want to fight against the regime that allows for such horrible conditions for the sick and disabled in my country. I want personal liberty, only limited by God and your conscientiousness.
So back to the question:
Should I kill myself to become a martyrer?
It is a serious question that really bothers me.
God and Satan use to talk to me and tell me stuff about what to do, what not to do and good and terribel events that will happen to me in the future.
Usually, I get my advice from God himself, but he won't tell me anything about this. This is why I am trying to get some more secular advice.
The situation is that I just heard about a Christian martyrer named Perpetua who was tortured by the Roman Empire for not sacrificing and conforming to the Roman way of life.
She were about to be executed, but the executioner could not kill her, so she dragged the sword to her own throat and killed herself.
For a very long time I have felt that I need to sacrifice myself for a greater cause. In my situation, I want to stop the persecution of the ill and disabled people in my country.
I am on government welfare because I cannot work due to various mental troubles and according to the law, the local municipality can demand that you get treatment for your disorders if that will improve your ability to work.
I am not against working, but I am strongly against medical treatment that will alter my personality or stop my conversations with God and the seing into another dimension. I do not believe this is caused by an illness, I am 100 % certain that this is the reality.
But I do believe that medication/treatment will alter my personality to such a degree that I will become another person. I don't wish that to happen.
I want to fight against the regime that allows for such horrible conditions for the sick and disabled in my country. I want personal liberty, only limited by God and your conscientiousness.
So back to the question:
Should I kill myself to become a martyrer?
It is a serious question that really bothers me.
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