I need some prayer

[chinaski]

I need some prayer

Ever since I got saved (about 9 years) there has been a sin that has been nagging me for brief periods of time. I have conffesed it to my priest but still never found any peace. After rationlalizing it away it would stay gone for about a year or two until it surfaced again causing great guilt and convition.
For many years I have suffered from anxiety and depression and my christian life has been cold and dry. Now theese last 4 months or so I have really made an effort to try get my focus back on christ and find a sollution to my depression.
Now just a week ago this old sin/cloud came back and I asked the lord if it was him who was speaking to me. I feel that he asked me to confront the person I had sinned against and to actually take the step and deal with this issue. (wich I have been putting off for 9 years)
I just now today sent a long letter to the person involved explaining my situation and asking for their forgivnes for this event 14 years ago. I am hoping this will help me move on and become free.
I instantly felt great relief but after putting the letter in the mailbox my emotions are mixed. I feel relief but I am also absolutly terrified mixed with anxiety. Totalt emotinal chaos atm.
I need Jesus to really be there for me on this one. This is a major thing for me. I need comfort and reassurance.
Please pray that God will take controll over this whole deal and let me rest. I have an exam in a week and I havent been able to focus at all the last week.
Thanks in advance
Simen

 

[stephen]

Hi Brother, I pick up from your post that you are a very sensitive person. That is a precious thing. Precious indeed. You have done the correct thing to put things right.

I exhort you, in Jesus, to continue repenting, and putting things right. You will then win through to a mighty experience in the LOrd.

I am praying for you........you have done the correct thing....before God

God Bless You

 

[johnpaul]

Hi Brother, I pick up from your post that you are a very sensitive person. That is a precious thing. Precious indeed. You have done the correct thing to put things right.

I exhort you, in Jesus, to continue repenting, and putting things right. You will then win through to a mighty experience in the LOrd.

I am praying for you........you have done the correct thing....before God

God Bless You

I'm praying too. You know that Jesus died for you and has forgiven you.

 

[lindadc]

Jesus forgives us the minute we turn to HIM .

Am praying for you too , Chinaski .GBU

 

[chinaski]

Development

I really appreciate the kind words and prayer

AGAIN this sin has come to me causing guilt and doubt.

After taking the steps to rid me of this evil I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence more in my life. I felt relief and joy and more emotionally free and closer to god.

However now again after this guilt has come to me I again feel depressed.
I am left wondering if this is actually God or if it is the devil deceiving me and causing me doubt.

Here is my dilemma. I have begun to doubt my sincerity in the letter I wrote. The person I am asking forgiveness is mentally ill so instead of addressing he directly my letter was addressed to his father. I also added a shorter letter to whom I had sinned against asking his forgiveness. However in the letter addressed to his father I did not fully explain the nature of the sin. I explained briefly what it was about.

The shame and guilt I feel now however is that since I did not fully explain the details of my crime I still haven’t really owned up to it.

I KNOW that Jesus has forgiven my sin. Problem however might be in me not being able to forgive myself or letting go.

And since I felt such relief and comfort from God and truly felt his love and compassion and feeling of freedom after sorting this out then why has it AGAIN come to me causing shame and doubt? I don’t think that is how he operates. Since “is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” why should I feel shame and guilt?

Is it God telling me that I still haven’t fully done what needs to be done OR was it actually the devil all along accusing me and I fell into his trap? If that is the case then why did it make me feel free to rest in God?

It leaves me wondering if it was the devil all along accusing me trying to disturb my peace in God OR was it God trying to restore me. I honestly can’t tell. What I do know however is that this in fact IS keeping me from feeling free to worship and feeling the joy and peace I know God wants me to have.

I always felt that I never really understood the meaning of the cross or that there was something clouding my eyes so I couldn’t see it. This whole process has actually brought me closer to God so maybe in fact it is him teaching me about his forgiveness and to tell me that its time to let this go and accept his forgiveness.


As I am writing this I actually cried for the first time in maybe 7 years. I really felt the touch of God. However I am still in doubt, I am just a spiritual child. Any help I could get with this issue would be greatly appreciated. Should I move on or not?

 

[johnpaul]

I really appreciate the kind words and prayer
AGAIN this sin has come to me causing guilt and doubt.
After taking the steps to rid me of this evil I felt the Holy Spirit’s presence more in my life. I felt relief and joy and more emotionally free and closer to god.
However now again after this guilt has come to me I again feel depressed.
I am left wondering if this is actually God or if it is the devil deceiving me and causing me doubt.
Here is my dilemma. I have begun to doubt my sincerity in the letter I wrote. The person I am asking forgiveness is mentally ill so instead of addressing he directly my letter was addressed to his father. I also added a shorter letter to whom I had sinned against asking his forgiveness. However in the letter addressed to his father I did not fully explain the nature of the sin. I explained briefly what it was about.
The shame and guilt I feel now however is that since I did not fully explain the details of my crime I still haven’t really owned up to it.
I KNOW that Jesus has forgiven my sin. Problem however might be in me not being able to forgive myself or letting go.
And since I felt such relief and comfort from God and truly felt his love and compassion and feeling of freedom after sorting this out then why has it AGAIN come to me causing shame and doubt? I don’t think that is how he operates. Since “is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus” why should I feel shame and guilt?
Is it God telling me that I still haven’t fully done what needs to be done OR was it actually the devil all along accusing me and I fell into his trap? If that is the case then why did it make me feel free to rest in God?
It leaves me wondering if it was the devil all along accusing me trying to disturb my peace in God OR was it God trying to restore me. I honestly can’t tell. What I do know however is that this in fact IS keeping me from feeling free to worship and feeling the joy and peace I know God wants me to have.
I always felt that I never really understood the meaning of the cross or that there was something clouding my eyes so I couldn’t see it. This whole process has actually brought me closer to God so maybe in fact it is him teaching me about his forgiveness and to tell me that its time to let this go and accept his forgiveness.
As I am writing this I actually cried for the first time in maybe 7 years. I really felt the touch of God. However I am still in doubt, I am just a spiritual child. Any help I could get with this issue would be greatly appreciated. Should I move on or not?

You must move on and TRUST Him. If you truly repent in your heart, you will be forgiven. God dosen't test us. He loves us too much. We test ourselves too much, and this is what you're doing. Believe that you have been forgiven and move on in Christ Jesus.
God Bless,

 

[lindadc]

Peace be with you chinaski .
The Lord is with you . Bind and rebuke the devil that is trying to rob you from your joy and happiness.
Be still and seek Him in prayer. He will show you the way .

 

[lindadc]

Hi Johnpaul.

See that you are doing fine in TJ . Am very happy for you .

Jesus is our rock and refuge .

 

[stephen]

Brother chinaski, Glad you took the time to come back and share with us again, re your situation and how you feel about your life.

Reading your post I can see that you are in a situation that runs deep. But we remind ourselves that nothing is beyond the reach of Jesus.

Are you having fellowship in Christian company? In a church gathering perhaps. It would be excellent if you could share prayer with other believers. This would give you strength, to press on with Jesus. He alone is the answer to the longing soul of man.

Praying for you

God Bless You

 

[Mchell70]

Hi Chinaski- my heart and prayers go out to you. Alot of us have done awful things in our pasts but now we lead different lives and are forgiven by the Grace of GOD. I know this is gonna sound weird but when I was reading your post a thought popped in my mind, you already know and admit your past mistakes (you own them) I went through the 12 step program and it is based on facing your mistakes, owning up to them, making amends for them and making peace with God and within yourself. Step 8 is made a list of people we harmed, step 9 is made direct amends to such people. The sheer willingness to face up to reality was enough to unlock the shackles of the past.
I am just a spiritual child also and the devil toys with me often I have found. Our God is loving and kind. I am still mindful of the things in my past because I do not want to go back there, I cry daily, sometimes tears of sorrow, sometimes tears of joys, some for others. Let Go and Let God- you owned your sins but Jesus has taken on that burden for us and his blood has made us forgiven. I pray you will find peace and understanding

 

[chinaski]

Thanks all for your support and prayers, I really apreciate it
If anything this whole experience has tought me more about forgiveness and recognizing the accuser.
I'll do as Paul. phil 3:13..-15"But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for wich God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus"

Are you having fellowship in Christian company? In a church gathering perhaps. It would be excellent if you could share prayer with other believers. This would give you strength, to press on with Jesus. He alone is the answer to the longing soul of man.

Praying for you

God Bless You

I dont have a church I go to regularly at the moment. I left my old church a few years back. I have been going to a different one for some time but I havent really settled in. Too much of a "show" theme there. Might go back to my old Vineyard church, I like their style, lots of worship and loving people.
I do however have a awsome bible/prayer group wich I have been going to for about 5-6 years. We are a close knit group consisting of my best friends. Sorta my church I guess, but we are all spread out in different congregations.

 

[stephen]

Chinaski, I greet you in the precious Name of jesus, He alone is worthy.

You will remember that the devil is an "accuser of the brethren" Rev 12 : 10 The accusations of the enemy are a real thing, he wants us to feel unworthy, guilty, useless. We have to "resist the devil, and he will run away from you" We have to rebuke the devil, his accusations and lies, and we have to "encourage ourselves in God"

We know that we are are weak........but Jesus is strong. We have to "fight the fight of faith" The fight of FAITH. The means we are to live, and act as the children of God. Whatever is happening around us, or going through our mind, we focuss upon Jesus.

"whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report: if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think upon thease things" Phillipians 4 : 8

God Bless You