I resent church - help!

[Viennr]

I think something's wrong with me.

I'm wondering why I've always been dreading Sunday services in our church. This has been going on for months. I don't know why but i can't worship God sincerely whenever I'm at our church. I sing along with the music team, I listen to the sermons of our Pastor. I'm even part of the program committee in our congregation.

After Sunday services, I always feel empty and as if I've grieved the Holy Spirit. I know I'm not supposed to rely on feelings but this has been going on for several months now. Each week, i groan as Sunday approaches and feel relieved after the service or any kind of meeting with the people at church.

Additionally, as a member of the program committee, I am expected to accomplish certain tasks. I do them, yes but often half heatedly.


There are days that i didn't attend Sunday service and being a small congregation that we are (70-80 members), people easily notice especially those from the program committee as well as our Pastor himself.

After the service, some will contact me asking "Why weren't you at the church this morning?" Truth is, i don't feel like going. What i want is to spend time with my God..alone.


One time I didn't attend service and my sister who attended came home and told me "Pastor said you lose"

I feel intimidated. I know fellow-shipping with other Christians is important but why am i sensing that it's becoming an obligation? Our Pastor would often speak about those who didn't attend church as if they've done something really wrong. He'll say things like "Instead of being here, those people chose to be somewhere else and blah blah blah."

Of course, i don't know why those people aren't present but why does our pastor make it seem that church is the only place we are supposed to be every Sunday morning? Otherwise, we aren't blessed, or we disobeyed God or offended Him.

Isn't going to church based on free will? When I don't go to church does not that mean I'm offending God already?

People at church know about the business of others.
Our pastor once told me that whether I like or not, people in our congregation will mind each others' business. I know he has no wrong intention when he said that but lately I've been thinking "aren't we allowed to our own privacy"

When i don't feel like going to church, I feel like telling them "I just want to spend time with God alone. Stop asking me why I don't feel like going to church. And stop making me feel like I'm turning away from God because of that"


I'm thinking that maybe the reason for this is because I'm the reserved type and feel more comfortable praying and worshiping God ALONE. Or maybe something's really wrong with me or the congregation i belong in.

I'm considering leaving our congregation but i don't know how And if i do, I can already hear their words to me "But why?" "If you leave, who will do this, who will manage this", etc.

I've been praying to God regarding this and trust Him that He will give me wisdom to discern what's wrong.
I don't want to offend anyone at church. But i also don't want to do things for God halfheartedly anymore.

I think I've arrived to the point where I'm already resenting church because of how our Pastor and the people are making it seem. I no longer feel the joy fellowshipping with the people at church. And having a responsibility in our congregation, i feel trapped. I'm tired of this.

I have an idea that there are other Christians who are experiencing the same. Not sure what to call this unhealthy situation.

Thanks for any advice.

 

[jiggyfly]

Seems that you are becoming disillusioned with religion.
I will PM a couple of articles that may help you and explain some of what you have been experiencing. Please let me know if you have any questions. God bless you Viennr

 

[agua]

G.day Viennr,

I believe we are meant to be involved intimately with our church family . This means all Christians. Unforunately i find this very hard to do but it is something that we should strive towards. If you are wanting to pull away from your church family i don't think this is a good thing.

 

[RJ]

Have you been born again?
Have you been saved?
Are you a Christian?

If the answer is yes, why not take a break and get back to the basics.
I agree totally with agua about how important it is that you go to church.

Some times I drag my feet to church...just not that excited for the day but, I almost always am very glad I did go and the outcome is positive.

Now saying that, if the outcome from going to church is negative, for what ever reason, that is not good.

So, my suggestion, is take a break and get back to the basics of worship.

I often tell my Jr. and Sr. high Sunday School class, who for the most part, are in a search mode, I tell them this:

Though Sunday School is important, Church is important, Worship Service is important, there are 3 things that are the basics, much more important and if you do not have these 3 basic things of worship on a consistant basis, you will struggle in your faith.

These 3 basics to worship are:
You, the Bible and the Holy Spirit!

These basic fundamentals to your faith are essential. God intends for each of us to read /study the Bible ourselves. Do this as much as you can, pray and let God build your faith and understanding of his word for you. Do it even to the point of not going to church for a while.

Also, something else that is very powerful...memorize Psalm 23. Use it as a prayer and repeat it often through out the day and just before you go to sleep at night.

Try these 3 basic things, memorize Psalm 23 and I promise you, God will lead you to rest by still waters and restoreth your soul!

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

Sometimes we simply grow out of a certain type of ministry.
It seems to me that the Holy Spirit is working in you to to show you there is something more.
I was involved with 4 denominations and a few non-denominational churches over the first 5 years after I converted and I found none of them satisfying or edifying for longer that the first few weeks.
They were all more of a commercial enterprise to lift up a few at the expense of the many.The bank wants a regular tithing head count before loaning money for that new expansion.

1 Peter 2:2 As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby:

Most churches serve milk but many times the milk is not fresh or is tainted in some other way.Or they charge an arm and a leg for it.
Even if the milk is good we are eventually going to crave the meat of the word.

If I found a church body that served sincere milk I would support it as long as they at least considered that there is still meat available that may have never seen served.

1 Corinthians 3:2 I have fed you with milk, and not with meat: for till now you were not able to bear it, neither yet now are you able.

As far as I know the meat was never served,because they never were able to receive it.The book of revelation is meaty broth and look at the crazy notions that arise from trying to cram spiritual scriptures into literal teachings.

 

[skipbeat]

Perhaps this might help...Read:

http://www.talkjesus.com/lounge/38906-body-build.html

Blessings in Christ

 

[Brighthouse]

Hi SisterVineer,If i may present something for you to consider. You see first, if I was the Pastor i would not look to others as to why?? I would look to myself as to why??I am the head of the body in this Church!!Why would i point??

If the elders in the Church are being busy bodies,and speaking bad about one another ,why would you go??

IF!! This is going on, and the pastor is helping in doing the same?? WOW!! time to leave! Now,as for you personal. At Christmas time,when friends gather round you,and it is time to open presents,what makes you happier?? You receiving gifts?? Or the faces of those you are giving gifts to?

Church is suppose to be the same.Before I step into the church, I prepare myself, so that I may give gifts unto them,love,kindness understanding,sure I know you may need the same!! But by giving, you find out you receive that much more,and from the Lord!! Which is even better then people!

Many go to church looking for something from someone else,and when they do not receive, they are dejected,they feel cheated.They are!! Had they gone in the Church giving they would have received!!( luke 6:38) this does not deal with money dear sister,this deals with whatever you give!! So with this in mind,we give what we ourselves need!

And Jesus will give back to YOU!! 100 fold! Sounds like a great deal to me!! And the best part is!! I can tell you it WORKS!! Praise God!! My prayers are with you!

 

[AbbysAunt]

Hi Viennr,

I would have to agree with Brighthouse on what He said. The church is not a place for condemnation...it instead is a place that we go to share in the Love of our Lord, to worship Him for the Almighty God He is. When things go on that aren't going hand in hand
with what the Lord says in His word its time to leave. My Best friend and her husband had this go on when the pastor of their old church made an example of them for not being in church one sunday. Did the pastor know why they weren't there? No he didn't he just assumed they were lazy, but the truth was her husband had worked the night shift the evening before and was very tired and needed rest but instead of finding that out he decided to judge them and point them out to the church. They did end up leaving
that church but have found a wonderful church now that they attend and enjoy. Our Lord God tells us about Judging in the book of Matthew.

Matthew7:1-2 Judge not, that you be not judged. For with what judgement you judge, you will be judged and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.

You also talked about elders and others poking their noses into others business and your pastor telling it was going to happen so get used to it. In the book of Matthew we see something else to be said about others poking their noses into others business.

Matthew7:3-5 And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye, Or how can you say to your brother, "Let me remove
the speck from your eye"; and look a plank is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your
brother's eye.

Before others start poking their noses into others business or try to fix others they better set to making sure that any fixing that needs done in their own lives is taken care of. Noone has a right to poke their noses into something that is not their business unless
it is asked of them to do so. A person may choose to ask for prayer, or maybe advice or guidance in a certian situation and then its ok for others to help but otherwise its not ok to poke your nose into something that is none of one's business.

Church is more than just a building or a place we go. We the children of God are the church...we are the body of Christ and as such no matter where we go to worship should
not matter. The disciples used an upper room to meet in, it wasn't a big church building but each one of them being part of the body of Christ was there to worship and praise God. Jesus Himself taught in the temples but He also taught alot of times outside and even from a boat upon the water...and there was no big church building. Its the people who are the church and as such should be there to support each other, lift one another up, pray for one another and together we should come before our Lord Jesus to worship, bless and lift up His name on High!

1Cor.12:27 Now you are the body of of Christ, and members individually.

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Everyone needs one on one time with our Lord. You are His child and part of His very body..you are part of His church and spending time
with Him whether alone or not you are still worshipping and praising Him. Keep on praying
and seeking God as you have been doing. Let Him lead you and if its to be that you leave
then I know our Lord Jesus will lead you to the right church just like He did for my best friend and her husband.

I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you always!

 

[Viennr]

came from a retreat

Hello,

Sorry everyone for responding just now. I just came back from a retreat. Spent time alone with the Lord which is what I need the most. It's been a long time since i did this. I've forgotten about the fullness of Jesus in my life in all the times I'm inside "church".

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR ALL YOUR ADVICE. I'M ENLIGHTENED. REASON WHY I JOINED THIS FORUM IS BECAUSE I DESPERATELY NEED SOME UNBIASED CHRIST-MINDED PEOPLE TO TALK TO. I NEVER GOT CLEAR ANSWERS FROM OUR ELDERS EVEN TO OUR PASTOR HIMSELF

One Sunday service we were so few at the church and our Pastor got angry at us. He complained about how lazy we are. He said he felt the spirit of laziness in us because we don't seem to make effort in bringing people to the church. He even called us worthless. Later on, he said he didn't mean worthless as people but worthless as Christians because we aren't doing anything.

I feel like asking him, "where is the salvation and freedom we received when we accepted Christ? Are those conditional? Are we obligated to please God through "church involvement" after being born again?"

I read somewhere that nothing can please God Almighty but ONLY His Son Jesus Christ and when we stick ourselves to Christ, that is only when we become pleasing to God as well.

We are currently having a month-long tract distribution. We all wear uniforms and knock at houses and give away tracts. While there is nothing wrong with that, i know where all these are leading to. Our members just want to bring more people to church because our Pastor wants that. His vision for his church is to expand it into 20+ churches in the 21st century. When church members go overseas to work abroad, he sees it as opportunity to grow his church internationally and remind members to "don't forget (name of our congregation) while you're there."

Since from the start, I never agree with that vision. What about God's Church? His Body? What about the Great Commission Christ has given us? Seems to me that those people are too busy building THEIR church and not God's and they use Jesus to do that. Our elders always ask us about what we can do for the benefit of our church. Our church do more mentoring programs, leadership trainings so we can "plant churches"

I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I'd wake up in the middle of the night and feel God's spirit telling me to leave. One night at bed while thinking about my situation, I literally felt like throwing up and this verse suddenly popped out of my mind "I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm--neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth. Rev 3:16"

This is no longer a gentle nudge from God. What I'm going through is crisis. He seems to be telling me that I'm better off alone WITH Him rather than being with those people without Him and be under the bondage of "Sunday service attendance" "following orders" and "doing ministry"

It's not that i don't want to fellowship. It's not that i don't want to do ministry. I just want Jesus to be the one sitting at the throne of my life. I want my allegiance to be in Him ALONE. I want that to be clear first and foremost. And I trust He will provide everything I need to please Him including fellowship and ministry.

I'm just tired of having my Christian life revolve around "church attendance" and "ministry", meeting expectations every week.

I'm still unsure what to say to our Pastor and the committee where i belong in. These people have high expectations of me. I'm needed right now in our current month-long activity. My role is important and they expect me to be there. Point is, God is urging me to leave already -- regardless of what those people will think of me.

Thanks again everyone for all the advice. You are all a blessing.

 

[skipbeat]

I'm glad that the Lord helped you to come to this realization Viennr, and i pray that He will be with you every step of the way as you make this important change in your life. May the Lord be your shield and stronghold in this times.

 

[Brighthouse]

Viennr,Do not be fooled into thinking being alone in Christ is your answer!!( hebrews 10:25) You will not find Lone ranger in the Bible,Jesus himself had many around him, for his church!

What happens when we are in the right,but we feel we do not need the church anymore?? Jesus was tempted by the devil when he was alone,do you think you will be any different?( matt4 please read whole chapter)

Now moving to another body?? fine!! BY all means,if the Lord is telling you it is time to wipe the dust off of your feet there, cool! I did the same thing once, thinking I knew more in the Lord then anyone else.LOL OOPS!! I wondered in the desert, thinking just God and me,that is all I ever need!!

Well I was half right! Here is why,we as one of his parts is needed to gather with other believers.( please read all of 1 Cor 12 espically verses 12-31)Each part has to work,a part, apart from the others works only for a time,then will give out!! I know!! I gave out after a time!

The Church itself is in you!! BUT!! others have need of your working part sister,hence 2 or more are needed.( matt 18:19) I sure am not telling you what you must do!! I am telling you what will happen if you play a Lone Ranger for Jesus.

The Lord sent out his disciples 2 by 2,there is a reason for this my sister in Christ! Self cannot hold, without another working part, to help it.Please keep this in mind as well!May every blessing be upon your working part for our Jesus!! amen!

 

[jiggyfly]

Hello,

It's not that i don't want to fellowship. It's not that i don't want to do ministry. I just want Jesus to be the one sitting at the throne of my life. I want my allegiance to be in Him ALONE. I want that to be clear first and foremost. And I trust He will provide everything I need to please Him including fellowship and ministry.

I'm just tired of having my Christian life revolve around "church attendance" and "ministry", meeting expectations every week.

Very inspiring Viennr, tis the difference between religion and relationship, fantasy and reality.
The body of Christ is a spiritual entity of which the carnal religious system very poorly tries to imitate. The clergy/laity system is modeled after the old covenant priesthood and temple system, but has nothing to do with the new covenant body of Christ. According to Jesus we are all on the same level as brothers and sisters.
Religion is such a cruel tyrant, happy to see you getting free from the bondage. Go with Christ.

 

[Viennr]

fellowship

Viennr,Do not be fooled into thinking being alone in Christ is your answer!!( hebrews 10:25) You will not find Lone ranger in the Bible,Jesus himself had many around him, for his church!

What happens when we are in the right,but we feel we do not need the church anymore?? Jesus was tempted by the devil when he was alone,do you think you will be any different?( matt4 please read whole chapter)

Now moving to another body?? fine!! BY all means,if the Lord is telling you it is time to wipe the dust off of your feet there, cool! I did the same thing once, thinking I knew more in the Lord then anyone else.LOL OOPS!! I wondered in the desert, thinking just God and me,that is all I ever need!!

Well I was half right! Here is why,we as one of his parts is needed to gather with other believers.( please read all of 1 Cor 12 espically verses 12-31)Each part has to work,a part, apart from the others works only for a time,then will give out!! I know!! I gave out after a time!

The Church itself is in you!! BUT!! others have need of your working part sister,hence 2 or more are needed.( matt 18:19) I sure am not telling you what you must do!! I am telling you what will happen if you play a Lone Ranger for Jesus.

The Lord sent out his disciples 2 by 2,there is a reason for this my sister in Christ! Self cannot hold, without another working part, to help it.Please keep this in mind as well!May every blessing be upon your working part for our Jesus!! amen!

Sorry perhaps i didn't made myself clear.

I didn't say i don't need the church anymore. Fellowship is important i know that. Holding on to the Body is mportant yes. I'm not disregarding anything about what the Bible says about the Body of Christ. (Heb 10:25, 1 Cor 12:12-31)

What I'm trying to say is that I want to learn how to get connected to the Head first which is Christ before i try to get myself connected with the Body. Body life is only as good as the Body's relationship to the Head. The body has no life in itself apart from the Head.

The Bible didn't say we are supposed to seek out our place in the Body of Christ. or try to insert ourselves into place. It says we are set in the Body of Christ according to His will. Not our will but God's will. It's His Body anyway.

I understand Brigthhouse that you are trying to save me from error but be assured that I'm not giving up fellowships certainly not trying to be a Lone Ranger from now on.

Speaking of Lone Ranger, there are some in the Bible.

Enoch didn't have anyone to fellowship with during his walk with God. So does Moses when he spent 40 years in the dessert. Abraham walked with God and He didn't have a house church to go to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is to spend more time with God to the point of leaving fellowship for a WHILE.

Problem is I've even (unsure of the right word) forgotten? about what it means to walk WITH God and be hidden IN God because I've been worshiping him in a crowd, praising him in a crowd, and learning about Him in a crowd. The people at church, It's like I'm giving all the credit to them for my spiritual well being and I'm off to break that.

Thanks for the concern. God's blessings be to you as well.

 

[Brighthouse]

Very good SIS!! Enoch?? LOL What we know of him, is summed up in 4 verses Gen 5:21-24 Moses had, as Abraham had the children of God walked with him, not to good!! LOl but they were with him. I am glad you get my point,I was not looking to be mean in any way!! Jesus spent many times alone with the Father,so I sure understand what you are saying!! and I very much agree as well!! The only point I wanted to express was not to forsake the assembly. That was my only point.Blessing always be unto you,and your family!! amen

 

[Viennr]

Very good SIS!! Enoch?? LOL What we know of him, is summed up in 4 verses Gen 5:21-24 Moses had, as Abraham had the children of God walked with him, not to good!! LOl but they were with him. I am glad you get my point,I was not looking to be mean in any way!! Jesus spent many times alone with the Father,so I sure understand what you are saying!! and I very much agree as well!! The only point I wanted to express was not to forsake the assembly. That was my only point.Blessing always be unto you,and your family!! amen

Didn't think you're being mean. I understand Brighthouse, no worries.Blessings be to you and your family as well.

 

[Miss Elly]

It seems to me that maybe you are not in the church God wants you to be in. I went through what you are going through for months on end at the church I went to. And yes, the pastor fussed at the church people because the church was not growing. He often said we need revival, but I told him, unless this body of believers seeks God at the altar, we will not have it. He tried calling the folks to the altar to pray but gave up. I felt the spirit of oppression and many times I did not want to go to church, though I loved the people and the pastor. I would quit the church and God would send me right back. It was like a very dusty, dry valley for me, I could not seem to receive anything and could not shake my feelings. Seeking Jesus with all of your heart is right, not seeking what you need from the church. God will help you.

 

[Viennr]

It seems to me that maybe you are not in the church God wants you to be in. I went through what you are going through for months on end at the church I went to. And yes, the pastor fussed at the church people because the church was not growing. He often said we need revival, but I told him, unless this body of believers seeks God at the altar, we will not have it. He tried calling the folks to the altar to pray but gave up. I felt the spirit of oppression and many times I did not want to go to church, though I loved the people and the pastor. I would quit the church and God would send me right back. It was like a very dusty, dry valley for me, I could not seem to receive anything and could not shake my feelings. Seeking Jesus with all of your heart is right, not seeking what you need from the church. God will help you.

Hello Miss Elly,

Wow it has been almost 4 months since I posted this thread! Thanks for the response. I appreciate it really.

I've finally moved on from this situation months ago. I left the church I used to attend to and have found a group of believers who consistently and unreservedly points me to Jesus Christ and not some religion. I learned a lot from the challenges that came along the way more than the empty, self-centered sermons I used to listen to every Sunday in the old church.

It seems that going through some hardships, oppressions and sorrows are not only a hard way to learn, but the ONLY way to learn. I always thank God for these things that come.

God bless you sister!

 

[faithfulservant]

Yes, I'm in the same exact place. I wasn't raised in church culture, though, so I always assumed it was just because it wasn't part of my tradition.

However, I have two things to say on this matter.

#1) The absolutely most important thing for any Christian to do is spend time ministering to the LORD in private prayer daily.

#2) If we are not to forsake "fellowship" why do church organizations only meet once a week for an hour and a half? That's pretty weak. The church should be open daily for people to gather and fellowship daily, as that's how the 1st century church fellowshipped: Daily.

I feel your pain, brother. Perhaps there is another church you're meant to go to like someone mentioned? Maybe the Spirit is prompting you to go elsewhere because there are needs in the Body somewhere else for you to help meet?