I see no light on Earth

[JacobGreen]

Greetings good people,
I hope theres some good left in the world. The way I feel.. as time went by, I have lost my overall faith in humans and have been left with little to none. I never really lost my faith in Jesus and Father God, when no one is there for me, God is all I have, although many a times I might have asked "Why me Lord.."

Its tough to put my life in a few words, I'll try to, this might be one of the last places I'd ever think coming to, yet for some reason I am writing this here. I need a miracle, humanity, true friends but as in real life I doubt my luck will change here. Many a people talk the talk but don't walk the walk.

For most I guess life is a blessing, but now when I look back, with my current wisdom, for me it has been a curse ever since.. I was born in the 3rd worlds, not the worst ones, but worst enough.. I've seen wars, misery, poverty, lies, human evil, violence, ignorance, I was mislead many a times too...

I feel caged like an animal, still I am in the 3rd world with no way out. For emigration & goverments don't ask if You are a good man, righteous, who You are.. but what Your birth certificate is and size of one's bank account. Borders have crusified me, as cross has been forced upon Jesus. I have no way out, and if I do, one maybe, it feels like selling out my soul - leaving this hell on earth and exchanging it with another - because I would be where I don't feel my home is, I would do what my purpose is not, and I would hate myself futher more even though it wouldn't be as bad as is here.. some choice and thats what I am left with, even if I had that choice is a big if...

I have been betrayed by many a false friends, in life, and online many called me a friend... yet when I screamed out for help.. no one moved a finger to help me. Aren't friends there when the worst hours come.. I live alone, isolated, abandoned.. by my own choice - or by the lack of choice - cause what purpose has a man if he shares nothing in common with the next man.. Many would call me selfish, saying I ask from friends in return, but didn't Jesus say ask and You should be given.. and shouldn't one who sits in the boat throw a lifeline to one who is begging for it from deep down below... How to forgive ones who move not a finger for us and call us friends. Everything is on sale these days.. friendship, love, people sell their souls for nothing.. there is no meaning when everything becomes surface.

I have faced threats of physical violence against me, because I speak against evil people and their ways, even if my pain causes me to consider the entire nation I don't belong to evil.

Jesus says we should love our enemies, not be like them, not be in fear either.. but also he says the justice will come, the wicked and evil and liars and hypocrits will be punished for their evil works, and we who suffer and are in great pain shall be set free. But I have hard time loving evil, evil people, I have hard time to forgive those who have brought pain, evil, betrayal upon me. Jesus forgave, but will he forgive next time, what if now is the next time, how should I feel about it...

It has crossed my mind in most recent darkest hours to kill myself.. but I'm not there yet, either I believe in the Lord too much, or I'm further afraid of more pain... I want to live, but life I have is not the life I dream of nor will ever be from this perspective.. not even animals deserve to be caged and be left without a choice, without hope.

I don't know how hell feels like, but my Earthly existance here feels like hell. I believe many places on Earth today feel like hell, and my heart goes to ones suffering. 2000 years later, humanity hasn't learned.. he died for us, and left message of good, but what we have is bad, bad all the way and hypocrisy, pain, injustice rule the Earth even worse than many a years ago...

 

[eddieb]

Jesus is called a Man of Sorrows. when He walked the earth, He knew grief. i am very aware of it as well. i dont see light on earth either. thats because earth is the wrong place to look for light. there is no eternal promises from earth. no salvation comes from the earth. the earth and todays inhabitants are not the light of the earth. Jesus Christ is the light of the earth. our only hope. sometimes its hard to trust God and to believe he still sees and cares when wickedness presses from all sides. however the just shall live by faith. that scripture comes from the book of Habakkuk. that book is a good read. God leads me there frequently. Habakkuk experienced many things you have listed as your circumstances. and at the begining of the book habakkuk is overwhelmed with the wickedness around him. at the end of the book he says this:
Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labor of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herds in the stalls:
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.
The Lord God is my strength, and he will make my feet like hinds feet, and he will make me to walk upon my high places.

this is where God wants us. to be looking at him and not all out problems. the only reason you see the wickedness is because God has opened your eyes. the wicked have problems but they dont have any light so they dont see it as a believer sees it. in eccles. it says all is vainity. anything on earth will not bring joy. but God can/does. to the christian the answer to why or why me is in God. to the non believer why has no meaning. personally i believe why is God is God and maybe has a plan for me. thats my hope. if he dont well, the same thing happens to me. i die. but as long as i have God I have something eternal. something with meaning. a purpose to exsist.
hell is alot worse than any of this. like habakkuk said, God has a higher ground for us to walk on. we must look to the eternal, and not what is temporal.

also what you said about being in a third world country and they just care about your bank account.... i live in america and it is the same.

 

[Kit Carson]

This might help a bit.

God indicates for us to be gentle as a lamb, but as cunning as a snake.

The things you speak of are in the USA also. It is not any different actually.

I have a bill laying on my desk that will never be paid. A man out of the blue calls me, I do not know him, but I run a call for him and send this bill to him on trust. Kit you dummy you know better, you let your guard down and did not follow the snake rule. I follow normally the snake rule in all things of life, even in regards to my own family. I only trust God.

Always follow the rule of the snake. Never trust other men until they earn that trust and then be pleasantly surprised when they actually do meet your expectations.

We do not have to like evil. We are not required to like evil. We can pray to God for it to change, for the evil people to change. But we do not have to accept evil, or to like it. Anyone who follows God will not like evil.

You seem to be young, do not let the things of the world become too great. Run to God and talk to him, push the things of the world back, walk away from them, let them go for a time. Concentrate on the good things, what makes you smile, what gives you peace, find and hold to those things.

Then when you are a bit older and wiser, and become ornery like myself, then you can take up the fight again.

Suicide is not the answer, they win with that one. Stick around and be a thorn in them. But for now, walk away from it all, find another situation if need be, change your life, and let evil be evil and for now look for the things that make you smile. Hold to those and hold to God, let him teach you the expectations of the world and about other people. Learn to live with God and in his way, and let others make their own choices, but do not let them influence your thoughts.

One cannot count on other people, each time you do, you will see your expectations not realized. But God will always be the same. Unto the point of death. Expectations from God are always true and always there.

Stumbling around trying to read between the lines, hope this helps.

Take Care

Kit

 

[JacobGreen]

Thank You eddieb, Thank You Kit Carson,
I find wisdom in Your words.

My pains, most of my pains I now believe come from expecting heaven and perfection from this corrupted Earth, as I do my best to do good, to make good, to make culture, make spiritual values, I only meet people who do the very opposite, liars, hypocrits, those who fail to be perfect in my eyes as I wish them to be.. but didn't even Jesus say we need be perfect as or Heavenly father is perfect. And I judge myself too, I know when I'm not doing right and I regret it and admit it, but I feel no one else around me truly does, even when they claim so. I judge myself when darkness comes into me too so that I feel like I'm not doing good by trying to push good into evil or truth into lies by force. Evil can't be forced to be good, its something I'm having hard times coming to terms with, but its something thats becoming more and more clear. I also feel so much pain, I scream against injustice and evil.. but by doing so, my own calm spirit isn't calm any more, and instead beeing a lamb, I often feel I have to howl like a wolf, against other wolves, so its the only language they can understand. I have been hit many a times enough in my life and been misled to think the same way or responding but then we are no better than those who come and have nothing to offer but violent force against us.

Few days ago I faced a criminal and a liar with a badge, a policeman who comitted crime against me. He made subtle 'friendly' threats(advice he would call it) towards me ever since I moved into 'his building' and became a 'neighbour'. Ever since he behaved like he was the law over me, he even entered my apartment withot call one day. I played the lamb part, be nice although I hated myself for it.. Few months ago he broke into my private although at the time unlocked basement to let his 'girlfriend' out so that they wouldn't be caught.. He or both of them walked over my stuff, he or she have smashed the pushed the metal so the window could be opened for escape.. He was comitting a crime against private property and an adultery. He has a wife and 2 children and asked me it should stay beteween us... I objected but ultimately remained a lamb and didn't report him to police nor anyone else... What good would it do reporting him to the police here anyway, he is the police and like him pretty much all police here are no better than plain criminals.. Some days ago when he came against me regarding some other 'issue' and I was no lamb for the 3rd time, I exposed his crime and evil ways in front of the other apartment owners.. He denied it all and responded with lies and brutal force ! The beast came straight in my face, ready to punch me, saying I insulted him(with truth?) and he said he'll crush me like a c.... and called me a f..... I stood my grounds, told everyone, but no one stood my side really, no one cared. He even made threats to sue me and charge me from my apartment. I said I have him recorded, recording device, even though I didn't, but same thing, he confessed his evil ways to me and now he was the liar all over it. I had to stay there as I didn't want to appear weak or afraid.. in between and ultimately they laughed, they laughed at the crime, lies, adultery.. after which I left, and now I guess I will be the lamb again, sell my tiny apartment and move out... for it has been years since I have been living next to Beast. And its not that I feel defeated, I hurt because here there is no justice, no truth, no spirit, no culture, and easily even when I move out, I might be living next to some other Beast in human form.

And its just one tiny example of what sort of people I am surrounded with..

In my times of darkest hours, I have found some lines from the Holy words.. I have found them online and as I have no Bible now, and after recent days and thoughts of killing myself the only comfort I found not in false friends and family who betrayed me and don't understand me but in words of the Lord.. I found these lines...

Luke 21:16-17
"And ye shall be betrayed both by parents, and brethren, and kinsfolks, and friends; and some of you shall they cause to be put to death."
"And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake."

Matthew 10:36
"And a man's foes shall be they of his own household."

Matthew 25:31-36, 40-43, 45-46
"Then He will also say to those on the left hand, “Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels; for I was hungry and you gave Me no food, I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.” ... “Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.” And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life."

Luke 12:4
"I tell you, my friends, do not fear those who kill the body, and after that can do nothing more."

Luke 22:47-51
"When his followers saw what was coming, they said, “Lord, shall we use our swords?” And one of them struck at the High Priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. But Jesus answered, “Let them have their way.” Then he touched the man’s ear and healed him."

Matthew 26:50-53
“Put your sword back into its place; for all who take the sword will perish by the sword. Do you think I cannot appeal to my Father, and he will at once send me more than twelve legions of angels?”

Job 23:10
"But he knows the way that I take: when he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold."

 

[Kit Carson]

Hey:

If financial means provide, move. Find a better situation. God will provide an outlet, a way of escape.

I can tell you I understand your story and believe it totally. I was myself a police officer for a time. I fully realize the situation and the brotherhood of the police. It will do no good at all to face him as the brotherhood will bury you.

If I were to go to my local large town Columbia, South Carolina and decide that day to help someone, in a poor crime infested area, I must do so with wisdom. I am to preserve my life to be wary and to be wise.

Even a disciple of Christ did not go to a certain town at a certain time as the time was not right and he would have simply been killed had he went there in that time. God had other plans for this man. To live and to help others that would accept help. God tells us some will never accept his way, or help or advice. We are to simply turn from them, dismiss them and go on with our lives.

The world is full of sin, many bad things, we are to fight them but do so wisely and not by choice put ourselves in the way of harm. Now that is a complicated statement, sometimes God may want us to go into harms way, if called to do so. An evil person may even kill us, or cause us harm, this is the program of evil. It is what it is.

One man standing alone, against many, in an area of crime and poverty , where sin abounds, can only hope to escape and maybe later in life help some others in this situation.

Do not fight a crooked cop. Not by yourself. They are the same in all countries, the only difference between them and a criminal is that they wear a badge. But they use their power to commit many acts of crime and power over others. Their brothers even as they know this particular officer has done wrong , will still support this officer as it is the unwritten code of the brotherhood. They will join with him to put you aside and eliminate you. If it gets serious enough they may even place drugs upon you and falsely accuse you and put you away, or some such way.

Keep the peace for the moment, pray for them or him but do not directly challenge. And find a new situation. Get out of the snake den and get a breath of air. Live to grow, and one day understand and even help others in this situation.

Also understand that you cannot control the sins of others. They have the choice to do as they will and will do so. Some will never turn from evil in this world. Some are beyond any hope of ever turning and refuse to do so. You cannot force them to change.

Yes I understand it is not easy, ones job, distance from work, financial concerns of moving and all the hassle of it. Do not let them get you down. Yea.....easy for one outside to say, this I know too, so run to God and beg him to provide you a new situation. He will.

Kit

 

[JacobGreen]

Kit, I again find wisdom in Your words.

I'll move, it what has to be done, for many years I have been living next to Beast, and as time passed by, I am feeling worse and worse and the spirit of life itself has been sucked out of me. I even call my tiny apartment 'cell', because I feel like a prisoner who has been caged although I believe I haven't done anything to deserve this.

Financial situation is a struggle, my apartment is tiny, I don't have a job either. Its a struggle to find decent replacement and it is going to be stress and misery once again, and here one has to have eyes on the back of the head because not even all property is legal, people cheat and steal from others, so I even fear of putting all I have in the hands of anyone in the process. My greatest misery of it all, even when I replace my place here, it still won't be anything like home. It will never be home here. I try to escape this hell for good, when one is born in the 3rd world, without wealth, emigration is next to impossible. I have applied for US green card several times but I never won any lottery in my life, so this went the same. Western Europe is closed for me too. Even if I can move it would be allowed only temporary, or if I am given one choice, it would be most likely to do what I am not meant to do, and it feels once again like I have to sell out my soul to get out, even if have that choice to begin with, I am not at all sure. For most life should be a blessing, but where I was born, it feels like a curse, and I have hard time coming to terms with it. What I believe is my life's work will never happen here either, because there is a place for everything and one can't shape mud into gold. I tried.. And I turned my back to everyone, yet I am still surrounded by them, and that is my greatest pain, that I have no choice, but only 2 evils to choose from, always, never 2 goods..

I only hope to escape, but hope has run out dry, as all betrayed me, and in the eyes of the borders and governments here and elsewhere, it doesn't matter if I am a good person, if I do give myself for spirit and culture, if I believe in God.. they all judge me, by my birth certificate and law of blood, if I am rich to buy my ways out or if I am educated in a way that pleases the world of greed and wealth, not the world of justice and humanity.

You are right, although its hard to accept, we cannot by force change others, and we cannot really force evil to be good. And its hard to be righetous all the time, when someone strikes us by violence and force, the first human instinct is to respond, but God tells us not to. And thats one of the things that plays tricks with my mind. Jesus said to love our enemies, and its I believe the hardest legacy He has left for us, and its hard to find a good explanation at first. Last night, among explanations I've found this line: “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible” (Matthew 19:26). Even if we struggle to forgive, its God we need to make it possible.

I have been reading a thread violence-non violence, and I found one of Your posts Kit, regarding selfdefence, that You believe in one and the possesion of personal weapon. At first impression, it feels very wrong, as God says do not kill, and includes no reason or excuse, just do not kill. Its the toughest question of the all, when do we stop beeing lambs and should we stop beeing lambs even if someone threats our own sacred life or lives or our loved ones. I can't say for sure if God would judge us for protecting ourselves with deadly force. I've seen it in the online news recently, a woman with a baby in USA called 911, someone was trying to break into her home, and she asked advice over the phone, 'can I shoot him' she asked, the voice on the phone said 'I can't tell You to do that but do whatever it takes to protect Your baby'. And the woman shot the intruder and wasn't blamed for doing so at the end. I cannot say by my heart that I judge her for doing what she did, I don't know what any of us would do, would we have done otherwise if we were in her situation ? I also learned this woman's husband died from cancer just around Christmas Day, imagine how would any of us would feel loosing the closest loved one and then having an intruder trying to break in our home and hurt us. I have often felt the similar way. And recently I have been reminded I believe of a part of the autobiography by a famous US Christian country singer, while he was in Jamaica, his house, hes family was intruded, people with guns, thiefs were after money. In his book this singer describes, days after this happened, he was in fear and slept with a gun under his pillow. He also says local police have found the evil people and told him he will never have to worry about them again(it sounded like the police got rid of them in a worst sense of the word), and the singer asks a question, can we blame them, how would we feel about it ? Its something that crosses my mind back and forth, do we need to be lambs all the time, or even when attacked should we die like Jesus ? Jesus refused selfdefence, and when Peter took out his sword and cut off that servant's ear, Jesus told him to put the sword back and if we use the sword we shall die by the sword. Jesus forgave and was a lamb all the time. But also it is written when Jesus comes back for the 2nd time, it doesn't say He'll come back to be crusified for the 2nd time, but bring a sword and army of Angels to do world the final justice and strike those who are evil and set free those who are in pain, repressed and last on Earth.

How grand would it be, if Jesus came back right now, to tell us all the answers and take away the doubts, the pain, the fear, the injustice.

 

[Kit Carson]

Most in the USA and other fairly tame places do not comprehend the trials of life in very poor countries where each way you turn there is a situation. Poverty, crime, theft, and oppression and preying on others by all. Even small children run the streets to survive.

About that self defense. I was a police officer for a time, I spent six years in the military and I work sometimes in a city that is full of crime. I once had my head down in a water meter and saw the leaves jumping, a bit later I heard the sound of the shots, and saw one thug chasing another thug down the street shooting at the first thug. The one being shot at was desperately trying to bust into any door to get in and away, anyway the first one caught up with the second one and put four rounds into him as I watched. I have had them try to get behind me and come up on the blind side of the work van, I stumbled into a gun deal late one night , I was called to unstop a building sewer, now I no longer go there past 2 p.m.

So you wonder what can I do. The main thing is to never look for trouble. To never create violence or the need to use force. As Jesus told us and as life with experience teaches us that his words are true we should be meek and turn the other cheek as long as it is possible. To do all we can do to keep things on an calm and even keel. So one should never go looking for trouble.

In the area of self defense one must also be well versed in the laws of the government and the laws of the land. If you are not and let your own anger cause you to act outside of them then the result will be punishment to yourself for the action you took caused by violence or crime.......although cool with God, it is not so with man. Mans laws are different.

We should always if possible find a peaceful way, but if there is no option but self defense then act with a determination to destroy the evil. Just make sure you are right, the situation has no other option and so on.

Examples.

We are not to kill. God said so.

But God himself killed many due to great sin and worship of false gods. It was for a greater good and to pave the way for Christ to come. This is justifiable homicide. It is not murder. Evil reaches a point it has to go.

Jesus himself told his disciples to buy some swords.......and when the people were after Jesus to catch him days before he was killed one of the disciples sliced off an ear of one of the guards intent on harming Jesus.......Jesus knew his purpose so he told his follower to put up the sword and he healed the guards ear. If another time and out in the countryside and some thugs were going to kill them then full action would have been required and sanctioned.

The young woman portrayed and spoken of who had time to call the police and tell them a person or persons were trying to break into her home did good. This is a unique situation as most do not have this presence of mind and the time. Things happen quickly and generally there is no time for this. But she did, and she killed one of them and the other one turned himself in later to the police.
If she had not done so they may have done almost anything, from rape and kill her to harm the child. God will give her a medal. God does not tolerate this kind of nonsense at all. And neither do we have to.

We do not have to allow this to happen. We have the right and the command to fight back. We can do all we can do peacefully, but if bad people are intent of some evil we do not have to allow it to cause our death, and we become the tool of God in the death of the one intent on serious evil.

The toleration of evil, crime, violence and gangs and the molly coddling of it all is the exact reason the world is in the great trail it is in today. The modern Christian way teaches total non violence and acceptance of all things. A criminal commits a crime and we are to protect his rights, feed him, take care of him, and put a burden of support on the non guilty for all the demands of caring for this criminal. This is mans way. God will simply turn them into a charcoal brick.

Gods way and mans way conflict. We have become so passive we tolerate all things. Those who do wish to fight back cannot as the world is so ingrained in all things that government and laws are against the laws of God, and hence we must live within mans laws. This was a very clever plan by Satan. He has won this battle against man.

One day it will change. There will be no crime, no violence, no sickness, no poverty, and in this modern world to look towards that final goal is about all we can do.

Meanwhile if a man tries to harm me or my family and is intent on serious harm and is outside of mans laws......I will blow him out of his shoes. I will sleep well also. One less evil to worry about.

I will then Thank God for the courage to face it, and the situation to have went well.

It is a common sense thing, be gentle if you can. When there are no options, then do as God would do.
When God does again take a hand in the affairs of the world, the evil are going to have a really bad day. God does not play games.

As for Jesus refusing self defense, he came with the purpose and intent to die. He knew his fate and accepted it. There was the purpose of his sacrifice and our salvation at stake. So he gave his life for us, as I or others would and have for their earthly family or wife. Only his purpose was much more.

Before I understood exactly the reason for evil, I can remember asking God why all the crime, evil and terrible things?? I used to tell him if you have such power why do you not just blink your eyes and make it all better? Gradually I understood the reason for the evil. It is the way we learn, it is the way we are taught and we have to know its capacity for a greater purpose later .

In the human realm, yes we are to pray for those who wish to harm us, if this is appropriate to the situation. But if one is walking down the street and a thug decides to kill and rob you, or one decides to break into your home, hey, they by their own free will made that choice. God does not tell me to stand there and die. He tells me they made their choice, you have the right to defend yourself.

Kit

 

[abraham]

If you lose hope then you do not know God. I understand that the world we live in is wicked but God has a plan, do not forget that christ is coming back.

God is love, Abraham

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

How grand would it be, if Jesus came back right now, to tell us all the answers and take away the doubts, the pain, the fear, the injustice.

I pray you don't have to wait.
John 14:23 Jesus answered and said unto him, If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.
John 15:7 If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you.

Hello Brother,I read your original post several days ago and did not respond because I felt I should pray first.
I found my prayers focusing on this cop and started feeling as though I should pray for him and the others under his little spirit of domination.

Matthew 5:44 But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
Matthew 5:45 That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5:46 For if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye? do not even the publicans the same?
Matthew 5:47 And if ye salute your brethren only, what do ye more than others? do not even the publicans so?
Matthew 5:48 Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.

We have to keep our eyes on Jesus or we end up responding out of fear or anger.Remember what happened to Peter when he took his eyes of Jesus and looked at the waves.
Perfect love casts out all fear.

Romans 12:21 Be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good.
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

You are called according to his purpose so all things are actually happening for good.Not just your good but the good of God and everyone involved.This is how we overcome evil with good.
By believing God and praying for love to be applied to the whole situation.Is there anyone else out there praying for this cop or the people who's lives he is dominating?
You are doing well to stand against this tide of darkness as you have been.It may be time to go on the offense and start praying for some lost souls.
I pray that Gods will be done in this officers life and that he be introduced to Jesus who died so that all mankind could be reconciled to the Father.
Peace and the Joy of the Lord be with you...

 

[JacobGreen]

Some answers only God knows.
When they asked Jesus when He would be coming back, He told us that no man knows, that He doesn't know either, but only His Father knows.

And some answers God offers and understands what we face on this corrupted Earth. God is also heavenly justice, pure and uncorrupted, nothing like we have here on Earth, as there is no justice on Earth. But God knows how some of us scream for justice, how we suffer for trying to make justice where it isn't meant to happen. We need to be lambs but never stop speaking the truth, as truth is the thorn in Devil's eye. As Jesus was perfect and spoke truth till' the very end, so we too need to tell, as that is what makes us righteous.

Revelation 2:2
"I know your deeds and your toil and perseverance, and that you cannot tolerate evil men, and you put to the test those who call themselves apostles, and they are not, and you found them to be false."

John 3:18
"My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth."

John 18:19-23
"The high priest then asked Jesus about His disciples and His doctrine.
Jesus answered him, "I spoke openly to the world. I always taught in synagogues and in the temple, where the Jews always meet, and in secret I have said nothing."
"Why do you ask Me? Ask those who have heard Me what I said to them. Indeed they know what I said."
And when He had said these things, one of the officers who stood by struck Jesus with the palm of his hand, saying, "Do You answer the high priest like that?"
Jesus answered him, "If I have spoken evil, bear witness of the evil; but if well, why do you strike Me?"

 

[evolution]

Hey JacobGreen, it's me, Evolution. as I read what you posted I ask God in my mind what do I say in responce? How can i help? do i use scriptures? I just want to be real with you from the heart. I hope and pray that the Lord leads me.


If you dont mind, I would like to tell you a little about me. i can relate to feeling betrayed and hurt by men (people). My dad and I dont even talk, yet we live in the same house. He doesnt respect me and has said things to me from childhood until now adulthood which lowered my self esteem coming up. I was a loner in school, from elementary to high school. I never really fit in. Iv'e been called ugly sooo many times to my face and in front of other people. People I trusted with deep secrets betrayed me. They used things ive shared with them in confidance against me to hurt me. I have a baby boy...out of wed-lock. His dad forsoke me when I was two months pregnant and said he didnt want the baby. My son is now 16 mos, and his dad has seen him like 5 times. He only calls to start arguments. now im avoiding him because im tired of being hurt by the things he says. I have to protect my health because stress triggers my health problem and I dont want to end up back in the hospital. None of my old friends call my phone anymore. sometimes i feel unthought of. I was going through a deep depression. I started drinking alcohol regularly. By myself. to comfort me. I knew i was wrong. i was just sooo hurt inside. felt unloved, unpretty. was looking for approval and acceptance in other people. cared to much about other peoples oppinions. Gave man to much power of my life. Wasnt happy with myself because of my current financial condition. Not in a position to move out on my own, single mother,unappreciated, neglected, and disrespected by people I barely knew, and worste of all by people i loved the most. It hurt so bad, I felt sooo alone. I cried out to God asking Why? I asked God to PLEASE talk to me! I needed to hear him direct. I was frustrated that I didnt feel that i heard anything when I begged God from the bottom of my Heart to Please Say Something. Went to bed with tears and headaches. woke up with puffy swollen eyes. Fake smiles when out in public, just didnt want to look sad. Some days I wouldnt bother smiling, didnt feel like forcing iit out. not that i was angry, I was just down cast. Im not writing this to be selfish and make this about me. Its not about me, its about HIM. Im writing this to say that you are not alone. My situation may be totally different from yours, but i know what pain feels like. I know what it feels to be betrayed and to feel alone. I know whatit feels to consider death. Yet you know from chat how i feel about suicide so i wont go that route. plus now i have a son who needs me. Iv'e been out of my depression for a little while now, but every second of the day im trying to stay strong.I just refuse to let the devil steal any more of my joy. I dont want to believe his lies, i refuse. i choose to believe the promises God made to me. Im having faith and confidence in HIM. I really hope there was something hear to help or comfort you. Sometimes I dont like to write things like this because i dont want to add anymore depression to the person im trying to help uplift. I do hope I have encouraged you in some way in the faith.

Please read psalms 91, the whole thing. God bless you, JacobGreen

love, Evolution

 

[JacobGreen]

Hello Evolution.
I don't know honestly. I myself don't know what I am seeking here and how long will I remain. Not actual help, as even many and many who called me a friend when I begged them for help, responded with dark silence or 'I cannot help You' even though in reality they wouldn't even bother trying. I am not looking for a miracle here either as only God does miracles. I am not looking for quotes or words as many talk the words but lack heart and deeds that follow the words and preachers preach for the sake of preaching and come not with love and warmth but with hypocrisy, cold and narrow ways and casting 1000 stones so that anyone with heart can straight away tell that these don't speak in God's name. Most 'Christians' find a way and an excuse to justify wars and violence and repression and brutal ways of man's laws, yet they crusify minorities and acts that in reality hurt no one. I don't put my faith or trust in preachers. I have hard time trusting anyone as the more heart I have put in to connect with others and the more blind child's faith I have put in people, the more hurt and betrayed I came out. Maybe I am just looking for some wisdom here, to fill in the gaps, or maybe I have found nothing at all. I only speak what I feel, regardless of the human judgement.

I've read what You feel and the pain. I have and share many of the same pains. I can tell You, something not from the Bible, but wise thought anyway - many fathers don't deserve the love and respect of their children. And it shouldn't be our blood that connects us, but love and share of the one truth, same spirit and same values. I don't fit in either, I was always an outcast one way or another and now complete, for what is the purpose of having a 1000 friends of whom no one will ever understand or be there for me nor will I feel I should be there for that false friend. Its the same with You, if they were friends, they'd stick around, they'd call, they'd care.. and they didn't, and You are now just like me. I used to drink too, once an alcoholic - maybe always, but I don't really drink now, I got hurt many times, physically too. Drink, it kills the pain for 5 minutes.. but after that it hurts even more for 5 days. I don't know if suicide is answer, it crossed my mind, its not that I believe as most do that suicide is a mortal sin and God would hate me, He wouldn't but thats not His plan I think, and the joys of me beeing gone would be of my enemies, they wouldn't mind me going against myself. And I'm tired of the pain too.

Everyone deserves a chance in life, yet many of us never got it and now scream with pain. And nothing has changed either, 2000 years after, when the best and purest of us was betrayed and crusified, what can we expect, nothing has changed. Yet, as Jesus needed deciples, so we too need other people for love and understanding, someone to talk to, someone to love and share, to feel with. And in this corrupted world, where do we find those..

 

[Rev T.S.Perkins]

its because youve taken your eyes off the prize..trust me youll find no light in this world other thhan thhat of Christ ..turn your face to the things of God and the thinhgs of this world will fade away ...God bless...P.S read my testamoney page brother

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

I wanted to bump this post up and remind everyone to continue to pray for the original poster JacobGreen.

 

[eddieb]

I wanted to bump this post up and remind everyone to continue to pray for the original poster JacobGreen.

i am and i been checking it when i come on hoping to hear a praise report. thanks for posting.