I'm lost please help

[jmduncan]

Hello, I am a 24 yr old guy who is going through a divorce. All I know is that I(we) turned our backs on God about 8 months ago when our baby boy was born. Not that it was intentional, but our time got really occupied but our newborn. We stopped going to church, I stopped praying, we lost our way. I'm guessing God didn't like that at all. Things quickly went down hill in our family. We were always arguing and yelling at eachother so we decided that we needed some time apart. I was living in the house, and she was living at her parents with our child.

A week ago my wife accoused me of cheating on her. I tried to tell her that I did not but she doesn't believe me at all. The issue being that I had this friend that I grew up with whom is female. My wife and her became good friends. This girl was always at our house, and also there when we were living apart. Because one of her friends drove by the house and saw her car there at around 1am she thinks that we were sleeping together. Now, I work second shift, therefore I do not go to bed before 3 am. We, were doing nothing but watching a movie, then she left. I told that to my wife, she does not believe me. I even told my friend that she needs to stay away for awhile so my wife and I can work on this without an interference.

Now after a huge arguement, being now a trust issue, I do not think that I can be with her anymore. I do love her as a person and the mother of my child, but I cannot see us as being more than that anymore.
I feel so guilty for doing this to my precious child. I do not want him in a broken family, but I would rather have him see mom and dad happy apart than fighting together.

I just have so much pain inside now, I am not an emotional person, but now I cannot seem to stop being over-emotional. I do not know how to handle this. I have recently tried talking to God, recently as today for the first time in months, but I feel no better. I actually feel worse. I feel like I betrayed God, my family, and my son.

I really want to get back into relationship with God, but I am lost on how to do that again. I have been so far gone for a while now. My world is falling apart, I do not blame God for this, I blame me for giving God no choice in the matter of ruining my life.

My life was perfect, I took it for granted. I have a nice house, a great career, had a wonderful wife, have a beautiful child, I had everything. I slipped away from God's hands thinking that maybe it was me that made my life great. Wow I was wrong.

I am not asking for help in getting my wife back, I think that issue is over. We have, I think, too many differences to even have a hope. I am asking how I can get past this, pick myself out of the dirt and get back to God. I am so torn apart, and it hurts to talk to God. It makes me see how I have been. I am living in total dispair.

Please, if any of you have had a similar experiance, lead me to the right path to take to overcome this.

Thank you all for taking the time to read this.

Potius mori quam foedari

 

[peeps]

Hi JM. . .
first of all: THERE IS HOPE TO GET EVERYTHING BACK! AND MORE!
Have your ever read Job???
He lost it all, you know why? Because God allowed Satan to tempt him!
You know why?
Because he knew, that Job was a very special person in Gods eyes. . .and he knew Job would overcome Satan with his help. . .God wanted Job in this test to be faithful and grow! As a witness for the whole leftoverworld, including me to read that! ! !
And he passed the test and received. . .
AMEN

So. . Second:
You and your wife need to fall in love again with each other. . .do you know what that means?
I dont know how you all met. . .
But you have to go back to the roots!
Your and your wifes life have probably died through routine. . .come alive. . be creative. . send flowers. . . have a date. . .make compliments. . . do something crazy. . . be romantic. . .fight for your LOVE!
That is what she needs!
I dont know about her life. . but I'm a woman and a mom, and I know how quick you can feel like the desperate housewife, milkproducing mother. . . not the attractive lover I used to be before the baby came. . .
Priorities have to be set and followed. .
GOD first
Spouse and kids second
Church fellowship and service to and with the Lord/ Guidance and prayer support third
Your JOB 4th
Your FREE TIME INCLUDING FRIENDS! 5th

You see why your wife is ticked?
Nr. 5 was before Nr. 2 ! ! !

I will pray for you, be suprised how God works out problems, take time to cry with your wife. . . you will need it to water the seed of your love!
God bless you JM, peeps

Keep updating us. . .

 

[peeps]

Maybe you could copy your thread also in PRAYER REQUEST/CLOSET???
peeps

 

[peeps]

Oh, by the way .. . I do think its a great first step to open up and confess. . .
God loves you, he blesses the family, he loves Uniting!
God bless you!
Thanks for sharing

 

[jmduncan]

Hehe, the order of that list was not intentional but I do see your point. I always put my child first, wife second, job third, friends fourth and God last. It used to be God first, wife second, and so on before the baby.

As far as us getting back together, I do not think that is possible. I think neither of us want to. I know it sounds sad, but we are two very different people, with the same bullheadedness. I have tried and tried, sacrifice upon sacrifice to make this marriage work but she is not putting in the same effort. My efforts go unrewarded. I give up now, she gave up awhile ago.

The only thing that I ask for right now is that we can get along for our child's sake. Atleast this is happening now when he's 8 months old instead of when he's old enough to remember mom and dad going through this.

But I do thank you for your post, and yes I have read Job. That may be God's plan for me also. But one big difference, is that Job did not turn his back on God. Or am I missing something? I haven't been in grace in awhile. I hope to be back there soon. You are right, I do need to put God first though, let him take over on this crazy life I cannot control. I'm sure He'd do a better job than I have.

Thank you again

Potius mori quam foedari

 

[peeps]

Hi Jm,
you know what?
You and your wife sound like my husband and me!
Bullheaded? Two VERY different people? HAHA LOL super LOL
hmmm. . .
do you have siblings???

 

[mymakersdaughter]

Gosh...my husband and I very bullheaded, I think it is a marital epidemic.

God hates divorce Mal 2:16 so bascially whether or not you believe God it is against His Law, His Moral Law. I would first suggest you stop of divorce procedings until you have a right relationship with God, after you have spoken with a Pastor about your relationship with God and you marital state. You want a relationship with God? Are you serious about that? If so then the first and only thing to do is ask Him into your Heart, ask for forgiveness, repent of your sins (repent means to turn away from them) then ask Him what is His Will for your life. No asking God what you should do about your marriage but get yourself straight with the Maker of this world. Once you do that seriously then He will provide you with a way but not until you surrender yourself, body, mind and soul to Him.
A marriage isn't just about your wants and needs, when you get married you surrender yourself to your spouce so your marriage isn't all about "me, me, me, me."
Make yourself right with God first and that is it. Find a church to attend, get some teaching, get some Godly counsel. But stop the divorce right now. Humble yourself.
Please keep us posted.
God bless you.

 

[ladybug76]

Same here! Husband and I have many many differences, but the trick is--to appreciate each other's uniqueness, learn to not have those unrealisitic expectations of one another. I say this because me and my hubby have been through the fire, done everything to one another, screamed, fought, cried, gave up, and more! But that IS marriage! It is work--everyday. Not one day off, not "I will give only if you give too", or "I am not gonna change until you change" way of thinking! I am telling you, what you and your wife are going through is nothing more than drifting apart and blaming each other for the what is wrong with the marriage. I agree with Mymakersdaughter very much--she is right! You owe it to your child and your wife that you made covenant with to do EVERY possible thing according to God's word to try to pick up the pieces! There is always hope, and there is still love--it just feels dead because of hurt and resentment! I have been through so much--I know how you are feeling! Just remember that drifting away from God is a guarantee that your marriage will not work. Without God in your marriage, and family, there is no hope, because trying to fix it in your strength will not work! We are not wise enough or strong enough to solve problems that only God can solve!
I am not lecturing....I just don't want you to beleive the Lie from the enemy that it is over.....he wants to destroy your family! He had made a obvious attack on families and marriage all over the world....it is the end days!
Please pray before you act....let God fix this! Just give it to him and tell him that this problem is on Him now! Don't do anything out of emotions and anger. YOu are not a failure--you have just lost your way, but you can always get back into God's will!
God Bless you
Amy

 

[NewMan]

Tuff Love and True Advice!

The Lord Jesus Christ is leading me to tell you THIS

jmduncan, You should print out your original message.
You should then take it to your pastor.

(If you have no pastor, it is time you found one and you should introduce yourself to him with the same print out!)

Sit in his office and have Him read it...

Then you should listen to what he has to say. You have hard problems! You need hard answers! You Need strong Leadership! You Need strong Love!

You NEED decipleship from a PASTOR!

The TRUTH shale set you free.
You have been running from it!

Jesus wants me to tell you:
"You are the sheep that has gone astray and an run wild in the wilderness! The wolf has attacked you and layed you open! Do not lay there waiting for the vultures! Get up and run home!

You have turned away from God and He has let you feel what life is like without Him... Your wife has lost respect in you because you have lost respect in yourself. You are directionless. You NEED decipleship from a PASTOR!

You MUST drag your pride and guilt before a man of God, like an ox and sacrifice it on the alter of repentance. Submit yourself to Jesus Christ! Submit yourself to your Pastor!!"

Do as God has told you! Print out your original post and find your Pastor!

Otherwise, YES, you will lose your family... :unlove:

 

[Createdtoworship]

i would just need to say that because real true love can only come from god its when god was excluded from the circle of you and your wife and him that things messed up.
I would say dont give up on your wife seek god and talk to her, maybe pray with her.
Leave the situation in Gods hands just tell him to let his will be done. Submitt to his will and you will see that miricles can happen.
I'll be prayin for you brother.
-Andrea

 

[jmduncan]

Ok, I am coming to a realization, after much thought and meditation, that I have no control over my life. No control what-so-ever. My first step is that I am going to lay my life down to God. He is the ultimate power and the only One who can control my life. I am tired of living in the enemy's grasp.

I realized this after talking to a friend who is going through the same thing. I gave her all the answers that I was looking for. I did not understand where my input was coming from, but I told her that she needs to lay her life down to God because she had no control over her own life as well as her husband's. It hit me in the face that this was true for me and my wife's dillema. This was God once again speaking through me. This has not happened in months. I have never gave such powerful advice. I did however, tell her that God will forgive her for haviing to divorce her husband. She was honestly so good to him. He cheated on her many times and she forgave him. But eventually she had enough. This is not at all her fault. I have known her and her husband for years and saw first hand the way he treated her. She gave him her world, and he stepped on it. I told her that she needs to in her heart forgive him for his wrong-doings and give his fate over to God. This seemed to help her a great deal. She was blaming herself for everything.

This is the same message I believe God gave to me for myself also. I cannot begrudge my wife for things she has done and I have to forgive her. I need to give the fate of our relationship over to God before we decide on any further action. If we do eventually get a divorce, saying that I am in God's grace now, I believe that His will be done.

No, I have never been a believer in divorce as being an answer to marital problems. But I do believe if both are in God's grace and it happens that way, it was never God's will that you married that person in the first place. I believe that everyone has a soulmate. If that person is not the one you married, as intended by God, you will be easilier compelled to divorce. I know what you are going to say, that I have not been in God's hand in quite some time. That God hates divorce. I believe that specific passage is between God and his church. God speaks of the church of being his bridegroom, and He hates if you divorce Him and his covenant with him. That is just my interpretation though.

I am hoping that this post can help anyone who is going through divorce. I do not want this post to be just about me and my issue. Please feel free to post here on any thoughts on this topic of divorce.

I just know that I am going to humble myself to God and ask for his mercy in taking over my life. I was so much happier when I was doing that in the past. I truely know that I have no power in my life, but if I let God use me He can have power over my life and power in all the lives that I can reach.

(prayer) God, let us all see that you are the only one who can change our lives and the way we live. We lift our lives to you God in trust knowing that you will do your will. You are the ultimate power and driving force behind all that happens, has happened, and will happen. We humble ourselves at your feet. We give you our problems and choke our pride knowing that you will do what is best for us all. We understand that we have no power over our lives and if we give our lives to you, the enemy cannot touch us. Please God have mercy on all our wrong-doings and have compassion on us showing us the way of your will. Let your will be done. In Jesus' name the only begotten son of you God, amen.

Thank you all,
JMDuncan

Potius mori quam foedari

 

[peeps]

Hi JM, anything new. . .how are you two doing. . . you and your wife and your baby???
Keep us updated

 

[NewMan]

I am glad that you are going to lay down your life before Jesus! This is great News! So when are you going to print out this string and give a copy of it to your pastor?

That is what Jesus has asked you to do... The easy way is not the easy way!



Your victory, as it is woderful, is still stained by misunderstanding...

God thinks that as soon as you married your wife, she became your soulmate. :boy_hug: :girl: Your child is also involved...

You NEED to go to your pastor with this... You need to start "laying down your life" first thru repentence and second thru obedience... Go see your pastor and seek his counsil, or you will be at risk of finding yourself in the same problem over and over again.

 

[Chad]

Glad to see you get back to GOD JM, perfect decision. Watch what GOD does in your life now- He will blow your mind away with great blessings for you and your wife / family.

 

[lll3]

I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. I am divorced because myy wife left me for someone else. He left her. I took her back. She began cheating regularly again. I had release from my marriage because Jesus said you can only divorce because of fornication. Enough about me. I know how it hurts. If you and your wife really love each other, I recommend you spend a lot of time talking about everything. If you love her make sure she knows. A baby is the greatest joy you can receive (aside from Christ). However, even though you love your child, stress increases. Neither one of you are getting as much sleep, you can't spend as much time together and you really feel stretched. If you gave yourself to Jesus, he never left you. It just seems that way. The devil is just whispering a bunch of lies to you to make you feel far away from God. Don't fall for it. Keep praying. I would suggest counseling from a pastor or a trusted Godly person.

"He heals the broken in heart and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

God bless you, your wife and your child
Jeff

 

[jmduncan]

Hi everyone,

Sorry, I've been away for awhile doing a little self searching. My wife and I are getting along ok, but I think that it is mutual that we are going to divorce. She is going back to church, myself, I do not believe in a "church" as a place for relation. I do believe in the church as a support community, but I need to have a private relation with God right now to get my life back on track without outside influence.

I guess my ideas about church is a little tainted, background history folks, I was raised as a Catholic, by a devoted Catholic family. I was going to Cathecism classes, I went through my first communion. When I was asked by the priest to confess my sins to him, I froze. I could not handle the pressure of telling another man my sins. I was young at the time, around 9 or 10, but I still knew the Bible. I knew that it said something about calling no man father but God himself, and to put my sins before God for he is the only way to absolve them. It freaked my out being in a small booth with a priest, calling him father and having him forgive my sins. I knew it was wrong. I ran out of there never to go to a Catholic church again.

Now when I drive by a cathedral I feel an un-holy aura reminising from the church. I cannot stand the sight of the Pope. The crucifix makes me uneasy. Anything Catholic haunts my soul. It just feels evil. Sorry, to any Catholics out there, I do not hold anything against you, I just believe you are blind to the truth.

Anyway, this turned me off to any church. I was recently going to a great church called Westwinds. It is a nationally recognized church in many publications as being the true out of the norm church with no boundaries. The church believed in streaching its resources out into the community of sinners. We would take the church out on Sundays into the ghettos and help people. We didn't preach to people but we made it known that we were Christians and we just helped them. We did not give them handouts, buy we did show them how to budget, how to shop, how to clean, how to live a healthy life without having everyone help them. We gave them a sense of hope, feeling of pride, a little self worth. Eventually we started to see a few of these people wandering into the church.

Now for the downfall of my church. I think that after time the church started losing money and starting pushing for tithes. The church never asked for tithes before, in fact they disputed tithes to the church, saying that the Bible never really asked for 10% in the Hebrew texts, but it was the Roman empire that added the 10% tithing deal to make money for the government being that the church owned the Roman empire.

They did say that the tithing was in fact in the Hebrew text as being devoting 10% of your time, or services doing God's work in the community, as our church was doing. But after our church decided asking for tithes it started pushing people away. The more they asked, the more people left. Thier were many disputes among the staff in the church and it spilled out into the congragation. Our head pastor, Ron Martoia, (google him sometime, he's a true gift from God) left the church to reach back into the community, helping bring others to God. Ron, started a study group with a few former chruch members who decided that Ron was doing the right thing by taking his life back into the streets. I am thinking about joining this group to fufull my duties to God. Go out as a diciple and baptize new believers in the name of God.

I now realize our purpose, or at least my purpose, is to be a deciple. Go into the community and bring people to God. Not by preaching to them, but by showing them God through my works and my life.

This is going to leave me little time with my wife, but I feel that it is God's will that we separate. Maybe time will change this, I do not know, that is up to God. I know that I have an obligation to God to fill, first be his deciple, second be the best father that I can, then the rest will fall into place after that. I do plan on staying in my son's life. I hope to take him on my travels with me. Show him how God works outside the church. Show him how to be the man that God wants him to be.

Thank you all for giving me direction. You are all great people. Let God shine through you all, be the lampost for the people living in the dark. Be a becon of hope and good will. God bless you all.

JMDuncan

ps- my email addy is [email protected] I know, Cthulhu is a demon-like creature from a fictional book, but I am a huge H.P. Lovecraft fan, dont hold it against me Also, my AIM name is Diamortem, once again H.P.Lovecraft! Yes, I am a little Gothic, peircings and tattoos. But I am far from demonic, it is just a personality. I'll be happy to hear from any of you. Please keep in touch. I will likely be away from the computer and not have much time to check responses on this forum, but I will check back from time to time and let you know how I am doing.

 

[Maureen]

Jim
Wise wise advice all above have given, and those words from the Lord spoken to you, I pray that all will work for good for you as the Lord means it for good even though it was mean't for evil, Look what happened to Joseph, but all came good with the help of the Lord.
I to have had real bad marraige problems, I think everyone has, but mine lead me to the Lord just over 2 years ago now, I took a risk as my husband had always told me that if I ever became a Christian that he would leave me, but things had got so bad, I thought well him leaving couldn't be any worse than what we're going through, and I was depending on Jesus as he says 'he will never leave us nor forsake us'
so I accepted the Saviour and told my husband, it was the first thing that put our marraige right, see Jesus worked it out for us, Amen, it would never have without him, my husband was amazed at what I'd done, it took me 3 weeks to get the courage up to tell him, and with the Lord's help he enabled me to tell him.
That was over 2 years ago, and the Lord has turned us right around, praise him,
so don't give up on your marraige, the Lord will intervene when you ask him in prayer, he will, tell your wife that you've gone back to Jesus, it may soften her heart also. I pray so.
Let us know how you are doing, and with the help of the Lord you will overcome,
Isaiah 30 V 19 How gracious he will be when you cry for help, As soon as he hears, he will answer you.
you may have to wait on the answer, it doesn't say you will receive it straightway, but while your waiting, Praise Him, be thankful, and most of all be humble, I'm sure He is so happy to have you return like the prodical son, he will be rejoicing over you. Lordbless your life and be with you Jim.

 

[lnrobar]

In this time of pain and anger you and your wife are going through, God is with you. To get back a good relationship with the Lord, you need to just let him take control of the situation. You never know. He may just be stirring you up with a stick just to get your attention. People ask me why bad things happen to good people. Well in the Bible it says the rain will fall on the just and the unjust. Thats just how it is. Ask God to give you a new heart. We all need a little rededication once in a while. God will move for you in unbelievable ways! I know this, and I want to speak in faith, that you will find what you are looking for. Because being lost in a lost world will get you nowhere. Give it all to God, and you'll see what I mean.
Love always
Lnrobar

 

[toohumble]

One of the things you mentioned is that you aren't asking for help in getting your wife back, you say that issue is over, and its help with your present state of Godlessness you are asking for help with.

My advice to you has pretty much already been said, but Ill put it in my own words regardless. In reference to your inability to pray right now, dont forget thats how the enemy of Christ works. Its when we least feel like doing something that its usually the thing God wants from us! Satan is gripping your spirit tight and thats why you don't "feel" like praying. Ignore what you "feel" and pray anyway. The feeling of not wanting to pray will disappear, because the demons will flee as you get into the presence of Gods holy spirit . Also if you can get yourself to a church full of on fire Christians and get prayed for this would probably help, it certainly won't do any harm. Try with all your strength to ignore what your "emotions" and "feelings" dictate, and do what you know God wants from you. If you dont know what that is then as well as prayer, start reading the bible all the answers are there. Jesus probably didn't "feel" like letting them torture him and kill him, but he did it anyway.

The issue of your marriage breakdown is one I would like to address too. I realise you said your not asking for help with that, but if you dont mind Id like to quote something my own Church pastor (Geoff Woodward) once said which has been invaluable for me in my own relationship. He said "Love is a DECISION not a FEELING". The feelings we have at the beginning of a relationship inevitably fade. Eventually it becomes a DECISION to stay in a marriage. Feelings aren't always our best guide, they chop and change too much, especially when it comes to relationships. DECIDE to make your marriage work and keep your little family together IGNORE your FEELINGS.

In Jesus name I am praying that you will find the strength to get into the presence of God through prayer and bind the demons in your life. Amen.

 

[TheDrew]

Its when we least feel like doing something that its usually the thing God wants from us! Satan is gripping your spirit tight and thats why you don't "feel" like praying. Ignore what you "feel" and pray anyway. The feeling of not wanting to pray will disappear, because the demons will flee as you get into the presence of Gods holy spirit .

even though this post wasnt directed to me.. i really needed to be reminded of that today.