Kat13Rid
Member
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2011
- Messages
- 10
I'm not sure how to start with this, so I'll start, I guess, with when my life started falling apart.
Less than a year ago, I was dismissed from the university I was attending after my first year there. I managed to survive the summer ok, but when school started again, I was alone in this seemingly new world living with my parents again, and driving to school everyday.
I stopped going to church, my home church was two and a half hours away at the university I had attended. The church I attended growing up had nothing for me, so I rarely attended. When I went up and visited, I didn't even go. I am an introvert, so that attributed to part of the issue, the other issue was that my boyfriend at the time, stopped going for reasons unknown to me. So we never went.
Around Christmas, we had kind of talked about it, he was saying that he wasn't going because he didn't have many friends there, and he wasn't really enjoying it, almost as if it had turned into a chore to him. Which I can understand how it had, because he had to be there every Thursday and Sunday, to work the Events and Hospitality team.
A couple of months ago, he broke up with me, telling me that it was something he felt he needed to do, despite the fact he still loved me, and didn't want to do it. At this point, we had seriously talked about our future together, about graduating school and everything, and several days before breaking up with me, he had admitted to a mutual friend that he wanted to marry me.
He told me that he had had doubts as far back as sometime mid fall, and that lately, he had been seriously thinking about what he wanted in a wife saying that I was "almost exactly" what he was looking for.
By this point, he was the last thing I had that truly made me happy, we had almost completely forgotten about God and gone our own way. Which I see as probably the biggest reason this didn't work out.
I have been crying at least once a week since then. Not because he broke up with me, but because I lost my best friend, and the only person on the earth that I could talk to about anything. Also, because I only have one other person to talk to, about any of this. Nobody else.
That one other person isn't available all the time like he was though, which makes it even tougher. I'm in this world, dealing with everything, by myself.
For the past week or so, I haven't been feeling well, not like a sick not feeling well, but like a gut feeling sort of thing; That this is not how this ends, this is not how it goes.
I feel like, if we can get back on track with God, and work on it together, we can fix both our lives, and perhaps even get back together. Which at first, seemed to me like a fairy tale, and now to him, seems like something that would never happen, despite the fact he still cares about me, and still loves me. (which just confuses me a little if he's pushed me away.)
My friend and I were talking today, and I knew I was lost, but I didn't realize how lost I was. She told me I could talk to God, but when I talk, I want an almost instantaneous response, and seeing as how He'd be the only one I would be talking to, that wouldn't work for me. I need other people, but have no one.
When talking to her, I realized, that I don't know anything, I don't know how to pray, I don't know how to talk to Him, I don't know what I'm looking for as a response. I don't know my Father......
With my home church being two and a half hours away, along with anyone I could possibly feel comfortable talking to. I come here, looking for support and guidance, in a world where I am alone, and afraid.
Less than a year ago, I was dismissed from the university I was attending after my first year there. I managed to survive the summer ok, but when school started again, I was alone in this seemingly new world living with my parents again, and driving to school everyday.
I stopped going to church, my home church was two and a half hours away at the university I had attended. The church I attended growing up had nothing for me, so I rarely attended. When I went up and visited, I didn't even go. I am an introvert, so that attributed to part of the issue, the other issue was that my boyfriend at the time, stopped going for reasons unknown to me. So we never went.
Around Christmas, we had kind of talked about it, he was saying that he wasn't going because he didn't have many friends there, and he wasn't really enjoying it, almost as if it had turned into a chore to him. Which I can understand how it had, because he had to be there every Thursday and Sunday, to work the Events and Hospitality team.
A couple of months ago, he broke up with me, telling me that it was something he felt he needed to do, despite the fact he still loved me, and didn't want to do it. At this point, we had seriously talked about our future together, about graduating school and everything, and several days before breaking up with me, he had admitted to a mutual friend that he wanted to marry me.
He told me that he had had doubts as far back as sometime mid fall, and that lately, he had been seriously thinking about what he wanted in a wife saying that I was "almost exactly" what he was looking for.
By this point, he was the last thing I had that truly made me happy, we had almost completely forgotten about God and gone our own way. Which I see as probably the biggest reason this didn't work out.
I have been crying at least once a week since then. Not because he broke up with me, but because I lost my best friend, and the only person on the earth that I could talk to about anything. Also, because I only have one other person to talk to, about any of this. Nobody else.
That one other person isn't available all the time like he was though, which makes it even tougher. I'm in this world, dealing with everything, by myself.
For the past week or so, I haven't been feeling well, not like a sick not feeling well, but like a gut feeling sort of thing; That this is not how this ends, this is not how it goes.
I feel like, if we can get back on track with God, and work on it together, we can fix both our lives, and perhaps even get back together. Which at first, seemed to me like a fairy tale, and now to him, seems like something that would never happen, despite the fact he still cares about me, and still loves me. (which just confuses me a little if he's pushed me away.)
My friend and I were talking today, and I knew I was lost, but I didn't realize how lost I was. She told me I could talk to God, but when I talk, I want an almost instantaneous response, and seeing as how He'd be the only one I would be talking to, that wouldn't work for me. I need other people, but have no one.
When talking to her, I realized, that I don't know anything, I don't know how to pray, I don't know how to talk to Him, I don't know what I'm looking for as a response. I don't know my Father......
With my home church being two and a half hours away, along with anyone I could possibly feel comfortable talking to. I come here, looking for support and guidance, in a world where I am alone, and afraid.
