I'm trying to look forward...

[Ed]

Keyword here is trying.

We have all been hurt before in the past by other people, especially well meaning Christians. I can't say that I haven't been on the giving end though.

But it's been almost 3 years now since a friendship I was in has ended...and it ended in the worst way. At first it was a local friendship, meaning it was "in town". But at the end the person moved away to another state. That's when I noticed the real problems began.

In the end, we actually didn't see eye to eye on a lot of different things, with the person making so many demands on me, demands that I only found out (on my own) after the friendship was over, were not very Christ-like, but were very...cult-like. So, even though it hurt me to do so, I ended the friendship.

I've done my best to forgive the person, but the memories of all that went wrong (including my own sins such as lying and gossiping) and the person's own superior attitude towards me (basically trying to tear me away from my family, telling me what others were saying about me even though they weren't saying anything at all. Also making very de-meaning comments about my physical and mental capacities). Basically what I was involved with for close to 6 years was an all out mental anguish attack. All the while the person kept claiming about the physical and mental abuse they went through.

What's been happening is that even today I still think about the person, wishing it could have ended a better way, wishing I didn't walk away, etc. Basically feeling very guilty.

This isn't the first time this has happened, basically with every friendship I've had...save one, things have gone terribly wrong. The one friendship I was in that was a success, and that I did leave in peace, was also bittersweet, but If the Lord brought that one around again, even after all these years, at least I know that we could take it from where we left off.

I don't know, a lot of guilt hanging around, and I know I should forgive myself, but how?

 

[Boanerges]

Forgiving others and forgiving yourself, those are truly the keys yo freedom. Like all things in Christ they must be done by faith belieing Him for the power and the outcome.
Never give up, never let your heart get hardened and always choose to love. If you do these things God will be both pleased and glorified in your life my friend.

Remember that Jesus never gave up on us and spend some time with this:

Here is something that I find useful and I have never known anyone who has done this that did not experience a tremendous sense of freedom;

First starting with your earliest childhood memories think of each person in your life. Remember that we can only do one of two things at a given time, submit our hearts to God or submit our hearts to the god of this world.

Go over every detail you can remember and for each person pray this:
Father in Jesus Name I choose to forgive ____, if they knew your love they could have not acted like that. I can see now that they were responding out of a wounded heart and that they were in bondage and darkness. I now pray the blessing of salvation over ____ and I release them into Your hands.

Do this for each and every person in your life until yo have come up to the present. That leaves you one last person to pray for: Father in Jesus Name I forgive myself for _______. I now realize that it is impossible for me to lead a godly life without You. I now know that You see someting precious in me and You sent Your Son to pay a terrible price for me. I accept Your forgiveness and inner healing.
thank You Jesus for setting me free!


Many blessings in His wonderful Name,
your brother Larry.

 

[Ed]

Thank You Larry

 

[HoneyBare]

Wow! Awesome post, Bo!