In need of hope

[bluesky]

This morning, around 3am, I was searching google for some place where I can reach out for help, and I found this forum. What I need most in this world is someone to pray for me. I have been severely struggling lately, and my depression has taken a turn for the worst. Instead of sleeping at night, I spend it negotiating ways not to end my life. Suicide is a constant thought that keeps popping up in my head it's draining me to keep these thoughts away. This morning around sunrise, I fell asleep at my computer in my own puddle of tears. I can't live this way anymore.

Yesterday, I came upon a stunning revelation about myself. Lately I've been feeling as though someone has cursed my life. Life has always been a struggle and I credit God for getting me through a lot of that. But these last 6 months have been a nightmare. I was a college student, and at the end of last semester, I realized that I could not go back to school. My loans did not come through and I owed the school a sizable amount of late tuition. With the economic crisis going on, many banks have not been giving out loans, so I realized that the only way I could get myself back into school is to find a full time job and save.

This seems rather simple, but since I left school in May, I have been unemployed and unable to find work. I tried everything possible, even going door to door and emailing employers only to never to hear back from them. I can't even secure a simple retail job. Being unemployed, I can't take care of myself. As a result, I moved in with my sister who is also struggling. She now has to stretch what little she has to accommodate the both of us. She works all the time and is unhappy with her life. The idea that I am burdening her further hurts me. When I tried to pray for myself yesterday, I realized that my heart is hardened. I feel like I have lost everything. One by one, my friends and family have been pulling away from me and I spend each day alone trying to figure out how to make the next day better than the last. There's a lot to this story that is missing, but this is the bulk of what is causing me pain.

I need to find a way to release all this pent up anger and sorrow in my heart because I feel as though my days are numbered.

 

[Giggles4God]

Hello bluesky and welcome to TalkJesus.

You say you need someone to pray for you, well here I am. I don't know how you want ot do this, but we can pray once a week together or less often or more often. I will pray for you every day. I know there are others that would help also.

I believe that if you need someone to talk to privately, it would be best to go with a female...just for apropriateness. (If you know what I mean...)

I don't know mind at all if we talk and pray together. I would be happy to help in any way I can.


At one point in my life, I thought of killing myself, but then it seemed to easy. I have bipolar so I understand a bit about the depression thing. My pastor has this saying...There can be no testimony without a test. I don't know if that is what you are going through, but I do know you aren't alone.

Get back to me in any way you want and we'll go from there.


Oh and a bit about me (and you can read my profile, too) I'm 27 years old. My birthday is June 8th. I'm married to Ben for over 4 years since July 2004. I graduated college in April 2004. I'm a homemaker. Anything else you want to know, ask.

 

[Coconut]

Hello bluesky...I have three children who are probably around your age, so I personally know a little bit about the struggles youth can go through. God uses our struggles to mold our character ...we never need God so much as when we feel hopeless...but there is more hope than you can imagine ...in Him. I pray He gives you a revelation of His love, and draws you into a deeper relationship with Himself. Dont give up just yet...blue skies never last!



Romans 5:4 ..Trouble produces endurance, endurance brings God's approval, and his approval creates hope. This hope does not disappoint us, for God has poured out his love into our hearts by means of the Holy Spirit, who is God's gift to us.

John 4:13 Jesus answered, "Those who drink this [well] water will get thirsty again, but those who drink the water that I will give them will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give them will become in them a spring which will provide them with life-giving water and give them eternal life."

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

Hello bluesky and welcome to TalkJesus.

I have bipolar so I understand a bit about the depression thing.

wow giggles.... ur so bold to admit this truth. When i was in college i learned about this sickness and i could hardly believe i have it. But i have always this tendency of becoming anxious always and unhappy, hopeless and the likes yet times also come being very excited and joyful, hopeful, name it. Just in the way of both extremes. Very bad...
I always ask God before why should He creat me this way?

Two years ago i happened to associate with a newly graduate BS Psycho student and i got interested on their function. After explaining some little things i asked an examination (written exam) and i'm amazed of the result. I gained a little understanding about some of my attitudes (though they are not always being manifested but they are very bad, disgraceful especially to a believer like me). From there on i start praying about myself and the findings resulted by the examination.

Just lately, i happened to watch a talkshow about mental illnesses and being a bipolar is discussed also. yea u r right.. this cause depression too not only for moments but most of the time. Every time i got depressed i'm thinking about this being bipolar. hehe

Well it's easier to handle things now than before. I thank God for allowing me see the truth about myself and i believe God can change me into a better person or the best He could ever do to me.

He is the potter, we are just the clay..

But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand. Isaiah 64:8


hi bluesky?,

welcome to TJ,

God bless you in sharing your life here. Surely we'll be praying for you. May the Lord bring you comfort and peace about your situation. There's only one thing i learned when i was out in that situation, just so not feeling guilty of becoming a burden to those keeping me, I always declare and confess with my mouth i'm a blessing to them. And i would always make a way how to be really a blessing. I've been in your situation three times right after my graduation in college and yea it's really difficult. But sometimes God allow us to experience it to let us know how much He could do in our lives. Becoming a burden? God knows how much we would like to live our own. But He also want us to lean on Him. I always thought such situation is just temporary though. When difficult situations come, i always would ask God, "Lord, what are you trying to teach me on this?" Perhaps this question will also do a little for you dear sister in Christ.

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

God bless you and enjoy the forums here..


Lord thank you for TJ always. Bless this site always Lord. In Jesus name. Amen

 

[Turbopun]

Bluesky, welcome to the TJ forums. I feel your pain through the words you have typed and want you to know that there are people here that can empathize with you. Even though I may not know your full situation, let me assure you that there is a way to experience peace.

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." (John 16:33) (ESV)

I would first off like to hear more about yourself. Have you made Jesus Lord and Savior of your life? If so, are you connected with a local church?

I WILL pray for you before I go to bed tonight that God will show up in a big way to you.