Learning to love myself

[showmom4]

How do you learn to love yourself? I have one failed marriage and another in bad shape. I feel like I cannot have a functional relationship due to some circumstances from my past (abuse, sexual assault, an abortion).
I feel like that I have to learn to love myself before I can have a relationship with anyone whether it is a man in a romantic capacity or in a friendship.
Where do I start?

 

[Thiscrosshurts]

Feelings come and go but the past is gone for good.
I feel you are very close to the answer yourself because it takes some clarity to even see that as a barrier.

When I say gone for good I mean as in:
Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

It's not easy to feel like you love God when you can't love yourself and I feel that you do love God and
are called and that's why he showed you this barrier.

Romans 11:32 For God has bound everyone over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.

It's easier to forgive others and self when we realize God wants to use it to reveal his mercy.
Forgiving those who hurt us and praying for them aligns us closer to the love and mercy of God and that creates an environment for love to grow and the feeling will eventually reflect the new environment.
Now if God works out all things together for good then even your mistakes are fertilizer for the tree of life that God is growing in you.
If you feel you are done fulfilling the disobedience part then it might be time to fulfill the mercy part.

Philippians 1:6 For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.

I agree with your prayer to restore the power of love in your life.
Godspeed

 

[RJ]

How do you learn to love yourself? I have one failed marriage and another in bad shape. I feel like I cannot have a functional relationship due to some circumstances from my past (abuse, sexual assault, an abortion).
I feel like that I have to learn to love myself before I can have a relationship with anyone whether it is a man in a romantic capacity or in a friendship.
Where do I start?

Jesus Christ!

 

[Brad Huber]

How do you learn to love yourself? I have one failed marriage and another in bad shape. I feel like I cannot have a functional relationship due to some circumstances from my past (abuse, sexual assault, an abortion).
I feel like that I have to learn to love myself before I can have a relationship with anyone whether it is a man in a romantic capacity or in a friendship.
Where do I start?

Find someone as a friend (ONLY A FRIEND) and learn to trust them. Its a long path to healing when you have become so distrustful of people. Let them know early in the relationship that you have a hard time trusting and that you apologize in advance for any hurt you bring to them. Then every time you do hurt them, Apologize immediately.

 

[Chad]

Hi @showmom4

Glad you're here seeking help. We're all broken apart from Christ, to various degrees. From my experience as a believer and man with past struggles, I can tell you a valuable path to healing is counseling. Pastoral counseling at church, or Christian based therapist who's teaching and counseling foundation is based on the Word of GOD.

Please contact a dear friend of mine who offers this (she's a woman, which is best for you as well). She offers counseling over phone and email. I believe live chats too.

Check her page out Light of Hope Counseling, LLC - Bel Air, Maryland - Counseling & Mental Health | Facebook

 

[showmom4]

@Chad
Thank you for the link. I'll check it out ASAP!

 

[KingJ]

How do you learn to love yourself? I have one failed marriage and another in bad shape. I feel like I cannot have a functional relationship due to some circumstances from my past (abuse, sexual assault, an abortion).
I feel like that I have to learn to love myself before I can have a relationship with anyone whether it is a man in a romantic capacity or in a friendship.
Where do I start?

The past are scars that don't go away. We just learn to live with them. With Jesus we can learn to live with them.

Where do you start? Jesus was clear to all who asked Him this. You start by losing your life. Not by trying to love yourself. You love yourself most when you relinquish control to Jesus Matt 10:39 Whoever finds their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life for my sake will find it.

Do you ask yourself what God wants from you in marriage or what you want for you in marriage?

 

[amadeus2]

How does a person love that which is seemingly unloveable? We all started as innocent children. While that innocence remained, we could love and be loved. Then too soon for too many the innocence was lost. Can it ever be recovered?

Jesus did provide the answer here, if we are able to see it:

"And said, Verily I say unto you, Except ye be converted, and become as little children, ye shall not enter into the kingdom of heaven." Matt 18:3

Consider the small physical child who has been abused and had its innocence destroyed before it was old enough to attend school. Is there no hope? Are we really able to love such children, to embrace them and to help them regain their ability to trust people, can they recover their hope? This is what God holds out to us through Jesus, His Son. It is not an easy way to walk alone, but we do not have to...

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Matt 11:28-30

How do we come to this place then and be born anew as an innocent child? Once way would be to stick around here and other similar places and "learn to lean on Jesus".

"...With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible." Matt 19:26

 

[TheWidowsOffering]

“... a broken spirit and a concrite heart, the Lord will not despise” Psalm 51:17

@showmom4
Shallom dear Sister. Hope you are doing fine.
I feel sorry reading your testimony on your profile.

Sharing a personal testimony here, in hope and prayer it may help.

I can‘t forget this passage when I first heard it17 years ago, melted my bitter, hopeless heart whose hunger and inner desire is to be accepted, recognize, receive approval, or maybe all I just needed is LOVE, Jesus speaking “As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” John 15:9

I read one time man‘s greatest problem and need is LOVE , that is the reason why God sent His only Begotten Son, for whosoever believeth on Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life (John 3:16).

I am aware you were raised into a Christian home, but am not sure how you were made aware of God‘s love to you through His Son, the Lord Jesus Christ. If you have heard it already before, then maybe a review can be a great help. There are a lot of articles/videos in the web that talks about God‘s great love, His healing, restoration, forgiveness, redemption, try (do) immerse yourself again, reading / listening on such sermons/preaching. Open your heart to God as you do so.

I believe that your opening up here on TJ is God‘s way of drawing you back to Himself dear sister. May you receive His grace and be strengthened by it, enabling you to have faith and believe on His will, plan and good purpose for your life.

God loves you.

Sis. In Christ,

TWO