Leaving my husband

[KathleenA]

I am sad that I have made the decision to leave my husband. He is not repectful or kind to me. He ignores me when I talk to him. It seems abusive to me the things he does. He is controlling. Like for instance he does not want me to take baths because it wastes to much water. When I asked him once what he liked about me. He waited days to answer and said that I pick out good dogs. He withholds love.
I know the Gods work speaks against divorce. I am so sad about this.
My friend thinks that I dont have a marriage in nearly every sense of the word and that God would not expect me to live in a loveless marriage. I am interested in your views please.
We have been married 6 years and I'm in my fifties, he is in his sixties.

 

[rizen1]

Grace and Peace.

Hi sister, right now I think you need some alone time with God. Just seek his face and ask him for wisdom and discernment.
Your situation is very hurtful, and I know you're in pain.

If you want to reconsider,
Being honest with your mate about how you feel may open doors for communication.
There's probably something wrong with him and he doesnt know how to express it.
Consider counselling, most importantly take it to God.

Philippians 4:6-7
6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

God bless you, I will keep you in prayer.

 

[ScottGhost]

Peace to you.

You are in a hard situation. In Corinthians Paul speaks of marital situations close to yours. He encourages perseverance because through your perseverance your marriage is sanctified. Be in prayer, seek friends who are able to encourage you and are willing to come along side to be a source of encouragement and prayer support. I do not know how your church responds to these kinds of things but continue to seek the wisdom of God and he will meet you where you are and give you the strength to be an instrument of Glory for Him.

 

[Br. Bear]

Greetings Kathleen,

Grace and peace to you in Jesus name.

Can I ask you to please reconsider. I see you have reasons. You could probably add quite a bit more.

I'd like to help you see some reasons for staying with your husband.

Please examine what I say here in the light of your own proclamation of the Lord's faithfulness.
I ask you to first look at your own heart, and consider the love of God in Jesus Christ the Lord, and why He loves YOU and if you think you deserve Jesus dying for you. It's a marvelous place to start this journey to recovery, my sister. Now, your love for your husband....OK, he doesn't appear to you to have much love for you...so, what about you? Do you show your love to him...and God's love?

Let's try not to say "but" for a little while. Bear with me.
Which brings me to the fruit of the Spirit. Longsuffering, forbearing one another in love. And, joy.
Shall we put the blame on others for our position in Christ?
Are we holding onto hope?

It is important for you to consider these things, Kathleen. And, don't just agree in principal, but let the peace of God in Jesus Christ minister to you as you enter His courts...with...thanksgiving and..praise.

Now, remember that Jesus is Lord. Lord of your whole life. So we might ask ... well, why this sort of situation....feeling unloved, even unmarried.

I don't know the circumstances of your past (God does) and the ins and outs of your marriage, but if you ever were married to your husband, then you ARE married, and for all that your Jobish companions might say, (no offence, but rather, much love to them all) to analyse your marriage is to question what is....to doubt if you have a valid marriage based on how your relationship is going with each other, misses the fact that you are married.
It's a bit like a house/home. You live in it. Because it may not be to your liking, do you burn it down? Perhaps better to renovate, put a coat of colour into it...a femine touch maybe..motherly stuff.
Remember too, and this is very important, sister Kathleen, Is the Lord who brought you together in matrimony, wrong in His decision and wisdom? Did the God you love make a mistake? Please don't say that you did. As a Christian, you KNOW that your life is in Him and He is Lord. Trust in what and who you believe.

So, could it be that you have both been ignoring the will of God?

It's in your court to decide these things....I do not ask you to answer me any of these questions. I have no judgement to make, I am merely presenting you with some things to take to the Lord and ask Him to reveal to you the truths and give you wisdom to be able to seperate your mind from any deceptions that might be trying to steal your eternal reward, or at least leave you in misery and confusion. God is not a God of confusion.

Now, a tip from me....
many men, and even moreso, as they age, withdraw and quite a few find it difficult to show love, especially in a way that a woman would like it shown.
There is only one medicine for that....the tenderness and patience of God, through a loving and faithful wife.
Let us consider that your husband was a chap you only just met, but you were aware of his apparrent lack of ability to show any love. What would you wish for him. What would you pray for? As a minister of the gospel who believes in a faithful God, how much of God's love could be GIVEN to such a wretched man that knew not the joy of the Lord....(not calling your husband a wretch) as surely a soul devoid of love is a sorry soul indeed. Could you believe in God for him?

Life certainly does seem strange at times and through seasons, and the clouds are certainly grey when full of tears of rain, but God will not destroy us with such storms but rather protect us and guide us and lead us through to His glorious new day to live in His light.

Your strength is in your heart of hearts dear sister and it will not fade but remain aflame with deep and unrebukable love...so take courage my friend ...take a breath...allow yourself to see more of the little seemingly insignificant yet precious moments each day and from them gather the strength they usher in, in the joy they give.

Set your mind on giving love without seeking in return. Ah the blessedness of a servants heart, pouring out the Master's new wine to every soul who thirsts after abundant life and the riches of God's love. You can do it!

Bless you,

Br. Bear

 

[trulyblezzed]

Hello Sister. God Bless you.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Marriage is a blessing and you shouldn't have to go through this, but your trials make you stronger.

Consider what Rizen1 said and spend time with God in prayer. Intercede for your situation. Fight with the devil and ask that God breaks the chains of bondage in your marriage. Above all else, show love to your husband regardless of his lack of it towards you.

Be optimistic. Proclaim that God will restore your marriage. Look for Christian marriage counseling. See if your church provides a marriage conference. Be honest and open but guard your heart. Don't let your faith die out.

I have seen many marriages restored. Nothing is impossible for God.

 

[jiggyfly]

Do you want your marriage relationship to be restored?

 

[aksd]

Try this

Hello Kathleen,
I'll try to help you through a small story I read quite some time back but it remained in my mind:
A man was very disgusted with his wife and wanted to separate out from her, and wanted to give her a very painful parting experience but could not figure out how. So he asked a friend of his and the friend, wanting to help unobtrusively, replied - "for one full month treat her like a princess and do all you can to make her happy, and when she is fully taken in by your love and care, just walk out on her and leave her to her own resources". The idea appealed to him and he started treating her as a princess and taking all care to make her feel happy and wanted and loved, bearing all her shortcomings and things that disgusted him.
After one month his friend phoned him up and reminded him that it is now time to deliver the final blow but the man replied - No Way! I am now married to a princess and love her too much to hurt her in her anyway.
Try it with God's love and prayers of His saints.
aksd