Lending Money

[of_the_rose]

A year ago I lent one of my close friends money for her College education (approx $1000). I felt good about helping her out. (for some background info, she is 20 and lives at home with her mom)

She has been paying me back in installments this past year, and has paid for about half of her debt.

But here's the part that gets me upset, and not knowing what to do or think:

Since she claims not have a bank account of her own, she gave me another 750 to hold on to (her savings). - I was a little bit unncomfortable about that, but held on to it regardless. Then she was giving me another installment of money ($150) to put away for a trip (for fun), and she bought a laptop, and has been going out for expensive dinners.
The biggest thing that got me upset was that I found out that she had a college account the whole time!

-and at the same time, she says that she cannot pay me back any more money for a long time!

I lent her the money out of concern, but now I feel like she is taking advantage of me, and isn't prioritizing paying off her debt. She is a fellow sister in Christ, and I don't know how to act in a Christ-like manner towards her. (and I cannot affoard to let her debt go)

What should I do? (I've confronted her many times)

Is it ethical to pressure her for money?

and When do you lend?

 

[rizen1]

Well first she's a Sister in Christ.
Go to her about what really concerns you, then come back to us.

I don't know her side of the story, nor do I know if she bought that laptop with her own money, if she paid for these dinners with her own money. I can't use that information given against her.

Yes she owes you, but when you start speculating , keeping track of her life....you're basically destroying the friendship doing this, and making yourself crazy.

A year ago I lent one of my close friends money for her College education (approx $1000). I felt good about helping her out. (for some background info, she is 20 and lives at home with her mom)

You felt good helping her out right.
Now where is the frustration coming from, you did a deed out of your own kindness.

What was the original argreement, did you give her a deadline, was there a written contract or oral agreement.

You have to understand its always sticky when you lend money out, why you think the banks make you pay interest. Really go to your friend and ask her to give you a date when it all can be paid off. And try to be understanding, have compassion God sees everything, don't always assume the worse. Give it to God, go to your friend.

I have an ex-boss that owes me over $5000, so I know about people owing me.
Its its only the love of Christ that filled me with compassion for him to drop the matter. I pray for that man daily.

Will be praying

ps..make the next person sign a contract, be very detailed, else this will happen again and the person will be paying you on their terms

 

[of_the_rose]

Yeah, this is sticky. And I find it hard not to speculate!

I'll try to call her tonight and discuss it again.

I just hate this feeling of regret..and jealousy!
(She's in school with my money getting somewhere in life and I'm working a lame job going nowhere!)

...

 

[Brother Mike]

um..

I assume you want the Christian answer and not the Worlds answer.

Luk 6:30 Give to every man that asketh of thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again.

Pro 22:7 The rich ruleth over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender.

Well, one year we gave our whole tax return to buying food and helping people get out of trouble.

Several times we have given first, then looked at the bills latter.

I have never given money as a Christian, expecting something back. I would never want to put anyone in bondage. Sometimes I have just shaken my head saying, "Lord this person needs this NOW, I know that you will get it back to me and take care of me."

You quoted:

She is a fellow sister in Christ, and I don't know how to act in a Christ-like manner towards her. (and I cannot afford to let her debt go)

You can't afford not to let her debt go...............

My greatest concern is that your going to allow your want for this money to disrupt your love walk. You said you cannot afford to let the debt go, but Jesus sure let your debt go. Where is your faith? God is your supply, not this women. This is what James talked about seeing a brother or sister in need. It takes faith to give, when it will leave you with nothing.

Forgive her debt, never to make mention of it again, and pray for her to be blessed. Tell God your sowing that money into her life and thank God for being faithful and multiplying your seed sown as he had promised!!

I can remember when my Bike was stolen. It was my only transportation at the time, A few days latter I saw the guy that stole it, he did not even know it was my bike. I got mad at first and was much bigger than him. I was tired of walking, and thought to go confront him and take my bike. Then the love of God came over me, and I said you know what God, I forgive this man. I hope he gets good use out of my bike, and is blessed. I release him of all debt. It was a week latter someone came and gave me the nicest 15 speed I have ever seen. He told me the Lord had been dealing with him to just give it to me from his shop. Praise God.
Never, let material things ruin your love walk. Forgive as you have been forgiven.
Give that money back to her, tell her she is responsible to keep her own money, but do it in love.

God bless.


Pro 19:17 He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the LORD; and that which he hath given will he pay him again.

 

[rizen1]

Yeah, this is sticky. And I find it hard not to speculate!

I'll try to call her tonight and discuss it again.

I just hate this feeling of regret!

I'm sure you do, thats normal.
Just remember if there is deception God sees...and she will be the one losing more at the end, your friendship and respect.

Hope all works out.

 

[rizen1]

I just hate this feeling of regret..and jealousy!
(She's in school with my money getting somewhere in life and I'm working a lame job going nowhere!)

I figured there was more to the story then lending money.

I too would be upset.

That money my boss stole from me was for me to start school. All his kids went to college they all drive fancy cars and the company just opened a new store, on my expensive.

There was so much build up inside of me, I lost my joy completely. I've been loyal to this person and they are lying to me. He would say the bank freeze his account..yet he was able to make trips to the caribbean that same month.

There comes a time when you have to be honest and say..God I'm human and I need you to renew my mind and heart. I give this to you, help me to walk in love even though I really want to hate.

You're being honest about your feelings, that's good, take it to God. He will give you peace.

"The LORD will give strength to His people; the LORD will bless His people with peace."
Psalm 29:11

Then go to your friend and ask God to give you words to speak.

 

[of_the_rose]

So I forgave her her debt..but now she seems more determined to pay me back.
Which is really weird and confusing!

Thank you both for your stories that relate to mine. They really gave me perspective. I guess I don't know what grace and forgiveness look like until someone else shows me through their own life.

Thanks

 

[Brother Mike]

Glory to God!!

It's easy to talk Love, until you have to actually practice it.

Forgive her debt, If she wants to SOW money into your life, pray over the seed with her and reconfirm that she no longer owes you a thing.

Rejoice with her in all the blessings that God has given her. That will stop the jealousy. (Love conquers evil!!)

Now, Thank God for that so called dead end Job. Millions are out of work now, Be thankful and faithful in that Job. What if God decided he wanted you to own that whole business latter?. God will promote you, in that Job or even a better Job, but grumbling and complaining is a real sure way for God to take his sweet time waiting you to be faithful in just a little. Let's Show God, that your ready to be blessed and move up!!!

One brothers testimony:
This man loved God, but did not have a education. He gave a percent to God of all he made being a lowly janitor with a major company. (won't get in the tithe discussion, not my story.) God was first in his life.
The Job was hard but he said that he always reminded himself that he was working unto the Lord and not any man.

One day he had to go into a tank and clean the inside of the tank. He worked hard at it not knowing that the vice president of the company had come to visit. He also did not know that several times the vice president passed him by and watched him work.

at the end of the day he was called in to the office. Thinking that he had done something wrong he just told the Lord it was in his hands.

The vice president was in the office waiting for him to his surprise. The vice president ask this lowly janitor if he would like to work directly under him.
He said he was shocked as he knew nothing about business.

The vice president went on to explain that lots of smart college grades come his way, but not one time had he seen anyone with the work integrity that he saw in him while cleaning that tank.

It ends up that the company paid for all his schooling, and now he is one of the CEO's. Not only that, but he said, that now he has prayer in his office and is in a place to follow direction for the company that the Lord Gives.

Jesus Is Lord.

 

[rizen1]

So I forgave her her debt..but now she seems more determined to pay me back.
Which is really weird and confusing!

Thank you both for your stories that relate to mine. They really gave me perspective. I guess I don't know what grace and forgiveness look like until someone else shows me through their own life.

Thanks

Thats good to hear .
When we let love win forgiving others is always easy.

I hope the money matter is soon settled, so you both can enjoy your friendship.

God bless.

 

[stephen]

http://www.talkjesus.com/ethics-morality/19171-who-has-your-trust.html

In His Love

 

[jiggyfly]

While it is important that you forgive her I'd say you would be very foolish to trust her with anything from here on out, I would return her money to her and tell her to find a bank. I would also be honest with her about her debt towards you and how irresponsible she has been, and let her know that you forgive her but she will have to work very hard to restore the relationship and expect any trust in the future.

 

[jiggyfly]

http://www.talkjesus.com/ethics-morality/19171-who-has-your-trust.html

In His Love

I read the post link Stephen and I do agree to a degree but relationships involve a level or degree of trust too. Look at the relationship between Paul and Mark. Mark messed up and Paul couldn't trust him to be responsible on the next trip, it wasn't until much latter after Mark became more responsible and matured some that Paul trusted him again, but it did happen.

 

[Chad]

While it is important that you forgive her I'd say you would be very foolish to trust her with anything from here on out, I would return her money to her and tell her to find a bank. I would also be honest with her about her debt towards you and how irresponsible she has been, and let her know that you forgive her but she will have to work very hard to restore the relationship and expect any trust in the future.

I'm in agreement on this. However it is that you found out about her college bank account (I won't ask), I would personally confront her about her dishonesty like that. Dishonesty breaks relationships and she should be accountable for that. Just be patient. Sometimes, there is more than meets the eye as the saying goes.

God bless you sister