Lost.

[lilyrose]

It's days like this that I don't know if I can continue. I feel like no one listens to what I say. All I can hear is judgment and the fact that I get stuck on it makes it ten times worse. I feel like it echos in my head. I start to breakdown and literally can't even function. All I am to the people that I once mattered to is a sinner. A nut case. Trash. The worse part is that sometimes I start to believe it myself. I did bad things in my past but I have repented with all my heart. I want to make things right. I wish to apologize to those I hurt. Those who I still love, but it seems like they've made up their mind about me. I feel so alone. I long for those days when I was so happy and in love. I hate myself for being so stupid and selfish. I feel so much pain.

 

[sunshineaaks]

It's days like this that I don't know if I can continue. I feel like no one listens to what I say. All I can hear is judgment and the fact that I get stuck on it makes it ten times worse. I feel like it echos in my head. I start to breakdown and literally can't even function. All I am to the people that I once mattered to is a sinner. A nut case. Trash. The worse part is that sometimes I start to believe it myself. I did bad things in my past but I have repented with all my heart. I want to make things right. I wish to apologize to those I hurt. Those who I still love, but it seems like they've made up their mind about me. I feel so alone. I long for those days when I was so happy and in love. I hate myself for being so stupid and selfish. I feel so much pain.

My heart goes out to you lilyrose. And the days you feel you can not continue are the days Christ will and is your strength. This, I do, humbly know for fact.

Unfortunately there may be a time, sometimes a long time, that no one will listen to what you have to say as you leave a life of sin. That's normal.

These people will be 'listening' to your life.

You will slip from time to time which may be the 'judgment' that you hear. The 'judgment' that brings guilt and shame to your life. Much of the difference from this 'guilt and shame' will come when as you pray you ask God to show you WHICH is yours to bring to Him in repentance and change and WHIch is not yours but is rather something someone else wishes to place on you. Big difference. One you can change, the other you can not. (The serenity prayer helps decifer this one greatly)

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by

All I am to the people that I once mattered to is a sinner. A nutcase. Trash. [end quote] These people you speak of I'm not sure which set they belong to so I will hopefully give you two senerios with one being those who are the ones who are unsaved from the old crowd you once associated with in your past? (Luke 14: 25-34 is close to the chapter and verse I was looking at but I think there is another I am not quiet finding) We are to leave the past.

Some believe leaving the past is to leave it with the air of "I'm much better than you now" which is a lie. We leave the past with the humble knowledge that Christ has taken us from a life of sin and has begun a good work in us. (Phillippians 1)

I believe, we 'leave' with the air of "I am here for you if you need me (in hopes that others will decide to follow Christ maybe only by our example). I can no longer live as I once did, however (and the changed life must show Christ and obedience). My life is no longer my own to destroy. And I pray that one day, the life I live, you will be able to see as true to Christ." (kindasorta) To get to this point take study, bible reading and a good church for fellowship and guidance for a new believer.



Now if these people you speak of who

All I am to the people that I once mattered to is a sinner. A nutcase. Trash [end quote] you are meaning church goers, you need to understand that not alll who go to church and Not ALL churches are of God nor do they teach the obedience that Christ taught on this earth. (2Corinthians 11:13-15; 1 Peter 5:7-9) Pray always while reading and searching for a godly church, He will answer (Luke 11:9) because your asking for a godly church and searching for His truth IS of His will.

I hope this helps and brings a bit of comfort for your day today. God bless always.

 

[j_sp]

Lilyrose,

It sounds to me as if you may be dealing with condemnation, instead of true judgment by the Holy Spirit. There is righteous judgment (led by the Lord with pure motives) and there's condemnation that can be led by mankind's own heart motives which are carnal in nature (led by impure motives). It may help to look up in a concordance in your Bible, the words 'judgment' and 'condemnation.' Study them in the Scriptures and see what the Lord, by His Holy Spirit's leading, shows you. I struggled with some of this in the beginning of my walk and once the Lord led me out of it (showing me the differences in the Scriptures); I understood better that I was under bondage instead of freed by love through Christ. There is a way out of this. Allow the Lord to lead you through. Religion can lead you under bondage to condemnation. A relationship with Jesus Christ, led by His Holy Spirit, leads you to full freedom in love.

j_sp

 

[::PreciousinChrist::]

Dear Lilyrose,

I want to let you know that you are precious to God (1 Peter2:4-5) and you are altogether lovely to Him, you mean everything to the LORD! You are worth His precious blood. God rejoices over you with singing!!(Zeph 3:17).

You have been overburdened with all what people say to you and what they do to you, don't try to please people... you are already "accepted in the Beloved" (Eph 1:6) and you are never alone! (John 16: 32). You are seeing yourself through men's eyes, instead of God's through Christ.
Ecc 7:21 says," also do not take to heart everything people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you".
1 Cor 7:23 says, " You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of men".


Forgive yourself because God has forgiven all your sins on the cross. Forgive those to whom you have hurted from your heart by faith. Forgive those who hurt you still, it can be painful but we know you can do it!
Renew your mind with God's Word and see yourself as God sees (Prov 4:20-23)


God loves you
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